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Old 07.10.2015, 13:59
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Roommate problems

Does anyone here have a roommate?
Well, I do....

I really like her, because when I drop in Zurich she was nice and I end up renting a room at her appartment for 6 months now...I think this was nice...and I appreciate that.

Problem is...she seems to control everything I do and state some mean sentences to me....that I just realize they are mean after a while...!

I am Swiss, because of my Dad..I was born in Brasil, but went to Schweizerschule and grew up with the Swiss culture...but I don't speak so good German yet and I am pretty happy here, doing my stuff, now working, even though it took a while I am fighting for it... and I have my routine, simple one...I don't bother with music or anything loud..but I am not working 100% yet...
So most of the times she wants to go out and party, I rather stay home to save money and focus in the trainning for my Half Marathon I will be running soon and finding new clients, since I have been cleaning apartments.

Problem is she leaves most of the home work for me...like taking the garbage out, or some cleaning, the other day I cleaned all the windows (10)...and ok, she said thank you....than once in a while, like an example of the mean stuff she said:

- For them (the swiss people), you are bullshit, they don't want you here.
- You look like you have demence, you forget things I tell you.
- It is easier for you to stay at home, than to work. (When she "invited" me to go to the forest with the children she works with, because she needed help and I did not want to go to mix things up.)
- You took so long to come home, I was assuming you got a lot of money and went shopping.
- You didn't even go out today? You are getting depressed.
- I trust people, if I didn't, you would not be here. (When I told her to take care with some people she is hagging out)
- Your doing just some bullshit job.
- Well, there are people (immigrants) that are happy winning just 2000 CHF per month.

This is just an example.... I am just trying to work as hard and make money as soon as I can to find another place and do my Fitness Ausbildung.

Does anyone have this kind of problem? Is normal for people to treat you like you worth nothing? And like, just because she pays more for the apartment (because I don't need a 4 room Flat..I just use my room , bathroom and kitchen) ....she threats me like withtout her, I would be on the streets or something like that....

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Old 07.10.2015, 14:45
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Re: Roommate problems

She seems like a cow. Move out asap.
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Old 07.10.2015, 14:56
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Re: Roommate problems

It's an opportunity for you to learn to deal with idiots

Stick to your plan, sounds like you have a good one. Words are just that... Words... Water off a duck's back.

People have different characters which leads to eventual conflict at some point or another. Sharing is always and will always be a compromise and a temporary thing until you eventually have to, in which case your previous experiences will come in handy.
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Old 07.10.2015, 15:01
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Re: Roommate problems

Try this.

When she says something (anything) - gaze at her, and ask her to repeat what she just said. Gaze into space for a few moments, as though thinking about what she said, and if you think she was being rude/arrogant, ask her to repeat herself again. (you can reply "no comment" or just say "Yes/No"), return to what you were doing and ignore her.

If she makes comments on what you are doing, ignore them.

As it`s her apartment, don`t do the communal cleaning, or at least only do your share - tell her you left her share for her to do. You empty bin this time, she does it next time. Let it overspill if she doesnt empty it. Its not your problem.

Keep an eye out for another apartment, where you can be free of worries and do your own thing without interference.

Sounds like she`s a control freak, so don`t allow her to control you.
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Old 07.10.2015, 15:04
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Re: Roommate problems

Thanks a lot..that is how I think!
Maybe I just needed to write down and put is out...as I don't have much friends here... lol and most of them are in comom with her!

I am pretty happy with my plans! Thanks for the encouragement!
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Old 07.10.2015, 15:34
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Re: Roommate problems

Hello!


This seems to be a difficult situation and her behaviour is definitely not normal. I would start to look for another room so that you can have your peace again. Do you know www.wgzimmer.ch?


Good luck!
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Old 07.10.2015, 15:43
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Re: Roommate problems

I would slap her so hard that she would forget what she said to you.
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Old 07.10.2015, 18:01
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Re: Roommate problems

I dont know if you are paying nothing or very less to be in that house with her. If you are, probably you have to deal with this. Even if you point her mistakes she is not going to understand. Moreover you get frustrated that you had to leave in a bad note.

