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  #81  
Old 12.04.2013, 13:41
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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So, internet dating scam is a sick predator thing, basically..Not just a prank. Blech.
Sadly not a prank, no. Someone I know almost got stung (did get stung, if you include the emotional side as well), but got suspicious the moment she was asked for money, and actually had her military intelligence friends look into it. The scam was very thorough (including have someone go out on dates with her, locally, although the scam was apparently being run from somewhere in Africa).

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You sound like my mom, who always told me to wear bangs so men do not see my large (thinking) forehead. It still makes me laugh..(and I wouldn't wear bangs for anything in the world, makes me look 12).
I think if you did you'd attract completely the wrong kind of guy
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Old 12.04.2013, 13:48
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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When you talk over emails and IM's, there is an opportunity for pause, for reflection, for edits, for copy and paste, for analysis, for selective responsiveness, for controlling when one responds, and many other things.
However, the evidence is that people do not. Look on any forum, any mailing list, not just now but going back into internet pre-history - people are far more likely to reveal themselves when communicating electronically.
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Old 12.04.2013, 13:48
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

As an awkward intovert, writing helps me alot. My body language always forsakes me so im always at risk of being misunderstood or considered unapproachable. Im also rarely in the mood for small talk with anyone im not super close with. People like me have very lil chance of success through the normal dating scene. Up to now, when theres something i want to discuss with my husband, something touchy, i tell him via email first. Sometimes he responds also with an email, sometimes (against my wishes) we discuss it further face to face.
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  #84  
Old 12.04.2013, 14:36
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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However, the evidence is that people do not. Look on any forum, any mailing list, not just now but going back into internet pre-history - people are far more likely to reveal themselves when communicating electronically.
What are you basing this opinion on? I'm not sure why you'd ever assume someone is more transparent about who they really are, when they fall at the first hurdle usually - they post anonymously. That's the first step in the creation of a new character.

Take a look at the site I keep posting http://scamwarners.com and see how deceitful and inventive people are on the internet sometimes.
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Old 12.04.2013, 16:00
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

I'm going to give Swissfriends a try. You never know, I might find lurve...
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  #86  
Old 13.04.2013, 01:13
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hey kittster! i am with you though i defo suck in spelling, too. its simply that i am too lazy and used to not to use the effing ' and i am bad using commas. maybe a bit of crap grammar here n there and i feel not offended by your 'rule'. i know that if you met/dated several men that had bad spelling and the rel.ship/dates went wrong, you tend to skip the next candidate. i think id do the same and i have indicators too, though mine differ from yours. but its not that i will check and listen first to see and if more alarm signals id step out.

i believe that if somebody flirts smart, convo is nice, attracts your attention etc. there will be an exception to the rule, no?
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Old 13.04.2013, 01:30
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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hey kittster! i am with you though i defo suck in spelling, too. its simply that i am too lazy and used to not to use the effing ' and i am bad using commas. maybe a bit of crap grammar here n there and i feel not offended by your 'rule'. i know that if you met/dated several men that had bad spelling and the rel.ship/dates went wrong, you tend to skip the next candidate. i think id do the same and i have indicators too, though mine differ from yours. but its not that i will check and listen first to see and if more alarm signals id step out.

i believe that if somebody flirts smart, convo is nice, attracts your attention etc. there will be an exception to the rule, no?
You would stumble at the 'just too lazy' part - if it matters to you, you aren't lazy. In real life, I don't see how you write, so no, it wouldn't matter. But if it's online, no, it wouldn't get anywhere.
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Old 13.04.2013, 01:58
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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You would stumble at the 'just too lazy' part - if it matters to you, you aren't lazy. In real life, I don't see how you write, so no, it wouldn't matter. But if it's online, no, it wouldn't get anywhere.
So, you veto the bad spellers even before you meet them?

Jeez, I find that just a bit odd. If a guy writes their or they're doesn't mean they are dumb.

When, and if ever, you do actually meet a guy do you speak or just write on bits of paper? And then you mark them with a red pen, like in school.

