Let me begin this sensitive topic with the disclaim that I have plenty of German friends and my boyfriend is German so its not "something against them" but I seem to have a recurring work-related culture clash with them!!!

I just started a new job in a small but growing company. The majority of my colleagues are Swiss but there is one German there who, in my interview, came across as really polite and friendly but since I have started he has proven otherwise.

We need to work together, I as communications manager and he, as product manager. He has already told me that it is better that we keep our boss "out of things" as much as possible because otherwise things don't get done (he holds up the show) but I already don't feel comfortable with that.

Here are some of the incidents as I can't yet really pinpoint his behaviour by description.

We had to produce a strategical presentation on Thursday and agreed that we would present on every second slide but he waited until I had finished what I had to say on each one then added his tuppence worth. A few of my colleagues and the COO of the company approached me afterwards and told me not to mind him, that they were "talking" to him and that he still has a lot to learn.

He physically follows me when I have conversations with management and tries to eavesdrop. He is unstructured in his methods and seems to promise without delivery.

He is blocking me into 5 hour meetings through lunch to "brainstorm" together but I find a lot of his input pie in the sky but when I try to argue with him he challenges me.

My boss is extremely busy - he wasn't present for during my first week at work (on a business trip), this week we had a big internal event and next week he is off the entire week on holiday - so it looks like we will be left to our own devices.

Can anyone offer their experience and advice on how I should deal with this guy over the next few weeks without making an enemy in my first month at work???

Thank you!!

It sounds to me like he is competing with you or threatened by you.

I would try to find polite ways to stick to your ground and also try to make a simple interaction with your boss to tell him/her that you are finding this person challenging and difficult to work with.

I know that you probably want to make an awesome impression and be as productive as possible, and this person may be undermining your confidence, but if you can stick it through, then you may be able to turn it around.

If it escalates at all to any sort of sexual innuendo, threatening or creepy behaviour, then please go with your gut instinct and inform the boss immediately and then stand up for yourself.

Anything more than 2 hour meetings are completely unproductive. There was also a research that showed that decision making capacity fades the more decisions you have to make in a day (even basic things like what to have for lunch) - but a little sugar helps to 'reset' the decision making clock.

Don't let him monopolise your schedule. Try to strategise your week and then block your time and keep to the time limit. Make a fixed lunch break and stick to it. If it's a problem for your coworker, make a reason.

"I can meet with you at 11:30am. I must take my lunch break at 1pm because I need to go for a walk/to the shop/run an errand...can you agree to that time limit ?

On the other hand, I know someone who was feeling extremely pressured by a co-worker who has a reputation of being a bully. After about 4 weeks, he stood over her (he's much taller) and simply said "No, we are not going to do things this way"...and then walked away.

That was enough to assert some power-balance. It was not done in a threatening way, and it was not done noisily...

I have worked with someone who can be quite argumentative. Drove me nuts. So I have to avoid asking their opinion too much. I set them tasks. I follow up on those tasks. I don't engage in 'theoretical' discussions...this person loves theory, so do I, but it doesn't help either of us to do the daily work that we must do...

Hi Fio,

Well, not sure from where to start but let me try to organize my thoughts in points hereunder

1) Issue with German Culture
2) Issue with working in what I may call "family company"


- Issue with German Culture, here I am sure I understand you well, you have nothing against Germans but you are worried if Germans at work are having a strange behaviour - but I can see from your message that you answered this already, where you say that it seems to be he still lacks experience and I believe that is the point.

I am niether German nor Swiss, I work here for 3 years - and I suffer from Swiss work culture than German honestly due to some reasons that I may tell you later not to get out of the subject - but let me conclude that I believe it is not a German related issue - but the German Culture may take part here

- Issue with small company, and I think this is the point, it seems to be that there is no good reporting or auditing system "which is something I suffer from here however I work in an international company" - and I think if you managed to control this situation you will gain great experience that will raise your professional assets.

