I really shouldn't start a new thread when I haven't even started my french grammar homework for tomorrow , but I just got back from my team's regular training practice and I have a gripe about being American here that I just have to unload.

Sometimes, like tonight, I meet someone new here, in this case a french/swiss man, and they give me these weird cold vibes. So, long story, but I needed to catch a ride with this cold vibe-giver and while driving along, he asked me where I'm from - in English, though we'd all been speaking French all night. I tell him New York, it's true and it somehow helps to say you are a New Yorker and not just plainly, I'm American. The Europeans just love New York.

Anyway, then he wants to know what I am doing here and what company does my family work for. Okay, I keep learning that this is especially where I can redeem myself because it's a university not some giant multinational and people always relax and get nicer, even cold vibe dude here seated beside me, when I tell them that.

Then, finally, what school do my kids attend - an international school? Again, I have the right answer it seems, fortunately, when I say that, yeah, all 4 of my kids go to public school here because, truthfully, they want to play with the children in the neighborhood.

Now this guy next to me is like, my good buddy , and he's totally transformed into Mr. warm and happy.

I've passed this test more than a few times but I don't get exactly what is going on here.

What are other Americans living in Switzerland doing that is pissing off the locals so much? Any feedback would be much appreciated, especially as it will aid my procrastination effort.

They're talking too loud which hurts Swiss ears.

They can be boastful, such as saying they speak French when in fact they were just on holiday in Cannes for a week when they were ten. They often totally belittle our eco-friendly, non-consumerist, make-your-own-food attitude. And they have even better teeth than us. But the US is rather big for there to be a "they"...

Holding their fork and knife weird? Asking for lots of water?

I get that it is irritating because it does seems that you have to tick certain boxes here before there will be some kind of social acceptance.

But if it helps, put the shoe in the other foot. I can understand the protective swiss approach (sometimes) as there are a lot of foreigners here that unload about how crap/backward/xenephobic/18th century/dumb..etc..etc the swiss are.... and they do it in front of the Swiss. It's unbelievably rude, crass and arrogant and yet the swiss handle if far better than I would if someone talked about my country the way some people here do...So maybe he is just wary, about what you say and believe, because of past experiences.

Guilty as charged. But when I try to speak quietly like all the lovely Swiss around me, my kids just look at me and say, "huh?"

foreigners in general I must say. but once they accept you you are good to go....bit the opposite from when I lived in the USA . They invite you with open arms there but in most cases it remains superficial....

Irksome things that Americans tend to do:

- Speaking in an appropriately subdued tone,
- acting respectful,
- showing a bit of humility,
- showing that one doesn't take oneself too seriously,
- keeping an open mind,
- showing appreciation for one's host country: it's people, history and culture
- doing one's best to learn the language, and
- doing one's best to integrate into the community.

In other words, failing to conform to the stereotype. Lawdy, does that ever irk 'em.

When you're from the island of the good ol u s of a, that's about as close to fluency as many can hope for and who's gonna be around to challenge them?

I once hired a French teacher for my children, the best I could find, and you couldn't speak a sentence to her in French without encountering her look of utter baflement. She learned everything in what was probably a 3 month class that allowed her to sing the same little songs and play the same games over, and over and over again.

Swiss irony. It's an acquired taste, but I love it.

I'll give it my best shot:
A shallow knowledge of food.
Not trying French/German hard enough
Don't have the extreme politeness / talking skills not to offend anyone.
Using the cars too much.

I guess that's all I could pull from my mind.
Best thing to avoid is touchy subjects and talking nonsense in general (If you do it at all).
Plus, a good habit is not to request things directly. Try to leave it to the recipient's interpretation.
I've been here my whole life, and I'm still not very good at it. Don't worry too much either.

Just tell them your from Toronto,then you can talk louder and use profane language

I was about to say that. Last week I was in a bar and an american (noticed by her accent) keep chatting with her mates in a tone which could be heard by the whole bar and probably the one next to us. And the accent was very annoying. Not all americans do it, of course, but those who do speak loudly get very much noticed, the others are not and you can't distinguish them, and that's why we get this unfortunate perception. It was very irritating.

I think you are misinterpreting it. It takes the "Swiss" a while to warm up to anyone even each other. You actually spent time with this guy and THAT is why he warmed up to you, not because you "gave the right answers" or "ticked the right boxes".

They hijacked Rossini's homage to a apple loving archer and Swiss hero, and used it to celebrate a masked, Indian-loving, monochrome do-gooder of a cowboy on a white (sorry, grey) horse.

Not being Swiss.

Americans dont step on toes

It's not only the Swiss (some) Americans irk. They do a fair job on the Brits too.

Not everyone wants to instantly be your new best friend...

I noticed a change of attitude when Jimmy Carter became president. People here thought it very funny & strange when a peanut farmer was elected a world leader.

Things haven't got any better since: every new US leader is ridiculed and I suspect they are jealous of the enormous power wielded by one man.

Individually I like most Americans very much, I find them very honest, and some people cannot relate to, nor accept that attitude.

Forgive me for giving an entirely different answer from all the others.

It has nothing to do with being American per se, it's about being foreign. The Swiss are used to most foreigners being here for only a short(ish) period before they go on to their next assignment. So they are initially cold towards foreigners because they are thinking something like "I won't bother to get to know them, they'll just be gone again in a few months."

But when you say that you are staying long term, and that your family is in the process of integrating with the community, you have demonstrated that your concerns are more aligned with theirs, as opposed to being interested only in keeping your children separate and refusing to learn the local language (a simplified stereotype). So they become noticeably warmer and more interested in knowing you.

In general, by the way, taking things very personally in a narrow sense (see title of this thread for an example) will hinder finding the simple and rational explanations behind things. This is not at all specific to Switzerland.