I suggest try wgzimmer.ch or http://www.marktplatz.uzh.ch/wohnungen/ and move out ASAP.
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Old 08.10.2015, 13:34
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Re: Roommate problems

Unless you have a good reason to stay, you'd be better off leaving. I mean, it's clearly not normal but I think you already knew that.

I'm sure plenty of people would be happy with you as a roommate.
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Old 08.10.2015, 13:44
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Re: Roommate problems

Thanks for the tip!!
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Old 08.10.2015, 14:09
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Re: Roommate problems

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Thanks for the tip!!
I think she wants your tip
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Old 08.10.2015, 14:12
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Re: Roommate problems

ahah TIPP
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I think she wants your tip
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Old 08.10.2015, 16:46
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Re: Roommate problems

She is mentaly abusing you, move out as soon as you can if this carries on you will end up depressed. Even the stongest person cannot put up with that crap. Just remember shes no better than you shes also a human being how would she like it if you said all that crap to her i bet she would not like it.
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Old 08.10.2015, 17:07
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Re: Roommate problems

I have anecdotal evidence that opportunistically squeezing one of her boobs will help. If for nothing else she will be certainly left speechless and unable to come up with any arguments for at least a few minutes. You can use this temporary stunned state to declare your demands and barricade yourself in your room. Keep some old socks to throw at her in case she tries to get in.

I uhh.. had a point somewhere when I started writing this but I ate some pills the doc gave me for an injury many moons ago and now I'm a bit loopy.
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Old 08.10.2015, 17:49
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Re: Roommate problems

[QUOTE=flubber03;2462229]Does anyone here have a roommate?
Well, I do....


Problem is...she seems to control everything I do and state some mean sentences to me....that I just realize they are mean after a while...!

I am Swiss, because of my Dad..I was born in Brasil, but went to Schweizerschule and grew up with the Swiss culture...but I don't speak so good German yet and I am pretty happy here, doing my stuff, now working, even though it took a while I am fighting for it... and I have my routine, simple one...I don't bother with music or anything loud..but I am not working 100% yet...
So most of the times she wants to go out and party, I rather stay home to save money and focus in the trainning for my Half Marathon I will be running soon and finding new clients, since I have been cleaning apartments.

Problem is she leaves most of the home work for me...like taking the garbage out, or some cleaning, the other day I cleaned all the windows (10)...and ok, she said thank you....than once in a while, like an example of the mean stuff she said:

- For them (the swiss people), you are bullshit, they don't want you here.
- You look like you have demence, you forget things I tell you.
- It is easier for you to stay at home, than to work. (When she "invited" me to go to the forest with the children she works with, because she needed help and I did not want to go to mix things up.)
- You took so long to come home, I was assuming you got a lot of money and went shopping.
- You didn't even go out today? You are getting depressed.
- I trust people, if I didn't, you would not be here. (When I told her to take care with some people she is hagging out)
- Your doing just some bullshit job.
- Well, there are people (immigrants) that are happy winning just 2000 CHF per month.

This is just an example.... I am just trying to work as hard and make money as soon as I can to find another place and do my Fitness Ausbildung.


From what I see from the outside is you must establish CLEAR boundaries with this individual. These could include things addressing the appropriate way you will or will not accept her talking to you. If she is unable or unwilling NOT to accept your boundaries you establish for a positive and successful mode for treating each other, you may want to look for another place to live if she can't abide by boundaries. If she can not abide by fair and reasonable boundaries, you are living with the wrong person. There are GOOD people you could find to share an apartment with that WILL treat you with mutual respect and courtesy, and we all deserve to give that and receive it.
I wish you the best with establishing these boundaries if you CHOOSE to stay.
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Old 09.10.2015, 16:10
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Re: Roommate problems

Shit situation... you must go away from her.
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Old 09.10.2015, 16:15
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Re: Roommate problems

If you're a man: RUN.

If you're a woman: Time to learn how to be bitchy, it will come handy in life.
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Old 10.10.2015, 02:03
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Re: Roommate problems

Quote:
View Post
Does anyone here have a roommate?
Well, I do....

I really like her, because when I drop in Zurich she was nice and I end up renting a room at her appartment for 6 months now...I think this was nice...and I appreciate that.

Problem is...she seems to control everything I do and state some mean sentences to me....that I just realize they are mean after a while...!

