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Old 27.07.2016, 11:03
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Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

I don't know how to start saying what I really need to nor do i know how to express myself and all I have kept bottled up for the past years. I just know I need to change something as I am destroying my health and happiness with every day I live like this.

I have been in Switzerland for the past 8 years and initially came here for what was supposed to be a year of work experience abroad. At the time I also has a relationship with a Swiss guy which eventually did not work out. I have worked and lived in various villages and currently live in Zurich and have a very small child as well as a partner (not Swiss).

Since I came to Switzerland I felt that I wanted to go back home. Why didn't I do it during these years? At first I stayed with the intention of making my relationship work, then when it ended I told myself I didn't want to leave only because my relationship ended and I was out of work. So I kept trying, got a job in a good company and after 6 months met my current bf. But in my heart I still felt that living in Switzerland was not for me. Of course my bf was aware of this and we had agreed to leave Switzerland together and go live in my country within a few years. Only that every time the target dates we set arrived my bf keeps procrastinating. I know that he would love to live in Switzerland probably all his life (although he says it is not true). His career is very important to him and so is his good salary here. He is not eager at all to lose them and in my country he would not find the same job he has now or have the same career prospects.

I have had very low moments these past years and the stress of it effected my health. Both with intensive tension headaches as well as other very scary physical symptoms which doctors all blamed on anxiety.

What am I anxious about? I truly feel trapped and torn between staying here (possibly all my life) for the sake of being with the man I love or going back home with my baby. I truly miss being close to family, the way of life back home, the simple way of living with less money but bigger smiles on people's faces. I know what you are thinking... that it is not fair that I take the kid and leave. Believe me, I value my time with my bf a lot and love every minute of our time together but I am so unhappy here despite spending 5 weeks of vacation back home every year. We have friends and we travel a lot and I also have good career prospects here.

After months/years of tears and even more waiting for the moment when my bf would say that he is finally ready to leave I have come to the conclusion that he will never be ready because he will never be able to give up his salary and job despite knowing how sad I am here. My country is only a 2 hour flight away and I thought it might be a compromise that he keeps his job and salary here and we meet during weekends in my country. Yes, not ideal. But it would work if we put what it takes into it. He is clearly not happy to do this and points this out all the time as well as making me aware that it might end between us which is not helping me at all feel reassured. He is otherwise a good man and father.

I am now scared of staying and getting myself really depressed or sick (I have convinced myself various times before and each time it hits me harder), scared of leaving (mainly for fear of losing the relationship).... totally undecided and not sure what best to do.... and in the meantime I feel I am drowning!
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Old 27.07.2016, 11:15
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

Sending a hug and letting you know you're not alone in dealing with anxiety and confusion.

1. Anxiety stops one from rash decisions but in its strongest form, it also can keep you from making any decisions whatsoever. Learn to breathe deeply a few times when dealing with these attacks. It will calm you down and allow you to think clearer.

2. Talk to someone about your situation. A friend, neutral person or even a therapist may help you find clarity.

3. Talk to your boyfriend. Perhaps he can also offer some clarity about his own intentions which will help you to decide what to do with the future.

4. Love yourself no matter what.

Good luck.
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Old 27.07.2016, 11:23
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

Off-the-cuff opinion?

Go back to your 2-hour-away country and see each other at the weekends. If after a few weeks you're not feeling much better and more relaxed (ie if going back home wasn't actually what you needed) then come back to Switzerland.

If you are happy, then keep telling your partner this, and how he said he would move to be with you back in your country. If you are happy home, and he won't follow you, then see if a weekend relationship does work for you both. I'm guessing not, and that it'll end, but let it. It only took you 6 months to find your current boyfriend.
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Old 27.07.2016, 11:29
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

From what you're saying it's pretty clear that something needs to change. Something big and soon!

I've done the long distance thing between London and Lausanne for 2 years. It's not easy, but it's doable.

Even if your BF doesn't want to leave CH, I'm sure he can't be that happy being here seing how miserable that's making you.


In your place, I would definitely go back to your country. From there you see what to do next, just like Adrian said.
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Old 27.07.2016, 12:05
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

Just an opinion... Write a letter to yourself, a very very detailed one which would include your wishes, desires, needs, thoughts and priorities concerning your life.
Don't hide anything from yourself throughout your letter. Include your achievements and struggles too (people tend to associate achievements with their careers/salaries, what else you've got?).
Put that letter in an envelope and wait 2-3 days (maybe a week). When the time comes, it's important to read it just after you wake up in the morning. It'll be different experience which I think would help you.

