I so sympathise with you on that one. It's exactly what happened to me. At first I only came here with the intention of racking up the required time together for my wife to become eligible for the Oz temp visa. Then I got a job, then we were flush with cash, then I fell in love with being in Europe and visiting all the places I only thought I would after I retired. Then of course after the honeymoon phase ended, I crashed and fled home every 4-6 months. The last 2.5 years though have been a lot better.

Back to you though. I really understand how you feel. Like the rug got pulled from under your feet and you didn't even notice and well for me at least, no one even seems to mind. My Aussie mates are the only ones that are still awaiting my permanent return. 'Soon guys, soon' I tell them every year...

My father in law still tries to convince me that there is no point us moving back to Oz as both of my parents have passed !!! No mention of the rest of my family and friends....

It's definitely got to be our family's well-being that is at the centre of the decision. As much as I'd love to be closer to my parents (and to hopefully benefit from things like free child care that my Swiss friends all seem to take for granted!) and I'd hate to put my parents-in-law through what my parents have been through, in the end the impact on our extended families shouldn't be up at the top of our list of concerns.

I've broached the 'commuter marriage' idea but my husband won't have a bar of it. It's not something that I'm wild about either, although I think I'm more resilient and better able to handle being on my own than he is. In the end though, if he's unwilling to take the plunge and go to Australia for an extended period then I think we're going to have to come up with some kind of short term compromise - maybe I can swing a 3-4 month stint as a visiting researcher there and take the kids with me and my husband could come for part of the time.

Again, thank you all for your thoughts - it's great being able to run things by people who get where we're coming from.

I don't see how you could take the kids with you for short periods of time - what about school? I can sympathize with you, it really is tough.

I am sensing something more serious...separation, and the potentially irreversible path that leads to. Keep a close eye on your path and what is really driving your decision.

Thanks Karl, I will keep an eye on things but I have confidence that we're going to be able to work through this together.

DrMom, I was hoping to be able to put the kids into school in Australia for a term and/or to go during the long summer holidays here so that they wouldn't be too disrupted. If we did it then we'd consult with their teachers and take some work with us so that they wouldn't fall behind. My family did something similar when I was the same age as our older son and when I came back to school in Australia after 6 months in Europe I was actually ahead of my classmates.

OK, sounds interesting - hope they let you do it! I think things were a bit more relaxed back then - I too spent 8 months in Austria when I was 11/12 and went to school there - when I want to! My school back in the US was OK with it and didn't require any proof of attendance and I just went on to 7th grade when I went back. I know from a teaching standpoint, I would think it wouldn't be a big deal to miss out that much time, although the rigid schools here might not think so! Would this be a 1 time thing? I wish you luck...

In our school we have an 8 year old whose parents wanted to go to Australia for a year. The parents are swiss but wanted to revisit Australia as they'd loved the country. The mother got a sabbatical from her bank job and the father had been made redundant from Novartis. They have simply told the school that they intend to see if they want to emigrate and are home schooling their daughter. I think they will probably come back and will then place their child back into the school.

Another thought is, would it help for you to locate yourselves near an Italian community so your husband feels more "at home". I think I am right that there is a large Italian community in Australia?

Good luck with your move.

Annie

Thanks for that Annie - that's very interesting. The schools here are quite rigid but I know of a few families who've gone on sabbatical overseas for 6-12 months and managed to work out an arrangement with the local school. If the children are enrolled elsewhere and/or being homeschooled then I can't see how they could refuse.

Yes, I think it'd be a one time thing DrMom - I would really like to have a chance to spend a decent chunk of time in Australia rather than doing the kind of whirlwind 3-4 week trip as we usually do. It would also give me something to work towards professionally once my current job ends.

2 adults + 3 children = 5 votes. Odd number. Just vote on it.

I'm envisaging the 2 year old having the deciding vote... in our house that vote would probably be for Peppa Pig, whatever the question was.

in ours the 2 year old would pick lightning mcqueen, finn mcmissile or buzz lightyear...it would be a close race!

The 2 year old round these parts would go with Peppa or Maisy for sure. The older kids could probably be persuaded with promises of Star Wars or Harry Potter on tap. Then I'd just have to come up with some kind of currency for my husband ...

I'm sure you could figure something out