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  #61  
Old 11.04.2013, 19:13
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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You really must study the rules of sarcasm urgently. On a separate note, it must be an old wives' tale that men are familiar with exaggeration.
There's rules? (Besides "don't get caught"...)
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Old 11.04.2013, 19:15
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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There's rules? (Besides "don't get caught"...)
Just 2 - the other being, don't eat yellow snow.
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  #63  
Old 11.04.2013, 19:16
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Just 2 - the other being, don't eat yellow snow.
Yeah, it tastes like piss...
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  #64  
Old 11.04.2013, 19:20
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Yeah, it tastes like piss...
*Shocked face*
There was me thinking it was because yellow is not being lauded in Vogue this season.
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  #65  
Old 11.04.2013, 19:23
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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*Shocked face*
There was me thinking it was because yellow is not being lauded in Vogue this season.
Damn, I've got to call my designer to cancel the canary drapes...
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Old 11.04.2013, 19:25
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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It's worth mentioning that there are a lot of scammers on dating sites.
I had the same problem when started using dating sites here (swissfriends more precisely - and just a note, worked for me )

But after the second scam I learnt how to spot then! So if I may, I'd like to share my tactics

First they are new in the site

They send you a message with their email saying they went for the free subscription so personal email is the only way to communicate. Even if you decide to reply to that email, when you get the answer back, try to check where the email was sent from! This is a good web site to trace emails

The images can be too good to be true (for men very sexy women in general) Try to save the image in your computer and then search it using google image search

If you are still on doubt, take a a piece of her/his text description (a whole phrase) and search on google using double quotation marks so google will search the exact match.

Try to search in google using her/his email, always between double quotation marks!

If the person pass all the tests above, its a good start and may not be a scam!
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  #67  
Old 11.04.2013, 20:58
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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On a separate note, I think it's a shame to rule someone out if they cannot spell well. Wouldn't it be better to judge someone's intentions, actions, kindness, honour etc as deal breakers? Why is ability to spell well such a valuable commodity to you? I get that mis-spellings can be mildly irritating, but are they anything more than that?

I think we are all "guilty" of language and punctuation faux-pas from time to time- noone can know all the rules. I like that language is fluid and changes and develops.
There is a difference between the occasional slip up when typing quickly and the sort if text-speak, cringe-worthy carnage you see on dating sites. When something matters to me, I re-read it, then re-read it again. There may still be some comma mistakes and inconsistent hyphenation, not my strong point, but the you're / your issue etc. will usually be sorted. So either the writer doesn't really care that much about first impressions or is one of the 'I hate rules, they are so restrictive to my unique soul' crowd, both of which are opposite belief systems to my own OR they are not able to do a better job, which will clash with the sort of person who is paid to proof-read and thinks people should be tortured for the misuse of apostrophes. Opposites do not attract, they drive each other mad.
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  #68  
Old 11.04.2013, 21:02
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I had the same problem when started using dating sites here (swissfriends more precisely - and just a note, worked for me )

But after the second scam I learnt how to spot then! So if I may, I'd like to share my tactics ..snip
Is the risk of scam higher than in normal life, when you just try to avoid the regular jerkiness?

I wouldn't know...but sounds scary to what elaborate extent these fake bored people would go.
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Old 11.04.2013, 21:29
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Is the risk of scam higher than in normal life, when you just try to avoid the regular jerkiness?

I wouldn't know...but sounds scary to what elaborate extent these fake bored people would go.
Have a look at the variety of scams listed on the site I linked to, and read some of the stories. Some people are even victims of multiple scams - a romance scam followed by a recovery scam, for eg.

The risk is growing, because scammers are maturing on the net, and diversifying. Plus, it's a fairly successful pursuit, so there are a growing number of opportunists.
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Old 11.04.2013, 21:39
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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There is a difference between the occasional slip up when typing quickly and the sort if text-speak, cringe-worthy carnage you see on dating sites. When something matters to me, I re-read it, then re-read it again. There may still be some comma mistakes and inconsistent hyphenation, not my strong point, but the you're / your issue etc. will usually be sorted. So either the writer doesn't really care that much about first impressions or is one of the 'I hate rules, they are so restrictive to my unique soul' crowd, both of which are opposite belief systems to my own OR they are not able to do a better job, which will clash with the sort of person who is paid to proof-read and thinks people should be tortured for the misuse of apostrophes. Opposites do not attract, they drive each other mad.
Well, you are blending 2 different things - inability to spell well, and choice to use a modern version of shorthand.