PS. About anxiety... Just an opinion again and actually a short story. More than a decade ago, I was a teaching assistant. As a routine and dull task, I was evaluating the papers of students. Anyway, my professor noticed that my grading curve was below the average but still no complaints from the students. He then requested random papers of students. I'm quoting exactly what he told me " your grading is reasonable and fair; however, your grading focuses on where students fail. You should also focus on what they achieve! A student cannot move further by being constantly reminded of mistakes..." Sounds simple but this has changed my world view.
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Old 27.07.2016, 12:32
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

Reading your post a lot of the problem seems to be about how you feel about yourself - you find it difficult to decide what to do because you are frightened of the repercussions and you are very anxious.

Also I think you feel that if you persuade your bf to leave his secure job etc and it doesn't work out after he commits to leaving that he will blame you and the thought of that makes you even more anxious.

Another thing that could be playing a part is a bit of post natal depression as you say you have a young child. Have you been to the Drs and explained about your anxiety?

I think that maybe if you can take a period of time of work - go back to your country without the bf and spend some time with your child and then decide how you feel - maybe you will see things clearer, and maybe you will decide that actually you are better off by yourself. You might decide to return or not but it is important to get your mental state improved because that will make everything a lot clearer.
Good luck..
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Old 27.07.2016, 13:10
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

Thank you all for your replies and advice which I find very soothing.

We have sought professional advice and help but it feels like we keep going around the same spot and don't move forward anymore. Maybe because we are living different realities here... maybe because we have different priorities in life, maybe because he is far more risk averse than me... I would like to start my own company back home and would like him to be part of it all if he feels like it of course but he criticises every idea I come up with, dismissing it for a failure before even trying. While I do appreciate how important his career and salary is to him I am not sure I would longterm be able to sacrifice what I feel makes me more serene in life for the sake of a career and keeping the relationship on its feet. Need to be happy for me and my baby too.

I agree with your comments about taking time off work now and intend on spending some time (weeks or a few months) in my country to see how I feel. I am well aware that he will not try support me and make it easier for me while I am there because if he does so he would feel there are less chances of me coming back. I hope I don't make big irreparable mistakes
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Old 27.07.2016, 13:38
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

I think you are right about the golden cage and I sometimes think the same thing.

The only problem for me is that I'm not terribly unhappy here, nor do I have a burning desire to go and live anywhere else. However, I know that Switzerland isn't really ideal for me, but is kind of OK.

However, I think if you ARE unhappy and DO have somewhere else you'd rather be, then it is a no-brainer: just go.

Worse case, you are wrong and come back and find a new more supportive bf.

Best case, you were right and you don't waste any more of your life unhappy in a place you don't want to be.
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Old 27.07.2016, 13:44
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

Why is Switzerland a golden cage though? Would you prefer if this happened to you in Uganda?

This is personal issue and I sympathize, I just wouldn't label it as such.
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Old 27.07.2016, 13:56
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

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I agree with your comments about taking time off work now and intend on spending some time (weeks or a few months) in my country to see how I feel. I am well aware that he will not try support me and make it easier for me while I am there because if he does so he would feel there are less chances of me coming back. I hope I don't make big irreparable mistakes
Well if you're completely honest, there is a good chance his concerns are valid.

Do you feel Switzerland is a golden cage for you or your boyfriend? He clearly doesn't want to move and I would give up hope of him ever changing his mind. Had he wanted to, he would have. I don't think that is necessarily a golden cage - people are different, not everyone has the urge or desire to move countries all the time and just because you did at some point for some reason doesn't mean everyone else is the same. He's obviously happy here, so why would he change or risk that?

At the end of the day, it is a question of what you value most in life. There's always a choice. We all have different priorities. If, for example, you value geographical closeness to your family over closeness to your child and partner and a materially less comfortable life over whatever you have here exactly, then that is your decision. If your boyfriend disagrees, then so be it. Chances are your relationship won't survive this anyway - sorry to put that extremely bluntly, but if you so fundamentally disagree on this very important subject, one of you will be unhappy no matter where you are or where you go.

No one here can tell you what the best way is. I like the idea with writing an honest and detailed letter to yourself, to find out what TRULY matters to you. Sometimes we think something matters when it really doesn't. Maybe going back home for a while helps, maybe not. Maybe another option is to fly home more often than you did now and see how it feels?
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Old 27.07.2016, 13:57
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

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Why is Switzerland a golden cage though? Would you prefer if this happened to you in Uganda?

This is personal issue and I sympathize, I just wouldn't label it as such.
Gilded cage instead of golden cage, I guess jk, I'm not a native speaker anyway. And why OP says Switzerland is a golden cage is pretty evident by looking at the number of finance-related terms used and where they occur in her posts.
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Old 27.07.2016, 13:58
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

... a Golden Cage ? I would rather describe it as "Disneyland for adults" where you don't have to pay an entrance fee but everything costs $$$ separately. Everything is clean, tidy and lovely but after some time it can get very boring. Some places (especially Zurich) are rather materialistic and therefore also attract these kind of people, you get the impression that money and status symbols is all that's important.
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Old 27.07.2016, 13:59
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

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I hope I don't make big irreparable mistakes


This is what is keeping you from going forward. It's what is feeding your anxiety.
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Old 27.07.2016, 14:02
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

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I think you are right about the golden cage and I sometimes think the same thing.

