So, I got married to a US citizen, who immigrated here because he thought this country was made of money, and snowy awesome mountains for him to snowboard. I tried to dissuade him, at that time I was more than willing to try my chance in the US, but we ended up here.

He never learnt the language, he thinks that all humankind should speak english, the ones who don't, are just retarded.
He would only rant and complain about switzerland whenever I invited him to meet with my friends established here.
Even when he was unemployed for a year, getting 80% of his wages to play wow all day, he would still complain.
When he would go back to what he calls "Home" 3-4 times a year (spending more than 1000CHF trips not included), visiting europe, snowboarding whenever.... the country which provided all these possibilities to him, was still shit.
He would never have enough, it's like he never saw money before, he would spend it all, vacations, new gadgets, phones, computers, you name it.

But then, his daughter had just turned 3, and he had seen enough, he left. Well, he took all the pension funds, and whatever pay he managed to save. He promised that we can live much better in the US- he left for Downtown miami. He got an apartment in an amazing tower, close to all the bars, close to his work, with gymn and swimming pool. He got a BMW to drive to his work, even though he was working just a few meters away.

Meanwhile, I stayed behind, because I was a little skeptical about how life could be so much better in the US. I told him I would stay to save a little bit of money to be comfortable after moving. But I never joined him, hopefully.

In one year that he left, he sent me and my daughter $2000.
He left me with a debt of 14k CHF taxes for 2010, which I had to pay for, I can tell you, I learnt what it was like to starve for months... even though I have a great job, I had to wait months before I could buy a cheap car. Very cheap cost me 3k just to tell you how old, dangerous and crapy it is.
Now I'm still trying to fight not to have to pay the taxes he has for 2011 that would be around 7k!
But over the months, my life got better, I have enough for me and my daughter, and I paid most of the debt, I was able to pay for vacations to go there, for my child to visit her dad.

Meanwhile, my husband found out that the awesome Miami, wasnt quite what he was looking for, and he went back to his hometown NJ, of course, he didn't have money to come and visit. At the moment he is living at his sister house. He still has no money to send to his daughter. He says everyday how much he misses her.

I have a swiss mentality although, I'm not swiss. I plan things and analyze. If I go there, then see I can't find a job, or am living in misery, I might need to come back. I risk being called a child thief, I risk for those reasons, not be able to come back.

But as he tried, the little he tried when he was here, I will also try, for the good of my child, to go there.
It's to say I hate people like him, and you know how many of you are here, trolling...

I'm probably to blame too I know....

Shit - You got married to a jerk. Sorry to hear about your story.

You've had a lot of weight on your shoulders and have remained steadfast through stormy seas. Take the next steps slowly and be sure you understand why you are taking them. Follow your instincts on this.

Do not expect your husband to change. You are the captain of your ship. Sail carefully.

Sending a hug...

You speak so highly of your other half. Why would you risk moving countries to be with the guy you describe?

Sounds like your a great mum and a strong woman. Not to say you don't need a hug. (((())))))))

Best first post ever!

Tom

"You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Bob didn't really seem to stick around though.

Back (vaguely) on topic - your OH sounds like my idol, a pity I will probably never meet him

As has been mentioned, you got married to a jerk.

However, and this will come as a shock to several people on this forum, 'jerk' and 'US citizen' are actually NOT synonyms and should not be used interchangeably.

Just wanted to point that out.

I hope it works out for you, but especially for your child. The main thing is that she feels secure, she may be happier with you here in Switzerland, rather than being uprooted. Don't rush into going to your husband, take your time.

Befor you send your daughter over to this yuck ,make sure you get her back .Hire a lawyer befor you send her

I would certainly not move to the US to be with him. He's let you down left, right and centre and once you're there if you decide to come back to Switzerland or elsewhere he will take you to court to keep his child with him and it will cost thousands to fight him. Stay here and divorce him. You stand a much better chance of fighting any action he may bring against your regarding custody of your child.

