Sorry, this is going to be a bit emotional thread, this is our second week in CH, and I am experiencing integration difficulties….
So, we have been told that Swiss public school system is superior, therefore decided to send our youngest boy to a local school (our daughters will learn in an international school).
He was in Grade 1 back home, and now downgraded to Kindergarten here. We have been there for only 2 days, so this is a first impression, but I don’t see any Kindergarten teacher hug or even show any sign of emotion towards the children. Is this normal here? It is really hard for me to see it.
When they arrive they just come to her and say “guten morgen frau…” and shake her hand. No other touch. Then they all sit in a circle and play a stupid game (some race of rolling wire on a stick) for 15 minutes.
Is this different in the international schools?
Back in our home country, most of the teachers in kindergarten and first grades, express much more affection to the children.

In addition, the children seem to gather outside the building some 15 minutes before they are allowed to go inside the building. At that time there is no teacher in the yard with them, and I have witnessed some violence, with no teacher to stop and mediate between the children. Should I talk with someone in school about it?

Where do you come from ?

In Australia, because of child protection rules, it would also be rare for a teacher these days to hug or touch a child. Shaking hands is probably the closest you get to it...

Secondly, your child has not been 'downgraded' - school is called different things in different places. You can't necessarily say that your child is learning 'less' by going to "Kindergarten" than they would in 'grade 1' elsewhere...it really depends on the system...they get there in the end...was your previous country school year August to July ? Ours was January to December, so our kids certainly were 'graded' differently and will move to high school 'later' than they would have in the state of Australia that we come from.

And yes, the lack of supervision in the playground is normal for Switzerland. They don't see that as a problem.

How old is your child ?

Hugging is a typical American action. I'm really, really glad they don't do this here.

A totally overrated thing.

Why can emotions only expressed by hugging. What a gross idea.

So you prefer the three-kiss sharing of communicable diseases?

I have to disagree with the idea that the teachers don't hug. Both my kids are extremely demonstrative and tactile so maybe things are squewed but both had plenty of hugs from the kindie teachers and I have seen both kindie teachers hug other children, pick up the little ones (some are only 4 years old) and sit them on their kneee etc. I was pleased as the kids seemed happy and I knew if they fell over and needed a hug they would get a quick reassurance and go back to playing. My son hugs his logopadien and my daughter gave her blockflute teacher a hug after a performance. We are very British but the kids were born here and noone has expressed surprised at a young child wanting a quick hug. We are a huggy family within our house so for me it is nice that that those adults who we trust with our children can reciprocate that. I have explained to the kids that some people don't like hugs or it isn't appropriate and my daughter doesn't hug her 60 year old male 2 grade teacher.
I have found the kindie teachers we have met to be very caring towards the kids.
hope your experience gets better.
caz

First of all, the Swiss are not very tactile, to hug openly is not in their nature. I also find as soon as they enter kindergarden kids learn how to treat the teachers in a formal and respectful way, one could argue kindergarden is just structured play and they could be more relaxed, but i think it works well in preparation for school.

You probably find your son has not been downgraded, in Switzerland school is structured differently and i find proper learning (on 1st class) starts later than in any other country i know. Typically a child enters kindergarden in the year it turns 5 (March or April is the current cut off) it completes 2 years there and then enters 5 years of primary school, it means a child can be 6,5 by the time it starts proper learning, but they catch up, my eldest is now in his 1st class and is doing really well.

Regarding the coming in, greeting and playing a silly game, it may look like a silly game to us, but just playing in a group is part of the preparation and trust me they do allot more than sit around and play silly games, they have assessments and targets, every child is monitored and handled individually.

I love the Swiss school system, i particularly love my son's school and his teacher, i know i would be hard pushed to find a better start in the school system for him.

Stick with it, it will make sense.

Shabar,

That's the way it is here. Hugs are only given among close friends but even then it's quite often 3 kisses on the cheek. That's the culture here.

This forum will help you integrate into Swiss society. Let us know where you are from so we can understand your situation better.

Good luck!

I hate the three-kiss greeting. Why three? why not stop after two, or even one? And why do it at all? I hate having to make audible kissy noises... and three times in a row too. Shoot me now. please.