Let me try to suggest like a procedure and you tell me how you think about it

- Towards the German guy:

1) Accept the fact that he is lacking experience, I can see from your message that you are already trying.

2) Find ways to help him to improve without you loosing your time or energy - I know this seems to be quiet difficult but let us take the example you just mentioned -- 5 hours brainstorming, I think this hardly happen, we work in complex project where when we need more than 2 hours brainstorming we do a workshop and invite others and make agenda - so in this case why not to ask him to write down the points, put his ideas - you read them and add to them then you reduce it to 1 hour.

3) Never make him feel that you are not happy about him, this is my personal belief - that Swiss and lot of German can easily backstep you, so for the start we need to avoid this, maybe this can change later but not when you started working in this company.


Towards Other Working Colleagues:

I am not sure how many employee are there in the company, but you need to build very good relationship towards them, so if it happened that you have a big conflict with the German guy, the first thing your manager will do - will be to collect feedback about both of you, escpecially the newly joining the company.

Towards your manager:

I had the impresson that there is no clear reporting system, then try to find a way to report your work to him every 2 weeks of month - so you have the right recognition when needed.


Last thing, I believe that Germans have inner pride where they feel so happy when someone tells them that they are the best, I dont know how this comment may help you but I just say it.

I am not sure if what I wrote can help you - or I understood you wrong, but let me know if some of what I write needs more clarification.

Kind Regards

Not much fun off the blocks!

My feeling would be to call your boss just to "touch Base" and work out who and how the interaction occurs....how YOU plan your time/day/meeting etc etc Tread lightly..no names

Invite other colleuges to the brainstorimng to address the balance you feel is needed in the workplace.

If you feel he's full on, front him quitely, tell him how you feel about his performaces and interaction so far! Clear the air.

Get empowered and get some positive direction.

Don't let it grow and grow...HR office COMMUNICATE.

enjoy YOUR new job and YOUR role...

failing that bring some good german beer and bretzels and have one together..LOL

Thank you so much for your advice! I really appreciate it. I have considered the suggestion and last week I was so exasperated I started to block time in my calendar (ie. work, lunch, other meetings etc)
I totally agree with the "no more than 2 hours" rule and a meeting longer than that is not productive when it is between just 2 people - would be a workshop demanding more people's buy in.
I will bite my tongue on Monday - maybe do a little preparation tomorrow night so I have the outcomes/objectives clear in my head the issues prioritized so the meeting doesnt go so long (ie. as soon as we have agreed on actions and responsibilities - we postpone the rest to a later date.
Im reassured to hear you don't think I am completely overreacting and that his behaviour is not really professional...that is some solace in itself!

May I add something,

It can happen that you sometimes feel like you need to complain now, try not to complain to any of your work partners, and of course never complain to your boss - write here or talk to a colleague or a friend outside your work, just talking or writing will help you to get ride of negative energy and be relaxed to get into a new challenging situation with your work colleague.

I think that Swiss companies hates complaining even if you have the right, they don't show you thier bothering but they mark on you as a trouble maker - not sure if this is right but this was my experience.

Good luck and let us know how things go - if you don't mind.

Hi Flo,

I am not entirely sure this is a "cultural" issue; as I think, most people can identify someone very much like this person, regardless of culture.

Not sure how long this person has been with the company or how long the company has been around; but assuming that this person has been here for a bit.

If you go from this premise, then try to see if you can accept that this person may be struggling with some tough "changes" - i.e., you. It may not be you, personally, but the role that you represent. As with any change, it takes people time to work through and rationalize. Unfortunately, this is clashing with your desire to make a great impression.

Ultimately, the only person you can control is yourself. If you allow yourself to be upset by this person, you will continue to be upset. But, if you can take a step back and try to see the situation from his point of view, you may discover something different. I am a big fan of an honest conversation (have you ever read Authentic Conversations? Great book). I would sit down with this person and find out how he used to work and how things are different for him now that you are there. That may shed some important light on why he is behaving the way he does. Find a way to clearly demarcate your roles and responsibilities versus his.

