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  #81  
Old 29.10.2015, 13:31
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Re: Feeling lonely

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FFS, how do you think the rest of us made friends here?

(...)

What more do you want from us?
troll food maybe....
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  #82  
Old 29.10.2015, 13:35
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Re: Feeling lonely

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But you said you were gay?
its a she, and she is lesbian...
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  #83  
Old 29.10.2015, 13:59
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Re: Feeling lonely

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I remember the same feeling... two months is not really enough time to have your feet under you completely, but long enough for the novelty to wear off and you realize what's missing.

Hang in there, it'll get better. And then worse again, and then better again...

I remember two or three months is also about when the language barrier really started to bother me, not being able to understand what people said to me in shops, having to get colleagues to help me read my own mail etc. I felt like I couldn't understand what was going on and it meant I effectively couldn't be a grownup here. But it took me a while to pin down exactly what was making me so unhappy and what I could do to change it.
This ^

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What? Why would it be stupid? Of course you can go to pubs/bars alone.

Just be sensible, look after your drink etc but you'd do that even if you were out with friends.


FWIW if I ever have a disagreement with Mr. MathNut I do not talk about it with friends. He doesn't either. What happens between us stays between us until we can resolve it together. Of course different couples have their own ways of doing things and perhaps we are a little bit old-fashioned. I just mention it as a possibility. (Ideally this should be something both partners are on the same wavelength about, either both feel free to discuss such topics with their friends, or both feel they should be kept private.)
Also this (y)

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Im soon going to sign up for German kurs B1 but im afraid that there will be no one my age.
It doesn't matter. I attend a course where there are all different ages, and from different parts of the world

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You know how is it, its just where i come from people dont tend to go alone in bars or pubs or do some activitiys. So its hard when you go alone somewhere, everyone knows each other and you just sit alone



But there is no jung people on there all 30+. What im gona do with someone who is 35?
I don't know, what would you want to do?! I'm 34 what exactly do you think you could not do with me?
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  #84  
Old 29.10.2015, 14:44
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Re: Feeling lonely

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FFS, how do you think the rest of us made friends here?
1) Bars. Met several friends, and my late wife, in bars.

2) Work. Met several friends at work, or through work colleagues.

3) Hang out at the local motorcycle shop. Met several friends there.

4) Internet. Met several friends, and my wife, via internet.

Tom
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  #85  
Old 29.10.2015, 14:50
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Re: Feeling lonely

You can't win 'em all.
Now. Do I put the Thread on ignore for a day or two or simply the OP?
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Old 29.10.2015, 17:31
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Re: Feeling lonely

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Why im lonely? Because i dont go out, i have no friends here. And why i dont go, beacuse i have no one to go with.
Suddenly occurred to me that this all sounds a bit like this.


Last edited by Longbyt; 29.10.2015 at 18:16.
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  #87  
Old 29.10.2015, 18:22
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Re: Feeling lonely

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Why im lonely? Because i dont go out, i have no friends here. I dont go to bars, party ect. And why i dont go, beacuse i have no one to go with. And i never went alone anywhere. I dont practice that. Why people think i want a fan club? I dont want i just want normal friend to hang out with. If that is to much to ask then i dont know.
Ok. I'm rolling up my metaphorical sleeves and wading in.

I understand completely how you feel. All these fine folk, who also understand, have tried to help you. I know it's difficult. It's bloody difficult. You've left everyone and everything except your significant other to come to a new country where not much makes sense, particularly the vegetables, and you feel lost. Bereft.

Now. Get up. Dressed. Make yourself look like your old self and get on a tram. Go to a park. Join a library. Volunteer somewhere maybe. If you don't want to go to a bar by yourself, go to a cafe at lunch time. Take a book. If it's a real one and not an e reader then someone may strike up a conversation about it with you. If you seem approachable, people may approach. Yes, not everyone will be your age, (which is how old by the way?) we get past the age of age badges once we hit 13 (maybe 18 ...) and in my experience, having a wide friendship group with a substantial age range is utterly brilliant. I'm 38. One of my best friends in this world is 50 . We met at work 10 years ago. Another excellent friend is 28. Variety is where it's at, Frank Sinatra. If I only spoke to people the same as me I would have a group of short arsed, short tempered, sweary women who drink too much Italian red and bake a lot. It would be odd is what I'm saying. I've been here 7 months and have only made a handful of friends but it's a good handful. We met because of very narrow commonalities, being native English speakers and stay at home parents of toddlers (believe me, that's a whole different realm of lonely because you can't take a curious turbo charged toddler to a museum or a sewing/ baking/ language class, although I have taken her to a rather fabulous cocktail bar where she had a cheese sandwich and I had a mojito...)but we became friends because we are different, interesting to each other, interested, and supportive. . And we persevere. Is it the same as being with my friends from home? No. But I've known them a lot longer than 7 months. What it is however, is a lovely great start. And it's a joy to be out and suddenly meet someone you know in this new place.