You're rebuilding your life without him and you're being absolutely fantastic in doing so. If he wants to visit his child, make him come here. Yes, your daughter will miss him, but sometimes you have to be hard to do the best thing for everyone. They can stay in touch by letter, phone, Skype, etc, but don't go to the US. Stay away from him because he's never going to change. Don't be pressured or persuaded by his rosy pictures of life there, it won't be so long as he is anywhere near you. Build your future here.

And one last thing - you are DEFINITELY not to blame. Don't ever think you are.

I am an American and I know how you feel. The U.S is not what it use to be. Life is very hard there. I moved to Switzerland and I have been working since day 1. You married a loser. Someone who had the winning ticket and threw it all away.

I agree that your daughter should go for a visit. It was the decision that he made. If I was you, I would file for divorce. Stay in Switzerland. Life here is alot better than overseas. It is his obligation to get up and be a dad. To provide and help his family. Be wise, There are no jobs in the U.S and to get a job that doesnt pay as well, you will be in debt big time.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this. If your husband is really the way you described him you should be more than happy to be rid of him and I don't see why you would even consider visiting or joining him

And what exactly is your question or desire?

I'm so sorry. What a frustrating situation...

I agree with some of the other posts that you should not sacrifice your happiness (and safety) here in CH just so your daughter will be closer to her father and able to see him more often. For one thing, you are in probably one of the best countries in the world right now in which to raise a child. And as I'm sure you know, the educational system and economy in the U.S. are pretty awful right now.

It sounds like your husband is extremely narcissistic and needs to grow up. Maybe having your daughter living away from him is the best thing for her, actually. Because it sounds like he's really not ready to take full responsibility for being a father.

I really hope things work out for you and your daughter. Stay strong!

Please, please listen to Medea. She has given you sound advice, especially the part about "If he wants to visit his child, make him come here." If I were in your situation, I would rather pay his airfare for him to come here if I had to, but I would absolutely not send my child to him nor place myself in a situation where I might not be able to bring my child back with me.

Unfortunately it seems you married a first class jerk, but you were strong enough to recognize it and get yourself out of a bad situation. Many props to you for that. I wish you the very best and hope that your good common sense continues to prevail.

So he left you and his daughter, took all the money, left you with debt, and in the meantime you and your child have been at times struggling to eat due to his irresponsibility? I don't understand why you would be willing to risk your job and your residency status in Switzerland in order to try to move to the US to be with him.

I believe the title to this thread should have more accurately been "I got married to an irresponsible, selfish, immature man-child." (They actually come in different nationalities as well as both sexes! )

Divorce him so he cannot continue running up debt in your name, and (as others have said) let him take the first action to see your daughter.

I hope you have an official separation, as he could still claim half of the pension fund you've paid into since he left.

If I was you I'd dig deep and find my personal bitch.

Could not have said it better than Medea!

Why, why why would you abandon the life your build here to be with someone that proved having no respect whatsoever for you or his daughter, leaving you alone to deal with the financial mess he left behind?????

You should file for divorce and become the sole custodian of your daughter before even considering going to the States. He proved he is not responsible enough to be in charge of a child.

You need to be legally protected before going for a visit. If he wants to see his daughter, he should come here.

I wish you plenty of strength, wherever you'll decide to go on with your life.

How could he take all the pension? Isn`t it in your name since he didn't work? Can I take my wifes? Where did you meet? Did he show signs of working then? How did he owe the Swiss govt tax money?

And there are still jobs in the USA. You were in fact originally suggesting moving to the US and at least there you would both be a chance of working as he had little chance of working here with no german skills. Whether you will make a "good" salary there depends on your skills and industry. People still live quite well in the US, not everyone, you need to have good careers (at least one).

So I think the logistics could work but if he really is this irresponsible and you are this angry towards him what are you moving for?

Why on earth do you feel guilty? You have been treated so badly and much as I admire your duty to maintain a relationship between your daughter and her father, going over to the US is not the answer.

Sometimes it takes others to point out the errors of your way - you have been given excellent advice on this forum and you must find the strength to cut this loser out of your life.

You sound such a caring person and you deserve someone a lot better who will treat you with the respect that you both deserve.