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  #181  
Old 08.10.2013, 20:13
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

try okcupid, met my Swiss boyfriend there and its been 2 wonderful years and still many more to come!


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No success for the moment

But I found a new friend (she will stay a good friend)
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  #182  
Old 08.10.2013, 20:30
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

OK, so after becoming single again (ten years ago), I tried meeting women in the low tech way.

One, a long time friend, was vegetarian (an absolute no-go for me).

The other, a customer from Norway, lived too far away.

The rest, including my current wife, I met via dating sites, as did several friends.

Despite the fact that we have common acquaintances, her sister and I have common friends, my elder daughter is friends with her nephew, my other daughter knows her son, one of my closest friends knows both of her kids, I have been shopping at the Vietnamese shop run by her ex-BIL for over 20 years, and our heimatorts are 15km apart, we never would have met otherwise!

Sometimes, Internet IS the way to go.

Tom
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  #183  
Old 08.10.2013, 20:50
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

I'm a woman and Kittster's list frightens me!!
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  #184  
Old 08.10.2013, 21:10
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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It sure isn't the only way, but I do prefer just "stumbling" across someone rather than some kind of targeted search on a website, trying to fill some mental checklist (mine and hers). It's very... well, artificial. Forced. It adds an extra level of discomfort to a first meeting that isn't necessary. Just my opinion. I'm sure a lot of people get a lot out of it.
It's no less forces or artificial than many real-life events I've been to. In Switzerland, the chances of an expat "stumbling" into a local girl are comparatively slim. The vast majority of expats will be looking for a native English-speaking partner, and then pretty much your only choices are either the expat scene, which can become very small very quickly... or dating sites.

While the movie-esque ideal "of stumbling into someone" you adhere to is quaint and charming, and undoubtedly the stereotypically ideal RomCom way we would all like meet someone... a little realism is needed. Statistically, it makes no sense whatsoever to avoid dating sites given that it is simply increasing your chance of finding someone special.
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  #185  
Old 08.10.2013, 21:20
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

I'm a man and I find Kittster's list completely reasonable.
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  #186  
Old 09.10.2013, 01:07
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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It's no less forces or artificial than many real-life events I've been to.
You and I attend different events, clearly.
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  #187  
Old 09.10.2013, 01:49
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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try okcupid, met my Swiss boyfriend there and its been 2 wonderful years and still many more to come!
Does looking for "short-term dating" mean, what I think it means?
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  #188  
Old 09.10.2013, 01:50
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

It's just that she seems so adament in what she wants and needs in a relationship and in a man, without any leeways.

He has to do this and can't do that. I too am single but would never write a list like that. I go with the flow. And usually meet good people along the way.

Maybe not the love of my life forever, but have fun and laughs.

But draw the line at brown socks with black shoes.
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  #189  
Old 09.10.2013, 01:54
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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It's just that she seems so adament in what she wants and needs in a relationship and in a man, without any leeways.

He has to do this and can't do that. I too am single but would never write a list like that. I go with the flow. And usually meet good people along the way.

Maybe not the love of my life forever, but have fun and laughs.
Didn't notice anything strange about this "list" you all seem to talk about it. It was just a link to some online shops in/out of Switzerland ...

hope, I'm not missing anything
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  #190  
Old 09.10.2013, 01:59
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

What does "short term dating" mean?? How do you decide, you are going to date for a short time before knowing the person you are about to date????
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  #191  
Old 09.10.2013, 02:10
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Didn't notice anything strange about this "list" you all seem to talk about it. It was just a link to some online shops in/out of Switzerland ...

hope, I'm not missing anything
Kittsters list a couple of pages back, her list of what she is seeking in a man.
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  #192  
Old 09.10.2013, 02:15
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Kittsters list a couple of pages back, her list of what she is seeking in a man.

All I could find is this Anyway, I was curious there for a moment.
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  #193  
Old 09.10.2013, 02:23
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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It's just that she seems so adament in what she wants and needs in a relationship and in a man, without any leeways.

He has to do this and can't do that. I too am single but would never write a list like that. I go with the flow. And usually meet good people along the way.

Maybe not the love of my life forever, but have fun and laughs.

