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  #41  
Old 18.06.2012, 13:19
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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One chap who I was particularly friendly with, told me he had no time to be meeting girls on his own, so he was happy with this process & looking forward to it.
what else do all those partner search agencies other than arranging a relationship for you?
the agencies do it with provided data, families and parents with the knowledge and experience of living with you.
same thing end of the day...
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  #42  
Old 18.06.2012, 14:28
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

Oh dear. Where I come from, which is an apparently modern, but in reality still quite conservative town, there is an implicit understanding that, if you are born in a certain "circle" (for lack of a better word), grow up/ go to school with the people in that circle, spend your free time with those same people, it would be "desirable" that you also end up marrying in the same circle. Is this an arranged marriage? Perhaps, although nobody is forced at any point in time to marry X or Y.To me, the key point is "forced" - forced marriages, as in "If you don't marry X or Y you will suffer consequences" should be illegal, but that's not what we are talking about.

I personally see nothing wrong with a parent "recommending someone for consideration", the same way as a friend would, or a dating agency, or similar. At the end, if the choice of yay or nay still relies on the individuals involved, I see no problem at all. I myself have received a couple of such "recommendations" over the years, said I wasn't interested, issue closed, moving on. I personally know of marriages "in the circle" who are working wonderfully, others who ended up in nasty divorces, and the same for marriages "outside of the circle".
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  #43  
Old 18.06.2012, 15:00
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

These days arranged marriages are very liberal and do not fall under the 'I havent seen the bride or groom yet' category. The parents search for the potential partner using matrimony sites (a thriving million $ business) , filter based on their specifications , do the preliminary talk with the other family and then leave it over to the girl and the guy to get to know each other and decide. If the guy and the girl do not feel good about the proceeding , they are free to call off anytime they want.The guy and the girl take sometimes a year or so to arrive at a decision and it is never forced. Maybe, he falls in this category of arranged marriage.
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Old 18.06.2012, 15:10
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

Marriage Matchmakers were one time (Olden days) common in Ireland.

Anyone interested there is now an annual festival once a year in Ireland

'Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking Festival (County Clare)'

This year believe it starts end of August
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  #45  
Old 18.06.2012, 15:31
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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These days arranged marriages are very liberal and do not fall under the 'I havent seen the bride or groom yet' category. The parents search for the potential partner using matrimony sites (a thriving million $ business) , filter based on their specifications , do the preliminary talk with the other family and then leave it over to the girl and the guy to get to know each other and decide. If the guy and the girl do not feel good about the proceeding , they are free to call off anytime they want.The guy and the girl take sometimes a year or so to arrive at a decision and it is never forced. Maybe, he falls in this category of arranged marriage.
Very liberal in what way? That you are able to use the internet in order to filter your choices based on your primitive specifications. So the parents can use their bigoted criteria to ensure that any prospective spouse is of the correct religion, race and caste. Indeed, very liberal.
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  #46  
Old 18.06.2012, 16:15
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

If there was a list of "primitive" traditions in order of how unacceptable I find them, arranged marriages wouldn't even crack the top 100. Having read up on it and talked with people from India who found themselves in marriages of this type, in some (I emphasize some) ways it can even be considered superior to how marriage is practiced in the Western world today. There's something to be said about getting guided through the process by people who not only love you and have your best interest in mind, but also have some experience under their belt and know that couplings based solely on love that dive in head-first, taking few other factors into consideration, aren't all they're cracked up to be in the long run. The stereotype of a family pawning off their barely-pubescent daughter to a rich obese guy is an extreme case and doesn't reflect reality at all.

It's not a comfortable thing to consider, but I think most people live in relatively limited worlds (whether of their community's or their own making) and delude themselves to how much "choice" they truly have to begin with. And if left to their own devices likely wouldn't make the best choices in finding a partner (especially when they're young) or end up settling for what they can get. Love wasn't a factor in marriages until very recently anyway, it's not like we have it all figured out. Divorce statistics and the number of people who stay voluntarily in abusive relationships are proof enough of that.
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  #47  
Old 19.06.2012, 00:26
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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Very liberal in what way? That you are able to use the internet in order to filter your choices based on your primitive specifications. So the parents can use their bigoted criteria to ensure that any prospective spouse is of the correct religion, race and caste. Indeed, very liberal.
LOZ, The purpose behind that post was not to justify the practice, I was only trying to explain the changes that have gradually come by. Majority of the people mistake an arranged to be a forced marriage. Liberal in what way? It is certainly very liberal compared to what existed a 100 years ago where women did not have a say, they just had to marry whomever her parents chose. Yes! the system is bigoted and primitive but its the ethos and culture of millions of people for several hundreds of years and it works for them.
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  #48  
Old 19.06.2012, 08:27
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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These days arranged marriages are very liberal and do not fall under the 'I havent seen the bride or groom yet' category. The parents search for the potential partner using matrimony sites (a thriving million $ business) , filter based on their specifications , do the preliminary talk with the other family and then leave it over to the girl and the guy to get to know each other and decide. If the guy and the girl do not feel good about the proceeding , they are free to call off anytime they want.The guy and the girl take sometimes a year or so to arrive at a decision and it is never forced. Maybe, he falls in this category of arranged marriage.
Are the "children" not considered prefectly capable of doing that, by themselves? I wonder how much power will have the parents during the marriage..or, should we assume they'll keep their mouth shut if the d-i-l or s-i-l prove not to rise up to the level of their expectations...

