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Old 19.03.2015, 20:00
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Re: wrong Kanton

Next stop Saudi Arabia.
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Old 19.03.2015, 20:25
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Re: wrong Kanton

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thank you. My husband and I work together... He told me that he is my boss and I am to respect and obey him . working together as a team was not an option . communication means turn your back and walk out of room. I know there must be other women out there in the same situation. If I leave now , my pass gets taken away and he stops paying me. I work 75 to 80 hours a week during the winter months .
Sorry, maybe I didn't take your issues seriously enough, but that was mainly because I didn't understand (and still don't) why you are blaming the canton and not -- excuse my French -- the husband.

One of our neighbors in Michigan is a complete jerk, of the kind you could find in the EF complaints corner, but should I blame Lansing? I don't think so.

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Old 19.03.2015, 20:34
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Re: wrong Kanton

You do have options:

Put up with it - unlikely.
Tell him you won't put up with it. Make him see that his attitude is wrong and work at getting it right again.
Tell him you won't put up with it and then apply for a divorce.

https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce/

Yes, you'll lose your permit and have to leave the country. If you want to stay in Switzerland - or rather come back again - there's nothing to stop you from applying for jobs here from the States. Depending on your qualifications/experience you might get hired, even though you're a non-EU national.

And yes, the change in attitude seems to be all too common here once the men get "back home". Still, the States has its fair share of this type of man too I'm sorry to say.

Frankly, the ball is your court. It's up to you to decide whether you love him enough to live what is likely to be an unhappy life or you stand up for yourself and either make it better or divorce him. He's certainly not going to change unless you force him to. Marriage is a partnership; at the moment he's getting everything he wants without giving anything in exchange.
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Old 19.03.2015, 21:39
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Re: wrong Kanton

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Yes, you'll lose your permit and have to leave the country. If you want to stay in Switzerland - or rather come back again - there's nothing to stop you from applying for jobs here from the States. Depending on your qualifications/experience you might get hired, even though you're a non-EU national.
.
According to her posts in the other thread she already has Swiss citizenship so she wouldn't have to leave the country. At least not immediately. It would only be an issue if they thought she got it under false pretences. I don't think I'd want to carry on living there in her shoes in any case.

I know what I'd do in her situation and it wouldn't be easy but life's too short to spend it in a completely miserable situation. It might be tough in the shirt term but would be better in the long term to leave and make a new life for herself in my opinion.
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Old 19.03.2015, 22:34
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Hi, I was here a while back , and left ...I am back again. I have been living here now for 9 years , and thought things would be easier by now . Anyone else feel this way. cant find my question mark on keyboard also ...grr
I live in a kanton that is very special . The women here are 2nd class citizens, treated like slaves, and are to obey their husbands. Fortunatly I have visited enough Kantons to realize that its just my Kanton and living in a remote village . Its beautiful here , but not a place for a strong woman.Anyone else feel this way questionmark....if so it would be nice to meet a friend.

UP along the Vorderrhein. Already Flims would be better and Chur and the Bündner Herrschaft (Jenins, Malans, Maienfeld) remarkably better. The wines of the Bündner Herrschaft indeed are second to None.

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Sounds like a fantastic Canton!

Graubünden is the Swiss TEXAS ! Same stubborn mentality, but in fact great chaps

Last edited by 3Wishes; 23.03.2015 at 15:58. Reason: changed name in quoted text
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Old 19.03.2015, 22:43
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Re: wrong Kanton

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UP along the Vorderrhein. Already Flims would be better and Chur and the Bündner Herrschaft (Jenins, Malans, Maienfeld) remarkably better. The wines of the Bündner Herrschaft indeed are second to None.
I don't think the quality of the wine is top of her list of priorities at the moment to be honest.

Last edited by Belgianmum; 19.03.2015 at 23:04.
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Old 20.03.2015, 00:30
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Re: wrong Kanton

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I don't think the quality of the wine is top of her list of priorities at the moment to be honest.


