Hi All
A friend of mine sent me the book
"women who love too much "
it is recommended to find a support group for women who love too much
I thought i would ask if
anyone out there, male or female, would be interested to get together
and figure out what went wrong, and how to go about being more
positive about relationships and staying away from people who
drain your energy, are dishonest, drink or smoke too much
working on building your self esteem and turning your back on the painful past
In short a support group for people who have been in bad relationships
anyone ?
I would suggest meeting once a month or so in Zurich area
and talking over a cup of coffee

Everybody gets his/her heart stamped upon at some time in his/her life. It's normal. It's to be expected. It hurts for a bit, then you meet somebody else, somebody better, somebody worth the effort.

Do you really need a support group for that? Isn't it better just to live and live well?

"Hello, my name is summerrain ....and I'm a lovaholic."

Would love to join, but ahhh shame, I smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish.

well,
If you have consistantly been drawn to people who dont appreciate you
if you give and give and get back a cold shoulder then i think it is good
to have that kind of support group because there are people out there
who keep falling for mr or mrs wrong
when it is a pattern , yes, i do think a support group would help
not to substitute therapy but in addition to help clarify issues and support
those of need of strengthening self esteem ,
It is mostly a self esteem problem
you dont think you deserve better but you do

and you make fun of serious subjects
so no thank you
i can do without the company but your name is misleading
it actually sounds nice

If you are constantly drawn to the wrong people / partners / friends, yes, I agree that there is a problem. A problem that you should seek help from professional counsellors, who are trained in helping you identify the reasons - rather than a group of strangers. That is, if you are into such things. I personally like to be self sufficient whenever possible.

Sorry if this is going to sound like I'm raining on your parade, and if I am getting the wrong end of the stick: but surely you dont expect a group of strangers who meet up once a month to spill their guts out to each other - trying to leech on each others' positivity and energy. I think I might come out much more drained than energised at such meetings.

Why not try organising a social meeting on the Events section for coffee, rather than something so heavy? Good luck though.

shame. I really wanted to cut down on my therapy bills.

I disagree. If you're constantly getting into bad relationships, then you don't deserve better. You are getting exactly what you deserve.

So you don't think I'm just being cocky and flippant: I used to love fey, pale, "interesting" women. They fascinated me - I suppose they awoke some kind of urge to protect or something. But they were bad news. All of them. One after the other.

Now, I could have just blamed them for being mad neurotic bints. Or I could have learnt to recognise that fey, pale, "interesting" women tend to be mad, neurotic bints, and it was my problem, and my problem alone if I insisted on going for them all the time.

Which is what I did. After a heartbreak which nearly sent me to a hole in the ground, I bucked my ideas up, decided that there was more to life than mad, neurotic bints, and taught myself to live.

I didn't need a support group. I didn't need any silly nonsense about "self-esteem". I just took responsibility for my own actions and did something about my silly infatuations.

A support group is likely to end up as nothing more than an "all-men-are-bastards", "dwelling-endlessly-on-the-past" club. If you really want that, then that's fine, but you won't be doing yourself any favours.

Trust me. I've been there.


There are no serious subjects. Life, and love in particular, is fundamentally absurd.

And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Hmmmm....there is another danger of this. If all those "wrong partners survivors" get together, men and women, after brief bitter "I hate him/her" confessions, it will most likely turn into practicing a newly acquired art of a healthy refusal. On eachother, since it will be a cheap oportunity. So, more heartbreaks, for peeps who haven't even gotten over their old ones. Rebound binge, me thinks. People are wolves, every one of us.

People who have been through bad relationships may require outside support to help them resolve the problems. This would almost certainly require professional counselling or similar support to address isuues such as low self-esteem, lack of confidence, negative thoughts etc.

Informal self-help groups can offer limited assistance. This is generally along the lines of realising that other people have similar problems or may be worse off. It is unlikely to be a complete solution.

There are added dangers in self-help groups that they can reinforce stereotypes e.g. All men are B***ards etc.

All of this can be exaggerated if any medications are involved, whether over-the-counter or prescribed.

Smoke too much ????

ROFL

I wonder what Bukowski would have thought about someone like you.

All I ever learned in life was from dishonest women who drank & smoked too much..

Beautifully said !

People who care too much tend to do so because they're trying to satisfy a need to be recognized and loved. Once they realize that they don't need to see approval in another person's eyes and that what others feel and think does not define them, they usually find their own center.

It's a subject that could be discussed endlessly.. there are as many perceptions as there are people.

The line between pleasure and pain can't be measured by means of a brain.
Mere reason alone can never explain how the heart behaves.
*Was (not Was)

Starshine, I am sure your posts are great, but I can't be assed to read them.

Your layout and punctuation makes me realise I have better things to do.

When you make the effort, so will I.

Starshine, I think it was quite brave for you to post your suggestion. Relationships are personal, and when things are personal, there are emotions and emotions can run high. I can see the points raised by the others but you should stick to your guns. If you think it is a good idea for the support group, and you get some other interest, just run with it.

From one perspective, having an outlet to discuss a situation where others have the same experience can be quite healing...and I think in a group of people who may not be your best friends but are there because they sympathize with you, can also be quite soothing and for certain topics, sometimes it is easier to speak to "strangers" then it is to your own family and friends. Sometimes strangers are more objective, while friends and family with all the best intentions...they care "too" much...

The only add-one that I would like to suggest is that if you do get a group together, perhaps pooling some funds and get a trained professional counselor or therapist that can help guide you towards positive solutions. The first step of sharing and acknowledging is just that, the first step...if everyone has the same issue...who will help/guide you through the maze?

Good luck with that!...my issue is more that I do not always love enough! (that commitment word is a bit scary sometimes, but I am also old-fashion, and believe that perhaps I have not had the right inspiration... just yet... :-)

Dearest beloved Starshine, take heed of what peeps are saying here. You are at a very dangerous juncture, where a soft heart could turn hard and a soft brain could turn to backlash. The only way you are going to avoid repeating a pattern is through your own sight, insight and realization.

When you get into situations as you describe, it is you, not the other. There is no one to blame, there is no fault and certainly no need for revenge on yourself or others.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is valuable, everything that has happened. Once insights awaken in your being, your natural intelligence will take over and guide you. Through your experiences is how you learn, how you grow, how you mature and become the wiser about yourself and reality. If you dream you are a dolphin, swimming with dolphins but keep waking up with crocodiles, it's time to really wake up and start seeing things as they are and not as you dream they should be.

You have to first love yourself before you love has any value. Your no must be clear and defined before your yes can bloom and radiate.

Be kind and patient with yourself. Listen to others when the shoe fits, but don't put on shoes that don't fit you, because no matter what anyone tells you or how those shoes look, they're going to pinch and give you blisters.

Look to yourself, within yourself for answers. Relax, take your time, keep your feet on the ground, and watch things more from the distance while enjoying the pains and pleasures of healing.

Today is the first day in the rest of your life, so live it now and don't let the past get in the way. It takes time, so take it easy.

Can a woman love too much?

from a man's point of view - No.

Well, at a certain point, even the most hardy need to get some sleep.

OP, with the greatest of respect, I believe you are making a fundamental and very common error.

problems and anxieties should always be discussed over tea, never coffee

schmunzel ...

sometimes I really wished I was a man and could see the world as uncomplicated as you do ... hugs to you guys!!!