I know there's a few here so how about all you mountain bikers keeping off the wanderwegs?

Us hikers are coming to the end of the great winter season when most mountain bikers stay at home in front of the fire but now, as spring struggles to gain a foothold, we can't walk without fear of being mown down by loonies on bikes.

Ringing your little bell as a warning that you're coming is one thing but expecting me to jump out of your way as you fly past without slowing down is another.

Most wanderwegs, once you get up the hills or out in the country, are either gravel or dirt roads. You mountain bikers destroy them. Stop it.

Anyway, what sort of woosie bikers would stick to well made tracks - isn't the whole idea to go off road and be well hard?

Finally, what is it with the lycra - lycra doesn't look good on otherwise good looking people, on most of us it is just wrong.

And really finally, that little spoiler on the back of your crash hat - it doesn't make you go faster.

That felt good. maybe I'll have a go at caravans next....