Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Living in Switzerland > Complaints corner
View Poll Results: How long did it take you to make friends here?
Less than a year 54 45.76%
1 - 2 years 19 16.10%
3 - 5 years 10 8.47%
5 - 7 years 0 0%
Over 7 years 4 3.39%
Still haven't made any friends (specify how long you've lived here) 31 26.27%
Voters: 118. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #81  
Old 10.11.2014, 15:42
Dechen01's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Luzern
Posts: 205
Groaned at 5 Times in 1 Post
Thanked 175 Times in 98 Posts
Dechen01 is considered knowledgeableDechen01 is considered knowledgeableDechen01 is considered knowledgeable
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Quote:
View Post
I feel that I am only hindered by my language barrier. The Swiss seem more reserved than English and less likely for random people to chat much with someone standing near them who is alone; and I cannot really initiate as my German is so basic. Once my German is at conversational level, I will be happy to initiate and I am sure my social circle will boom, as I am quite likeable!

I've been here 5 months and making friends is still work in progress; but I don't have any concerns and am confident that a year from now I shall have more of a local social circle
How about learning German with a language tandem? http://sprach-tandem.ch/en/home
Reply With Quote
  #82  
Old 10.11.2014, 16:28
Dechen01's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Luzern
Posts: 205
Groaned at 5 Times in 1 Post
Thanked 175 Times in 98 Posts
Dechen01 is considered knowledgeableDechen01 is considered knowledgeableDechen01 is considered knowledgeable
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Quote:
View Post
Interesting thread.

Being a trailing spouse is harder than one that is working with people daily so opportunities are much different. We lived in Germany from 07-09 and we made a few friends there that were German but they were all colleagues of my working spouse. I didn't speak the language and we had no intention of staying in Germany that long but after the banks crashed in 08, we ended up staying another year before we were able to find other employment.

I plan to take language lessons this time and hopefully, that will bring opportunities to meet people and my spouse who is fluent in German, can help me with that. We have a couple of friends that we will see from Germany soon and that's a relief.

Making friends later in life is harder no matter where you live. If you don't have children (like us and can't have any at this stage in life) there are less ways to meet people with common lifestyles. Singles have a way of finding friends by going to clubs etc. Middle aged folks like us have different lifestyles. I look forward to finding ways to meet people no matter their background. This thread helped me think of new ways.
Hi LittleGirl, I understand you very well. Have you tried meet up groups yet? http://www.meetup.com/cities/ch/zürich/
As for the language there is a great opportunity for language exchange at http://sprach-tandem.ch/en/home. A lot of people are looking for English as exchange language. It shouldn't be too difficult to find someone who helps you with German. Maybe it depends on where you live. Wish you all the best.
Reply With Quote
  #83  
Old 10.11.2014, 16:32
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Basel
Posts: 304
Groaned at 15 Times in 10 Posts
Thanked 181 Times in 89 Posts
kittekat has earned some respectkittekat has earned some respect
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

it didn't take long because I have no Swiss friends and no expat friends.
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 28.12.2014, 08:28
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Uster
Posts: 10
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
sunshines2 has no particular reputation at present
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

In my experience, it also depends on which area you live. One place took me a year to make 4 'friends' and another took me only a month. Keep trying!
Reply With Quote
  #85  
Old 28.12.2014, 11:18
Newbie
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Geneva
Posts: 1
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
cfdu1202 has no particular reputation at present
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Hi there,

IMO it depends on when you consider someone as a "friend". It is indeed kinda hard to find a close friend here, if you've just arrived here. From my observations, people here tend to split up as they grow older, as life goes on (eg. going to different universities, work pressure, different interests, need to invest time in a relationship/family...). I personally only have four or five really close friends here; we met at like five years old, and all grew up together.

I don't know whether you're a worker, a student or whatsoever, but I can assure you that students here are really open-minded, and you should not have any problem to befriend with them. Again, the trick here is the definition of "friend". It isn't difficult at all to gather with students and have a bier within a week.

Of course, it might be a little more complicated if you're not a student, especially if you cannot speak the language of the region in which you're living. In Geneva, we celebrate the "fête des voisins", in Engllish "neighborhood party", check this out, it is a formidable opportunity to find new acquaintances!
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 31.01.2015, 02:25
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Zug
Posts: 32
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts
akowalew has no particular reputation at present
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

my girlfriend has been here for a few years and claims she has quite a few Swiss friends.. based on what she tells me all of them are guys and all of them have at one point or another wanted be more than friends with her (probably still do). As far as she's told me she does not have a single Swiss female friend.

