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  #121  
Old 30.08.2013, 12:03
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

I think the laundry list is also due to feeling you will only change how your functioning, stable and most importantly, hurt-free life works for someone who is worth it. The reasons for my 'wants' are based on experiences compromising on this not working out, not because I want to impress my friends or because I read it in a magazine.

Smarter than me with good general knowledge - because otherwise I go into teacher mode. Taller than me - because otherwise I feel I have to protect him. Only a tiny bit shorter or the same height could work if he was built like a tank. Non-smoker/moderate drinker - I despise cigarette smoke, probably because it has made me cough and feel ill since I was little. Cigars/cigarillos on the other hand are fine. I can't drink much (shouldn't at all, but I'm not a saint) for medical reasons, so if drinking is a big part of your life, there isn't much room for me. Reasonably fit - I look after myself, I like being outdoors and I eat healthy (but delicious!) food. And I like physical activities of all kind, if you know what I mean, so having a massive gut is just not going to help with that.

Organised, patient and calm - the only longer relationship I had was with someone like this and it helped me a lot; having ADHD makes you creative, full of ideas and prone to spontaneous, mad ideas but also to feeling overwhelmed by admin and other "grown up" tasks. Animal-lover - I love animals, I have pets, if a guy doesn't like animals, he's not going to fit in. Has a steady job that he is reasonably happy with - I've dated someone on IV and it drove me nuts. I don't want to look after someone, did it for a year, never again, at least not from the outset. If it is for better or worse a long way down the line - no problem. I also don't want to hear 'I hate my job' all the time. Speaks English - 90 % of my family doesn't speak a word of German and I love watching films but never watch the dubbed version.

Is loyal and mentally stable - because, again, I've had enough of people threatening to kill themselves or become abusive because things are not working out for them. Also can't abide people who talk smack about you in front of others. Does not take drugs - because I want a responsible grown-up and I already dated a stoner, it was very annoying. No kids - because I know what it's like to be 'the kid from the first marriage' and it's clearly not brilliant to be the stepmum/stepdad. Also don't like the idea of having an unbreakable tie to some other woman for the rest of my life. Kind and a little old-school - because I can't abide people who are rude to waiters, chew with their mouths open, text at funerals and like to belittle and hurt others. An optimist - because I sometimes struggle with this but definitely tend towards optimism.

That's quite a list but like I said, it's based on what I know did not work out, if it had, I would not be single. I realise there are maybe five single guys in all of Zurich who fit that brief and none of them seems to know I exist or be interested in me. But although I feel a bit lonely sometimes, I'm usually too busy to notice, so if there is nobody like that out there, then so be it... But telling me I'm being too picky is a bit silly - it's not like I'm turning down oxygen, I don't HAVE to find someone, no matter how everybody else's limited ideas of an acceptable life look like. I don't go up to fat people and say - so, you still haven't lost weight, huh? Or to smokers - oh, I see you haven't stopped? So why do people do the equivalent to single people?
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  #122  
Old 30.08.2013, 12:22
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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....he had couple of Swiss ex-girlfriends who were just out of nasty marriages and didn't learn a thing.
I, for one, wish him good luck in his future endeavors.

Oh, no, even worse...Jaysus...
He honestly believes the stories that his ex-girlfriends told him that the marriage failures were all due to the half being a**h****

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Grüässli,Hoi Zusammen,

Swiss woman are the best,with their healthy glowing beauty and charm,their total strength,creativity,smart knowledge;they are always practical and frugal and their love and care is like no other woman on this Earth.

Dale
Poor ladies of the rest of the world, we pale in comparison to the Swiss women

hehehe... you should meet my Swiss lady friend who got bankrupt by the time she is 19! Frugal is not in her vocab. She studies accounting and is in this profession... go figure

"love and care" ... that is ultimate... there is only "I, me and myself" in my dear friend's definition. She loves and care for herself VERY much and she is true blue Swiss.

I wish you all the best in your search of your dream Swiss wife and she will not be anything like my Swiss lady friend
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  #123  
Old 30.08.2013, 12:46
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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(stuff)
Someone get the stakes out, this one won't die!

