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  #21  
Old 05.05.2012, 18:19
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

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I never called my inlaws Mum & Dad and I just found it really hard to call them by their 1st names - so in the end I didn't call them anything..
How can you call somebody not anything?
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I can identify with that too.
HAHA I know what you mean, it's kind of awkward sometimes, my MIL feels fine to be called by her first name, but I don't know about my FIL, he has a very strange first name on top, so when I send an Email addressed to bith of them I start "The (Millers)" or "to the (Smith) family".
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  #22  
Old 05.05.2012, 18:24
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

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How can you call somebody not anything?.
It's not that difficult actually. It took several years before I was challenged about it all.
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  #23  
Old 05.05.2012, 18:27
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

Our kids always called us 'mum' and 'dad' and our grand kids 'Granny' and 'Granpa'. Our nephews and nieces always called us by out first name, as did all the kids children who sometimes seemed to live in our house. Caused a few difficulties when I had to teach them when teenagers, lol.

I think it is right that you are entitled to be called by whatever name you choose. And yet, we had 2 'sets' of friends in the UK that would go berserk if their kids called them 'mum' or 'dad' even when they were very young - that always seemed daft to us- and those little ones confided in our kids that they found their parents insistence on 'looking trendy' embarrassing. If it happens naturally and it is their choice, then no problem- but in those 2 case it was imposed and I feel, sad.

Last edited by Odile; 05.05.2012 at 19:39.
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Old 05.05.2012, 18:41
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

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And yet, we had 2 'sets' of friends in the UK that would go berserk if their kids called them 'mum' or 'dad' even when they were very young - that always seemed daft to us- and those little ones confided in our kids that they found their parents insistence on 'looking trendy' embarrassing.
But in my case, it somehow came naturally - I never impressed that upon them, but some of their friends were really astonished and sometimes quietly asked them "Why do you call your mom by her name?" And they said, we don't know, it has always been like that.
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  #25  
Old 05.05.2012, 19:36
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

I think it depends somewhat on what terms you used when you were young too. I have always called my American first cousin Auntie; she's 20+ years older than me, our families visited back and forth a lot when I was a child and it's still how I address her today. However, my British cousin who's around the same age has always been called by her first name and was never Auntie to me. It was only when we moved back from the US to Britain that I had any regular contact with that side of the family. Also in the letters my mother wrote back and forth to Britain, she was never referred to as Auntie, but her parents were Auntie and Uncle so I had no problem with addressing them in this fashion.
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  #26  
Old 05.05.2012, 19:57
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

The aunty and uncle titles seemed to have skipped a generation in my family - those are the titles that were used for my parents siblings, but not by my siblings or my children for us. Now, I think our children are using the titles again for their generation.
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  #27  
Old 05.05.2012, 21:07
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

I always call my dad by his childhood nickname which stuck for even me to use it, my mom is just call mom (well the Dutch variant of it)

Heck even my brother's three sons call my mom and dad, thus their grandparents, by their first name. This as my folks decided that it was easier than "grandpa and grandma" and then some appendage as from their mothers side they have a whole bunch of them and they call those "grandpa moustache" etc and my folks didn't want to go for whatever they would come up for them.
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  #28  
Old 05.05.2012, 21:09
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

Why would you not want your kids to call you mummy, mum, mom etc

It's this best thing in the world to hear your kid shout mummy, daddy, etc, etc.
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  #29  
Old 05.05.2012, 21:54
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

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Why would you not want your kids to call you mummy, mum, mom etc

It's this best thing in the world to hear your kid shout mummy, daddy, etc, etc.
Why? Simply the fact that there are so many variations, shows that it is not the same for all people. Being called by any particular name does not show the warmth or affection of a relationship - it gets back to what I , and others , have been saying: it's a personal choice concerning what one would like to be known as.
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Old 05.05.2012, 22:00
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

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Why? Simply the fact that there are so many variations, shows that it is not the same for all people. Being called by any particular name does not show the warmth or affection of a relationship - it gets back to what I , and others , have been saying: it's a personal choice concerning what one would like to be known as.
There is nothing warmer than a kid saying mummy or daddy.
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  #31  
Old 05.05.2012, 22:24
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

OK, so the logic in me says "call each other what you want it's fine".

But still I have this niggling feeling about kids not calling you mum/mummy/mom. It seems odd to me. I would really not like it if it were me. I suppose it's other people more than anything, those other people would see me out with my own kids and think I was the babysitter or some other random person and not their parent.

I only knew one kid who called his mum by her first name, but this was because she worked in a daycare where he was also attending, all the other kids called her by her first name so he did too. But outside daycare she was mummy.

My kids have used my name before - but only when they want to be rude to me which is perhaps why I and other people think of it in a negative way. I suppose when you want to be particularly stern with your kids you tend to use their full names including middle ones - as in John Alabama Junior Doe you come here right now!

I call all my relatives by their "official" names too. Auntie A, Uncle M, Nan and Grandad, Mum & Dad. I don't have any cousins I'm in touch with so that's not really an issue.

Obviously you do your own thing - whatever works for you - but I can understand others thinking it's odd too.
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  #32  
Old 06.05.2012, 09:55
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

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OK, so the logic in me says "call each other what you want it's fine".