You missed the mis-spelling 3rd and 4th options -
spelling is not very important to the sender
English is not the first language of the sender

You seem to gravitate to extreme positions regarding why there might be mis-spellings, and with posts like "Opposites do not attract, they drive each other mad". There are lots of grey areas. Opposites do indeed attract sometimes. Being in a great relationship requires compromise, negotiation, understanding, forgiveness, care, sensitivity etc etc often.

It seems that poor spelling and punctuation is only fine for you, but you don't apply the same leniency to others.

As for those who choose to communicate in shorthand, that's not mis-spelling.

The danger of fixating on the spelling and punctuation, is you detract from the sentiment and the opportunity to see someone (and you) shine.
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  #71  
Old 11.04.2013, 21:49
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

Gosh, you really like to overanalyse my posts and discredit how I feel and see things, don't you? I like men to be smarter and better educated than me, a clever brain tops looks by far. If I feel I am the one who does the thinking, it won't last, I've had relationships with very different types of men and I don't do well with non-academic types. Now I can accept this at the risk of staying single or I can listen to people like you and pretend not to care about such things and make myself and the other person miserable because I have to tone down the intellectual snob in me.

I'm not an equal opportunities employer and I'd really rather be alone than with mentally unstimulating company. English is technically not my first language either, by the way, so unless you write at a reasonable level in the chosen language, why not write in your native tongue?
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Old 11.04.2013, 22:05
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Gosh, you really like to overanalyse my posts and discredit how I feel and see things, don't you? I like men to be smarter and better educated than me, a clever brain tops looks by far. If I feel I am the one who does the thinking, it won't last, I've had relationships with very different types of men and I don't do well with non-academic types. Now I can accept this at the risk of staying single or I can listen to people like you and pretend not to care about such things and make myself and the other person miserable because I have to tone down the intellectual snob in me.

I'm not an equal opportunities employer and I'd really rather be alone than with mentally unstimulating company. English is technically not my first language either, by the way, so unless you write at a reasonable level in the chosen language, why not write in your native tongue?
I've remained polite to you, so, you are feeling defensive and projecting because you are sensitive about this.

Again, you have deviated from what we were discussing - inability to spell well is what we are discussing.

This time, you seem to be trying to make a leap from that to intellectual ability/level of education/being clever/academic ability. There is no direct correlation.

Plenty of the CEO's and Execs of companies that I know have a poor command of spelling and punctuation. All of the spelling and punctuation pedants I know are solicitors.

It's not about pretending to be something, and nowhere was that suggested - it's about realising that having successful, meaningful relationships with people requires us to be open to being wrong and learning from others sometimes.
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  #73  
Old 11.04.2013, 22:36
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

No, I'm just not inclined to be ultra-specific and explore every possible option so you don't have another thing tell me that I'm wrong about. The 60 hour weeks I work are starting to make my patience wear very thin and since I don't have time for anyone in my life that would irritate me even further, the orthographically challenged would instantly be sorted out. But you'll be glad to hear that I am not currently searching and have pretty much given up on finding anyone if I was because I am incredibly unlucky in love, ESPECIALLY when I make exceptions to the apparently crazy things that matter to me.

For instance, I once dated a plumber, it was a disaster, he hated all my friends and would insult them to make himself feel bigger, he would constantly tell me not to use big words, he would apply to jobs and ask me to proof-read his stuff - and then go into dramatics about how it was unfair that I had a job and he didn't (he didn't want to work in construction any more because of all the foreigners), that I enjoyed correcting him, that the world was dominated by people like me who think they are so much better but couldn't do a day's work with their hands, etc. I've seen it in other relationships where she is 'smarter', there always seems to be friction around it.