Or even better, get the steaks out, and let's have a bbq.
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  #124  
Old 30.08.2013, 12:56
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Poor ladies of the rest of the world, we pale in comparison to the Swiss women
Of course. But we pale in front of Mr. HauskinsDale, which (ahem) seems to be definitely a good thing.
Anyway, each to their own.
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  #125  
Old 30.08.2013, 13:40
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I think the laundry list is also due to feeling you will only change how your functioning, stable and most importantly, hurt-free life works for someone who is worth it. The reasons for my 'wants' are based on experiences compromising on this not working out, not because I want to impress my friends or because I read it in a magazine.

Smarter than me with good general knowledge - because otherwise I go into teacher mode. Taller than me - because otherwise I feel I have to protect him. Only a tiny bit shorter or the same height could work if he was built like a tank. Non-smoker/moderate drinker - I despise cigarette smoke, probably because it has made me cough and feel ill since I was little. Cigars/cigarillos on the other hand are fine. I can't drink much (shouldn't at all, but I'm not a saint) for medical reasons, so if drinking is a big part of your life, there isn't much room for me. Reasonably fit - I look after myself, I like being outdoors and I eat healthy (but delicious!) food. And I like physical activities of all kind, if you know what I mean, so having a massive gut is just not going to help with that.

Organised, patient and calm - the only longer relationship I had was with someone like this and it helped me a lot; having ADHD makes you creative, full of ideas and prone to spontaneous, mad ideas but also to feeling overwhelmed by admin and other "grown up" tasks. Animal-lover - I love animals, I have pets, if a guy doesn't like animals, he's not going to fit in. Has a steady job that he is reasonably happy with - I've dated someone on IV and it drove me nuts. I don't want to look after someone, did it for a year, never again, at least not from the outset. If it is for better or worse a long way down the line - no problem. I also don't want to hear 'I hate my job' all the time. Speaks English - 90 % of my family doesn't speak a word of German and I love watching films but never watch the dubbed version.

Is loyal and mentally stable - because, again, I've had enough of people threatening to kill themselves or become abusive because things are not working out for them. Also can't abide people who talk smack about you in front of others. Does not take drugs - because I want a responsible grown-up and I already dated a stoner, it was very annoying. No kids - because I know what it's like to be 'the kid from the first marriage' and it's clearly not brilliant to be the stepmum/stepdad. Also don't like the idea of having an unbreakable tie to some other woman for the rest of my life. Kind and a little old-school - because I can't abide people who are rude to waiters, chew with their mouths open, text at funerals and like to belittle and hurt others. An optimist - because I sometimes struggle with this but definitely tend towards optimism.

That's quite a list but like I said, it's based on what I know did not work out, if it had, I would not be single. I realise there are maybe five single guys in all of Zurich who fit that brief and none of them seems to know I exist or be interested in me. But although I feel a bit lonely sometimes, I'm usually too busy to notice, so if there is nobody like that out there, then so be it... But telling me I'm being too picky is a bit silly - it's not like I'm turning down oxygen, I don't HAVE to find someone, no matter how everybody else's limited ideas of an acceptable life look like. I don't go up to fat people and say - so, you still haven't lost weight, huh? Or to smokers - oh, I see you haven't stopped? So why do people do the equivalent to single people?
In my opinion, it all boils down to chemistry. If the two of you have that, one might wish to overlook a bit the organizational skills, patience, cigarettes, pets part, rudeness to waiters (they deserve it sometimes ) and probably other things on women list. Not the loyal part, that is rock solid.
Btw, I also hate people asking singles about touchy subjects. They should know better. But, they are mean, and probably not so happy (as they wish to look) themselves. Unless they are self-centered and totally oblivious of the fact that it could hurt.
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  #126  
Old 30.08.2013, 13:56
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

The only way I could overlook smoking is if he wants to stop and will stop Seriously, I refuse to kiss an ashtray. If he is also not organised, a life of chaos awaits us. I can be organised if I can fit into a system or have someone helping me but if I have to organise for two - forget it, the stress and fights would kill the relationship. Pets - love me, love my pets. Patience - see organisation. I'm a bit of a silly clown, loving, love to make my partner happy, don't care if you're obsessed with football or go out for drinks with your buddies every Thursday, but I can be a bit easily flustered and defensive, so being patient is pretty important, as I push people away if I feel that someone is backing me into a corner and I find it hard to trust people. Like I said, my wants are based on looking at experience and being aware of my own short-comings. I believe in working as a team and having each other's back.
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  #127  
Old 30.08.2013, 14:24
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