Last edited by greenmount; 19.06.2012 at 09:30.
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  #49  
Old 19.06.2012, 09:13
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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LOZ, The purpose behind that post was not to justify the practice, I was only trying to explain the changes that have gradually come by. Majority of the people mistake an arranged to be a forced marriage. Liberal in what way? It is certainly very liberal compared to what existed a 100 years ago where women did not have a say, they just had to marry whomever her parents chose. Yes! the system is bigoted and primitive but its the ethos and culture of millions of people for several hundreds of years and it works for them.
Ok, I see your point. I realise the difference between forced and arranged marriages but nevertheless I see them both as being outdated customs with no place in modern society. And to compare arranged marriages with dating agencies is way off the mark.

I see absolutely no reason why parents should assist in searching their child's spouse. Unless of course the child has a face like Andrew Lloyd Webber. Which looks like it's melted.
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  #50  
Old 19.06.2012, 14:16
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

I can have technical help with what amp to buy. I can't have help with what person to bond with. These ultimate, success promising criteria of selection people mention fascinate me..
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  #51  
Old 19.06.2012, 14:33
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Ok, I see your point. I realise the difference between forced and arranged marriages but nevertheless I see them both as being outdated customs with no place in modern society. And to compare arranged marriages with dating agencies is way off the mark.

I see absolutely no reason why parents should assist in searching their child's spouse. Unless of course the child has a face like Andrew Lloyd Webber. Which looks like it's melted.
I don't think you get it. Nowadays when people have a busy life, when working too many hours, when living in a big city where meeting people isn't doing like you are used to, it can be a real challenge.

A guy working long hours couldn't find time to meet new people. His mom, who knew a woman who's daughter was mostly fitting her son's ideals, spoke to him about her. Her son agreed to meet her and the rest was in their hands.

Did they got married? Nope, actually he met an other girl through his cousin, or maybe a friend?

At the end, parents are just introducing. They have a much better idea because they know very well their kids. But at the end of the day, it is the kids who say yes or no.

That's an arranged marriage.

I have an other example.

My brother in law, when he was younger, met a girl at a wedding. She was from the same village than his parents and his parents knew very well her parents.

He liked her and she liked him. They start phoning each other, writing letters, etc.

He then told his parents he wanted to marry her. Parents contacted her parents, met, talk and marriage was set.

They are still happily married.

And it was an "arranged" marriage.

Last edited by MusicChick; 19.06.2012 at 15:02. Reason: merging consec posts
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  #52  
Old 19.06.2012, 15:05
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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I don't think you get it. Nowadays when people have a busy life, when working too many hours, when living in a big city where meeting people isn't doing like you are used to, it can be a real challenge.

A guy working long hours couldn't find time to meet new people. His mom, who knew a woman who's daughter was mostly fitting her son's ideals, spoke to him about her. Her son agreed to meet her and the rest was in their hands.

Did they got married? Nope, actually he met an other girl through his cousin, or maybe a friend?

At the end, parents are just introducing. They have a much better idea because they know very well their kids. But at the end of the day, it is the kids who say yes or no.

That's an arranged marriage.

I have an other example.

My brother in law, when he was younger, met a girl at a wedding. She was from the same village than his parents and his parents knew very well her parents.

He liked her and she liked him. They start phoning each other, writing letters, etc.


He then told his parents he wanted to marry her. Parents contacted her parents, met, talk and marriage was set.


They are still happily married.


And it was an "arranged" marriage.
I wouldnt say this is an arranged marriage. More than a coincidence since the parents knew each other. But they met before and decided they liked each other before parents got involved.

