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  #801  
Old 09.11.2016, 12:25
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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Compassion and tolerance seem to be in short supply in these times, though.
Perhaps. Yet both are excellent examples of "behaviour precedes attitude". Or as this idea is phrased in German "Verhalten geht Haltung voraus".

In other words, one can train oneself to behave that way before one actually feels any compassion or tolerance.

At first, it is a bit pseudo, just deciding to act AS IF one were feeling compassion or exercising tolerance, no matter how upset one really is. And then, bit by bit, one may find - as a warm relief - that one's inner feelings really do change towards deeper compassion and greater tolerance.
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  #802  
Old 09.11.2016, 13:14
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

Never heard that staring is a cultural habit. Is it?
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  #803  
Old 09.11.2016, 13:20
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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The salesperson or counter-clerk may be worried about his sick child, may be extremely stressed because her brother just called to say her teenager daughter is pregnant, she may have intense pain, his boss might just have reprimanded him, whatever. Of course, it is unprofessional if he or she passes on this stress to you as the innocent client, but we're all human, and can't always command a smooth and welcoming manner when we've just stubbed our toe, or are desperate to try to work out a budget which will allow us to save our granny.
I highly doubt that their "personal struggles" are the cause of staring or justifies any other rudeness. And if that theory were true, is it statistically possible for so many people to be in such agony.. in what's termed as one of the best countries for quality-life? OP, I and I'm quite certain many people here, have lived and traveled to several places (big or small).. Amsterdam, NY, London, some tiny towns in Germany, France, Croatia, you name it. There, the stare-frequency is far, far lower. And, if /when it happens, people show some basic social skills by accompanying it with words clarifying WTF the matter is: e.g. "you can't park here", or a compliment like "cool shades", or simple conversation starter question: "where are you from". Here in CH - keep guessing! the "redneck" (quoting) is not gonna say it.

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  #804  
Old 09.11.2016, 13:57
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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Thank you, Sandgrounder. Yes.

Likewise, if someone is rude to you (or behaves in a way that you perceive as rude or unfriendly), it may not always be because you are you.

The salesperson or counter-clerk may be worried about his sick child, may be extremely stressed because her brother just called to say her teenager daughter is pregnant, she may have intense pain, his boss might just have reprimanded him, whatever. Of course, it is unprofessional if he or she passes on this stress to you as the innocent client, but we're all human, and can't always command a smooth and welcoming manner when we've just stubbed our toe, or are desperate to try to work out a budget which will allow us to save our granny.

Crediting the other person with having their own life and set of struggles can go a long way to furthering a general compassion, with which one can help oneself to feel a bit less worse about those times when someone is, truly, unkind.

Having said that, if it feels like most of the time, in most of the interactions you have, most people are unfriendly, then that is, indeed, an indicator that it might be time to take stock and see whether you could change anything about your own behaviour or manner.
Your constant and exaggerated apologism really is nauseating.
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  #805  
Old 09.11.2016, 13:58
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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Never heard that staring is a cultural habit. Is it?
It's a redneck habit.
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  #806  
Old 09.11.2016, 14:04
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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Your constant and exaggerated apologism really is nauseating.
To be fair, it balances out the frankly bizarre random attacks on "Swiss culture". Some of the assumptions and outright scathing attitudes for something so benign suggests either a super-sensitivity of some poor little snowflakes who are first time away from mum, or a state of such persistent boredom to notice these things in the first place.
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  #807  
Old 09.11.2016, 14:13
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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scathing attitudes for something so benign... state of such persistent boredom to notice these things in the first place
umm.. who's the one bored enough to be noticing here? If majority attitudes were benign towards auslanders, SVP wouldn't have won.

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  #808  
Old 09.11.2016, 14:25
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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umm.. who's the one bored enough to be noticing here? If majority attitudes were benign towards auslanders, SVP wouldn't have won.

I think you simply forgot to buy the "I love CH" tshirt. Get it and those sensitive unexposed flowers who stare here when confronted with anything mildly unfamiliar or foreign, will leave you alone. Or, will even add a smile when caught eyeballing you!

That, or you are simply just that stunning.

