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Old 07.12.2014, 21:29
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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Long story short...
He and I have been friends for over a year now. It took a long time for him to open up to me and when he opened up to me, we became very close. When he opened up, I began to fall in love with him. I've been in love with him for about 3 months now. He says he likes my friendship and values it, and likes me but doesn't love me. I live in Moscow and he told me that we should meet other people because long distance wouldn't make him happy. Then a few weeks later he tells me that he's in love with someone else that's long distance from him. Yet, he wants me to visit him in January. He expresses his strong attraction to me and flirts with me alot. If he loves her, why does he want me to spend 2 weeks with him (at his house) in Switzerland? Why does he desire me and talks to me in this way?

What should I do? I love him but he confuses me.
I don't think anyone should be just a back-up.

An interesting way to promote oneself here, seems like. Good luck, though, no matter what your mission is..
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  #42  
Old 07.12.2014, 21:46
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

hei gata,
thank you very much,
"swiss" was used in a slang mode. guess you don't learn this in books...
  #43  
Old 07.12.2014, 22:27
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

Do you think "swiss" is a slang word for Switzerland?
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Old 08.12.2014, 18:07
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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Agree with walk away, plus honestly if you do something with him knowing he's in a relationship, you're almost as bad as him. Cheaters and the people they cheat with (who know the cheater has a partner) are absolute filth in my book.
You have no idea how many people actually "cheat" Kamarate. Sometimes there are children you still have to take care of but there is no more love left. We all want to be happy. Try not to judge people, especially if you don't know what they are going through. Every case is different.
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Old 08.12.2014, 18:17
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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Long story short...

What should I do? I love him but he confuses me.
Did you in any conversation with him give any kind of indication you might be interested in girls or a threesome? Just had to ask.
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Old 08.12.2014, 18:37
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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You have no idea how many people actually "cheat" Kamarate. Sometimes there are children you still have to take care of but there is no more love left. We all want to be happy. Try not to judge people, especially if you don't know what they are going through. Every case is different.
Sick or abusive partners are other cases. So yes, it's not always black and white.
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Old 08.12.2014, 19:27
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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You have no idea how many people actually "cheat" Kamarate. Sometimes there are children you still have to take care of but there is no more love left. We all want to be happy. Try not to judge people, especially if you don't know what they are going through. Every case is different.


Sure, every case is different but yes, I will judge. Even with children, I honestly think it's better to separate rather than to stay in a loveless relationship. Those people who deliberately betray someone else's trust are terrible.


Decided my reply really wasn't clear. Of course every case is different, I agree. However, I'm sure you're fully aware of the kind of person I'm talking about and frankly, the vast majority of cheaters don't have "special circumstances", they just do it because they want to and don't have any respect for their partner.
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Old 08.12.2014, 20:20
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

Dear Supernova girl,

This man does not love you. He has stated that explicitly. There are many kinds of Swiss men, nice ones, naive ones, nasty ones, simple ones, intelligent ones etc. etc.

Some of them watch out out for particulars in a girls profile. Some of them like petite, slight, on the look out girls. Be careful how you present yourself,
because it will come back and bite you in the bottom. Unless of course you are naive.
  #49  
Old 08.12.2014, 20:32
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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However, I'm sure you're fully aware of the kind of person I'm talking about
Yes. That kind ends up alone usually.
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Old 08.12.2014, 20:35
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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Yes. That kind ends up alone usually.
One can only hope
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Old 08.12.2014, 20:37
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

I don't know about that. They tend to be the kind of person who can target naive people.
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Old 08.12.2014, 20:44
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

run for the hills
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Old 08.12.2014, 20:46
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

I am naieve. I probably like it, too, prefer direct and smart naieve doofus-ness. I am not the only one who believes in zero presentation. While I might fit some profile, I believe "presentation" and other superfitialities get so easily and soon busted. Maybe things are a bit different in our neck of the woods, but strategy isn't so in anymore..nor it is just the guy who picks.

So, OP, I would say chuck strategic planning. Be yourself. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Fishing for him in the Swiss pond when he is somebody else's sounds cheap. I wouldn't settle for a half of his time, especially if he doesn't know what he wants. Leave pragmatism for desperate times...hope they never arrive.
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Old 08.12.2014, 22:33
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

Honey, you're on the Englishforum. People that post here are more messed up than your average John Doe. Believe me, I know a bunch of them.

