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  #41  
Old 21.09.2015, 15:53
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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Notice I only said "think about". My informal survey shows the same goes for most people of all genders.
How does it go. "Saussage or saussage, honey"?


Sorry.
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  #42  
Old 21.09.2015, 18:59
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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I think it can be difficult for a guy to know when a girl is being confident and when she's got some scheme.

I attended a wedding once with a female friend. It was a good friend of hers getting married but I didn't even know her friend but she asked me to come because "everybody else would be with a partner". So I did feel a bit strange at the wedding not knowing anybody whereas everybody else seemed to know everybody else and my consort seemed to be in the middle of it and forgot about me. Well, as it turned out our hotel room had a double bed and I retired a bit early being bored and tired and was so fast asleep that I didn't hear her come into the room when finally she did.

Of course I also woke well ahead of her and I was having breakfast downstairs when she stumbled out of bed with a bad hangover.

Some days later she told me that she was disppointed in me. i asked why. She said she had tried to wake me but i was too fast asleep. i asked her what she wanted to wake me for, and she said, sex of course, what else?
Dude, I'm so far from being an expert in this area that I'm not even on the same planet but even to me that seems like an obvious case of single-lady-at-a-wedding-brings-along-shag-buddy.
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  #43  
Old 21.09.2015, 19:30
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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Some days later she told me that she was disppointed in me. i asked why. She said she had tried to wake me but i was too fast asleep. i asked her what she wanted to wake me for, and she said, sex of course, what else?
jeez, man. how did you even find a woman in the end? did she hit you over the head with a club and carry you into her cave?

p.s. are you the guy at 0:31



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  #44  
Old 22.09.2015, 01:29
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This sounds pretty familiar. I actually know someone who experienced the same exact thing lol except that the guy that I know found out that the girlfriend (from Bern) was actually cheating during her travels lol which ended the relationship immediately.

In my opinion, there is nothing such as wanting to travel alone all the time while having a boy/girlfriend. I find this type of thinking very messed up. There must be something wrong about it lol

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who cares if it's "normal" or not, if you don't like the behavior then kick her to the curb. likewise, if you don't mind the behavior, then don't complain about it.

I've never understood people who spend time thinking about relationships - you have no obligation to be in a relationship, and you certainly have no obligation to make the relationship you are in with this woman "work" or "last". if it feels right, then it is; if it doesn't feel right, then it isn't.
What about liking that girl but not this particular behaviour?

Last edited by 3Wishes; 26.11.2015 at 21:46. Reason: merging consecutive replies
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Old 22.09.2015, 02:06
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

Suggest some boundaries, if you cant agree/compromise, you may be enlightened. Values matter.
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Old 22.09.2015, 09:17
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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There is a very strong chance that the guys she goes on holiday with are attracted to her, even if she is not attracted to them.

However, if you trust her then you just have to decide if it is something you can deal with. Either way, it sounds like she is not yet at the stage of settling down and really getting serious with a guy.

How old are you boith?



Fail.
Im 34 and she is 31.

Well, i will talk with her once she is back from her holidays
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  #47  
Old 22.09.2015, 09:47
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

to be honest, if you only started going out in the last 2 months and she is swiss, which means she must have booked her holidays a year in advance, then it would be a bit unreasonable to have her cancel it - and maybe unfair to make her friend a third wheel if you joined.
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Old 22.09.2015, 10:04
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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to be honest, if you only started going out in the last 2 months and she is swiss, which means she must have booked her holidays a year in advance, then it would be a bit unreasonable to have her cancel it - and maybe unfair to make her friend a third wheel if you joined.
Yeah, didnt want her to cancel any holidays, of course, and she already had them booked long time ago, yeah, but also told me that in the future she will continue planning those trips and so on, so thats what i mean...
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Old 22.09.2015, 10:06
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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Yeah, didnt want her to cancel any holidays, of course, and she already had them booked long time ago, yeah, but also told me that in the future she will continue planning those trips and so on, so thats what i mean...
whats the male version of a side chick? look no further than the mirror
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Old 22.09.2015, 10:09
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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Yeah, didnt want her to cancel any holidays, of course, and she already had them booked long time ago, yeah, but also told me that in the future she will continue planning those trips and so on, so thats what i mean...
She's probably just, subconsciously, making you take it slowly and not make any assumptions about the future. Whether in practice she'll be gallivanting off on her own will clearly depend on, and influence, the way your relationship develops. Drawing her line in the sand now is just a way for her to be seen to exert some control over it.
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Old 22.09.2015, 10:24
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

It has nothing to do with her being Swiss, but possibly a lot to do with either: 1) her personality or 2) her level of commitment into this relationship. It's a bit hard to tell which is which, since you've only been together for 2 months.