In my opinion arranged marriages are when the parents do the introducing and then its left up to the kids. If they like each other, good. If they dont then nothing happens
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  #53  
Old 19.06.2012, 15:09
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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I wouldnt say this is an arranged marriage. More than a coincidence since the parents knew each other. But they met before and decided they liked each other before parents got involved.

In my opinion arranged marriages are when the parents do the introducing and then its left up to the kids. If they like each other, good. If they dont then nothing happens
I should have add this bit. They met at the marriage because they got introduce by the mothers.
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  #54  
Old 19.06.2012, 15:11
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

I'll be attending the 60th wedding anniversary celebration of good friends of the family next month, a couple I've know since childhood. Certainly theirs is a very happy marriage - and it was an arranged one.

The first time this couple met one another was at his university graduation ceremony - and their wedding was a few days later. They were married in the US, btw.

They are perhaps not representative of the couples' society as a whole, as their entire married life has been spent in the US, away from their extended families and social traditions. Both partners are highly educated, both partners had careers. Theirs is a typical American middle-class urban/suburban lifestyle, there would have been few if any barriers to leaving the marriage if either partner wished to do so. But their marriage has clearly been a very successful one.

None of their children have had arranged marriages - but interestingly, one of the grandaughters has asked Grandma and Grandpa to look for someone for her. I asked the girl (she's in her late 20s) about this - she said that she was tired of failed relationships; since her grandparents' marriage is one of the happiest she has seen, why not?

Certainly different from my own tradition, and not something I would want for myself - but if all parties are happy with the idea, with the choice - why indeed not?
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Old 19.06.2012, 15:17
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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I don't think you get it. Nowadays when people have a busy life, when working too many hours, when living in a big city where meeting people isn't doing like you are used to, it can be a real challenge.

A guy working long hours couldn't find time to meet new people. His mom, who knew a woman who's daughter was mostly fitting her son's ideals, spoke to him about her. Her son agreed to meet her and the rest was in their hands.

Did they got married? Nope, actually he met an other girl through his cousin, or maybe a friend?

At the end, parents are just introducing. They have a much better idea because they know very well their kids. But at the end of the day, it is the kids who say yes or no.

That's an arranged marriage.

I have an other example.

My brother in law, when he was younger, met a girl at a wedding. She was from the same village than his parents and his parents knew very well her parents.

He liked her and she liked him. They start phoning each other, writing letters, etc.

He then told his parents he wanted to marry her. Parents contacted her parents, met, talk and marriage was set.

They are still happily married.

And it was an "arranged" marriage.
Awww, my heart bleeds for such people. Too busy to find a spouse, life is so hard. Thank Christ that mummy and daddy are on hand to help out. Hell, why should it just stop with finding a partner, why not let the parents move in after the nuptials and have them attend to bottom wiping duties?

In all seriousness though, what you described isn’t the typical manner of proceedings for an arranged marriage, at least not in south Asia. What you describe is an aspect of arranged marriages however there is a whole variety of arranged marriages that goes from what you have described right up until forced marriages. And it is this grey area that can be completely out dated and immoral.
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  #56  
Old 19.06.2012, 15:39
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

I find it funny. Website finding a match is ok, strangers in matchmaking agencies finding a match is ok, reality TV dating programmes finding a match is OK, but parents finding a match is not ok??? strange line of thought in a world where dating,matchmaking etc. are a booming business. Do you think the algo's of a dating site or the guys in a matchmaking agency understand u better than your parents?
maybe its true, maybe its a "culture thing". maybe in a society where parents consider kids a burden and vice versa, the parents don't get to know their children well. Otherwise if u can't find the right person, parents have the best chance compared to all these matchmaking dot coms etc.
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  #57  
Old 19.06.2012, 16:09
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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Awww, my heart bleeds for such people. Too busy to find a spouse, life is so hard..
It's good they're busy...God forbid, if unattended, they might come home with a Swedish girl..
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  #58  
Old 03.08.2012, 15:40
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

"arranged" marriages do happen still alot in asia and personally i do not want to comment on arranghed marriage

Someone go and talk about how marriages happen in the western part of the world - cohabiting before marriage and the like, it will sound weird in India/Sri Lanka and many of the Asian countries. It is just normal i guess in the other part of the world
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Old 03.08.2012, 16:55
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

Arranged marriage is for sissies.
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  #60  
Old 03.08.2012, 17:44
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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Arranged marriage is for sissies.
I would say it is the other way around, it would take so much courage to tie your life with somebody else who you don't know that well.
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