To me, it's probably better to try to have a conversation with him first instead of going to your boss. In all likelihood, your boss did not do a good job adding you to the team (there are several exercises that can help with these type of situations); however, by going directly to him without talking to this person first may create some negative feelings.

Try not to be angry with him, nothing he has done so far really sounds like he is maliciously trying to undermine your or make you sound incompetent. They sound like someone who is trying to understand his role. Frustrating? Definitely. But I think it's something that can be resolved.

All the best,
Karen

I would suggest you hold your tongue as best you can for the moment, and give yourself more time to reflect and understand the roles people have in your workplace.

Looking back at my last job, originally there were some people that grated on my nerves or that I thought totally inappropriate. As I understood the workplace better, and built a relationship with the people in question, I came to appreciate how some of those irritating traits, actually helped me do my job, contributed to the team, and our overall goals. It also just helped me appreciate them as people, and turned into a distinct fondness for their quirkiness.

Of course, this is not always the case, and sometimes further action is needed, but I would hesitate at least for now in terms of confrontation or talking to your boss.

I do think setting boundaries for yourself is a great idea, in terms of planning your time, or even stating what you are and are not comfortable with (ie: keeping your boss in the loop), and some of that you can frame in terms of "You know, I'm new here and I don't want to step on toes or assume anything before it's clear, for so now I would like to..." Use that wiggle room you get as the newbie.

Good luck and congrats on the great job!

Thanks! Im about to buy that book on Authentic conversations now on Amazon. Its a funny old life. Its the third time I have had major conflicts with people I have to work closely with since i have come to Switzerland (Im 32, so yes, I have experience before now).
So I have been looking more and more at ways to deal with these sort of character conflicts. However, I do find that if both parties want what is best for business it is usually easier to resolve but when egos and/or ambition are involved then one is dealing with deeper, more personal feelings. In that case I can only trust that management take care of the individual!
Ill definitely report back on how things are going; I owe to you for the feedback!!! Lets see how it goes ; )
Fio

Its a funny old life. Its the third time I have had major conflicts with people I have to work closely with since i have come to Switzerland (Im 32, so yes, I have experience before now).


Must be a reason for the major conflicts.

Don't forget to block out your lunchtime in your Outlook calendar.

Cheers,
Nick

Nothing cultural here. The guy just have far too much self-confidence. Looks to me like a very common problem in most countries nowadays (well-travelled teacher speaking).

Do not accept any invitations that do not have at least agenda, purpose & objectives - it is unprofessional. It is a Swiss legal requirement that you have a lunch break.


Take Minutes & circulate them to at least your colleague & your boss. Be sure to include;

• who organised
• who attended
• agenda, etc
• start & finish time
• A list of decisions & next steps

p.s. About "it is better that we keep our boss "out of things" as much as possible"

Have you considered he may be telling your boss untrue stories about you which you would not know about if you keep your boss out of things?

Hi,
Thanks again for your help!

It went ok in the end (after I cancelled the other 5 hour meeting he had scheduled for today and explained that I would prefer to keep meetings shorter and not through my lunchbreak)

I encouraged him to send out the meeting update to our boss today which he did. I am finding that being very direct with him (what I would actually call 'rude') seems to be the most effective way to get across my message.

#skinthickerthanmine

I was reading the thread and was going to post something like this. I have worked in Germany and have found communication and feedback can be far more direct and blunt which often catches none Germanic people by surprise. It may feel rude, but if you are just being direct and are keeping the feedback non personal, then it is totally fine. I have met several German managers who have said managing Brits for example, can sometimes be really hard for them as they have to read between the lines. They are used to a more direct style of communication.

