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Old 07.02.2016, 14:06
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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I never wanted children. I enjoyed freedom and disposable income.
I'm not attacking your sentence at all, I am attacking what makes you write it:

It's sad that people who don't want children although they could have them are put into the situation to have to justify themselves. No point made to try to make others understand why some of us don't want children is vain: there is nothing to rationalize here.

Hiao like any other person who doesn't want children: don't feel obliged to justify your choice of life, it belongs to you and nobody should judge, so nobody should need your justification. I'm sad if you feel you have to provide one. Do you and do it well.
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  #22  
Old 07.02.2016, 14:09
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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I'm not attacking your sentence at all, I am attacking what makes you write it:

It's sad that people who don't want children although they could have them are put into the situation to have to justify themselves. No point made to try to make others understand why some of us don't want children is vain: there is nothing to rationalize here.

Hiao like any other person who doesn't want children: don't feel obliged to justify your choice of life, it belongs to you and nobody should judge, so nobody should need your justification. I'm sad if you feel you have to provide one. Do you and do it well.
Did you actually read his post?
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  #23  
Old 07.02.2016, 14:11
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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Did you actually read his post?
Here we go again... always the same people.

My post about this matter: I don't need to understand people's choice to respect them including changing one's mind in life. With or without children. Love.
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  #24  
Old 07.02.2016, 14:12
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

For some women, I guess, it is just a matter of perspective ...
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Old 07.02.2016, 14:16
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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Here we go again... always the same people.

My post about this matter: I don't need to understand people's choice to respect them. With or without children. Love.
It's because you singled him out as not wanting children and feeling it necessary to justify it, which clearly isn't the reason that he posted it. He used it as a way of explaining and emphasising that while having previously thought that way, he now couldn't imagine life without without his children.

Otherwise, while I agree with your general sentiments, in this thread I don't think that people feel they "have" to explain and justify things, it's because they clearly want to share their thoughts with others about the choices they made.
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Old 07.02.2016, 14:39
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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Don't watch daytime talkshows
Didn't yet see a post about "sticking something on the end of it" ?
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Old 07.02.2016, 14:44
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

In my eyes this poem says everything about parenting....

On Children by Khalil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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Old 07.02.2016, 14:45
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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Heaven maybe or simply a quiet emptiness. One thing fore sure patience can be pushed to it's limits!
You need to plan
.
Kids leaving the nest is a major cause of divorces in the situation where there was a stay at home wife.

She suddenly finds that her life has completely changed; all sorts of new starts required. Why not dump the old man at the same time - after all it is his fault!!
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Old 07.02.2016, 15:11
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

In a few years, the kids will have left the nest. The first one is likely to leave this year. Na ja - things change. I'm sure we'll manage. My wife and I already started taking long holidays just the two of us and it seems we still enjoy each other's company. Since we're relatively young, we're sometimes mistaken for a childless couple. "What, you have children? Where are they?"

My parents said that when I and my siblings had all left home, they suddenly had an enormous amount of disposable income. I'm kind of looking forward to that!
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  #30  
Old 07.02.2016, 15:16
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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You need to plan
.
Kids leaving the nest is a major cause of divorces in the situation where there was a stay at home wife.

She suddenly finds that her life has completely changed; all sorts of new starts required. Why not dump the old man at the same time - after all it is his fault!!
While I don't think that the woman is the one that does the dumping when kids leave (just as often the opposite, I'd wager) This is actually one thing that is also important to me, I don't think I would want to marry someone who didn't have a career that they could go back to after childbirth. I genuinely think that having a stay at home partner is one of the root causes of infidelity and dissatisfaction among many long-term couples that I have personally seen.

I fully believe that a woman is the natural nurturer when it comes to children, and I respect the sacrifice that goes into those first months after a child has been born, but I don't think I would be overly happy it if my wife didn't go back to work when she was able and the time was right to do so. Sure there is a lot of hard work that goes into maintaining a household, but it's hardly intellectually stimulating, and I think it really leads to a discrepancy in having things to talk about which ultimately leads to boredom and routine as well as the pressure of increased financial burden.

As for being a stay at home father... while i know for some couples it is a financial necessity, the thought of that horrifies me, I think I would die inside.

That's only my own perspective though, not saying it's the same for everyone and I am sure there are many happy examples out there!