Wow!... This is a treasure trove! Is there a way I can save all the posting son this thread and convert it to a pdf? I would like to refer to it as often as I can. Being single at 40 but NOT desparate to get into a relationship, I nevertheless see gaps in my single life. There are times I feel lonely...times when I miss the intimacy and closeness of a relationship. Those wonderful moments when it is fun sharing...Although when in a relationship, I get restless...(I try to hide it)
I have had just one bad breakup when the person does not want to be in touch with me and this was someone I met online in Zurich. Other than that, I am in touch with all my exs and have a good friendship with them. I am surprised I do not get into more relatsinships given I have never had anyone tell me awful things about me (I sometimes wonder if I should start the exit surveys after break ups - would give me an idea on what are the things I can improve on).
What baffles me is why I spend more time single than in relatsionships, eventhough I have been told often:
- I am quite good looking
- A good listener (inspite of being quite loquacious)
- Considerate and thoughtful
- Patient
- Financially well off
- Amazing in the sack (of course here I immidiately discount it by 90% since everyone tends to exaggerate a lot)
- Make sure not to hurt anyone
- Honest about myself (perhaps people think I lie)

Is it to do that I
- Talk too much?
- Am I too professorial?
- Not pushy or agressive enough?
- have that wrong shade of skin color

I rarely meet anyone online! Even when I wink or make the first move..its always "thanks but no Thanks" but when I do meet someone (on & offline) I seem to resonate well with them...but usually end up as a good friend perhaps I am preferred as a friend and not a hot date (Ouch!!)

Wow...this thread made me introspect quite a bit... Great thread indeed.... had wonderful input from many and funny quips in between... Bravo!
I am off to look for a good Analyst (hope my insurance will cover it!)
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  #128  
Old 30.08.2013, 15:04
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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The only way I could overlook smoking is if he wants to stop and will stop Seriously, I refuse to kiss an ashtray. If he is also not organised, a life of chaos awaits us. I can be organised if I can fit into a system or have someone helping me but if I have to organise for two - forget it, the stress and fights would kill the relationship. Pets - love me, love my pets. Patience - see organisation. I'm a bit of a silly clown, loving, love to make my partner happy, don't care if you're obsessed with football or go out for drinks with your buddies every Thursday, but I can be a bit easily flustered and defensive, so being patient is pretty important, as I push people away if I feel that someone is backing me into a corner and I find it hard to trust people. Like I said, my wants are based on looking at experience and being aware of my own short-comings. I believe in working as a team and having each other's back.
I understand you, and I would never say chemistry alone could make up for serious issues, if they are serious to you... I guess everyone knows herself well enough as to figure out what could or would tolerate on a long term - lack of organizatoric skills, patience etc.
As for those who ask uncomfortable questions, it just crossed my mind that there is another category - of people genuinely concerned, such as older relatives (it is a cultural thing I guess, but some people do believe you should marry, etc etc - it is for your own sake), or close friends, who just want to know you happy. I forgot about people who really care.

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...Although when in a relationship, I get restless...(I try to hide it)
That.
You are welcome.
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  #129  
Old 30.08.2013, 15:20
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

oh my, had my hooking up with my hubby depended on his spelling I'd still be single

anyways.

I am not the flirty type and whenever I went out dancing or for drinks I went dancing or for drinks and not because I was hoping to find a date, so online dating was just perfect. So here's a report from a Swissie who's tried almost all dating sites available.

www.ilove.ch: lots of scam, ok if you're looking for a ONS but don't expect much more.

swissfriends: had a few nice dates though, but also lots of men who are just looking for a ONS as there is a fee if you want to use some special features but they're way too low to keep the scum away. What bothers me is that it is announced as a site where you can make new friends but when you have a closer look it's really about dating only - so why not say so?

swissflirt/singles.ch: When I used those platforms (about 10 and 8 yrs ago) I met two really nice men with whom I had long lasting relationships and had a few fun dates that turned into friendship, but since it's free... you know, same as above, lots of players.

parship/be2: ok if you are REALLY looking for THAT soulmate and you believe in scientifically identified matches - again I don't think my hubby and I would ever have made a match on one of those sites as we are just too different.

