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Old 13.06.2012, 18:30
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arranged marriages in switzerland???

One of my employees informed me yesterday that he's engaged.
Of course I congratulated him and he seems very happy.

Now the weird thing:
His family is from Sri Lanka but he was born and grew up in Switzerland. I can't say he is integrated because he already is purely swiss.

Now this girl he knows since childhood but never seen longer than a few days at a time (she's also Sri Lankan) is coming over from France to get married and live happily ever after with him.
So far so good. It just makes me feel uncomfortable to see an arranged wedding happening under my nose.
I guess, some of the arranged marriages can turn out better than the love based ones but still I feel weird about it...
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Old 13.06.2012, 18:56
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

an arranged marriage is not the same as a forced marriage, and although the Indians/Sri Lankans seem to contrast 'arranged' vs 'love' marriages as two separate things, it doesn't mean the two people who have agreed to an 'arranged' marriage can't love each other...
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Old 13.06.2012, 19:07
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

"arranged" marriages do happen still. Cant/do not want to comment on forced marriages.

Someone go and talk about how marriages happen in the western part of the world - cohabiting before marriage and the like, it will sound weird in India/Sri Lanka and many of the eastern countries. It is just a cultural thing i guess like many other things.
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Old 13.06.2012, 19:16
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

It is a cultural thing.
Arranged marriages in these countries tend to have a higher success rate
than a love match.
There is no reason for you to feel uncomfortable to the issue as it is not your culture and to be fair, there are things in your culture that maybe frowned upon in theirs.

Arranged and forced marriage are two very different things.
Those parents making an arranged match, weigh all the options, pro and cons and then come up with a suitable match.

Arranged marriages were also common in the western world before, so it is not a East West clash dilemma.
And why would you think that parents would choose to hitch their own kids with a spouse that is not good for their son or daughter?

And also, arranged marriages only get the green signal when both partners meet and think that they are a good match, over time and then agree. It is not a one time meeting and boom you are married the next day.
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Old 13.06.2012, 20:26
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

I read recently there are more arranged marriages today than any others.

It's their culture, and hopefully she is not too young.
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Old 13.06.2012, 20:50
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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I read recently there are more arranged marriages today than any others.

It's their culture, and hopefully she is not too young.
I don't know how old she is and I know that she's been raised in a very religious household.
But I know that he is a very nice guy and will see that she feels welcome and happy, so I'm not worried.

I just was amazed about my own feelings, because I like to think of my self as an open minded person.
But then again I didn't think about the difference between a forced and an arranged marriage.
And I don't think it's a forced one.
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Old 13.06.2012, 20:50
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

Some of my husband's family members were married through arrangement. I found it weird at first when I found out about it but not anymore. It is a very good way to do it too. The concept to get married based on love is pretty much new in the history.
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Old 13.06.2012, 21:19
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

Noting wrong with arranged marriage ,my wife did it with me
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Old 13.06.2012, 21:39
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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I guess, some of the arranged marriages can turn out better than the love based ones but still I feel weird about it...
Why would you feel weird about it? No one is arranging a marriage for you are they?

They have already met. So I don't see the problem. I would have been happy marrying one of my childhood friends. I mean it's not my culture, but if it were, he was a perfectly good match.
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Old 13.06.2012, 22:12
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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One of my employees informed me yesterday that he's engaged.
Of course I congratulated him and he seems very happy.
So what's the problem again?
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Old 13.06.2012, 22:20
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

I have several friends back home who are 2nd or 3rd generation in the States and who were married via family arrangements. all seem to be happily married, or at least as happily married as anybody else I know. on the other hand, I have at least a couple friends of Indian descent back in the States who were free to choose their "loves", and they are now working on their 2nd marriages.

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Old 13.06.2012, 22:52
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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It is a cultural thing.
Arranged marriages in these countries tend to have a higher success rate
than a love match.

Arranged and forced marriage are two very different things.
Those parents making an arranged match, weigh all the options, pro and cons and then come up with a suitable match.

Arranged marriages were also common in the western world before, so it is not a East West clash dilemma.
And why would you think that parents would choose to hitch their own kids with a spouse that is not good for their son or daughter?

And also, arranged marriages only get the green signal when both partners meet and think that they are a good match, over time and then agree. It is not a one time meeting and boom you are married the next day.
The primary reason why arranged marriages in these cultures have a better success rate, is because divorce is taboo. Most woman risk losing all contact with their own family if they leave their husband.

I think in all arranged marriage, there is a percentage of 'force marriage', and this is what irks the OP. In the end, her friend didnt really have any freedom of choice, if he fell in love with a blue eyed blonde swiss, their relationship wouldnt have been accepted.

If you really consider how this match making takes place, the parents have little idea about the spouse they are choosing for their children as well. In the case of the OP's friend, its a family friend, a girl who they dont even really know themselves, but she most probably met their criteria( pious, religious, submissive, well educated good family background), and thats all that counts.
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Old 13.06.2012, 23:03
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

I wonder if they use the dowry system in Sri Lanka...

If so, the marriage may have been arranged for financial reasons.
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Old 13.06.2012, 23:07
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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One of my employees informed me yesterday that he's engaged.
Of course I congratulated him and he seems very happy.

Now the weird thing:
His family is from Sri Lanka but he was born and grew up in Switzerland. I can't say he is integrated because he already is purely swiss.

Now this girl he knows since childhood but never seen longer than a few days at a time (she's also Sri Lankan) is coming over from France to get married and live happily ever after with him.
So far so good. It just makes me feel uncomfortable to see an arranged wedding happening under my nose.
I guess, some of the arranged marriages can turn out better than the love based ones but still I feel weird about it...
i wish someone would arrange a marriage for me. it would save me a lot of hassle.
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Old 13.06.2012, 23:09
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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i wish someone would arrange a marriage for me. it would save me a lot of hassle.

well, if you are looking, i do know a nice girl......
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Old 14.06.2012, 14:21
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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i wish someone would arrange a marriage for me. it would save me a lot of hassle.
If i remember another post correctly, thats already in the works :P
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Old 14.06.2012, 14:25
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

@miniMia + dino: there isn't a problem just a weird gut feeling because I never was in contact with the subject...
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Old 14.06.2012, 14:29
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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@miniMia + dino: there isn't a problem just a weird gut feeling because I never was in contact with the subject...
Ah. Well, don't think twice about it. Just think he is marrying a girl he's known since childhood.
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Old 14.06.2012, 15:55
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

i personally belive its better the have arrange marriage which has longer succesful rate then have a love marrige
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Old 14.06.2012, 16:09
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Re: arranged marriages in switzerland???

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i personally belive its better the have arrange marriage which has longer succesful rate then have a love marrige
But what is success?
As Pather said, divorce may not be "allowed"? Maybe they cheat on each other because they don't have any interest for each other? Maybe they fight the whole time or just are unhappy without saying they want out?
But I guess that isn't different in a lot of love marriages...

es isch alles ei ding...
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