I pretty sure its much easier for foreigner females to make Swiss "friends" than it is guys but then again I guess it depends what those friends want/hope to get from you at the end of the day.
Reply With Quote
  #87  
Old 31.01.2015, 02:41
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: CH
Posts: 5,102
Groaned at 188 Times in 147 Posts
Thanked 6,060 Times in 3,275 Posts
greenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Quote:
View Post
my girlfriend has been here for a few years and claims she has quite a few Swiss friends.. based on what she tells me all of them are guys and all of them have at one point or another wanted be more than friends with her (probably still do). As far as she's told me she does not have a single Swiss female friend.

I pretty sure its much easier for foreigner females to make Swiss "friends" than it is guys but then again I guess it depends what those friends want/hope to get from you at the end of the day.
Not all Swiss men are lecherous.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank greenmount for this useful post:
  #88  
Old 31.01.2015, 03:01
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Zug
Posts: 32
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts
akowalew has no particular reputation at present
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Quote:
View Post
Not all Swiss men are lecherous.
from my very experience thus far Swiss are either friendly or keep to themselves so I will agree with your statement

I have been told by a few people that a good portion Swiss folks like to date foreigners (male or female)

I'm from North America where the majority of people are lecherous
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank akowalew for this useful post:
  #89  
Old 31.01.2015, 09:00
planetali's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Brighton
Posts: 246
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 179 Times in 97 Posts
planetali is considered knowledgeableplanetali is considered knowledgeableplanetali is considered knowledgeable
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

I met some people I liked within a short time of being here, but it took a year and a half before I met the (Swiss) person I thought of as a friend within a short while of meeting her. At first I didn't think of many of the people I met early on as friends, because I didn't think we were similar, but the relationships have grown over time and we have shared experiences. Also, I only came for a two-year contract and fully intended to go back to the UK after that, which probably affected how much I invested in these relationships.

Yesterday i had an accident and hit my head. As I live alone, the doctor asked me if I had a friend who I could stay with for the first 24 hours, that I shouldn't be alone. At first I thought, erm… no, as the first person I thought of is away on vacation. But after a few minutes I realised that I know at least 4 people who would have stepped in immediately, and quite a few more who I don't know so well but who I know would help me if I needed it. They're all good people. So I'm very lucky, really. Although I wouldn't necessarily say we shared all the same interests, politics or whatever, in the sense of trust and caring which are what's most important in a friend, I have more than I realised. This is good to know.

On the expat question, I can fully sympathise with those who avoid deep friendships with expats because of the likelihood that they will move on.

Last edited by planetali; 31.01.2015 at 09:03. Reason: another thought...
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank planetali for this useful post:
  #90  
Old 31.01.2015, 12:53
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 1,464
Groaned at 7 Times in 7 Posts
Thanked 2,223 Times in 822 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Hey, planetali, I hope you feel better soon.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank doropfiz for this useful post:
  #91  
Old 31.01.2015, 14:50
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Kloten, Zurrich
Posts: 12
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts
lady so has no particular reputation at present
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

I think the Swiss themselves find it hard to make friends with other Swiss.

If you're an foreigner wondering what you're doing wrong, don't feel disapointed, I think it just takes a little bit of more time to make friends not only with Swiss people.
Reply With Quote
  #92  
Old 01.02.2015, 11:31
planetali's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Brighton
Posts: 246
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 179 Times in 97 Posts
planetali is considered knowledgeableplanetali is considered knowledgeableplanetali is considered knowledgeable
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Thanks doropfiz, I should have said, I'm bruised and battered but otherwise fine :-)
Reply With Quote
  #93  
Old 01.02.2015, 12:38
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: CH
Posts: 5,102
Groaned at 188 Times in 147 Posts
Thanked 6,060 Times in 3,275 Posts
greenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Quote:
View Post
from my very experience thus far Swiss are either friendly or keep to themselves so I will agree with your statement

I have been told by a few people that a good portion Swiss folks like to date foreigners (male or female)

I'm from North America where the majority of people are lecherous
And there's also a good portion of Swiss folks who'd never date a foreigner.
Same where I come from, same everywhere else I have lived prior to moving here.
But I think it's easier for girls.

Anyhow, thinking more of it, as it seems to be a recurrent theme not only on EF, but also in conversations among foreigners....why is so important if your friends/partners are Swiss? Is it something people need to brag about? Don't understand this.

