Yes the subject line sounds a little bit like spam. Sound too good to be true?

I've ignored all these messages about Satellite TV for years - just wasn't interested. I don't watch much TV anyway, and I balk at the prospect of handing over 70-75 francs per month to watch Sky TV - including all the advertisements - no thanks!

But, like many of you I was outraged when Cablecom pulled the plug on BBC Prime and tried to sell it back to us with the digital TV product. We had a big rant about it on this thread if you are interested.

Anyway to cut a long story short I decided to do something about the situation and give the proverbial two-fingered salute to Cablecom. I consulted with our resident satellite-TV consultant to the stars - Lob Rockster and then decided to write the:

Dummies' Guide to Getting Free-to-air Satellite Channels for Almost Nothing.

Why? Because you want English-language channels
Which channels? About 200, including BBC, CNN, etc. You can see a list here.
How much will it cost? If you can beg, borrow or steal an old sky box - only 200-300 francs.
How much time to install? Took me less than an hour.
What about ongoing costs? If there were any, I wouldn't have done it.
Is it legal? The signals are there, and they aren't encoded.
Will I still have to pay Billag? Unfortunately yes.
Will I still have to pay Cablecom for the cable which carries the analogue TV for the channels I will no longer watch? If you own your own house - you can tell them to cover up your wall plate. If you are renting as part of a building you'll probably not have much luck but it is included in your rent anyway.
How hard is this to do? Can you tighten a bolt with a spanner? Can you plug an aerial into a socket? Can you follow simple instructions? Even the most lazy or inept people should be able to manage this.

Ingredients

I bought all my components at www.satshop.ch because Lob Rockster recommended it. They took credit card and a box will all the stuff arrived the next day. I later discovered that the dish was slightly cheaper at media markt, but not by much. If you don't feel comfortable buying the stuff online - just go to Media Markt and ask for help - they'll advise you on the components you need to buy. The following list is the stuff that I bought, including links to satshop.ch. Sometimes I bought more expensive items - you can get away with cheaper stuff. Here's what I bought:

88cm dish - Don't get to excited about dishes. A 78cm would have also been fine. Get one that you like. You can also get a transparent dish.
LNB - I've no idea what it stands for, but it's the bit that hangs on the front of the dish. Again - I got a fancy pants one like Lob Rockster that can see up to four satellites (which I won't need, and you probably won't either). Feel free to get a cheaper one!
Mouting pole - This was cheap and suited my purpose. Mount it anyway you want - onto a balcony railing, on a floor stand in your garden - choose the best method for your situation.
Screws and plugs - For above mounting pole - no need to trek to the hardware store to find the right bits, just get these.
Antenna cable - You'll need two - one for outside and one for inside. Choose the appropriate lengths for your setup.
Window cable - Allows the cable to go under or around a window frame. There are cheaper ones, this was the fancy version and very flat!

The above items, including postage cost something like 280 francs. You could save money on some of those components though.

Absent from the above shopping list was the old sky box that I got from a friend of mine. You can look for these on ebay, or try and find some friends in the UK who upgraded to some fancier equipment like a dreambox (some fancy box that does all sorts of extra stuff) and have their old receiver lying around. Edit: If you don't have a mate with a sky box you can use any free to air satellite receiver (they should sell them in shops like Media Markt). This will work fine, but with the following disadvantages: You won't get the sky TV listings in the box. You won't have the ability to use a free viewing card (one-off cost 20 pounds) to decode Sky 3, Channel 4 and Channel 5 (so you'll only lose those three channels). You won't have an easy upgrade path should you decide to go for a sky subscription in the future.

Now onto the good stuff:

Method


Step 1. Check that you have all the parts you need. In addition to the "shopping list" described above you'll need a couple of other items: Hammer drill (Jumbo - 39 francs), 12mm masonry drill bit (Jumbo - 8 francs), shifting spanner for tightening the hex bolts (not shown). Your installation may have different mounting requirements, therefore possibly different tools.



Step 2. Fold down the arm of the dish. Find the plastic bit that folds around the neck of the LNB. Fold the two halves together and insert the assembly into the end of the arm as shown. Push the arm down hard until you feel a click and it doesn't move upwards anymore (look at the other end to figure out how this works if you want).