In general I've had quite a few nice dates, a few boring ones, but no scam whatsoever - the guys have always been quite honest about who they are and what they want. May be because I made clear in my profile that I'm a very tall, independent and rather rough woman and not some lost little girl whose only interest is her pedicure and hairdo - this probably kept lots of "predators" away and left the ones who were looking for exactly that in a partner.

I think the most important is to be true to yourself (don't make yourself taller, slimmer, don't say you're a manager if you're a clerk - unless you want to attract people who are looking for something you are not) and not to post a picture in which you look like a movie star but noone would recognize you from when going on a date with you

Just keep in mind that I haven't been on an online-induced date in 7 yrs so things have probably changed
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  #130  
Old 30.08.2013, 17:05
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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In my opinion, it all boils down to chemistry. If the two of you have that, one might wish to overlook a bit the organizational skills, patience, cigarettes, pets part, rudeness to waiters (they deserve it sometimes ) and probably other things on women list. Not the loyal part, that is rock solid.
Btw, I also hate people asking singles about touchy subjects. They should know better. But, they are mean, and probably not so happy (as they wish to look) themselves. Unless they are self-centered and totally oblivious of the fact that it could hurt.
I'm attracted to tall bulky older men, with an academic level similar to mine.

I'm happily married to a skinny but muscular cleaner, not much taller than me.

Chemistry! Go figure!
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  #131  
Old 30.08.2013, 17:51
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I'm attracted to tall bulky older men, with an academic level similar to mine.

I'm happily married to a skinny but muscular cleaner, not much taller than me.

Chemistry! Go figure!
Edit: Chemistry yes, not only being attracted...I might be attracted to some type but would know deep down that a relationship would not work.

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In the context of relationships, chemistry is a complex "emotion"[1] that two people get when they share a special connection. It is not necessarily sexual. It is the impulse making one think "I need to see this [other] person again" - that feeling of "we click".[2] It is very early in one's relationship that they can intuitively work out whether they have positive or negative chemistry.[3]
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  #132  
Old 30.08.2013, 20:53
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Wow!... This is a treasure trove! Is there a way I can save all the posting son this thread and convert it to a pdf? I would like to refer to it as often as I can. Being single at 40 but NOT desparate to get into a relationship, I nevertheless see gaps in my single life. There are times I feel lonely...times when I miss the intimacy and closeness of a relationship. Those wonderful moments when it is fun sharing...Although when in a relationship, I get restless...(I try to hide it)
I have had just one bad breakup when the person does not want to be in touch with me and this was someone I met online in Zurich. Other than that, I am in touch with all my exs and have a good friendship with them. I am surprised I do not get into more relatsinships given I have never had anyone tell me awful things about me (I sometimes wonder if I should start the exit surveys after break ups - would give me an idea on what are the things I can improve on).
What baffles me is why I spend more time single than in relatsionships, eventhough I have been told often:
- I am quite good looking
- A good listener (inspite of being quite loquacious)
- Considerate and thoughtful
- Patient
- Financially well off
- Amazing in the sack (of course here I immidiately discount it by 90% since everyone tends to exaggerate a lot)
- Make sure not to hurt anyone
- Honest about myself (perhaps people think I lie)

Is it to do that I
- Talk too much?
- Am I too professorial?
- Not pushy or agressive enough?
- have that wrong shade of skin color

I rarely meet anyone online! Even when I wink or make the first move..its always "thanks but no Thanks" but when I do meet someone (on & offline) I seem to resonate well with them...but usually end up as a good friend perhaps I am preferred as a friend and not a hot date (Ouch!!)