Men seem to want to be better than women in relationships and I can't dumb myself down the rest of my life. I have no problem with not having the last word or occasionally asking for help instead of just googling it and doing it myself but I'm sure you'll go right back to the spelling thing and nit-pick on how it is no indicator of intelligence. If you saw the kind of thing I mean, you would agree - or probably not, as you seem to feel everyone should be the individual, special little flower that they are and deserve to be loved. Look at it this way - it's not me not giving them a chance, it's them escaping someone who is not going to make them happy.
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Old 11.04.2013, 22:41
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Have a look at the variety of scams listed on the site I linked to, and read some of the stories. Some people are even victims of multiple scams - a romance scam followed by a recovery scam, for eg.

The risk is growing, because scammers are maturing on the net, and diversifying. Plus, it's a fairly successful pursuit, so there are a growing number of opportunists.
So, internet dating scam is a sick predator thing, basically..Not just a prank. Blech.

I agree that to focus on cosmetics, like height or spelling, is probably just a tad over the top, but I think I know what Kittster meant, that it could potentially be a symptom. All can be a symptom at the end of the day, though, if you look hard enough, especially if you are intelligent and read into stuff too much and tend to select harshly because one might be worried about getting shortchanged. Intelligence and education/or academia cannot be really measured up, either, unless one is really smart and the other really not. People usually complement eachother, one knows more than the other about different things, since one has usually different education and experience. I think what people need, is willingness to learn and grow. Dare to have an opinion and accept to learn from others more when not knowing enough. But to walk around the world thinking I might be offering a little too much, pardon my wrong grammerz there, than I am getting does look like a defensive mechanism. Why not, though, who am I to say. People should be picky, if they allow others to have their own discriminatory selective ways... Maybe if they shrugged off those superficial and pointless judgments of others (men wanting skinny urban trophy wives..naw, it's just tabloids and confused folks), they wouldn't feel the urge to be so extra selective. I think it is all about acceptance, not really about lowering one's standards, but accepting diversity and being humble. Accepting that it is usually other people's mistakes that end up haunting us more than our own mistakes and wrong decisions, like parent's wrong choices, etc. We will all survive.

I am sure there are happy internet stories out there, just like with anything. It does feel a bit like shopping, though, or, I remember thinking about ads years ago when one scanned papers and noticed the really long ones, those who were printing their expectations list longer than what they offer, and I was wondering if anyone would even answer those very particularly picky ones. There is work in relationships, it feels like those who are so very particular with their choices before they even meet somebody, either want to control too much out of anxiety or feeling they would mean less should they be less particular..But I don't know, really. It seems that one gets as much as one invests.

Whadup with the commercial push on brit TV for the "Uniform dating" lately? One picks people according to the job they do, I guess.. What if one does not wear a uniform?

I used to





I wonder how much that kind of info, work, edu, family, influences people before they meet somebody..And if so, does it mean the class system still exists? And it is us who push it? I wonder what kind of info people put out there about themselves..

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Men seem to want to be better than women in relationships and I can't dumb myself down the rest of my life.
You sound like my mom, who always told me to wear bangs so men do not see my large (thinking) forehead. It still makes me laugh..(and I wouldn't wear bangs for anything in the world, makes me look 12).

I think I know what you mean.. But I think men do not want to be better than women. The right ones value what they've got. I think some are just wired to be very competitive. They tend to compete in other settings, too. Not sure if a quick spelling test would indicate an overall suitor's chance, though. Just like hair color indicating other stuff, the right university possibly indicating god knows what, etc.

Who knows.
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  #75  
Old 11.04.2013, 22:52
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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No, I'm just not inclined to be ultra-specific and explore every possible option so you don't have another thing tell me that I'm wrong about. The 60 hour weeks I work are starting to make my patience wear very thin and since I don't have time for anyone in my life that would irritate me even further, the orthographically challenged would instantly be sorted out. But you'll be glad to hear that I am not currently searching and have pretty much given up on finding anyone if I was because I am incredibly unlucky in love, ESPECIALLY when I make exceptions to the apparently crazy things that matter to me.

