Hello all.

In answer to your questions, I lived aboad for about 10 years, six and a half years in france and three yrs in switzerland.

The reason why I believe I have a permit B still is that my ex was told by his company lawyer that if we divorced, I would keep my permit but that it would no longer be attached to his work. As we are not yet divorced, I believe I still have the right to have a permit b through my husband, even though I have not lived in CH now for one year.

I am not sure where to verify that. Any ideas?

I think your comments on repatriating are very true. I am having a very hard time adjusting to people here... Of course, I am more american than anything else, but have lived among expats from all over the world for so long, that I don't feel at home here. It sounds ridiculous, but people seem "too american" for me. I am not used to it. I realize with time I will adjust, but I ask myself, do I want to?

I am now living in one of the most expensive cities in the US-- San Francisco. Housing prices are comparable to those of switzerland. Public schools here in SF are dismal. CH might actually be less expensive than where I am living. My children are going to a private french school here which costs for the both of them 30K per year. If I were in CH, that cost would be covered by my soon to be ex's employer or I could just put them in the very good public schools there.

Why did I leave? Weeeellllllll, imagine this: after 16 years of marriage to someone I thought was my best friend and love of my life...I find out he has been having an affair for the past two years with a much younger version of me. He started the affair right around the time we moved from france to CH. It lasted throughout my pregnancy and birth of my younger daughter (I have two daughters, ages 8 and 3). My youngest was 6 months when I first found out. By the time I found out, he said he was "in love". We tried for one year to save the marriage, or, er, I should say, **I** tried. I found out a year later that he had been seeing her all along.

I did kick him out then. They moved in together. I was in shock. This could not be possible, I thought. My head was spinning. Not to sound too dramatic, but I was simply unable to function and parent my girls I was so upset. I think I became "mentally ill" temporarily because of all the gas-lighting he had done to me over the past year. "You have to trust me", he'd say before I found out the last time that he had been continuing to see this other woman. I am ashamed to say that I remember hiding from my daughters in the closet, just sobbing and unable to get up off the floor. It was an awful, awful time.

Finally, a close friend of mine there told me "go home". So I did. I got a letter from him (just in case later he might claim that I stole the kids) saying I had permission to take the kids. He happily wrote and signed the letter because he was finally living his dream of "discovering" his affair partner. I packed up as much as I could in a few suitcases and left everything there.

When I arrived here in SF, part of me was waiting for him to call, saying he missed the family. when he finally called, he said he wanted me to come back so that he would not have to fly back and forth between his girlfriend and his kids. Forget that. I did not want to expose my kids to his chaos. I decided to stay here and rent an apartment.

Honestly, I am happy to be away from him...but I think with time I will care less and less what crazy things he does. I have come to believe he is in the midst of a major mid-life crisis. As for his girlfriend, i understand that they break up and get back together frequently. That's a big negative for me...that she will be part of the equation. I like having distance from that situation.

But the question for me is; independent of him...where do I want to start over? I miss europe, I miss my friends there. Where do I fit in? Which is a better quality of life for the children and I? Is it better or worse for the children to have their father around? (It's sad that I even have to pose this question.)

Neither place is ideal. Neither place is easy. I am not looking for quick fixes. I realize that being a single mother is very very difficult. I've lived it now for a year-- so I know.

That's the soap opera I am living. Thanks for listening and thanks sincerely for all of your input. It's making me think.