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Old 23.08.2015, 21:27
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Re: How to approach neighbours with noisy child

@Fora
Oh, I feel for you, and wouldn't like to be subject to that kind of noise. Having said that, I find that I can sometimes feel less annoyed about noise if I understand what it is about. If I knew that the child upstairs was, just say, as an example, hard of hearing, so that it was difficult for him to judge the volume of his own voice, and that he was getting special education about this, that would make me feel better immediately... even if the actual noise level were not reduced. I'd have an explanation, and some hope of improvement.

I'd recommend going to speak to the parents, rather than a letter. It might be best to try to see both parents at once, and if you have someone living in your flat, or who visits you often, and who has witnessed the noise, take them along. Go there when you are NOT fuming.

"Hello, I'm NAME, and live below you. How're you settling in?"
Seriously, it'll probably help you to keep some inner distance to your annoyance if you just let them tell you a bit about their move and their furniture.
Then: "All buildings are different. I'm here because I'd like you to know that I can hear a lot of what your little boy says and does. This building seems to be built in a way that the sounds travel. Perhaps you hadn't realised that. I'd like to ask you please to find ways to prevent so much of the sound from your flat being audible in mine."

Whatever they reply, listen really, really well. It might help you identify what the actual problem is, and that may make you creative in finding a solution or a range of solutions. Remember, you'll get a lot further with them if they think you are the Nice Guy visiting them in a friendly way, to try to find cooperative ways to help fix the situation for you all, rather than if they cast you in the role of the Big Complainer. Hope that helps!
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  #22  
Old 23.08.2015, 22:14
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Re: How to approach neighbours with noisy child

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How about a note in their mailbox informing the parents of the issues concerning your working hours
if the neighbour is an EF member, we might have a thread like "neighbour left an anonymous note about my child making too much noise"
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  #23  
Old 23.08.2015, 22:24
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Re: How to approach neighbours with noisy child

If it happens on Sundays, call the police.

Otherwise, forget it.

Monday to Saturday are work days, and noise can legally start at 7AM.

QED.

Tom
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Old 01.09.2015, 14:56
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Re: How to approach neighbours with noisy child

Thanks for all the responses and especially doropfiz - this confirms the approach I was thinking of, especially as in brief chats as they moved in they seemed nice people. It is a shame that instead of the focus being on "tell me a bit more about your move, where you are from" and so on, the conversation will now probably be along the lines of that, ended by "and by the way, do you know I hear every song and shout from your son, especially on Sunday mornings". Oh well, I am learning to enjoy the peace and quiet that school time brings with it. :-)
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  #25  
Old 01.09.2015, 15:23
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Re: How to approach neighbours with noisy child

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Thanks for all the responses and especially doropfiz - this confirms the approach I was thinking of, especially as in brief chats as they moved in they seemed nice people. It is a shame that instead of the focus being on "tell me a bit more about your move, where you are from" and so on, the conversation will now probably be along the lines of that, ended by "and by the way, do you know I hear every song and shout from your son, especially on Sunday mornings". Oh well, I am learning to enjoy the peace and quiet that school time brings with it. :-)
Basically you heard nothing but what you wanted to hear already.

1) First I find rather inappropriate that you are applying a "scale" of reward, and that you communicate that in public. They all contributed and you don't have to show "especially" to someone. Keep that private if you are happier with the contribution provided. Having said that I am just pointing how you are doing wrong, I don't personally care about your feedback.

2) You obviously keep a grudge about the parents, and about your suffering. Ie, you're still seeing yourself as the "victim". I have the impression that others have tried to show you that even the parents of that alleged difficult child could be also struggling.
Instead of turning that around, you are only listening to what you wanted to do: comfort yourself in the situation, ignoring everything else. For example ignoring that it might be an old flat, or difficult situation or whatever.

3) You do have physical means to reduce the inconvenience and have a happier situation, you have discarded them entirely.

4) You still have the full freedom to discuss about "the move, where you are from..." but you decide not to take it. Shame. But if I'd be your neighbor and seeing your attitude and reaction, that would be the best reaction you could have: keep distant!

5) Your communication sucks, give the parents a chance to be aware of the problem instead of bitching about them in their back. And giving them a chance also means that they might not be able to resolve the problem immediately, and that you also might have to compromise.
They are no longer appearing as "nice people" because their child is shouting? Very good deduction from you...not.


Anyway, buy the stupid ear plugs and move on.
Probably the best 10chf (?) invested in your life.
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  #26  
Old 01.09.2015, 16:13
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Re: How to approach neighbours with noisy child

Hi CorseBou,

Yes, you are right, my communication was probably not the best: what I meant was that I will aim to talk to them, rather than for example drop a note in their box as some suggested, and that many parents also would seem to prefer a face to face conversation. My comments about the chat with them is that a) I find them nice and interesting people, that I would like to get to know better (yes, wrong use of past tense here, I did not mean it in the literal past tense) but b) unfortunately there is an issue I have to raise, which, as many parents for example pointed out, is one that they might not be able to do much about. Not sure about you, but I donīt enjoy raising a contentious issue, particularly when you want to have a good relationships with neighbours. And, you might have missed the part in my post where I said I hear this even with earplugs, but granted, they are only the (strongest) Migros ones, maybe the ones you suggest are better.

Iīm not feeling the victim here, just confirming that I will go and talk to them, I havenīt had time yet during appropriate day hours, or have been away. As someone also said, they have just moved here, so no need to go banging on their door immediately as they probably have other priorities too. And yes, I heard what I wanted to hear: that having a conversation might be the best approach, but also heard very useful suggestions and opinions of parents giving me their perspective on how they would react if someone came to talk with them, which is what I was looking for when I posted, it has been useful to see things from their perspective. And in fact, as also many people suggested, school time for example means that now my office hours are quiet. So half of the problem gone pretty much by itself!
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