For instance, I once dated a plumber, it was a disaster, he hated all my friends and would insult them to make himself feel bigger, he would constantly tell me not to use big words, he would apply to jobs and ask me to proof-read his stuff - and then go into dramatics about how it was unfair that I had a job and he didn't (he didn't want to work in construction any more because of all the foreigners), that I enjoyed correcting him, that the world was dominated by people like me who think they are so much better but couldn't do a day's work with their hands, etc. I've seen it in other relationships where she is 'smarter', there always seems to be friction around it.

Men seem to want to be better than women in relationships and I can't dumb myself down the rest of my life. I have no problem with not having the last word or occasionally asking for help instead of just googling it and doing it myself but I'm sure you'll go right back to the spelling thing and nit-pick on how it is no indicator of intelligence. If you saw the kind of thing I mean, you would agree - or probably not, as you seem to feel everyone should be the individual, special little flower that they are and deserve to be loved. Look at it this way - it's not me not giving them a chance, it's them escaping someone who is not going to make them happy.
You seem to have a lot of emotional angst about this. I'm sorry you have had bad dating experiences. It's not fine to mock and humiliate someone, but it's also not fine to be judgemental and lofty about incidental things, at the expense of someone else. Why did you date the plumber, if it was a disaster?

Again, you have taken this beyond the poor spelling thing. Neither of the below relates to poor spelling. Nor do they relate to most other women's experiences of dating (bad experiences aren't the norm), or what many would accept from a male suitor - it's important to acknowledge that we have examples of women having great/balanced/fair relationships with fantastic men, who love to see them prosper.
"Men seem to want to be better than women in relationships and I can't dumb myself down the rest of my life."
"I've seen it in other relationships where she is 'smarter', there always seems to be friction around it."


I'm not suggesting that finding a guy and dating are easy, though.
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  #76  
Old 11.04.2013, 23:48
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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And, just an aside, before Nil yells at me for referring to myself as fat - I'm not shapeless, unfit fat, there are no rolls or anything like that, I'm just not Zurich style slim trophy wife material.
It was coming....

PS: You are beautiful
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Old 12.04.2013, 10:31
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

But who needs to date this type of men - men in search for slim trophy wives? Or even worse, feel somehow bad about themselves because they cannot rise up to those silly standards?
There are plenty of normal men out there...you only have to walk with your eyes wide open. It is a pity that more often than not, really beautiful girls/women get these feelings - of inadequacy..and no, that's not men's fault.
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Old 12.04.2013, 13:16
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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"You can spend years with someone and still not know the whole person"yes, agree, but not relevant to the point I made.
Of course it is. You were specifically talking about getting to know someone.

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What bearing does that have on it being better to judge someone as their in-person self vs their online filtered self?
Why do you assume that everyone filters what they say in email more than they do in-person? Look around the internet - the opposite is true, if anything. People are much less likely to be restrained in what they say in electronic communication than they are face to face. What percentage of the people who insulted Kittster by email, messaging, or whatever, do you think would have done so in person?
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Old 12.04.2013, 13:26
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Of course it is. You were specifically talking about getting to know someone.

Why do you assume that everyone filters what they say in email more than they do in-person? Look around the internet - the opposite is true, if anything. People are much less likely to be restrained in what they say in electronic communication than they are face to face. What percentage of the people who insulted Kittster by email, messaging, or whatever, do you think would have done so in person?
Getting to know someone - the key word is getting. I don't believe you ever fully know someone (nor do I think you should want to know everything). The point remains, whilst most people would agree you never know someone entirely, you, of course, know more when meeting in person.

When you talk over emails and IM's, there is an opportunity for pause, for reflection, for edits, for copy and paste, for analysis, for selective responsiveness, for controlling when one responds, and many other things.

Some of these are also possible in person, but not with such ease.

Face-to-face conversation is very different - the pace is much quicker, so it's more difficult to control, and you get to combine words with tone, body language, behaviour. Since words are only 1 part of how we communicate, the insight you get into a person is much richer in detail.
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Old 12.04.2013, 13:38
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

maybe i was doing internet dating wrong. i tried it but never did any extended online chatting. i just found someone who i would be interested to go out with and arranged to meet them in real life for the first date.
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