I hope things contuinue to improve. Good luck

Hmm. I have been reading this thread and agree with most of the responses. I work at a global pharma company (100’000 employees), and my closest colleagues are German (among people from the UK, Italy, Spain, France, Belgium, Netherlands, etc). If anything, I can have the most open, blunt, and honest conversations with them. So, I am not too impressed with the "German culture" thing.

Having said that, I acknowledge that this colleague of yours seems insecure, threatened by you, and that you still need to find a way to work with him. It is a typical "manage your difficult colleague" type of thing and whole libraries have been written about how to deal with it. You may want to look at books like this. Mind, I have not read it, so I can not really recommend it. But the number of books around do show that it is a difficult issue to tackle. And as every-ones situation is different, there is no clear cut answer for you.

So, in the end I can only write down what works for me.

• First, I would like to know whether I really need this colleague. Is this a matter of (1) if I do not get his input I can not get my work done, or (2) his input is nice to have, but I do not really need it? Obviously, your actions in scenario 1 will be different as compared to the second scenario. From what you write, it looks like you really need his input, so that will be my assumption for the following text.
• So, you really need his input. It makes it much more manageable if you can clearly define what input you need and when. Clear communication of deliverables, and having both your management agree on this, makes life much easier for both of you. So herein is the challenge, how can you make this guy do what you need from him, without him feeling threatened, incapacitated, beheaded, trumped, overruled, whatever.
• In cases like this, what I do is this:
  1. Take an hour or two to discuss with the guy WHAT you both should deliver to whom and by when ("identification of the deliverables"). Do NOT start discussing HOW you are going to deliver it, and who should do what (aka "problem solving mode"). Just make sure you are on the same page about the WHAT. If he starts talking about the HOW, just tell him that you want confirmation of the WHAT first. Use whatever argument you feel is appropriate, like that you are new, want to make sure you are doing the right thing, that you trust him, but need a good bond with your manager and main stakeholders as well, etc. If you want, you can make it really formal, and write it down in an email. Ask him to review what you wrote down before going to your main stakeholders for confirmation that this is really what needs to be done. As you describe a product manager and communication manager who are both responsible for a strategic presentation, I will assume that an appropriate example would be that the main deliverables are (1) to produce a presentation to convince senior management that (2) a certain way of communicating the product to the market is the best way, and that you need (3) their endorsement. Mind you, this is just a working example.
  2. As soon as you have the WHAT defined, go to your main stakeholders (your manager?) and make sure that what you discussed with your colleague is indeed aligned with what your stakeholders expect from you. Put it in an email, and make sure to get an answer on email. Make sure to copy your difficult colleague, and that he is also copied into the response. Even better, ask your manager for a 10 minute brainstorm (NOT longer), for you and your colleague to learn if this is really what is needed. Use the fact that you are new to ask many questions. And you CAN justify asking whether this is really what is needed, especially as it will take only 10 minutes from your bosses time.
  3. Now, if your colleague says that talking to your boss “holds up the show”, than there is probably a reason that this is the case. Either (1) your boss is indeed too busy and making an appointment somewhere in the next month with him does indeed hold up the show, or (2) your boss does not agree with what your colleague comes up with. In either case, YOU NEED TO KNOW. And there is really only one way of knowing, and that is by asking. If your boss is on a business trip, send him an email asking when would be a good time to call him for 10 minutes. Nobody is so busy that he can not make 10 minutes free for a new employee, even when that would be at 21:00pm in the evening. Again, discuss ONLY the WHAT. What do you need to deliver? When you know exactly what you and your colleague need to deliver, and to whom, then you have made your life much easier.
  4. Next is the HOW. Now that you have clarity on the WHAT, you actually do NOT have to discuss the WHAT with your colleague any more. The HOW is partially defined by your separate roles, but also by the different skill sets that you both have, and the different expectations that you may have. For example, if you want to limit your self to “just communicate what the benefits of the product are”, then that leaves a large part of the strategic thinking to your colleague. On the other hand, if you think you are capable of defining the best communication (marketing?) strategy for whatever product, it actually means you have to learn as much as possible from the product as you can, in order to best define the strategy. Here is where actual discussion with your colleague comes in to play. So ask him the following questions:
     1. What strategy does he want to present in the presentation?
     2. What product information is needed from him, and how will he provide that information?
     3. What communication tools / methods does he think are needed from you, and how does he expect you to provide that?
  5. As you can see, the HOW is actually broken down into a WHAT. And the answers to the questions can be aligned between the two of you, and even with your manager if needed. But the essence is that you can manage his expectations better if you have the appropriate information. For example, if he thinks he can come up with the complete strategy, and only expects you to provide the backup slides on communication, AND if that is OK with you, THEN everything is fine. However, if there is no alignment, you have to discuss those specific aspects, first with him, if necessary with your boss.
• Now about the incidences that you describe.
  1. If he adds his “tuppence worth” on every slide when presenting to sr management, it shows that he needs to prove something. My advice, LET HIM. Just make sure that what YOU present is SOLID, well based, well aligned, and that YOU have thought of all possible angles and have good justifications for any decisions that you have made. Especially for important decisions, make sure to align these decisions with your boss FIRST. You can even discuss them informally with other colleagues to make sure that you are on the right track. If you are less experienced, you may want to ask for a more experienced “mentor” so that you can do just that. Whatever you do, make sure your work is good. Then let him have his way and stand on your shoulders with his comments. FOR NOW.
  2. If he tries to eavesdrop when you talk to management, LET HIM. If you really want to make things work and if it relates to his work, you may even want to pre-discuss with him what you would like to discuss with your management. However, after that pre-discussion, make clear that what you will discuss is something you need to do alone. You can really state something like: “I would like your opinion on this, before I ask management.” Blah blah. Then say: “I will now go talking with [management], but please let me do this alone.” Don’t discuss reasons. If he insists and keeps asking why, just tell him again to let you do this alone, and walk away. If he still follows you, just ignore him.
  3. If he tries to eavesdrop when you talk to management, and the topic is NOT HIS BLOODY BUSINESS, you really should ask management to find a place where you can talk undisturbed.
  4. I agree with the blocking into 5 hours meetings. Just cancel everything, and only plan for maximally 1 hour each day. You really have work to do, and can not afford to just talk for more than 1 hour a day.
  5. If you try to argue with him, he challenges you. Can you explain a bit better why this is a problem? Because I find in general, being “challenged” can be quite constructive.

