A female friend of mine has been going out with a Swiss guy for last 3 years. It's a full blown relationship but what tickles my thinking is that they have never said "I love you" to each other. Maybe I am too much of a romantic but is that not odd? What is the take of resident experts?

Maybe they don't love each other.

Assuming they were capable of speaking, they might have reiterated it by other means, such as sending a TXT with "4 5683 8" or by sending flowers

It does bother her that he has never said the L word to her in 3 years. Could you sleep with someone in an exclusive relationship for 3 years and not love them? I would kick the guy out in a similar situation. I feel her relationship is headed for disaster but I better keep my mouth shut.

good idee

Why don't you say it for him?

If it bothers her as well,in that case why does she(your friend) not speak to him directly about the relationship & sort things out. I guess being in a relationship for 3 years means that they trust each other to a great extent.Its always better to sort out things earlier rather than heading for disaster.

I can't imagine it - sorry, did you say 3 years? - but then I'm something of an incurable romantic at the moment.

Perhaps they are saving that for marriage. I knew a couple back home who did just that. I never could quite see the point in it - by the time he'd proposed and she'd accepted, they both knew darn well they loved each other anyway, so why not say the word? - but I admired their determination. (Perhaps not coincidentally, today they are both Taboo players to reckon with.)

Since it seems to bother your friend, she needs to talk to her man about it. She shouldn't phrase it in terms of "does he love me?" though (and neither should you.) People show love in all sorts of ways every day, most of them not involving the magic L word at all.

Meh. Saying I love you is easy. Showing someone you love them, through the trials and tribulations of being with them, sharing food with them, sharing space with them- sharing a life with them... that's difficult.

If it bothers her, she should be honest about it. And ask, because he sure as hell can't read her mind.

But really- if everything else fits her, makes her feel valued and satisfied and cared for- then maybe its a question of language as opposed to feelings. My father as far as I'm aware doesn't go around telling my mother that he loves her. He just proves it every day.

And if everything else doesn't fit her- then that's the real question she should be asking. At that point, really this is not about some three word phrase which hasn't been uttered like its a magic incantation to solve all problems.

From the wise words of a cleaning woman in Paris "If he doesn't say he loves you in the first three months he never will".

I think this too is another cultural thing.

The way Americans for example use the words "I love you" has for me and many Europeans not much meaning, at least not the meaning of dearly truly deeply loving someone, it is used for just about anyone, anything, food, dog, neighbor, a crush, whenever, however. Just a nice sounding 3 words void of any deeper meaning whatsoever.

The French "je t'aime" has a lot of meaning for us. We don't use it easily and just like that and you won't hear it easily used in films either. Those words one can't just shout out, throw around, you have to almost whisper them.

For the couple Suman mentions, unless it really bothers one of them not to hear those words spoken because it would mean a proof of true love, well then it is rather obvious something hasn't clicked yet the way it probably has been expected to.
Isn't it up to them to know what it is that makes them secure or not in their love for each other ?

I dont see what the problem is. Why do people get so hung up about a single word.

Ok, so you see this in hollywood films all the time, but frankly, I see explosions everywhere too, but I don't expect to see Bruce Willis crashing a car into a helicopter on my morning commute either...

It is just a sentence. There are plenty of other ways to convey the same sentiment.

You say they have never said it to each other and this does bother her? Why doesn't she just tell him she loves him and see what happens?

I would think that would solve the problem of whether he actually loves the girl or not. Maybe he thinks she is just one of those girls who doesn't need to hear it all the time (unlike me, who likes to hear it often...from the right person, of course).

With respect, American culture is considerably less overwrought than American films and television would suggest.

"I love" is tossed around casually, yes, just like "j'aime bien."
"I love you" though is quite charged. I can assure you I've never said that to my food, neighbor or mad crush.

I agree with MathNut. It is a big moment in a relationship when you first say "I love you" to each other. The first to say it desperately hoping the other says it back. At least that's how it feels for most women I know. And a lot of men too.

As someone told me once... There is always poetry in every relationship (usually on outset of every relationship and then we tend to use romantic phrases a lot) and later it's all about the prose (real life).

I have to smile thinking of some friends of mine, who go by the idea that once you've said those words the whole fun, chase, suspense is gone

Yes... that makes me laugh too!

A friend of mine told me about three years ago that in her five-year relationship, neither partner had ever said they loved each other. She said it didn't bother her (it would bother me), because she knew he loved her and vice versa. They're now married with a baby. I'd still want to hear the words just because I really enjoy being able to say them to someone I love too (and it's hard if it's all one-way).

I even agree with them