Step 3. Attach one end of the cable you wish to use outdoors to the first port (if you have more than one) of the LNB as shown. Use cable ties to neatly attach the rest of the cable as it runs down the arm of the dish. Use electrical insulation tape to wrap around and cover the metal of te plug - remember this bit will be outside, so shield the connection from the weather (not shown).



Step 4. Attach the clasp that will eventually hold the dish to the mounting pole as shown. Tighten the wingnuts only lightly so you can make adjustments. Be sure to check the manual to see which way up this clasp will go - it depends on the range of elevation you want - we want 32 degrees.



Step 5. Get ready to mount the pole. Have someone hold it while you mark the positions of the holes with a pen or pencil.



Step 6. After you've drilled the holes insert the plugs.



Step 7. Attach the pole to the wall by screwing in the bolts. You are now ready to mount your dish!



Step 8. Remove the smaller wing nuts and screws to allow the clasp to spread apart as you push the dish onto it. Once the dish is clicked on replace the screws and wingnuts, but leave them fairly loose. Adjust the elevation until it shows "32". Tighten the wingnuts so they are only thumb-tight.



Step 9. Assuming you have a window or door open it now. If you have a multi-section window, part of which doesn't open, use a screw driver to loosen the normally non-moveable parts of the window and install your window cable as shown. Close the door/window as appropriate. You now have a closed window with two sockets on either side.



Step 10. Attach the other end of the aerial cable which leads to the dish to the outside part of the window cable as shown. Don't forget to seal with electrical insultation tape to keep out any rain or moisture.



Step 11. Attach one end of the indoor cable on the inside of the window connection.



Step 12. Plug the other end of the indoor cable into your sky box. Switch on the sky box.



Step 13. Go to the setup menu of the sky box and look for the option for the signal test. This is a much more scientific method of checking your signal strength than asking your drunk mates if the picture quality is ok. At this stage you probably want to refer directly to Lob Rocksters contribution about how to adjust your dish correctly here. [swisswiki.ch]

I'll summarise the steps I took. I already had used a compass to point the dish at bearing 152, and I had already set the elevation to 32 degrees. If you've done the same you are very close to the correct position. A small tip at this point - take your TV to somewhere where you can see the screen as you adjust the dish - this will save you a lot of time. Start by nudging the dish slowly (very slowly) and in small steps until you see the signal strength and quality jump up. Great - you found it. Now remember that the bars take a few seconds to react, so make each adjustment and wait. Once you have signal move the dish left and right from that position until you have the strongest possible signal. Now tighten the wingnuts that hold the clasp to the pole. Tighten them well - they will now lock our horizontal axis.

Now we have the horizontal axis taken care of double check that you still have a strong(ish) signal. Now we'll try to improve it by adjusting the vertical axis. Slide the dish slightly so you experiment with slightly different elevations. Same principle applies - small adjustments and wait a few seconds between adjustments. Find the position with the strongest signal and tighten the wingnuts that pull the clasp together. Double check that everything is tight and stable and confirm that your signal strength is still good.

Congratulations. Exit the setup menu and you should see something like this:



Step 14. Go to the fridge, crack open a beer and watch the BBC. By the time you've finished your beer and flipped through all the channels you will have realised that you have a couple of hundred channels, nearly all of which carry total rubbish. Welcome to the world of satellite TV.

Step 15. Now you want to organise yourself a Freesat viewing card. These cost 20 pounds from the UK give you access to a couple of more channels (Sky 3, Channel 4, Channel 5) which are ecoded. It's just a one-off fee, but you'll need the help of someone in the UK. They just call Sky on (UK) 08706 061111 and ask for the Freeset FTV card. Remember to tell them to not mention that they are sending the card outside of the UK! It will also need to be activated over the phone once it is installed in your sky box - you'll need your friend to make this call for you inside the UK and pretend that they haven't sent the card to you. Without this card you'll still get all other channels, just without Sky3, Channel 4 and Channel 5.

Conclusion

This is so simple and cheap - you'd be crazy not to do it. What better way to "just say no" to Cablecom's digital TV offer? No monthly expenses and no waiting for ages on a support line that costs 2.13 francs per minute...