Hope this helps.

So it seems that you are progressing great on the major part of the problem - however we should not forget the other part which might not seem to be a problem, but good to work on it also.

If I understand it right, your boss did not yet see your work and your day to day effort, so maybe in parallel you try to plan a monthly report to send to him about all your achievements, including knowledge transfer you may give to your colleagues like the one you are dealing with now - it can be just a simple email every month or even every quarter, will be great if it is followed by presentation that doesn't exceed 30 min, to get his feedback - this is just a suggestion, not sure about how it will work with you - I am sure you know better, but I said it might be good to remind you about this point as well.

All the best

Looks like you need to define some boundaries with him, this is fairly easy to establish but not without voicing your needs directly.

If he is following you, turn around and ask, can I help you? If he is eavesdropping than tell him it is not polite, and that you do not feel comfortable with it, if it was something that concerned him than the conversation would reflect that.

Dont be afraid to be a bitch, most likely upper management and your superiors are having the same problems with him, if you can be the one to put him in his place, without losing it, than you will become very valuable to the company more so than you are already.

Establishing boundaries in work environments are not always easy, just as they are not easy in relationships, or with family members/room mates/friends/teachers. It is however necessary.

Just another twist on the matter. Maybe he fancies you and this is his way of trying to spend as much 1-to-1 time with you as possible.