But draw the line at brown socks with black shoes.
And it seems few took note of what I said at the beginning and the end of that post. I took a good look at what bits of a relationship worked and what things caused conflict or upset, as in, try to learn from the past. The best relationship I had went down the drain because of me, because I made the typical "young woman's mistake" of thinking in terms of what is exciting and interesting rather than "what will give me a stable, long-term relationship". Due to various bad experiences I was just not ready to accept someone who thought the world of me and instead sought out people who reinforced and confirmed my negative self-beliefs. And I continued to do that for many years.

It then occurred to me that I need to stop this cycle of going for a certain type of person and what about them that made me so unhappy / made me allow them to make me unhappy. So that's why I thought about what I am doing wrong and what went wrong in the past. Some of the points are things that I know I will never be able to let slide as I feel so strongly about it, i.e. the smoking or self-destructive behaviour. Others are because of my own past experience, which, yes, has nothing to do with other people's experience but then I never said it did. If someone feels so strongly about what I feel is important to me that they feel the need to pick at me in back-handed ways, so be it, that is their problem, not mine.

It amuses me that there is this assumption that I desperately need to find someone - I don't, in fact, I don't want to. And yes, I probably have absolutely nothing to offer, my life certainly feels that way as I am showing more and more signs of burn-out and chronic stress with no improvement in sight (insomnia, for example, who else in their right minds posts on forums at this hour) and no energy or time to take action. But I am 100% convinced that somehow letting someone in that does not actively contribute to improving my situation would make things much worse for me - and them. Since a partner is not a member of staff (contrary to what some people on here seem to think), I feel it would be unfair to even attempt a relationship at this stage. I feel that some of the things hurled back at me and implied about me in this thread were pretty uncalled for but for some reason, it is not ok for me to be categoric while others very much are. If you knew me in person you would know that I do not need to be "taken down a few pegs". Barbed wire fences cut on both sides.
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  #194  
Old 09.10.2013, 02:28
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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And it seems few took note of what I said at the beginning and the end of that post. I took a good look at what bits of a relationship worked and what things caused conflict or upset, as in, try to learn from the past. The best relationship I had went down the drain because of me, because I made the typical "young woman's mistake" of thinking in terms of what is exciting and interesting rather than "what will give me a stable, long-term relationship". Due to various bad experiences I was just not ready to accept someone who thought the world of me and instead sought out people who reinforced and confirmed my negative self-beliefs. And I continued to do that for many years.

It then occurred to me that I need to stop this cycle of going for a certain type of person and what about them that made me so unhappy / made me allow them to make me unhappy. So that's why I thought about what I am doing wrong and what went wrong in the past. Some of the points are things that I know I will never be able to let slide as I feel so strongly about it, i.e. the smoking or self-destructive behaviour. Others are because of my own past experience, which, yes, has nothing to do with other people's experience but then I never said it did. If someone feels so strongly about what I feel is important to me that they feel the need to pick at me in back-handed ways, so be it, that is their problem, not mine.

It amuses me that there is this assumption that I desperately need to find someone - I don't, in fact, I don't want to. And yes, I probably have absolutely nothing to offer, my life certainly feels that way as I am showing more and more signs of burn-out and chronic stress with no improvement in sight (insomnia, for example, who else in their right minds posts on forums at this hour) and no energy or time to take action. But I am 100% convinced that somehow letting someone in that does not actively contribute to improving my situation would make things much worse for me - and them. Since a partner is not a member of staff (contrary to what some people on here seem to think), I feel it would be unfair to even attempt a relationship at this stage. I feel that some of the things hurled back at me and implied about me in this thread were pretty uncalled for but for some reason, it is not ok for me to be categoric while others very much are. If you knew me in person you would know that I do not need to be "taken down a few pegs". Barbed wire fences cut on both sides.
I am as reasonable as person can ever be, having said that ... if you let me know what you expected from a man, I wouldn't mind to give you an honest Answer.
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  #195  
Old 09.10.2013, 02:36
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I am as reasonable as person can ever be, having said that ... if you let me know what you expected from a man, I wouldn't mind to give you an honest Answer.
Right now I just expect him to either wave a magic wand and make all the stress and worry disappear or to leave me alone. Simple, really.
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  #196  
Old 09.10.2013, 02:42
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I think the laundry list is also due to feeling you will only change how your functioning, stable and most importantly, hurt-free life works for someone who is worth it. The reasons for my 'wants' are based on experiences compromising on this not working out, not because I want to impress my friends or because I read it in a magazine.