Why the hell would you take any advice from complete strangers who are just contributing to this thread based on their own life experiences? And for their own amusement too.

Make your own choice, follow your heart and see where it takes you. It's not like it's that serious either. There are more than 7 billion people on the planet, pick one who you love and who treats you right.
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Old 08.12.2014, 22:41
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I want to thank everyone for their opinions and for taking the time to respond. I'm new at this so I appreciate your thoughts!

We met through mutual friends and we have spent time together in person but only as friends. Never even flirted in person. I'm telling you, I didn't have feelings for him until our friendship grew and we were in different countries when that happened.

He is not in a relationship, if he were I would definitely not even talk to him. That would be incredibly disrespectful to myself and the other girl.

I will admit that I am naive, and I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I wanted this to evolve into something more but I am realizing that I deserve better. And now the question I must ask myself is: do I want to agree to having this 2 week fling with him or move on and wait for someone who will love me back? Decisions.

Nevertheless, thank you all for writing. This has actually been very hard for me. I've shed some tears. It's hard to be in love with someone by yourself and not receive anything back.

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Honey, you're on the Englishforum. People that post here are more messed up than your average John Doe. Believe me, I know a bunch of them.

Why the hell would you take any advice from complete strangers who are just contributing to this thread based on their own life experiences? And for their own amusement too.

Make your own choice, follow your heart and see where it takes you. It's not like it's that serious either. There are more than 7 billion people on the planet, pick one who you love and who treats you right.


Thank you I appreciate your honest words.

Last edited by 3Wishes; 08.12.2014 at 22:52. Reason: merging successive posts
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Old 08.12.2014, 22:48
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

Hope it works out for you
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Old 08.12.2014, 23:04
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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... This has actually been very hard for me. I've shed some tears. It's hard to be in love with someone by yourself and not receive anything back...
I'm sure it is. But move on, live your life and find your happiness. There's a plenty of fish out there.
My opinion, don't take the 2-week fling if you know that it wouldn't take both of you anywhere. It'd just be more difficult for you later on.
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Old 08.12.2014, 23:11
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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And now the question I must ask myself is: do I want to agree to having this 2 week fling with him..
Well, naive doofusness aside..looks to me he wants to test you to make up his mind. He is telling you he is unattached so he isn't stressed by commitment issues and there's no pressure but it might not be true at all. As per just using you - could be but men usually opt for easier options, at least logistically. So, you gotta figure out. I think you have already..to push you a bit devil's advocate style - people tend to regret fun they didn't have as opposed to the fun they did have

When things hurt - think self compassion.
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Old 08.12.2014, 23:45
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

Get what you can out of life, be positive! Use the two weeks to decide for yourself whether it's game on or not. At least then there will be no thoughts of what if? Otherwise those thoughts will be constantly swirling around your head if you decide not to go.
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Old 08.12.2014, 23:50
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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I will admit that I am naive, and I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I wanted this to evolve into something more but I am realizing that I deserve better. And now the question I must ask myself is: do I want to agree to having this 2 week fling with him or move on and wait for someone who will love me back? Decisions.
I think you got caught up in a fantasy of your own invention. The fact that you are still considering it indicates the fantasy still has a hold on you. That is a dangerous situation for you to be in. That is not necessarily love, because that is not how love works. You might love the fantasy, and convince yourself that you are in love in that fantasy, but that may not necessarily be the same as love for him.

I think it is important for you and your psyche to come out on top of this situation. You need to prove to yourself that what you do is a choice you make, not a situation you fall into. Otherwise, you might be throwing away a lot of your own strength and power, and get lost in limbo. It could be difficult to regain yourself. So I suggest you find closure. Either decide to break it off, or decide to proceed knowing full well that you may not get exactly what you want, it could fail your expectations, and you can be disappointed in the end. But important is that you make the decision, proving to yourself that this is something you did, not something that was done to you, or something someone told you over the Internet.

However it might end up, at least you will know that you can decide to do something else at any time, in that way you retain your own strength and power. People are more attractive when they are themselves in that way anyway. Let him know what he stands to lose.

Good luck!
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