Wow...this thread made me introspect quite a bit... Great thread indeed.... had wonderful input from many and funny quips in between... Bravo!
I am off to look for a good Analyst (hope my insurance will cover it!)
Judging by this post everything is about you, you, you (one of the reasons people stay single). Feel free to get a second opinion from an "analyst".
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  #133  
Old 30.08.2013, 23:38
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Judging by this post everything is about you, you, you (one of the reasons people stay single). Feel free to get a second opinion from an "analyst".
He seems so in love with himself. Doesn't need anyone else, except if they want to bow before him....
Truth to be told, I had the same feeling reading other posts. I wish them all good luck in establishing a meaningful and honest relationship, with someone, anyone...
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  #134  
Old 30.08.2013, 23:48
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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Judging by this post everything is about you, you, you (one of the reasons people stay single). Feel free to get a second opinion from an "analyst".
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He seems so in love with himself. Doesn't need anyone else, except if they want to bow before him....
Truth to be told, I had the same feeling reading other posts. I wish them all good luck in establishing a meaningful and honest relationship, with someone, anyone...
If he ever commits a crime of passion, it can only be a suicide.
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  #135  
Old 31.08.2013, 13:58
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

I've recently discovered this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millionaire_Matchmaker some folks are so nuts it's priceless! real crazy sh#t
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  #136  
Old 31.08.2013, 18:01
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I think the laundry list is also due to feeling you will only change how your functioning, stable and most importantly, hurt-free life works for someone who is worth it. The reasons for my 'wants' are based on experiences compromising on this not working out, not because I want to impress my friends or because I read it in a magazine.

Smarter than me with good general knowledge - because otherwise I go into teacher mode. Taller than me - because otherwise I feel I have to protect him. Only a tiny bit shorter or the same height could work if he was built like a tank. Non-smoker/moderate drinker - I despise cigarette smoke, probably because it has made me cough and feel ill since I was little. Cigars/cigarillos on the other hand are fine. I can't drink much (shouldn't at all, but I'm not a saint) for medical reasons, so if drinking is a big part of your life, there isn't much room for me. Reasonably fit - I look after myself, I like being outdoors and I eat healthy (but delicious!) food. And I like physical activities of all kind, if you know what I mean, so having a massive gut is just not going to help with that.

Organised, patient and calm - the only longer relationship I had was with someone like this and it helped me a lot; having ADHD makes you creative, full of ideas and prone to spontaneous, mad ideas but also to feeling overwhelmed by admin and other "grown up" tasks. Animal-lover - I love animals, I have pets, if a guy doesn't like animals, he's not going to fit in. Has a steady job that he is reasonably happy with - I've dated someone on IV and it drove me nuts. I don't want to look after someone, did it for a year, never again, at least not from the outset. If it is for better or worse a long way down the line - no problem. I also don't want to hear 'I hate my job' all the time. Speaks English - 90 % of my family doesn't speak a word of German and I love watching films but never watch the dubbed version.

Is loyal and mentally stable - because, again, I've had enough of people threatening to kill themselves or become abusive because things are not working out for them. Also can't abide people who talk smack about you in front of others. Does not take drugs - because I want a responsible grown-up and I already dated a stoner, it was very annoying. No kids - because I know what it's like to be 'the kid from the first marriage' and it's clearly not brilliant to be the stepmum/stepdad. Also don't like the idea of having an unbreakable tie to some other woman for the rest of my life. Kind and a little old-school - because I can't abide people who are rude to waiters, chew with their mouths open, text at funerals and like to belittle and hurt others. An optimist - because I sometimes struggle with this but definitely tend towards optimism.

That's quite a list but like I said, it's based on what I know did not work out, if it had, I would not be single. I realise there are maybe five single guys in all of Zurich who fit that brief and none of them seems to know I exist or be interested in me. But although I feel a bit lonely sometimes, I'm usually too busy to notice, so if there is nobody like that out there, then so be it... But telling me I'm being too picky is a bit silly - it's not like I'm turning down oxygen, I don't HAVE to find someone, no matter how everybody else's limited ideas of an acceptable life look like. I don't go up to fat people and say - so, you still haven't lost weight, huh? Or to smokers - oh, I see you haven't stopped? So why do people do the equivalent to single people?
i can tell from your posts that we are finally harvesting the fruits of half a century of feminism - they are pretty sour for both sexes.

alright, so your mother and grandmother wanted you to have the life their men had. you got it, now act your part.

oh you dont want to provide for some guy because it doesnt appeal to your sexuality?

i guess Freud has the last laugh...

