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Old 28.03.2011, 16:27
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Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

This weekend I was discussing parenting styles with another mother. When I "only" had 2 kids, I had a close friend who had 3, who were a total of 2.5 years apart. She would often point out those parents who would "follow" their child up the jungle gym, with their hands held out behind, just in case they fell. She called this "over mothering". With 3 in such close succession, this was not an option for her. Her kids were bruised, scraped, dirty and happy.

Wikipedia calls is Helicopter Parenting.

The migros paper today, has an article about over protective parents. (You could use it to practice German ) One sentence says: "Falling on your nose is part and package of the game; while playing, kids learn how to successfully master the rules of later life".

So where is the line?
And does this line change when moving from *insert your previous country here* to Switzerland?
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Last edited by Uncle Max; 28.03.2011 at 16:36. Reason: Fixed link
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Old 28.03.2011, 16:33
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Re: Helecopter parenting- are you over protective?

One of my eldest's classmates was accompanied back and forth to school every morning, lunchtime and evening until year 6. He wasn't allowed to go on excursions and if he was invited to a birthday party, she would stay until time to go home. Needless to say, he wasn't invited to many parties after that. I feel the poor kid is going to rebel big time once he gets older. Even now he is in secondary school, she still walks him to the bus stop (albeit a few yards behind).
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Old 28.03.2011, 16:35
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Re: Helecopter parenting- are you over protective?

The criticism of helicopter parenting has been around, we discussed it nicely in a couple of thread over the years here.
I think I am a fan of Idle Parenting.

I tested it and approve, plus was raised very similarly. Some of the parenting, though, as witnessed here, was more lazy parenting, rather than attentive but loose enough to provide autonomy for kids kind of parenting.

PS - can you edit the title so it is Helicopter Parenting, as the term is used? Thanks.

Last edited by MusicChick; 28.03.2011 at 17:03.
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Old 28.03.2011, 16:47
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

It's been shown that such parenting actually robs children of their creativity and problem-solving skills, the very things they are striving to foster, not to mention putting them under a great deal of stress (which is unhealthy both physically and mentally, in a developmental sense).
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:02
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

I haven't noticed it at all with Swiss parents but have seen it a lot back in the U.K.

Of course, those parents that do it back in the U.K. cannot see themselves in this light.

Last edited by Tom1234; 28.03.2011 at 17:28.
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:05
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

Keep nudging myself to be a bit more "helicopter" and a bit less "distracted satellite".
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:17
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

On a related note, below is a link from a home news source.

http://www.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne+...27-270356.html

A picture of a national service boy (national service like Switzerland, is mandatory for boys from 18 for 2 years) leaving his domestic help to carry his army backpack.

Absolutely disgusting. Our reliance on foreign talent (for domestic help) back home, has created a new generation of lazy, spoilt children who cant lift a finger to do anything for themselves. What kind of parenting do you call that???

*rant over*
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:18
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

my strategy is to have 10 kids. then they are a bit more expendable.
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:30
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

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On a related note, below is a link from a home news source.

http://www.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne+...27-270356.html

A picture of a national service boy (national service like Switzerland, is mandatory for boys from 18 for 2 years) leaving his domestic help to carry his army backpack.

Absolutely disgusting. Our reliance on foreign talent (for domestic help) back home, has created a new generation of lazy, spoilt children who cant lift a finger to do anything for themselves. What kind of parenting do you call that???

*rant over*
You just hit a sensitive spot. It's just a new thing for me to tutor kids who have help at home...and treat their helpers in a certain way. I am having hard time adjusting to stuff that is wrong and me keeping quiet, ugh.

Back to your post, I call that crippling-your-own-child parenting.
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:39
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

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You just hid a sensitive spot. It's just a new thing for me to tutor kids who have help at home...and treat their helpers in a certain way. I am having hard time adjusting to stuff that is wrong and me keeping quiet, ugh.

Back to your post, I call that crippling-your-own-child parenting.
Hired help is ok due to the fast pace of life and the need for a dual income family.

Its down to the parents and their attitude. If they take for granted their hired help and treat them like a slave rather than part of the family, their children will copy their actions and attitude. If you think its ok to be rude to the help, why would your child think differently? Monkey see, monkey do.

My parents hired help from the Philippines when my sister arrived (and I was 7 then) for some time. My sister spent most of her childhood with "Aunty Rebecca" whom she still speaks fondly of till today. I remember being rude to her once, demanding a glass of water when I came home from the playground one day. My mum gave me the biggest lashing ever and promised that my bum-bum will never be the same again if I dared repeat it.
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:44
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

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You just hit a sensitive spot. It's just a new thing for me to tutor kids who have help at home...and treat their helpers in a certain way. I am having hard time adjusting to stuff that is wrong and me keeping quiet, ugh.

Back to your post, I call that crippling-your-own-child parenting.
I got the ''chance'' to teach to young adult who have been pampered their whole life and never had to do anything by themselve...

Pretty challenging for them to realised the teacher won't do the work for them. Nor will accept shitty work because they are too lazy and used to not have to work (and has been accepted their whole life in their private rich little and high school).