Last edited by greenmount; 01.02.2015 at 12:56.
Reply With Quote
  #94  
Old 01.02.2015, 13:29
3Wishes's Avatar
Moderately Amused
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Bern area
Posts: 6,522
Groaned at 43 Times in 39 Posts
Thanked 9,155 Times in 4,356 Posts
3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Quote:
View Post
And there's also a good portion of Swiss folks who'd never date a foreigner...
Still a decent number of Swiss folks that do date and even marry foreigners. According to binational.ch (marriage stats in Switzerland from 2007):

Swiss female marries non-Swiss male: 20.8 %
Swiss male marries non-Swiss female: 22.4 %

This seems at odds with the idea it's hard to make friends in Switzerland.

I wonder though - how many of those marriages were from Swiss who met their foreign spouses here in CH. Anecdotally most of the Swiss I know that are with non-Swiss met their spouses while studying or working abroad.
Reply With Quote
  #95  
Old 01.02.2015, 14:32
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: SZ
Posts: 7,615
Groaned at 18 Times in 17 Posts
Thanked 15,921 Times in 5,232 Posts
meloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Quote:
View Post

Anyhow, thinking more of it, as it seems to be a recurrent theme not only on EF, but also in conversations among foreigners....why is so important if your friends/partners are Swiss? Is it something people need to brag about? Don't understand this.
Pure conjecture here, but:

We are told over and over again (in the media, including here on EF) that we must integrate, become part of local society - and having local friends in the Swiss 'per DU' sense seems to be one of the arbitrary proofs of such integration. It's not enough to speak the language, do your job well, pay your taxes, be a considerate neighbor, follow the rules, keep your nose clean - no, in order to be a good foreigner one must join the Whateververein, one must be on 'per Du' terms with a sufficient quota of local folks.

(Remember the professor who was denied citizenship? Lack of local friends was given as one of his failings.)


At some point we start to internalize this idea, to believe that without local friends we are 'bad' Auslanders, stuck in the stereotypic expat bubble. Integration fail. And so making local friends becomes something of the holy grail of successful integration.


Just a guess. I could be dead wrong.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank meloncollie for this useful post:
  #96  
Old 01.02.2015, 15:01
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 1,464
Groaned at 7 Times in 7 Posts
Thanked 2,223 Times in 822 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Quote:
View Post
.... in order to be a good foreigner...


Oh, that's an aspect I hadn't thought of quite like that, before. Interesting.


For myself, I'd taken the drumming in of "get to know some Swiss people" and "learn the language", both of which I've been told a zillion times and which now I, too, gererally preach... not so much as the hurdle to take in order to count as a "good" foreigner, but more like ways to become a "happy" foreigner.


And, after a while, those aspects have helped me to feel much, much less foreign altogether. I'm at home here, now, and am glad to be able to feel that way.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank doropfiz for this useful post:
  #97  
Old 09.02.2015, 18:25
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Luzern
Posts: 45
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 32 Times in 21 Posts
Bussibaer has no particular reputation at present
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Quote:
View Post
How long did it take you to make friends with foreigners in your home country?
I don't think it will be any different here.
Spot on- I am German and I lived in the UK for 8 years. Even though I am fluent in English and have an English partner, I found it difficult to make friends with the locals.
I realised that it was nothing personal- just the fact that local people generally already have their friendships and are not waiting for an expat to turn up
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank Bussibaer for this useful post:
  #98  
Old 09.02.2015, 19:45
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Zurich
Posts: 17
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts
auburnCH has no particular reputation at present
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Making friends with the neighbours is a good start. Hard to do that if you live in areas full of expats though, i.e., Seefeld.
Reply With Quote
  #99  
Old 09.02.2015, 20:28
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: zugish
Posts: 85
Groaned at 5 Times in 2 Posts
Thanked 26 Times in 16 Posts
mossie has made some interesting contributions
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

Here 2 years and no friends and dont want any either!
Reply With Quote
This user groans at mossie for this post:
  #100  
Old 17.02.2015, 21:57
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Zurich, Switzerland
Posts: 10
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
SonyaApple has no particular reputation at present
Re: How long did it take you to make friends here?

I met most of my new friends through meet up sport events, and yes even Swiss friends!
Reply With Quote
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How long did it take you to learn German? Pixie B Language corner 134 25.06.2015 17:40
How long did it take you to adapt from High German to Swiss German? Rach_UK Language corner 74 15.05.2014 22:12
How long did it take to rent a place? Roam Housing in general 26 07.01.2012 10:18
How long did it take to get a permit telandy Permits/visas/government 19 16.02.2011 15:47
How long did it take you to get used to swiss lifestyle? mazule Daily life 35 19.06.2010 15:46


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 12:21.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0