Only in the German-speaking part, here it starts the year the child turns 6, so some are actually 5 when they start, as long as they turn 6 by Dec. 31.

And kindergarden starts at 3, and is for 3 years (more or less, as those whose birthday is after the start of the school year (Sept. 1 more or less) only start after their 3rd birthday).

Tom

Agree! I have enough problems with saying Grüüüüezi to every stranger I pass. I still can't bring myself to do the "3 kiss" thing. I just do my normal hug and leave it at that

I tried hugging the cute art teacher during the last PTA meeting, but she just slapped me in the face. Maybe because my kids went to another school? Where's the love?

I totally understand your feeling. Our kids are in International school here and we are in general very happy, but the amount of affection given to the kid depend on the kids specific teacher, and can not really be predicted in advance. We had partial success with it, but in genreral I feel international school should be better in this aspect (and this is one of the reason we choose it).

Hugs should not be underestimates, this is a very important communication skill, especially in young age. We have just had a long discussion with the school director, and he told us that they are going to change the program for 3-4 years old to be more warm and less formal as all the recent studying indicates this is the most critical aspect for child progress.

I hope things will work up better for your kid and you can be happy soon.

It's a very tricky subject. For other parents too much closeness or body contact between their kids and teachers would be a no-go. And with all the sensitivity and public awareness towards pedophilia I understand that teachers want to be on the safe side. Unfortunately, I might add, a teacher cannot take a child into his/her arms any more in times of need these days.

Funny, I was thinking just the same thing about my daughter's Maths teacher

I'll hug you Honey, I'll hug you...

Just click here. Dreams can come true.

And why no tongues?


Oh, ok. I'll leave now.

well, the before school period of kids on their own and being a bit rough is quite normal here, in my experience. i didn't care for it either, but i would just bring my son and wait with him and he would just play football with some of the other kids.

in terms of hugging, this really depends on the teacher. i teach enfantine and primary 1 and tbh i hug my kids a lot- especially when they are new arrivals and from another culture. in my opinion, at that age they need to be comfortable and feel included. of course it also depends on the kids culture and some kids aren't used to that kind of affection so it's up to the teacher to be able to determine this. some teachers may choose not to be affectionate so as to not be misinterpreted, so that can be a reason as well.

hahaha. i love a good hug- and for children, in general, hugs are not american and not gross- they help them feel accepted, safe and cared for.

Thank you all for your responses, support, and good sense of humor (@assasin: that was a good one...)
I come from Israel, a warm country with warm people (yes, sometimes both are too warm.)
I know these are culture differences, I know this is also involved with the fact we have just moved. Everything now looks extreme. But it is still hard for me to see it.
Back home my boy started his first grade on September. His tutor welcomed him every morning with a big big smile and a big big hug (if he wanted.) and now...
So yes, my "personal space" is well kept here, but my child needs support.
(and I do as well! @Nil: care to hug me as well? my wife is abroad... )

I hope thing will look better in few days, In the meantime I have my Macallan to make things look softer....

cheers.

I am not sure but while I like warm people myself, am that way and all my friends and family, I kinda appreciate the semi formal approach even to the CIN 1 kids, the little ones..Teacher does not a status of a friend, nor family.

I think some teachers do hug, some don't, it depends. I like warm teachers. But my 5 year old didn't really want to be hugged, since she is super shy herself and likes the formal hand shake (when she does not give out the wrong arm..), I do too. We shake hands back in my home culture way more than any kissing or hugging. Short, firm handshake.

I think teaching kids how to shake hands (one has to look in the eyes and greet), is good for their social skills, it's professional. And it keeps reminding them their work in the classroom, their presence is a contract between them and school represented by the teacher. I really like how little ones like the kids in my kiddo's classroom took well to it. They feel so important when their hand gets gripped and shaken.

The 3 kisses are something I am still getting used to.



By the way, the child can be supported, feel included and made part of a team without hugging, if the teacher is the non huggable type. Maybe you could have a word with the teacher, ask how comfortable the kiddo is within the class and what can you do to support, inform the teacher that your child might feel a little excluded, etc.