No, but the Quality of life in regions of good wine tends to be better
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Old 20.03.2015, 09:56
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Re: wrong Kanton

I do love my wine , and it helps soothe a rough day . However Bundner Federweiss , or Blauburngender sorry my spelling , thats a tricky one , is NOT even on my list of tasty wines. I prefer Negro Amaro spelling again. the Nothern Italian wines , however the Mienfeld reisling is not bad icy cold on a hot day. I have an apartment as a getaway, yes other cantons are wonderful and full of less stubborn people. I got the ACE of husbands i guess... my luck
as i said before , just looking for friends out there , not to be bullied.
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Old 20.03.2015, 10:02
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Re: wrong Kanton

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Graubünden is the Swiss TEXAS ! Same stubborn mentality, but in fact



.... great chaps
?????

A bit like the Valaisans then. But honestly, saying this to a woman who is being bullied and exploited by her partner is pretty insensitive Wolli- can't you see/feel that????

Kristen, if you knew the guy abroad and he changed massively on return to CH- then you either find a way to get through to him and discuss the issues raised, via counselling, mediation, etc (but I know those mountain guys are not keen on such avenues...) or you get legal advice and leave asap- to remain in CH or go home, or start a new life wherever.
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Old 21.03.2015, 12:21
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Re: wrong Kanton

you say you can't make decisions, but you have your own money and even a getaway apartment, maybe what you don't like is that your income depends on him (you said he's your boss?) so... just look for another job so you feel completely indipendent.
but maybe you should just have a serious discussion, if he walks out of the room try escalating by throwing dishes at the wall maybe, just to make him understand you're serious. btw have you played the divorce card? i bet a conservative man like him wouldn't like that might get him at the table.
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Old 21.03.2015, 12:38
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Re: wrong Kanton

Could somebody rename the thread "wrong husband", please?
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  #32  
Old 21.03.2015, 12:40
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Re: wrong Kanton

you dont know swiss men very well ..lol I go away he reports me and my passport gets taken. at 45 years young you dont find another job ... its not likely that companys will hire someone over 35. also ... no Fachschule ....no job in switzerland ... i have tried . its not as easy as it seems or even as easy as it would be in another country.my husband doesnt lose... he will do everything he can think of to be revengeful. I need to be clever and outsmart him , all this takes time and careful planning . throwing plates is just an emotional outburst and accomplshes nothing , sitting quietly and giving him enough rope to hang himself is the intelligent way of doing this. I can make a lot of decisions , I make decisions all day long . Until you are a swiss citizen , and that pass has been in your hand long enough for it to be YOURS to keep you have to just sit back and wait. I have a probation time of 3 years . It is the law in my canton I am not wasting 9 years of my life here to be packed up and shipped home with nothing.
thanks for your concern though. got it handled, just looking for other women out there married to difficult swiss men , I know there are a lot out there, maybe they are just too scared to admit it or verbalize it
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Old 21.03.2015, 12:47
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Re: wrong Kanton

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Could somebody rename the thread "wrong husband", please?
this thread was never suppose to be about the husband ... you people got off on that part. its a very traditional canton in the small villages , it was the wrong canton for someone like me to live in . regardless of the husband. lets please get rid of this post , because all of you have gone a bit sadistic on it ... move on to something else , or someone else.
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  #34  
Old 21.03.2015, 13:21
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Re: wrong Kanton

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this thread was never suppose to be about the husband ... you people got off on that part. its a very traditional canton in the small villages , it was the wrong canton for someone like me to live in . regardless of the husband.
I know a gay couple in Scuol, they don't find locals that traditional conservative.

Last edited by 3Wishes; 23.03.2015 at 15:59. Reason: changed name in quoted text
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Old 21.03.2015, 13:56
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Re: wrong Kanton

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I do love my wine , and it helps soothe a rough day . However Bundner Federweiss , or Blauburngender sorry my spelling , thats a tricky one , is NOT even on my list of tasty wines. I prefer Negro Amaro spelling again. the Nothern Italian wines , however the Mienfeld reisling is not bad icy cold on a hot day. I have an apartment as a getaway, yes other cantons are wonderful and full of less stubborn people. I got the ACE of husbands i guess... my luck
as i said before , just looking for friends out there , not to be bullied.
The BLAUBURGUNDER from the BüNDNER HERRSCHAFT indeed is top-tasty
examples below


Maienfelder Blauburgunder




(100)
Bewerten und Profitieren
2013, Schweiz, Bündner Herrschaft, Rotwein, 70 cl

Charakter:

Purpurrot mit violetten Reflexen. Duftet nach Waldbeeren. Im Gaumen wirkt er breit und aromatisch, lang anhaltend im Abgang.