Some after being pushed, turned out to be very talented. Other were waiting to get married to a rich guy and leave school.
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:45
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

I'm from the USA, and "helicopter parenting" is in my opinion a big problem. Sometimes I'm still shocked or surprised (sometimes jealous too!) when my (swiss) husband tells me the things he was allowed to do as a kid.

It's kind of funny-- I do not want to be a helicopter parent, but the fear of something happening is still so ingrained in me. Sometimes it's hard to let my daughter be. thankfully my husband is there to balance that and remind me to allow her to experience and learn without me hovering.

As a side note, at the playground I notice it's the English speaking mothers who tend to interfere immediately when their children start fighting or do something potentially dangerous. most of the Swiss mothers chat, drink their coffee and ignore the little squabbles.
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:46
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

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I got the ''chance'' to teach to young adult who have been pampered their whole life and never had to do anything by themselve...

Pretty challenging for them to realised the teacher won't do the work for them. Nor will accept shitty work because they are too lazy and used to not have to work (and has been accepted their whole life in their private rich little and high school).

Some after being pushed, turned out to be very talented. Other were waiting to get married to a rich guy and leave school.
I remember you posting about teaching in a privileged high school, yeah. Must have been very interesting..It's saddening when a girl waits for the guy to design her life, career, etc. Not that there wouldn't be influential men, not at all, but this kinda traditional pre-arranged stuff is weird.

For that matter, I would take helicopter eager beaver parents over those who are not really interested and just hire somebody to do their parenting for them ( I am not poking at those who are interested and still need a help at home at all).
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:47
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

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I haven't noticed it at all with Swiss parents but have seen it a lot back in the U.K.

Of course, those parents that do it back in the U.K. cannot see themselves in this light.
I think they can see it but they are under pressure to mollycoddle their kids for fear of being seen as neglectful.
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:51
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

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I think they can see it but they are under pressure to mollycoddle their kids for fear of being seen as neglectful.
I'm not so sure. I think they're either blind to their actions or they believe it's the best way.

Let's put this another way - most of the U.K. and U.S. parents who come and live over here do not change their way of thinking even though they no longer have the pressure which you are describing.
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:52
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

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As a side note, at the playground I notice it's the English speaking mothers who tend to interfere immediately when their children start fighting or do something potentially dangerous. most of the Swiss mothers chat, drink their coffee and ignore the little squabbles.
Oh yeah, I had parents totally ignoring their toddler killing themselves and bullying others on a playground, on daily basis. They also never ever brought any toys for their kids, just let kids destroy other kids' toys, hahaha...while they were chitchatting on their cells or catching up with friends. It's fun to make comments about lazy parents in their presence, made my French to go all the way to C level...

It is also not bad to let your own child sort out her petites bobos, I agree, to be fair. If somebody hits her hard these days, or throws sand in her face, steals her stuff, it did take me long since our culture is different, but now I have no problems letting her getting her own revenge an smile sweetly at the negligent folks standing nearby..."Les enfants"....
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:54
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

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I remember you posting about teaching in a privileged high school, yeah. Must have been very interesting..It's saddening when a girl waits for the guy to design her life, career, etc. Not that there wouldn't be influential men, not at all, but this kinda traditional pre-arranged stuff is weird.
It wasn't high school, it was Private University Level!

Majority of the girl and boys I had were very hard working. Some few were send to our school because they thought life will be easy to do some nice little cute design (they got it very wrong). And because they couldn't enter a State gouvernment with their bad Hight school and they were ready to pay big amount to be in a school. Some girls (very very few during my 4 years there) were in the school to get a diploma to make it easier to find a husband and left at some point when they got the guy the mother found them.

Some others students are now very succesful and well establish.

Some needed more than the 3 years of Bacc to finish (they kept failing their classes)

It depend indeed of the way your parents educated you.
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Old 28.03.2011, 17:59
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

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"Falling on your nose is part and package of the game; while playing, kids learn how to successfully master the rules of later life".
My 2 year old daughter has now a scratched nose because she fell off the stairs last week but I doubt if she has learned from it because she is always very careful.

I think the theory works once children are in the age that they have sufficient physical coordination skills
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Old 28.03.2011, 18:02
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

A good test is when your child takes a slurp of his drink then offers the bottle around all his little mates - Swiss parents don't bat an eye and maybe offer a cracker in return, expat parents recoil in horror, nervously fidgeting with their handbag-sized bottles of alcohol hand rub.
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Old 28.03.2011, 18:09
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Re: Helicopter parenting: are you over protective?

I have been working with children for about 13 years.

In my opinion, children are not encouraged to be independent. Not to think for themselves. We as parents are all too ready to provide the answer. We tell our children to be responsibsle but actually this means to be responsible the way I as a parent think you should be responsible. In other words do your duty. Some day when your child asks you a question, instead of giving them the answer, ask them what they think the answer is. encourage them to think for themselves.

Letting go is one of the hardest things we can do in life. When we let go of our child the message is I trust you. This encourages independence and self confidence. The biggest gift you can give your child is independence.

Many adults today are not independent. We are dependent, on doctors, therapists, and coaches and on our politicial, religious and corporate leaders.

Think about what you want for yourself and you will be surp^rised that much of what you want is based upon what you have been lead to believe what you want. It is all about what you should or need.
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