Based on my own experience, I've been together with Trollefar since my majority, we've been married for almost 20 years, and I still travel on my own regularly, have always worked in male dominated environments, my best friend is a guy and I would not have problems travelling and sharing a room with a male, let's be specific here, heterosexual friend. And nothing would happen. Trollefar wouldn't bat an eye, because he knows I can be trusted and that I have always been "one of the guys", in addition to needing a large amount of personal space, freedom and alone time to be happy. Luckily he is also not a needy type, nor is the Troll.

So, going back to your situation, this need to keep travelling without you and hang out with guys may just be a sign that your girlfriend is a free and independant individual and that she doesn't plan to change for someone else, even for love. In my book it's positive, she knows where she's going. It may also be a sign that it is too early in the relationship for her to be thinking of making that type of sacrifice, but it could come later with increased commitment. Or it could be a sign that she doesn't see this relationship as something long-term. I certainly couldn't after 2 months of dating, in the grand schene of things you've barely met.

If this really bugs you, you have to look into yourself and how you see this relationship going forward. You can't cage her if she's this way, and chances are her independance is part of what attracts you to her. So you either learn to live with it, or you go your way otherwise you'll be both miserable.
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Old 22.09.2015, 11:25
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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If this really bugs you, you have to look into yourself and how you see this relationship going forward. You can't cage her if she's this way, and chances are her independance is part of what attracts you to her. So you either learn to live with it, or you go your way otherwise you'll be both miserable.
Guys... they've been seeing each other for 2 months, meeting once a week, so this means... 10 meetings, max?
If I met a girl and after 2 months she wants to stop me from travelling, only travelling together, talk about how our relationship is going forward, etc... my next travel plans would probably include a no-return ticket somewhere far away. Not necessarily for me, mind :P

And for the OP, the situation came across as if you wanted to meet her more often, but on the other hand... as if she had other priorities. If so, relax
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  #53  
Old 22.09.2015, 11:40
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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Hi.

I'm Spanish and I'm living in Bern.

I met a girl and she is fantastic and so on, but she likes to travel a lot, and told me that yeah, she is looking for a serious relationship (we've been dating since almost 2 months, meeting every week several times, sleeping over her house...) but she also told me, that she doesn't like relationships where you are 24/7 with your boyfriend. She prefers to have her own time for everything (I will explain later this point), and the time she spends with her boyfriend to be the best possible .

She also like I said travels a lot. Alone always or with a friend that she could meet in India or wherever. And she says that is just that and many people can't understand that you can travel with someone without having sex. I mean. She is going to Italy in a few weeks with an Indian guy, and yeah she says he is just a friend. But do you think that is normal?. She told me that she is not going to change her travels alone or with friends, that I have to know that to think if I would be capable to have a relationship with someone like her.I mean, she says and I trust her that they are just friends and that's all. But anyway.... do you think it's normal not wanting to spend most time possible with her boyfriend? Or go to as many travels as possible with her boyfriend instead of going alone or with a friend????.

Its just me because I'm from Spain and I never experienced something like this before or do you also think this is not normal???.

Or maybe that's the way swiss girls like to live. I don't know. If you could give me some advices about this would be great. Thanks.
Nothing wrong with her, but nothing wrong with you either.
Obviously you don't agree with this "behaviour" and you have a different mentality, why stick around if you feel you're going to struggle? Some relations are wonderful as long as they work, be happy you had some good moments together and move on. Find a girl more like you if you ant a serious relationship.
I think I just heard my mother....

Seriously now, she doesn't sound as involved as you. Maybe she needs more time, or maybe it's just not meant to be.

Last edited by greenmount; 22.09.2015 at 11:51.
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  #54  
Old 22.09.2015, 17:20
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

I'm not Swiss, was a lot like that when I was younger; I loved my space and always said that if I ever got married we would sleep in separate rooms, however "sleeping over" at each others's space whenever we wanted to! I loathed the idea of never having my own bed all to myself haha.

I'm not like that any more, I love sharing a room and a bed! But I am still just as easy-going as I was back then in regards to whom my husband spends time with, and he is the same with me and I love this. The time I spend with male humans who are not my husband is treated just the same as the time I spend with females, I really enjoy being trusted I do reciprocate; in fact my husband is out to dinner in the UK tonight with his ex who is now a very close friend.