************************************************** ***




<img alt="Weinbild Jeninser Pinot Noir Steinhuhn AOC 2013, Ostschweiz, Schweiz" itemprop="image" src="//img1.mondovino.ch/produkte/front/600/1000453009.jpg" /> <img alt="Weinbild Jeninser Pinot Noir Steinhuhn AOC 2013, Ostschweiz, Schweiz" src="//img1.mondovino.ch/produkte/back/600/1000453009.jpg" />
Mitteldichtes, jugendliches Rubinrot, beeriges Bukett, duftet nach Erdbeeren und Johannisbeeren, mit feinen, leicht hefigen und leicht teerigen Noten, im Gaumen mit mittelkräftigem Körper und jugendlicher Frische, feine Beerigkeit, mit angenehmer Fülle, zum Schluss sind weiche Tannine spürbar

Last edited by 3Wishes; 23.03.2015 at 16:00. Reason: changed name in quoted text
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Old 21.03.2015, 14:08
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Re: wrong Kanton

Thank you Wolli. Very helpful.
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Old 21.03.2015, 14:09
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Re: wrong Kanton

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you dont know swiss men very well
But you do? Considering he fooled you for two years before your marriage there's no reason why anybody should rely on your general knowledge of people (swiss men).

And btw, neither Kanton nor Gemeinde have any say in the process of simplified naturalization, that's federal law and handled by federal government only.

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  #38  
Old 21.03.2015, 14:09
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Re: wrong Kanton

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?????

A bit like the Valaisans then. But honestly, saying this to a woman who is being bullied and exploited by her partner is pretty insensitive Wolli- can't you see/feel that????

Kristen, if you knew the guy abroad and he changed massively on return to CH- then you either find a way to get through to him and discuss the issues raised, via counselling, mediation, etc (but I know those mountain guys are not keen on such avenues...) or you get legal advice and leave asap- to remain in CH or go home, or start a new life wherever.

No, it is not "insensitive" but rather the necessary shock ! Her situation is clearly not sustainable. And the location does play a role. Generally, behind of and up from Ilanz is the Graubünden-Outback. So she indeed has to threaten with divorce and in case of doubt pull the divorce through


Graubünden with its three languages is very diverse. And of course, not all the men in Brigels have such a mentality. But in places like Flims, Davos, Chur, Landquart, Maienfeld, life is far more modern in general terms
  #39  
Old 21.03.2015, 16:20
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Re: wrong Kanton

Wolli, of course you are right, but count yourself lucky that the folks in the Surselva are illiterate, otherwise you might be in for a racism charge.

Sursilvans aren't exactly known for their openmindedness. There are lots of jokes circulating in the Grisons covering that topic. However, that kind of guy can be found anywhere from Obersaxen to Philadelphia.

It's not the canton, it's the mindset. With that kind of husband, the OP would be in troubles no matter where. I just wonder how he could fool her for such a long time. What where they talking about in the course of those two years before marriage?
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Old 21.03.2015, 16:38
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Re: wrong Kanton

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you dont know swiss men very well ..lol I go away he reports me and my passport gets taken. at 45 years young you dont find another job ... its not likely that companys will hire someone over 35. also ... no Fachschule ....no job in switzerland ... i have tried . its not as easy as it seems or even as easy as it would be in another country.my husband doesnt lose... he will do everything he can think of to be revengeful. I need to be clever and outsmart him , all this takes time and careful planning . throwing plates is just an emotional outburst and accomplshes nothing , sitting quietly and giving him enough rope to hang himself is the intelligent way of doing this. I can make a lot of decisions , I make decisions all day long . Until you are a swiss citizen , and that pass has been in your hand long enough for it to be YOURS to keep you have to just sit back and wait. I have a probation time of 3 years . It is the law in my canton I am not wasting 9 years of my life here to be packed up and shipped home with nothing.
thanks for your concern though. got it handled, just looking for other women out there married to difficult swiss men , I know there are a lot out there, maybe they are just too scared to admit it or verbalize it
Nifty. I'd love to know under what pretense the authorities are going to take your passport.

You may be going through a rough patch, but over-dramatizing makes it sound like you're just making things up, and doesn't engender a desire to help.

Last edited by 3Wishes; 23.03.2015 at 16:01. Reason: changed name in quoted text
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