Dogs are rubbish, you can have the whole experience without actually owning a dog.

• Go for a walk before bed regardless of how cold it is, how drunk you are and whether or not you want to.
• Give 40-50chf to a stranger every morning and impose a rule you are not allowed to go to work before you have found said stranger, regardless of how important it is that you are punctual.
• Every time you go on holiday spend 1 hour randomly ringing people (this replicates trying to find a kennel) then give a stranger 200chf
• Every time you are in a bar push over the table every time a dog walks by and make a loud noise that is generally disturbing and unpleasant for other patrons.
• Remove the toilets from you house and crap on the floor, afterwards pick it up in a bag and put it in the bin.

Whether you decide to go to the extent of removing your testicles is up to you.