Hi there
I am originally from the UK but have been living in Zurich for 4 years. I'm getting married next year and wondered if anyone has any experience of having gone through this here. I know that it's quite different and was therefore trying to do some reading about what's involved but haven't really found anything. Does anyone know of any good books/links explaining the Swiss wedding experience? I've been to a few wedding aperos but apart from that, don't have much experience.
Many thanks for your help.

Hi there,

are you asking about the ceremony itself, or the reception afterwards?

From my own experience, basically, anything goes,,, you as the couple getting married, get to say how you would like it to be done and from there on in, it would just be a matter of coordinating it together with all your wedding helpers.

Congratulations by the way, hope all goes well on the "big day".

Ros

I went to my mates wedding, he is swiss but had a scottish piper there and the bride walked in to scotland the brave, he told me nothing about it but i was shocked and surprised, loved it. He also had his brother up on stage at the church playing guitarre and singing. Each member of both sides of the family went up to make a small speech. I must say, it was much more interesting and fun than any catholic wedding i have been to in scotland. Then again, this guy is a little special, i cant say that thats a normall swiss wedding.

Thanks for your comments. I had the impression that the receptions here in the evening tended to be smaller and really only close family & friends and not your dad's cousin's milkman etc., like in the UK. Maybe this has something to do with limiting the expense. Has anyone been to a non-expat evening reception here?

Because of my work I’ve been to a lot of Swiss weddings over the years and they can be very different to the UK, which tend to all follow a similar pattern.

The actual wedding is at the local equivalent of a UK registry office and a church service, if you want one, follows after that.

The reception or party can be anything you like. Perhaps, like the UK, in a hotel or restaurant or some people hire a chalet in the country that many communes have for functions and bring in caters. I seen some where after the church service there is a reception with drinks and snacks for friends then in the evening a meal in a restaurant just for the immediate family.

Swiss don't tend to dress up like people in the UK so any lady guests from there may find their ornate hats are a bit out of place !

I had the pleasure of attending my cousin's wedding in Bichelsee last year, and it seemed to be a fairly typical "Swiss" affair (I am American, they are Swiss). I'm not sure if this is a traditional way of doing things, but it seemed to be normal for all native attendees.

The ceremony didn't really differ much from any of the other weddings I have attended, but the dinner/reception afterwards was quite different in tone. Of the 150 or so wedding attendees, only about 30 or 40 family/friends were invited to the dinner (all were invited to the aperatif directly following the wedding). At the dinner we played a couple of parlor-esque games and the only dancing was one waltz between the bride and groom.

Maybe the quiet, relaxed atmosphere was mostly due to the fact that the bride and groom are older (in their 50s), but it was a wonderful celebration during which nobody got too drunk and made a fool of himself. (It struck me as a remarkably "Swiss" type of event--reserved, demure). There was no DJ to play the Chicken Dance. I thought it was great.

Basically, everything Blonaybear described was spot-on.

Following on from Heidi879 you probably gathered by now that you don’t have to follow a set formula like in the UK. Here the couple normally pay for the wedding, although the parents may make a contribution, but it doesn't have to be mega expensive.

Think of the guests you will have and how much you want them to take part and plan accordingly. One tip I’ll give you from personal experience is that if you have a party with dancing in the evening don’t make the mistake of thinking that longer is better. Some people think that they are going to party until the early hours but forget that their guests have probably started their day quite early and have been eating and drinking, so by 1am it all starts to die a long slow death. Better to keep it down to about 4 hours than try to go for 6 or 7.

The civil marriage at the registry office and the church wedding are seldom on the same day and it's possible to celebrate on both occasions.

For example a friend of mine invited all friends and relatives to the civil marriage. When the couple left the registry office they were warmly recieved by their guests who waited outside. Then we went to the beer cellar (which in Luzern is comfortably located under the registry office ) for a generous aperitif plus the obligatory photo shooting and gift recieving. Big thing but I have to say I don't know if they organised a church wedding because they're already on the honeymoon trip now. Maybe they've organised a dinner for their closer friends after the aperitif though. Generally I think it's wise to split the celebrations in a more open part where co-workers, former friends and the like are welcome, and a closed part for close relatives and best friends.

Another example and probably the more common way to do it: only a small eat out with the parents and the witnesses after the civil marriage and big festivities before/after the church wedding. My parents rented a ship on Lake Zürich and made a tour with their guests (they also ate dinner while on board). Other relatives of mine rented a train and I've seen advertisements for wedding trips in oldtimer busses and steam locomotives. Excursions seem to be quite popular for weddings...

A Swiss/German pre-wedding custom is the creation of a wedding newspaper (Hochzeitszeitung) by the friends and family of the bride and groom. It is written in a humorous way and sometimes to banter a bit on the couple. I don't know of any other specialties and the wedding ceremony can be designed together with the priest to match your ideas.

Ive been to a wedding in Zurich with an ex-colleague and my sister in Epesses.

In Zurich they hired a nightclub for the reception in the afternoon. Quite a good idea as all could dance after. Mind you I was wrecked by midnight, kind of like an Irish wedding with less Guinness.

In Epesses it was done in the Regsitry Office with the reception in the vineyard they own where they're already set up for functions. Typical Swiss gathering where they bring the benches and everyone sits round. A little music later but focused on food and chat and wine of course.