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  #31  
Old 07.02.2016, 15:57
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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Why is it so silent now?
Because it's sweet to read that parents can't imagine not having the kids they had and it's touching to read that some people just knew having kids wasn't for them. Too much emotions, we are all crying and love is everywhere. Happiness is silent.
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Old 07.02.2016, 16:00
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

Sunday morning ! I have to get ready to go shopping with my Daughter (41) .When I come back I have to check the phone messages for the weekly call from my oldest one (46) in Toronto.
Not to forget to phone the Navy kid (42) in Victoria BC ,Wishing him good luck on his 3 weeks sea deployment . #4 (43) is moving in a new place in Orlando Florida ,locking forward to spend 3 weeks in the Florida sun


Kids are great including Grand kids
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  #33  
Old 07.02.2016, 16:08
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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Sunday morning ! I have to get ready to go shopping
It does show that you do not live in Switzerland. Your excuses do not transfer well to this place of the world. Still: have fun.
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  #34  
Old 07.02.2016, 16:29
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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Because it's sweet to read that parents can't imagine not having the kids they had and it's touching to read that some people just knew having kids wasn't for them
I'm not sure the OP was suggesting that.

I think they were just thinking that sometimes, just sometimes, it would be nice to have something like a quiet Sunday morning with the newspapers and a pot of coffee rather than the endless, raucous onslaught of a house full of bickering siblings.

I feel like that sometimes. It doesn't mean I regret having kids though.
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Old 07.02.2016, 16:30
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

I've always enjoyed being with children, working with them, playing with them. As a young adult, they gave me the opportunity to 'be a child' without getting odd looks. I could do cartwheels and make sandcastles when 'grown-ups don't do that sort of thing'.

Mr L and I were fortunate in that we had children as soon as we decided the time was ripe. I had easy pregnances and easy births. We had wonderful times with the youngsters. (when I continued to do cartwheels and make sandcastles). I was a stay-at-home Mum. The sort who helps make the costumes for all the children in Kindergarten class; who helps with the sewing class and teaching the children some basic music skills; who hollows out half a dozen pumpkins (or whatever they use for those lamps in Kindergarten); a Mum who is around when school is suddenly cancelled and is there to give lunch to farmer's children who cannot get to the farm and back in the lunch-hour.

Later, when the children were more self-sufficient, I started working on a volunteer basis, music in a Home for the Elderly and as a teacher, coach and official in Sports Organisations. Useful pin money which almost covered my expenses! It involved courses and competitions here and abroad when the family looked after themselves.

At some point the children left home. I honestly don't know when! They already had their own lives and had been away for weeks at a time doing 'work experience' connected with their professions.

It was, and still is, wonderful having adult children. We have adult conversations and, much to our amusement, they understand MUCH better now why we did certain things when they were young. We get invited to their homes and they feed us better than I ever fed them! Sometimes they ask us if we would like to join them on events they plan with their own friends. And we accept and have a lot of fun.

In spite of all the positive aspects, and there are lots of them, I think I could probably have been happy without having had youngsters. I don't think I would have 'taken measures' to have children had it not 'happened'.

That being said, I love being a grandmother. The 'return to sender' function, which is missing with one's own children, is fantastic. I leave out the cartwheels these days but still enjoy sandcastles...
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Old 07.02.2016, 16:37
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

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That does sound horrific - seem to have stumbled on a very male thread, will make quick exit back to my daughter
My place is actually quiet at the moment. All my kids are either in the throes of flu or quietly recovering.
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Old 07.02.2016, 16:41
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

Having children is life's greatest pleasure. I will miss them when they leave.
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  #38  
Old 07.02.2016, 16:49
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

You are right, everyone is different and what works for one doesn't for others.... and so completely right about people having children who really shouldn't.
I have a friend who had a child because it was what you did after getting married.... she is not maternal, never bonded with him and used him as a pawn in her later divorce battle. She now has an unhappy 16 year old who is unpleasant to be around. they argue constantly and he is clearly counting down the days until he can leave home..... its very sad.



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That's fine, I respect your choice even if I can't personally countenance it, and I don't think there is any right or wrong for individual situations. I will say with certainty that I would rather people who didn't want kids were more like you and simply didn't have them, rather than doing so regardless, making themselves miserable and raising an unhappy child.

While I can't predict what will happen, one of my greatest fears in life is having a kid with the wrong person or under the wrong circumstances and then having to live with those consequences for the rest of my life... I came close once and it really is my worst-case scenario. I have also seen the impact of a particularly nasty divorce and wouldn't wish it upon any child, which is why it's so important that I do it as right as humanly possible the first time.
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Old 07.02.2016, 16:52
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

They can be bloody annoying at times but the pleasure they bring by far outweighs the annoyance.
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Old 07.02.2016, 16:54
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Re: The thought of life with no kids.

On the Subject of Teenage Children : There are times ,all you can do is cross your finger and hope . My thought are with the Caldwell family in Calgary at this time










http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/twin-br...rash-1.2768028

Last edited by cannut; 07.02.2016 at 21:27.
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