I am just waiting for "be glad to be only starred at and not killed". Anyone?
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  #809  
Old 09.11.2016, 14:38
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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umm.. who's the one bored enough to be noticing here? If majority attitudes were benign towards auslanders, SVP wouldn't have won.
But your ongoing assumption is that people are actively or (reading the subtext of your comments), aggressively staring at you. How can you assume that? Is it too difficult to consider that perhaps some people are just staring into space and you happen to be in the target area?

Don't you ever stare into space, lost in thought? I bet you do your fair share of "staring" too but don't realise it.

I'm not denying that there are people out there that do think it's their business to have a good old look up and down and bore into you with their eyes, but to paint an entire nation with the same lazy brush is... Oh, hang on, this is EF.... as you were...
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  #810  
Old 09.11.2016, 14:49
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

I never painted "entire nation" with anything.. that's your wishful reading of subtexts, and some deep desire to always take the "Swiss-side". I'm commenting only on a good fraction of those who practice this "cultural" habit. To get some clarity on the topic: I'm gonna confront someone this evening on my way back home.. and ask WTF the issue is.
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  #811  
Old 09.11.2016, 14:55
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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I never painted "entire nation" with anything.. that's your wishful reading of subtexts, and some deep desire to always take the "Swiss-side". I'm commenting only on a good fraction of those who practice this "cultural" habit. To get some clarity on the topic: I'm gonna confront someone this evening on my way back home.. and ask WTF the issue is.


No idea about Switzerland but let me highly recommend you never to do that f.e. in Berlin, unless you want a fist in your face?
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  #812  
Old 09.11.2016, 15:28
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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I never painted "entire nation" with anything.. that's your wishful reading of subtexts, and some deep desire to always take the "Swiss-side". I'm commenting only on a good fraction of those who practice this "cultural" habit. To get some clarity on the topic: I'm gonna confront someone this evening on my way back home.. and ask WTF the issue is.
Aren't you just a bit afraid of appearing a bit hysterical and paranoid?
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  #813  
Old 09.11.2016, 16:27
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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I am just waiting for "be glad to be only starred at and not killed". Anyone?
That would be OTT. As per protocol he'd be thrown off the bus/tram. Though if he asks his question #2 .....
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  #814  
Old 09.11.2016, 16:41
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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Very helpful comment! In other words, you better revoke your right to complain or start packing?
No, just wondering anyone would move somewhere that sucks?

I certainly wouldn't.

Tom
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  #815  
Old 09.11.2016, 17:08
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

This thread makes me grin. The Trump thread too. People are funny today - why is it, bad jokes trump the grumpies?
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  #816  
Old 09.11.2016, 17:11
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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I never painted "entire nation" with anything.. that's your wishful reading of subtexts, and some deep desire to always take the "Swiss-side". I'm commenting only on a good fraction of those who practice this "cultural" habit. To get some clarity on the topic: I'm gonna confront someone this evening on my way back home.. and ask WTF the issue is.
Can you tell us how it goes?

I had a few strangers asking me to smile on my commutes, when they caught me stare out the window (I run through mental to-do lists usually). Not sure if those are weird pick up lines or they were asking to be stared at? What cultural cues are we missing? Makas, those witches are surely hitting on you! How can you be so thick?
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  #817  
Old 09.11.2016, 17:27
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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I had a few strangers asking me to smile on my commutes
Maybe try a "Go F... yourself" followed by a smile as a reply?
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  #818  
Old 09.11.2016, 17:29
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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I had a few strangers asking me to smile on my commutes, when they caught me stare out the window (I run through mental to-do lists usually). Not sure if those are weird pick up lines
Are the askers mostly male?
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  #819  
Old 09.11.2016, 18:20
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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Are the askers mostly male?
Always

What can a povre commuter girl do? Stick her tongue out?

I actually once took my cell and pretended to take a pic of a lady who stared at me once for a lengthy moment.

I do think that the people who stare just have a blank moment. I find it more palatable than an ott effort to communicate.
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Old 09.11.2016, 18:22
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Re: 9 months in Switzerland - a honest report.

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Maybe try a "Go F... yourself" followed by a smile as a reply?
I definitely had that on the tip of my tongue, hahahah. I think they think they are hip. I picture the 70s to be like this...am I wrong?

Last edited by MusicChick; 09.11.2016 at 19:28.
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