Smarter than me with good general knowledge - because otherwise I go into teacher mode. Taller than me - because otherwise I feel I have to protect him. Only a tiny bit shorter or the same height could work if he was built like a tank. Non-smoker/moderate drinker - I despise cigarette smoke, probably because it has made me cough and feel ill since I was little. Cigars/cigarillos on the other hand are fine. I can't drink much (shouldn't at all, but I'm not a saint) for medical reasons, so if drinking is a big part of your life, there isn't much room for me. Reasonably fit - I look after myself, I like being outdoors and I eat healthy (but delicious!) food. And I like physical activities of all kind, if you know what I mean, so having a massive gut is just not going to help with that.

Organised, patient and calm - the only longer relationship I had was with someone like this and it helped me a lot; having ADHD makes you creative, full of ideas and prone to spontaneous, mad ideas but also to feeling overwhelmed by admin and other "grown up" tasks. Animal-lover - I love animals, I have pets, if a guy doesn't like animals, he's not going to fit in. Has a steady job that he is reasonably happy with - I've dated someone on IV and it drove me nuts. I don't want to look after someone, did it for a year, never again, at least not from the outset. If it is for better or worse a long way down the line - no problem. I also don't want to hear 'I hate my job' all the time. Speaks English - 90 % of my family doesn't speak a word of German and I love watching films but never watch the dubbed version.

Is loyal and mentally stable - because, again, I've had enough of people threatening to kill themselves or become abusive because things are not working out for them. Also can't abide people who talk smack about you in front of others. Does not take drugs - because I want a responsible grown-up and I already dated a stoner, it was very annoying. No kids - because I know what it's like to be 'the kid from the first marriage' and it's clearly not brilliant to be the stepmum/stepdad. Also don't like the idea of having an unbreakable tie to some other woman for the rest of my life. Kind and a little old-school - because I can't abide people who are rude to waiters, chew with their mouths open, text at funerals and like to belittle and hurt others. An optimist - because I sometimes struggle with this but definitely tend towards optimism.

That's quite a list but like I said, it's based on what I know did not work out, if it had, I would not be single. I realise there are maybe five single guys in all of Zurich who fit that brief and none of them seems to know I exist or be interested in me. But although I feel a bit lonely sometimes, I'm usually too busy to notice, so if there is nobody like that out there, then so be it... But telling me I'm being too picky is a bit silly - it's not like I'm turning down oxygen, I don't HAVE to find someone, no matter how everybody else's limited ideas of an acceptable life look like. I don't go up to fat people and say - so, you still haven't lost weight, huh? Or to smokers - oh, I see you haven't stopped? So why do people do the equivalent to single people?
Oh, found the list!
what do you know, apparently I had skipped it, thinking it was written by the Queen.
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  #197  
Old 09.10.2013, 08:47
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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What does "short term dating" mean?? How do you decide, you are going to date for a short time before knowing the person you are about to date????
It means you are not looking for anything serious from the get-go, just casual dating and probably with multiple people within a year.

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It's just that she seems so adament in what she wants and needs in a relationship and in a man, without any leeways.

He has to do this and can't do that. I too am single but would never write a list like that. I go with the flow. And usually meet good people along the way.

Maybe not the love of my life forever, but have fun and laughs.

But draw the line at brown socks with black shoes.
Well, no-one is perfect, and the people writing these lists usually (like all of us) have issues of their own.

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Old 09.10.2013, 11:35
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

No, I think Kittster is being honest with herself. On Internet dating sites you would be confronted with a similar long list of choices / wishes. She would be fine for me, except I prefer to live with humans than smelly animals.

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Old 09.10.2013, 11:40
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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No, I think she is being honest with herself. On Internet dating sites you would be confronted with a similar long list of choices / wishes. She would be fine for me, except I prefer to live with humans than smelly animals.
A bit shallow don't you think? I actually agreed with her, when she said, if the person hates animals, he was not going to fit in. Same goes for me, if a person hates children or animals, it's a big No No!

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Old 09.10.2013, 11:53
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

Perhaps you are jumping to the wrong conclusion. Once a week I look after a friend's dog for 24 hours, and right now I am dog & cat sitting for 9 days: I like some animals but I don't need to own them and live with them. I have 4 children and 5 grand children whom I see at least once per year, so again they are OK but I don't want to be tied to their life style.
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