I am Swiss, because of my Dad..I was born in Brasil, but went to Schweizerschule and grew up with the Swiss culture...but I don't speak so good German yet and I am pretty happy here, doing my stuff, now working, even though it took a while I am fighting for it... and I have my routine, simple one...I don't bother with music or anything loud..but I am not working 100% yet...
So most of the times she wants to go out and party, I rather stay home to save money and focus in the trainning for my Half Marathon I will be running soon and finding new clients, since I have been cleaning apartments.

Problem is she leaves most of the home work for me...like taking the garbage out, or some cleaning, the other day I cleaned all the windows (10)...and ok, she said thank you....than once in a while, like an example of the mean stuff she said:

- For them (the swiss people), you are bullshit, they don't want you here.
- You look like you have demence, you forget things I tell you.
- It is easier for you to stay at home, than to work. (When she "invited" me to go to the forest with the children she works with, because she needed help and I did not want to go to mix things up.)
- You took so long to come home, I was assuming you got a lot of money and went shopping.
- You didn't even go out today? You are getting depressed.
- I trust people, if I didn't, you would not be here. (When I told her to take care with some people she is hagging out)
- Your doing just some bullshit job.
- Well, there are people (immigrants) that are happy winning just 2000 CHF per month.

This is just an example.... I am just trying to work as hard and make money as soon as I can to find another place and do my Fitness Ausbildung.

Does anyone have this kind of problem? Is normal for people to treat you like you worth nothing? And like, just because she pays more for the apartment (because I don't need a 4 room Flat..I just use my room , bathroom and kitchen) ....she threats me like withtout her, I would be on the streets or something like that....


As I have experience on living with the others on the same situation, although still is not so late for you to do sth, but better to open the problems one after the other one, after resolving then the next step, for example, by mail write to her(and not oral) that I'd like to manage a program about cleaning the house,....
Or if you have to cook always, after a nice meal which you prepared, on table say to her " I'm waiting for your F.. Cooking art,....
Sometime before her exit from home, prepare yourself and just say bye bye, and if she ask where, better to say a meeting or date.,,,,

In fact, the next time, where you started to live with someone, at the beginning you have a good chance to clear all points and """you rights"""
Don't worry, not everybody the same she are stupid,
let me know what you did
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Old 12.10.2015, 12:58
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Re: Roommate problems

OP, it seems you're on a tight budget. What kind of agreement do you two have, do you pay the same as your roommate? If not, i.e. if you pay less, does she perhaps expect you to do most of the cleaning as a payback?

(Quotes not inserted, too many to be worth the hassle)

- For them (the swiss people), you are bullshit, they don't want you here.
Obviously she doesn't include herself in those thinking bad of you

- You look like you have demence, you forget things I tell you.
No comment

- It is easier for you to stay at home, than to work. (When she "invited" me to go to the forest with the children she works with, because she needed help and I did not want to go to mix things up.)
Could well be a try to help you.

- You took so long to come home, I was assuming you got a lot of money and went shopping.
Standard phrase for a swiss, just a meaningless remark. Similar ones are:
... I thought you got lost underway.
... I thought you won the lottery and flew off
etc

- You didn't even go out today? You are getting depressed.
standard remark for somebody who, as you describe, goes out much more often than you do

- I trust people, if I didn't, you would not be here. (When I told her to take care with some people she is hagging out)
How can you be offended when she says she trusts you?

- Your doing just some bullshit job
Not polite at all, but isn't it true?

- Well, there are people (immigrants) that are happy winning just 2000 CHF per month.
not necessarily an offense at all. Depends on the context.

OP, this could well be a severe case of Lost In Translation and of overthinking things from your side. You two need a serious talk, which will probably clear a good many misunderstandings.

Best of luck
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Old 15.10.2015, 22:31
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Re: Roommate problems

Hi there

We aLL have these problems

So my tip would be to get her to share - maybe with a "cleaning-responsibility" plan and tell her that you need to have clear rules. That is if you still want to keep her in the flat..

Alternative: just kick her out, there are thousands of others waiting to find a room in Zurich. You can find one within a blink of an eye then i suggest (lived shared flats all my life) to discuss the "cleaning agreement" already during the visit and make the new roommate sign it with the contract.
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