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Old 09.12.2014, 00:30
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

If you intend to leave your home to come to Switzerland to see him, then make 100% sure that your family and friends at home know where you are going. Someone in your home town should have a copy of your passport and all the correspondence you have had with him, and all his contact details. And also of your tickets and any visa you might need to visit Switzerland.

Have your mutual friends, through whom you met, ever visited him in Switzerland? Do they know where he lives (= have the actual address)? Are you sure you would be going with him to his home or would he be showing you Switzerland and taking you to other places to sleep?

Do you have his full name and have you googled him thoroughly?

Those are ideas I think are important for your safety, physically, legally and in terms of getting home again afterwards.

Emotionally, I think that the basic rule applies: "When a man tells you he does not love you, believe him."
You might like to ask him about his ideas on polyamory, and to think about your own. If he is having some sort (any sort) of relationship/flirt/sex/fling with another woman, will he tell you what he is doing, clearly and without pretending anything? Some people believe wholeheartedly that a man-woman relationship is just for those two people exclusively, and that neither the man nor the woman should spend time with other people. Others believe that it is okay for the man to go to other women, but not for the woman to do so (that's an unfair double standard).

And some other people reject the concepts of possession (they would probably not say "my" wife or "my" husband) and they believe that no-one can own another person and that everyone is free to love and/or to have sex with many people. And they can talk openly and honestly about it, because they are not hiding anything.

If that is the way he sees the world, then it would be wise for you to decide whether you could also live like that. If what you really want is exclusive monogamy, then this man - by his own words - is not the parter for you.
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  #62  
Old 09.12.2014, 00:52
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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He is not in a relationship, if he were I would definitely not even talk to him. That would be incredibly disrespectful to myself and the other girl.

I will admit that I am naive, and I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I wanted this to evolve into something more but I am realizing that I deserve better. And now the question I must ask myself is: do I want to agree to having this 2 week fling with him or move on and wait for someone who will love me back? Decisions.

Nevertheless, thank you all for writing. This has actually been very hard for me. I've shed some tears. It's hard to be in love with someone by yourself and not receive anything back.
.
How do you know he's not in a "relationship"? (he said he loves someone else or..?) Anyway. If you already think you "love" him the 2 week fling is not going to work as a holiday/fun thing. Someone will be hurt and I have the feeling it's not going to be him.
Good luck anyway.
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Old 10.12.2014, 02:10
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

Hello again supernovagirl

I hope you are still reading this thread of yours.

How can I say this gently? Please... think very deeply not just about your feelings for this man, but about WHO, exactly, he is. And WHY, exactly, he wants you to visit him.

In my last post, I mentioned aspects of your personal safety and security. Now I've thought about that again, and I realise that I was not writing very clearly. I was hinting at something that I didn't, at first, have the courage to say directly, because I didn't want to hurt you. Now I'm going to say it more directly...

Of course, I do not know you, and I do not know the man. So I am NOT definitley claiming anything about his intentions towards you... I really do not know, and cannot know, if they are good or bad.

But this is what I was thinking about:
http://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/swiss-em...icking/2808876
This is about young women getting invited to Switzerland, by someone who seems nice, but then when they get here, they are forced to work as prostitutes. Sometimes this involves drugs and rape.

I'm sorry if I upset you by posting a link to this very sad aspect of the way money and power can be put to bad use.

You could also look at this: http://www.fiz-info.ch/images/shop/n...r_12_e_web.pdf
and especially with the search-word "passport", as used in the story of Ivana.

From your profile in EF, and your posts here, I can see that you are young and slim, you say yourself that you are naive, and you are probably pretty, too. If you do not have your own money to visit this man in Switzerland entirely at your own cost, then please do think very carefully: how will you be able to remain strong and independent of him while you are here?

You say that you like to think the best of someone. And yes, I also believe that there are many, many good, kind, generous people in the world. Most people, in fact, are probably fine. Even so, wanting to believe in the good should never, ever stop you from making sure that you can be safe. That's why I wrote that you need to know who he really is.

I hope I do not upset you by sending you this warning. Please, even if reading my post makes you feel angry, please read the whole thing. Thank you.

This terribly tragic story happens over and over again to young women who do not have their own jobs and money (and who therefore cannot act in their own power and determination) and who get caught and trapped in a bad network of dangerous and abusive exploiters who steal the young women's passports as soon as they arrive in Switzerland, and force them to be come prostitutes. Very often, the first person in the chain of the criminal network is a man who shows romantic attention to the young woman, and flirts with her, while she is still living outside of Switzerland, and then he invites her to visit him.

Of course this is not just about Switzerland, and international crime groups do this kind of business all over the world. It is big business. Dangerous business. And it is here, in Switzerland, on a frighteningly large scale.

I suggest you contact the Swiss Embassy where you are, and also any Women's Group, and tell them about the man you have met, and ask for advice from them, in the same way as you did here on this forum.

Please take care of yourself, to stay safe.
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  #64  
Old 10.12.2014, 07:23
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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Honey, you're on the Englishforum. People that post here are more messed up than your average John Doe. Believe me, I know a bunch of them.
I'll take that as a compliment.
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Old 10.12.2014, 08:33
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

Don't go .
Just wait, he'll come to you himself if he really want to spend some time with you
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  #66  
Old 10.12.2014, 09:27
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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Hello again supernovagirl

I hope you are still reading this thread of yours.