Now an Irish wedding....where does one start?

Hope this helps.

also check out the first of the 'related links' below

I got married in Zürich 4 years ago, had registry office bit and a meal with the family the first day, and the second day invited more people, hired a boat on the Zurichsee and then went to a lake restaurant for a knees up. Didn't bother with a church ceremony, Easy, anything goes. Was mildly amazed when a few people turned up in jeans but a good day. I think the only pain in the whole procedure was getting signatures from an english notary to confirm I was single, the right person etc etc.

Hi Cumulus! (paraglider or sailplane etc pilot perchance? )

I just got married last Thursday and here is the procedure we went through:

Register at the local city office (Standesampt) that you wish to get engaged. They'll interview you and get you to fill in forms related to your marriage status, identity etc. (You should take along: birth cert; old marriage and divorce cert, if you have been previously married; a certificate of no impediment; copy of your passport; and your swiss visa) this needs to be authenticated at "der Notar" (the notary public here) and it may pay to be safe and get an "apostile" seal on your cert of no impediment, birth and (if applicable) old marriage docs. This has to be done by your births deaths and marriages department/family court back home. It seems they like these docs to be originals and not older than 6 months. They'll also get you to fill in forms about your intended names after marriage etc.

After that they'll make an appointment for you to attend the Standesamptlichetrauung (civil wedding ceremony). You can organise with your standesamptliche celebrant/notar what day suits you and how many people you'd like there. At Muri AG we were allowed up to 75 people or so, but smaller groups of 10-15 were also fine. there were several rooms to choose from - some more like an office and one big old traditional hall with chandaliers, pelmet trimmings, stone floors and a grand piano. We were lucky enough to get the big old hall even though we only had a small group of 12 people.

The actual ceremony is really simple. You'll need two witnesses though to sign the register after you guys do. Otherwise our celebrant made a nice speech about love and dreams and growing together etc etc, which she made particularly special by adding mention about hobbies and dreams etc that my man and I share. They gave us a rock... a milestone, as she called it, as symbol of this point in our lives, a nice book of poems and a lovely arrangement of flowers all with a herzlich letter of congrats.

They gave us the option of having nice music of our choice playing, the bride, groom and/or any guests to speak etc. As for clothing, we had it all pretty relaxed. Some of our guests wore jeans but mostly dress casual clothes like pants and a shirt for blokes and a dress or skirt and top for the women.

Otherwise the rest of the day itself is up to you... we had everyone turn up at ours then head off to a restaurant for lunch (book in advance and check that they don't have a random "Ruhetag" (day off as it said on the sign)...which ends up being a "Ruhewoche" (week off)). After that we went off to the ceremony (3pm), then a champagne do that my man's mates at work planned, then everyone back to ours for a celebratory Zopf bread and coffee.

We haven't done the church bit yet so I can't advise on that... I can advise in a year or so after it's happened. I get the impression though that you need to approach the church of your choice and check that it's ok to marry by them and discuss dates and times and ceremony content etc.

If in doubt though, talk to your local Standesampt. They have all the literature you need...including a book of senarios about what to do if your husband beats you; or your wife goes out with her friends without you too much; or you want to divorce!

All the best though. I wish you both a wonderful day

P.S. I forgot...During the ceremony you will be asked for the "Ja" word as well of course. We didn't have to repeat anything after her at all. Ja was the only word either of us were required to say. Unless of cours you state prior that you wish to say something though I guess...

Or "Si" or "Oui"

Thanks very much everyone, especially to "puddycat". Belated congratulations by the way on getting married.

Has anyone taken part in a civil ceremony where they would really recommend the location/room itself. Some of the offices are pretty bland and with others, there are no pictures available on the internet. I'd be interested in cantons Zurich, Aargau, Lucerne, Zug and Schwyz.

Ticino (Lugano) was pretty enough. But that's a long way from where you'd like to "do" it.

Do note that the BVC can notarise certain items for you like the afidaffit

Since Muri AG isn't too far away, if you can swing it, I'd recommend the big room there... Frau Sarina Baumgartner at the office there was our "Zivilstandsbeamtin" (why do they insist on having alphabets instead of words?? ) and she was really really good for everything. The room was beautiful (ask to see the big hall with grand piano) as it is part of the original Kloster and Altstadt buildings. There are also nice gardens and historical buildings all around for photos before and after etc. The offices and some ceremony rooms are in a newer building but they walk you across the courtyard to the older part to see the big room.

Check out http://www.muri.ch/xml_1/internet/de/intro.cfm. It has some nice pics etc... Or it's a nice area for a day drive too if you want to check it out in person.

Hope this helps or you find a nice place that you both like

You're welcome by the way . Thanks for the belated wishes too!

Well, you do seem to have got a lot of info. What a wonderful forum !

Can’t resist adding a point which I mentioned in another thread about music at weddings. If you have music and choose a special song to start things off do make sure you choose something appropriate as you would be amazed at some of the songs people choose. They say it’s their favorite song but have no idea of the lyrics. One groom wanted to dedicate the Charlie Rich song ‘The Most Beautiful Girl (In The World)' to his new bride the lyrics of which are:

Hehe, don't know if it was the DJ being cheeky or what, but my cousin got "please release me let me go" as their first dance at the recpetion