PS. sorry about forgetting the apostrophes and capitals, i think it looks neater that way.
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Old 31.08.2013, 18:14
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

I've been the one providing - all it gets you as a woman is resentment and nasty comments from the one who depends on you, presumably for him to feel in control again. I prefer men to be 'in charge' because I find having 100% responsibility for absolutely everything exhausting but for me to not be in charge, he would have to do a better job than me. And that's where it falters.

My grandmother raised her three kids alone by working nights and being there for the kids after school during the days - she got divorced from an alcoholic, abusive womaniser. My parents are also divorced because of issues that are not my mum's fault. So feminism or no, I've learnt that picking the wrong guy will get you into deep trouble and having to survive on your own with kids in tow. I prefer to be picky and alone than compromise and be miserable. I think that's rationalism, not feminism.
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Old 31.08.2013, 19:03
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I've been the one providing - all it gets you as a woman is resentment and nasty comments from the one who depends on you, presumably for him to feel in control again. I prefer men to be 'in charge' because I find having 100% responsibility for absolutely everything exhausting but for me to not be in charge, he would have to do a better job than me. And that's where it falters.
(i dont know your mother and grandmother obviously so i meant that figuratively for the previous generations)

you provided for a guy and neither you nor him liked it apparently - exactly what im saying. his balls get crushed by your masculinity and in turn your femininity shrivels just thinking about that loser. all thats left are nasty comments and resentment.

highly relevant and actual:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...3A+Top+News%29

now its easy to say men are immature etc. but, being as rational as you are, lets just assume it for a fact and deal with the situation?

every guy has 2 personalities: the boy and the man. i can tell you, the switch happens easily, often and fast.

if you want the boy, go ahead keep doing what youre doing. if you want the man, just MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE HE IS AND HE WILL BE. in turn, he will make you feel like the woman that you are - and they lived happily ever after.
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Old 31.08.2013, 19:28
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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(i dont know your mother and grandmother obviously so i meant that figuratively for the previous generations)

you provided for a guy and neither you nor him liked it apparently - exactly what im saying. his balls get crushed
He must have had tiny balls in the first place then. Anyone whose feelings of self worth are dependant on him earning more than his partner needs his head examined.
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Old 31.08.2013, 20:32
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Re: Any success stories with dating sites yet?

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I believe in working as a team and having each other's back.
I like this a lot, best advice in the thread.

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I prefer to be picky and alone than compromise and be miserable. I think that's rationalism, not feminism.
And this. I wish I was as rational in my personal life as I am in my professional life. I would have spared myself many a heartache...But I am who I am.

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He must have had tiny balls in the first place then. Anyone whose feelings of self worth are dependant on him earning more than his partner needs his head examined.
Perhaps very insecure. I have struggled with this myself (well, from the other side - having an OH that sometimes slips into irrational insecurity), and I do really struggle because I find it ummotivated and entirely irrational. I used to get really upset, scream and shout, but I have learned that sometimes a reassuring hug and a warm kiss work better than a rational argument. As the poster above said, sometimes, it's just the way it is. Then, when spirits have settled, we can still have that rational talk. I also learned that I am ok dealing with the occasional spur of insecurity, I have my own insecurities afterall that OH has to deal with, and he does a pretty darn good job. So long as it is not a continuous "one way street", where one party is constantly picking up the other's (mental) mess, but a mutual process. Team work, like Kittster said.

I recently sought the advice of someone who is more experienced than I am in how to successfully maintain long-term relationships, and one thing she said that struck me was that a lot of people look for (or live with) a partner focusing exclusively on their wants and needs, asking themselves "Is he/she the partner I want?" rather than thinking "Am I the person that my date/partner/prospective OH would want to be with?"

So...are you the person that your ideal significant other (or your real SO, if you are in a relationship) would want to be with? P.S. I am not talking about changing oneself's core personality and who one is, but when you say "I want to be with someone who is dependable and trustworthy"...are you dependable and trustworthy? "I want to be with someone who is financially stable"...are you financially stable? and so on.
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