Dating is supposed to be fun, exciting, unknown etc,

And Conversation. Or are lisps out of the equation too.
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Old 13.04.2013, 02:34
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

Lisps are out, drives me mad, there are speech therapists, unless you have a physical issue that makes you lisp, there is no excuse. A lot of stuff annoys me because I have what is called hypervigilance and I notice every little detail, it's stressful. And a big part of my job is reading texts and marking the mistakes in red, so it's hard to ignore mistakes in other situations. Why is this always about not giving the other person a chance - if I am this way, then surely I am to fault and you should be glad not to put up with me. I have been single for seven years, guys are happy to mess around, in one case even pretend very convincingly to be in love with me but nobody seems to want to spend the rest of their lives with me. The feedback I get is 'you're great BUT...'.

I initially replied to this thread to state what I had observed myself and heard from others, not to ask for dating tips or be told that I need to give people chances. Some of us will not have a happy ever after no matter how we approach it, it's just how it is.
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Old 13.04.2013, 03:37
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

Spellbound is good, spelled it out very well, all those comments felt spot on..It is not easy to be a random walk in member, not be here much not contribute much, not have the time to read up, most probably, and still venture out with some well reasoned, supported and interesting points, without having a gang behind to cheer in case the daring opinion gets flamed or trashed. Most of us, regulars, who know eachother or our posting history, are familiar with other member's daemons they are fighting, will not rub things in, there is no need. Contradicting points would be taken as an offense, too, unfortunately too often.

A relative noob here will not know this, so that kind of perspective is refreshing, and honest. I would think about it. It might be painful, but helpful. You don't always need internet sympathy and group hugs. Gets me back to the studies of communicational patterns and different cultures, back home people will argue with you, try to challenge your rigid opinion, only if they consider you worthy. I miss that a little bit. There is no hostility in it, just passion and people being concerned about you.

To be a dating candidate and be scrutinized like for some polar expedition or navy seal job, incl red pen cv marking, being overanalysed..feels like running up for the next president, or being exposed to a retentive person. OCD. Might put people off, in fact. Imagine: "Hey, I like you. Your spelling is perfect". I don't really know anyone who wouldn't feel odd. Makes me think of somebody years ago, who would send elaborate and perfect letters, so interesting and inspirational. Before I noticed he is copying them through carbon paper, in case he would become so big that the world would be dying to publish them. People just need to live right now. Not in spellchecking, or having overly elaborate specks to filter people through, perfecting the criteria..

It's ok to be scared. It's ok to run up against the wall, get hurt, date wrong people, etc. It's ok to be bitter for a while, or feel like there is no hope, at the moment. It's ok to be defensive, blame others and superficial world. It's ok to be mad at those who are at least as discriminatory as we are. It's ok to try hard, too, but mask it with disinterest, playing hard to get, or having too much work. We all do. At the end of the day, you get tired and everything lightens up, there are other fab things to do..

I think it is time one started liking oneself..

Anyways, I am really not an expert on this.

To what User said, I can imagine the scale of dating scams, the principle might not be far from our usual forum dirt that we deal with here sometimes. I was just wondering why would people go into the messiness of relationship, if they can just spam the regular online communities..Maybe desperate souls are easier to trick. Makes me sad for them and I hope those who do cheat the honor system like this, get equally burned. Some kind of internet karma, me thinks. Not that I would believe in it much, people have to wisen up and get street smart, just makes me think about the cases of pretense we sometimes see here, scammers that members or we discover. I think we are a pretty intelligent community, there is bunch of tlc when needed, and differing opinions keep up well on our toes, it's a good thing.

(for pedants, I am too tired to proofread stuff I do for fun, at most times, and trying to impress somebody with impeccable spelling...naw, hahahah, I personally would prefer to read things that matter, albeit imperfectly written, than empty words, well spelled)
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  #91  
Old 13.04.2013, 12:36
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

I agree with Kittster actually. There are some things that immediately turn people off no matter what other qualities the person has. For her its bad spelling, for me is txtspkeak. If you cant be bothered to use full words in your emails then thanks but no thanks. Maybe im loosing an amazing guy like this. Well thats a risk im willing to take. There are plenty of fish in the sea so why compromise? First impressions count a lot.