As ever though when there are disproportions or doubt in a relationship, talking about it is key
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Old 22.09.2015, 18:11
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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my husband is out to dinner in the UK tonight with his ex who is now a very close friend.
I do not understand this logic. I am male, not that it matters , but maybe it does. You can be acquaintance with your ex ( so going out with dinner once is fine), but not a friend ( whom you confide things with). Being a close friend with your ex is a distant thing for me.
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Old 22.09.2015, 18:15
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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I do not understand this logic. I am male, not that it matters , but maybe it does. You can be acquaintance with your ex ( so going out with dinner once is fine), but not a friend ( whom you confide things with). Being a close friend with your ex is a distant thing for me.
It can happen when mature people notice that they are better off with some more distance between themselves, but they still respect and like each other...
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Old 22.09.2015, 20:18
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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It has nothing to do with her being Swiss, but possibly a lot to do with either: 1) her personality or 2) her level of commitment into this relationship. It's a bit hard to tell which is which, since you've only been together for 2 months.

Based on my own experience, I've been together with Trollefar since my majority, we've been married for almost 20 years, and I still travel on my own regularly, have always worked in male dominated environments, my best friend is a guy and I would not have problems travelling and sharing a room with a male, let's be specific here, heterosexual friend. And nothing would happen. Trollefar wouldn't bat an eye, because he knows I can be trusted and that I have always been "one of the guys", in addition to needing a large amount of personal space, freedom and alone time to be happy. Luckily he is also not a needy type, nor is the Troll.

So, going back to your situation, this need to keep travelling without you and hang out with guys may just be a sign that your girlfriend is a free and independant individual and that she doesn't plan to change for someone else, even for love. In my book it's positive, she knows where she's going. It may also be a sign that it is too early in the relationship for her to be thinking of making that type of sacrifice, but it could come later with increased commitment. Or it could be a sign that she doesn't see this relationship as something long-term. I certainly couldn't after 2 months of dating, in the grand schene of things you've barely met.

If this really bugs you, you have to look into yourself and how you see this relationship going forward. You can't cage her if she's this way, and chances are her independance is part of what attracts you to her. So you either learn to live with it, or you go your way otherwise you'll be both miserable.
Trollemor´s post is very similar to what I want to say too.

You have been together for around two months. (I wrote the rest assuming she is serious about you – let´s be positive!) If she is independent and used to travelling/making her own plans, it might take a while longer for her to get into "relationship mode" where she starts wanting to spend more time with you and less travelling with friends, this might come more naturally later, although note that she might not completely want to give up her travels, and you have to take it or leave it. You then say in another post that she already had the plans, so the more reason not to change them because of her (relatively new) relationship, and not that she needs to change them anyway. I, female, have a very good male school friend, we try to meet whenever he is in Europe, which sometimes involves weekends in some city. But it is much easier now that my partner/boyfriend (trying to keep everyone happy in this thread :-) has met him. I made sure they two met, as I had no intentions of changing this tradition, but also wanted to be fair with my partner; he is always invited but usually leaves us with our school stories dynamic to meet on our own, understandably…

If it helps, she has been honest with you about this male Indian friend, already a good sign, I think. More positive signs are if she proactively stays in touch with you while she is travelling, shares things with you of her journey, etc, ie wants you to be part of it somehow. (I was in exactly this situation many years ago, spending a very large amount texting the new boyfriend, pretty much ignoring the friend with whom I had arranged the trip a while ago).

Over time you will get to know/hear about her friends and hopefully meet them yourself. She would be wise to introduce you to them if she still intends to travel with them without raising questions each time, but ultimately it is not for her to spend her time convincing you that nothing is going on, nor to completely stop travelling with friends because this is a problem for you. If your worries persist, then it is time to have a conversation (also with yourself!) about trust, etc for you to decide if you can live with this or not, as others have already said.
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Old 22.09.2015, 20:29
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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Based on my own experience, I've been together with Trollefar since my majority, we've been married for almost 20 years, and I still travel on my own regularly, have always worked in male dominated environments, my best friend is a guy and I would not have problems travelling and sharing a room with a male, let's be specific here, heterosexual friend. And nothing would happen. Trollefar wouldn't bat an eye, because he knows I can be trusted and that I have always been "one of the guys", in addition to needing a large amount of personal space, freedom and alone time to be happy.
Translation - you think about sex all the friggin time and you pee standing up
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Old 22.09.2015, 20:44
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

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Translation - you think about sex all the friggin time and you pee standing up
That's the best tomboy definition I've come across so far.
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Old 22.09.2015, 20:51
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Re: Is this the normal behaviour of Swiss girls?

LOL, fair enough- but a 'tomboy' is usually female
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