How can I say this gently? Please... think very deeply not just about your feelings for this man, but about WHO, exactly, he is. And WHY, exactly, he wants you to visit him.

In my last post, I mentioned aspects of your personal safety and security. Now I've thought about that again, and I realise that I was not writing very clearly. I was hinting at something that I didn't, at first, have the courage to say directly, because I didn't want to hurt you. Now I'm going to say it more directly...
.
Excellent advice in general, but I checked OP's profile and it says she's an American citizen. She's not Russian, apparently. Do you think those gangs are targeting everyone ?
I really, really doubt that.

P.S. That is not to say she should't take any precautions re. personal safety, after all one never knows.

Last edited by greenmount; 10.12.2014 at 09:40.
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Old 10.12.2014, 09:44
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

I'll assume that he's a normal guy, and not a pimp luring you into the sex trade.

If he says he's not in love with you, he's not in love with you.

If he says he's in love with another long-distance girl, he probably is.

He knows you're in love with him.

If he's inviting you to visit despite all of this, it's because he wants to have sex with you. And because all of these facts are known to both of you, if you fly to Switzerland, he will expect you to have sex with him, no strings attached.

On his end, even if the other woman does exist, he hasn't said they're dating officially. So in his mind (in any man's mind), he's free to have sex with girls like you. He does this without any guilt, because he feels that he already made his position clear.

So if you go, you'll have sex with him. You'll have a fun trip. At the end, you'll want to be his girlfriend. He'll say, "I told you before..." You'll cry. He'll say, "I'm sorry, but I already told you..." And there won't be anything you can do about it.
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  #68  
Old 10.12.2014, 10:05
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

Welcome to the forum, Americanwoman.
How did you find this forum?




Started to believe American economy is in deep, deep ahem..
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Old 10.12.2014, 11:15
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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I'll assume that he's a normal guy, and not a pimp luring you into the sex trade.

If he says he's not in love with you, he's not in love with you.

If he says he's in love with another long-distance girl, he probably is.

He knows you're in love with him.

If he's inviting you to visit despite all of this, it's because he wants to have sex with you. And because all of these facts are known to both of you, if you fly to Switzerland, he will expect you to have sex with him, no strings attached.

On his end, even if the other woman does exist, he hasn't said they're dating officially. So in his mind (in any man's mind), he's free to have sex with girls like you. He does this without any guilt, because he feels that he already made his position clear.

So if you go, you'll have sex with him. You'll have a fun trip. At the end, you'll want to be his girlfriend. He'll say, "I told you before..." You'll cry. He'll say, "I'm sorry, but I already told you..." And there won't be anything you can do about it.
I think that your post has been the most direct and helpful. Thank you for taking the time to write. I really appreciate it. A lot.
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Old 10.12.2014, 11:56
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

Play him at his own game...

Tell him you realise you dont love him and he was actually time pass.

Then ignore him and see the consequences...

You will get your answer.
  #71  
Old 10.12.2014, 12:27
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

suggest he pays for the plane ticket and see how keen he is then?
  #72  
Old 10.12.2014, 12:43
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

In general Switzerland is world champion regarding bi-national weddings. 40% is Swiss-Swiss, another 40% is Swiss-foreigner, 20% is foreigner-foreigner...
  #73  
Old 10.12.2014, 13:39
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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In general Switzerland is world champion regarding bi-national weddings. 40% is Swiss-Swiss, another 40% is Swiss-foreigner, 20% is foreigner-foreigner...
I'd hazard a guess that this particular romance of sorts isn't going to result in marriage

Last edited by hairybadger; 10.12.2014 at 14:30.
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  #74  
Old 10.12.2014, 14:16
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

He, he... Swiss men prefer German woman to marry, followed by Thai and Italians... Brazil and France... Russian women aren't that popular in the end, that's true.
  #75  
Old 10.12.2014, 14:42
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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He, he... Swiss men prefer German woman to marry, followed by Thai and Italians... Brazil and France... Russian women aren't that popular in the end, that's true.

She's Mexican American... Where does she sit in the pecking order?
  #76  
Old 10.12.2014, 14:43
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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She's Mexican American... Where does she sit in the pecking order?
Umm, with one on top and one below?
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Old 10.12.2014, 14:50
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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Umm, with one on top and one below?
Ok... I'm calling first dibs on a multi national three way...
  #78  
Old 10.12.2014, 14:54
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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She's Mexican American... Where does she sit in the pecking order?
Rather high I guess with this "Mexican". Swiss men seem to prefer anythiny that is somehow exotic and not from Africa.
  #79  
Old 10.12.2014, 15:02
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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Rather high I guess with this "Mexican". Swiss men seem to prefer anythiny that is somehow exotic and not from Africa.
Interesting... I haven't heard that one before...

You know what they say... "The darker the berry... the sweeter the juice..."
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Old 10.12.2014, 15:56
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Re: Swiss Man worth pursuing? :/

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Interesting... I haven't heard that one before...

You know what they say... "The darker the berry... the sweeter the juice..."
Swiss women prefer Italians and Germans, Swiss men Germans and Thais:

http://www.beobachter.ch/justiz-beho...enzen/#c353243
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