The only problem for me is that I'm not terribly unhappy here, nor do I have a burning desire to go and live anywhere else.
+1

OP:

Switzerland is an aquired taste and not for everyone. This is normal.

If it isn't for you, there is no shame. But you have to be honest and true to yourself. Not every relationship will last and your long term health is important. You need to make some hard (or easy!) decisions before your health problems become a longterm issue.

The question I have is about your child. If from your first (Swiss) partner, do you need permission from him to leave the country with your child?

Good luck.
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Old 27.07.2016, 14:06
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

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... a Golden Cage ? I would rather describe it as "Disneyland for adults" where you don't have to pay an entrance fee but everything costs $$$ separately.


Disneyland is supposed to be fun... I'd describe Amsterdam as an adult Disneyland, but surely not Switzerland.


Just like the others do I feel the same about the golden cage idea - I get it and felt it too. Left for some years (to another one... ), back now, same feelings. I live here very comfortably, but it never feels like a new "home". Partly because the locals spend a lot of effort to remind you regularly that you don't really belong here...
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Old 27.07.2016, 14:27
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

Libelulla,

I think the first question you need to answer is if your unhappiness is specifically related to Switzerland. i.e. The climate, the lack of an ocean port, the hilliness of the damned place, or the fact that the public transport runs on time. You may feel that the Swiss are cold and unapproachable, not like their dialect, or laundry and vacuuming habits (These are also valid objections if you make them so).

The second question to answer is if these specific issues are the sole and root cause of your unhappiness. At 37 it is not uncommon to wonder if where you are has been worth the effort, and if the future promises what you desire. Having a small child can also be a challenge.

The third question would be if there were some other place where neither of the above issues would be the case going forward - would this be a certainty?

We can all get into a place where everything seems wrong. This does not mean that there is some place where everything is right.

Be clear that in a situation like yours whatever you choose is a wager. The thing is that you are playing in the game that you wager on. It is a lot easier to throw a game by not trying to win than by not trying to lose.

Please don't misunderstand, I am not saying "If you don't like it leave", or "snap out of it and be positive". What I am saying is that it isn't unusual to feel the way you do, what you need to do is evaluate why you feel this way, and change what you can reasonably expect to make things better.
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Old 27.07.2016, 14:33
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

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Off-the-cuff opinion?

Go back to your 2-hour-away country and see each other at the weekends. If after a few weeks you're not feeling much better and more relaxed (ie if going back home wasn't actually what you needed) then come back to Switzerland.

If you are happy, then keep telling your partner this, and how he said he would move to be with you back in your country. If you are happy home, and he won't follow you, then see if a weekend relationship does work for you both. I'm guessing not, and that it'll end, but let it. It only took you 6 months to find your current boyfriend.
Second this suggestion - and don't let him talk you out of it! It's obvious that no matter what you are not going to be happy living here. If he really cares for you he'll at least try the move, after all he can always move back can't he. The main problem I see is that you set a date, he procrastinates and you let him. Well, simply don't. Tell him you're going on such and such a date, you'd love him to come with you and try and make it work, but if not then you're going anyway and will arrange to meet with him once you've settled in back home. Your indecision isn't helping you, only tearing you in two.
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Old 27.07.2016, 15:24
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

You seem to have given birth not that long ago as you say your child is very small. Could your situation be, though not caused but perhaps be amplified, by postnatal depression or something of that sort?

Whatever you decide, all the best for the two/three of you.
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Old 27.07.2016, 15:25
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

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This is what is keeping you from going forward. It's what is feeding your anxiety.
Precisely!

What is so wrong about making a mistake? We all do and the majority of us are big enough to own up to them.

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.
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Old 27.07.2016, 15:29
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Re: Is Switzerland a Golden Cage?

Um, I'm not sure about the "I'll leave this place and if you really love me you better come along and/or deal with it in some other way cause you promised"-approach. To me that's essentially a threat. Threats are never good and can backfire badly.

I don't know to what extent that "promise to move" was made, of course. There's a big difference between saying "yes, in year 2017, I will definitely moving to your country" and "well yeah, let's see, maybe at some point we can consider moving". Maybe he simply didn't think it was as clear a plan as OP thinks...

Also: there's a kid involved. Assuming it's his, OP can't just take off as she pleases, from both a moral and a legal standpoint. The father has rights of course. Not to mention that for the kid's sake, that is probably really not the best approach...
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