Get comfortable being by yourself. Being happy in your own company is an essential life skill. Enjoy the view. Chat to the cashiers, it's doing wonders for my conversational German as one wonderful lady at our co-op is at the very least tri-ingual. Make sure you do fun stuff away from the home with your partner at weekends. Hell, arrange to meet her on way back from work and go out together!

Take a firm grip, with both hands; take a huge breath and exhale. Outside. Where people are.

My sincere best wishes to you,
Rufus.

Last edited by RufusB; 29.10.2015 at 20:19. Reason: stupidity
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  #88  
Old 29.10.2015, 18:27
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Re: Feeling lonely

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But there is no jung people on there all 30+. What im gona do with someone who is 35?
Sorry but I don't know any kindergarten to recommend you
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  #89  
Old 29.10.2015, 18:50
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Re: Feeling lonely

Go to this event, there will be people of all ages

Zürich Pub Crawl
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  #90  
Old 29.10.2015, 19:18
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Re: Feeling lonely

I just got back from Iceland (vacation) and met more people there than here in let's say five years (not kidding). I think you need to try and meet people abroad rather than here. It is truly impossible. Sad but entirely true.
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Hm just wanted to share how I feel so lonely. I came here 2 months ago, and didnt really make any real friends, someone I can talk to, go for a walk, coffe..just feel so lonely. Maybe im geting i depression. I dont know really how is with other people, do they feel the same.
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  #91  
Old 29.10.2015, 19:19
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Re: Feeling lonely

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I just got back from Iceland (vacation) and met more people there than here in let's say five years (not kidding). I think you need to try and meet people abroad rather than here. It is truly impossible. Sad but entirely true.
You don't have to go abroad.

Just go out of Zurich.
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Old 29.10.2015, 19:34
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Re: Feeling lonely

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I just got back from Iceland (vacation) and met more people there than here in let's say five years (not kidding). I think you need to try and meet people abroad rather than here. It is truly impossible. Sad but entirely true.
Meeting people here is "truly impossible"? I really don't get how people can think that all expats find it impossible to meet people and find friends, regardless of whether they are expat or Swiss. If in five years you have met no-one that you are still in contact with then the problem is not necessarily the country you are in.
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  #93  
Old 29.10.2015, 19:52
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Re: Feeling lonely

That pub is just so bizarre.
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Go to Kennedys Irish pub in Zurich on Saturday. There are bound to be a few fun people to talk to. Albeit they will all have funny accents.
Around about 4pm should be good.
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  #94  
Old 29.10.2015, 20:11
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Re: Feeling lonely

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That pub is just so bizarre.
How so?
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Old 29.10.2015, 20:28
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Re: Feeling lonely

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That pub is just so bizarre.
Eh, in what way is it bizarre? It's probably the most comfortable Irish pub ive seen. Much better laid out and more spacious than Paddys, with lots of seats and screens. Probably the best pub to watch sports in Zurich.
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Old 29.10.2015, 20:34
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Re: Feeling lonely

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That pub is just so bizarre.
I've been to that one (and I don't live anywhere near Zurich) and I actually thought it was quite nice as pubs in Switzerland go.
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Old 29.10.2015, 20:36
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Re: Feeling lonely

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You know how is it, its just where i come from people dont tend to go alone in bars or pubs or do some activitiys.
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But do you understand where i come from is not like that i never had friend who is 5 years older than me.
Girl, I don't know where this place you come from is but it sounds an awful lot like the set of Grease.

What you need to realize is that sure, practically everybody starts off their adult life this way, choosing friends based on age and traveling in packs for social security. It's a holdover from being in school.

But unless you plan to end your days being a 94-year-old who only talks to other 93-to-95-year-olds - and who can't go anywhere unless they go too - you are going to have to get past both of those habits at some point.

Get out, meet some people, talk. Repeat again with other people. It's a little intimidating at first but it's not rocket science.

Go on. You got this.
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Old 29.10.2015, 20:40
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Re: Feeling lonely

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How so?
Perhaps the last time she went there were two squealing toddlers chasing each other in gleeful circles round the furniture. You don't get that down the Oliver Twist.
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Old 29.10.2015, 20:43
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Re: Feeling lonely

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You don't have to go abroad.

Just go out of Zurich.
i ate glarnerland cheese some days ago
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Old 29.10.2015, 20:47
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Re: Feeling lonely

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I just got back from Iceland (vacation) and met more people there than here in let's say five years (not kidding). I think you need to try and meet people abroad rather than here. It is truly impossible. Sad but entirely true.
why do you think u met more people there?
state of mind? environment? specific type of people? would be interesting if u expand on that
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