I met my husband online and the first email had proper words in it. I just checked :P
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Old 13.04.2013, 12:41
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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You would stumble at the 'just too lazy' part - if it matters to you, you aren't lazy. In real life, I don't see how you write, so no, it wouldn't matter. But if it's online, no, it wouldn't get anywhere.
if he looks good, shares the same interests, is gentle and made a nice effort, approached you nicely and his message made you laugh plus showed he read your profile (still talking online dating) youd skip the chance because hes is bad at (online) spelling? wow. but ok, if you really are turned-off... so be it as i said i have indicators that make my alarm bell ringing and echoing all over the place, too.
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  #93  
Old 13.04.2013, 14:31
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

Bad spelling is definitely a *no-way* for me, at least in French. (not going on women who don't speak french at all)

I've got some nice emails, but they were definitely written by people French weren't main language, which is quite curious when they mention their nationality as french or swiss-french and french as mother tongue.
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Old 13.04.2013, 15:51
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I agree with Kittster actually. There are some things that immediately turn people off no matter what other qualities the person has. For her its bad spelling, for me is txtspkeak. If you cant be bothered to use full words in your emails then thanks but no thanks. Maybe im loosing an amazing guy like this. Well thats a risk im willing to take. There are plenty of fish in the sea so why compromise? First impressions count a lot.

I met my husband online and the first email had proper words in it. I just checked :P
Gata when I read your post it made me think of this......I love this one it always makes me laugh
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Old 14.04.2013, 20:29
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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So, you veto the bad spellers even before you meet them?
i guess if you have too many choices, you might as well filter on something to narrow things down a bit.

spelling is a funny one: i guess that favours offline dating since at least you can't get excluded unlike online which bad spelling is obvious.
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Old 15.04.2013, 02:42
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

Never tried dating sites, though I've met ex's via Internet before, though nothing like a dating site, more through friends. Maybe I'd be different if I were a bit older but I find it too obvious. I like the mystery of not thinking about someone in a sexual way until they spark something by what they say/do. Not sure if that's clear, I can't imagine getting that on a website especially for dating.

I see what Kittster means about the spelling, although when texting I know my vowelless spelling and v. shorthand is frustrating for others. As I see it, I'm intelligent enough to use that language and I expect my reader is intelligent enough to convert it into meaning. Spelling doesn't particularly demonstrate intelligence. Though, for grammar there's certain things (if in Eng) that would really bother me in online discourse and that's the misuse of 'of' in place of have 'I would of' ergh makes me shudder just thinking of so I get it!

As for intellectual and unintellectual types. All types can be fun to talk with and have fun with. Apart from teachers and soldiers. Those are my only no go areas!
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Old 15.04.2013, 09:10
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I agree with Kittster actually. There are some things that immediately turn people off no matter what other qualities the person has. For her its bad spelling, for me is txtspkeak. If you cant be bothered to use full words in your emails then thanks but no thanks. Maybe im loosing an amazing guy like this. Well thats a risk im willing to take. There are plenty of fish in the sea so why compromise? First impressions count a lot.

I met my husband online and the first email had proper words in it. I just checked :P
Me, it is people who eat with an open mouth! You are not a freaking cow and I don't need to see the results of your chewing skills.
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Old 15.04.2013, 12:10
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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You would stumble at the 'just too lazy' part - if it matters to you, you aren't lazy. In real life, I don't see how you write, so no, it wouldn't matter. But if it's online, no, it wouldn't get anywhere.
My grand-ma (93) was like you when she was young. She would exchange letters with men and be turned off my bad spelling. Then she exchanged letters with my grand-pa (97). He made mistakes but she said his writing was so beautiful in terms of the vocabulary he used and what he would write that she overlooked the spelling mistakes. They now have 70 years of happy marriage.
When you read the right man, I think you will make the exception; if needed.
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Old 15.04.2013, 12:36
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

for me, dating sites are like the real life : no result.

The women that could interest me are not the ones who are interested by my person...

but that's not bad to find penpals in other countries...
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Old 15.04.2013, 12:51
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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for me, dating sites are like the real life : no result.

The women that could interest me are not the ones who are interested by my person...

but that's not bad to find penpals in other countries...
Lower your expectations perhaps? Easier than asking someone else to lower theirs for you.
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