But still I have this niggling feeling about kids not calling you mum/mummy/mom. It seems odd to me. I would really not like it if it were me. I suppose it's other people more than anything, those other people would see me out with my own kids and think I was the babysitter or some other random person and not their parent.

I only knew one kid who called his mum by her first name, but this was because she worked in a daycare where he was also attending, all the other kids called her by her first name so he did too. But outside daycare she was mummy.

My kids have used my name before - but only when they want to be rude to me which is perhaps why I and other people think of it in a negative way. I suppose when you want to be particularly stern with your kids you tend to use their full names including middle ones - as in John Alabama Junior Doe you come here right now!

I call all my relatives by their "official" names too. Auntie A, Uncle M, Nan and Grandad, Mum & Dad. I don't have any cousins I'm in touch with so that's not really an issue.

Obviously you do your own thing - whatever works for you - but I can understand others thinking it's odd too.
Thanks a lot for your opinion. It is interesting to hear that! But I can assure you my kids are not being rude. Plus, on the other hand, what's so bad about people thinking you are the nanny, at least you will not get talked down for misbehaving kids HAHAHA
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  #33  
Old 07.05.2012, 02:19
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

For me it seems strange as I could not imagine calling my parents by their first name, but of course it is important for you to decide what your kids are brought up to call you. No one else other than you and your children (once they are old enough to have an opinion should be able to judge).
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  #34  
Old 07.05.2012, 06:09
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

When I was about 12, I started calling my father by his first name, on the grounds that he did the same to me and never called me daughter (I started early at the teenage rebellion business). He didn't mind, but then I am the oldest and was the closest to him (I like to think).

But then my brothers and sisters started doing the same, and it bothered him. I think he saw it as lack of respect on their part (please note I said their part ). By then, the first name stuck, and 30 years later, we still call him by his first name.

We always called our mother Mamá (Mum in Spanish), though.
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  #35  
Old 07.05.2012, 08:16
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

We have always used the traditional titles in our family, until my sister's children started to call me by my first name rather than 'auntie', which I loved. On my most recent birthday however they used my auntie title, and on my hubby's card they called him uncle, which actually quite moved me, maybe as I am not a mummy and it was so nice for them to recognise me as their mummy's sister (does that make sense?)
However, I am quite happy for my hubby's granddaughters to continue using my first name, my stepdaughter said that I don't look like a grandma, thank you Amanda!
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  #36  
Old 07.05.2012, 08:32
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

I still call my parents 'mummy' and 'daddy' to their faces (I'm 31)... so does my brother. I think we just never reached that stage were we said 'this isn't cool' (to use the terms mummy and daddy) and now it would feel weird. We do occasionally refer to them as 'the parental units'.

However as outside of the family it sounds strange for a grown woman to use the terms 'mummy' and 'daddy' towards their parents, I call them either 'my parents', 'my mum / mother', 'my dad / father' when I'm speaking about them to other people.

I called my aunts / uncles 'Aunt xxx' and 'Uncle xxx' except for one who didn't like it and told us to call her by her first name. By my teens, the others all followed suit.

I used to teach in a Sunday school where all the other leaders were 'Auntie xxx' to the children. I told the children (and the other leaders) that I was just plan old xxx. 'Auntie' made me feel old and I felt it put a distance between me and the children.

Then a child started coming who was a pupil in my school (where I taught). I didn't make a fuss about what she called me, as I trusted her not to take advantage of the situation. And as she'd known my first as Miss xxx, for a year or so I was 'Miss xxx' at school and at church. After she'd moved schools, and I'd become close friends with her mum and we were spending more time together I eventually said to her that I felt she could call my by my first name now, as her little brother did! She switched quite easily.
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  #37  
Old 07.05.2012, 09:15
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

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I still call my parents 'mummy' and 'daddy' to their faces (I'm 31)... so does my brother. I think we just never reached that stage were we said 'this isn't cool' (to use the terms mummy and daddy) and now it would feel weird. We do occasionally refer to them as 'the parental units'.

However as outside of the family it sounds strange for a grown woman to use the terms 'mummy' and 'daddy' towards their parents, I call them either 'my parents', 'my mum / mother', 'my dad / father' when I'm speaking about them to other people.


I called my aunts / uncles 'Aunt xxx' and 'Uncle xxx' except for one who didn't like it and told us to call her by her first name. By my teens, the others all followed suit.

I used to teach in a Sunday school where all the other leaders were 'Auntie xxx' to the children. I told the children (and the other leaders) that I was just plan old xxx. 'Auntie' made me feel old and I felt it put a distance between me and the children.

Then a child started coming who was a pupil in my school (where I taught). I didn't make a fuss about what she called me, as I trusted her not to take advantage of the situation. And as she'd known my first as Miss xxx, for a year or so I was 'Miss xxx' at school and at church. After she'd moved schools, and I'd become close friends with her mum and we were spending more time together I eventually said to her that I felt she could call my by my first name now, as her little brother did! She switched quite easily.
Hey so do i! My other relatives tell me off that i still call my dad "daddy" (im 30). I think he likes it though
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Old 07.05.2012, 09:20
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

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I still call my parents 'mummy' and 'daddy' to their faces (I'm 31)... so does my brother. I think we just never reached that stage were we said 'this isn't cool' (to use the terms mummy and daddy) and now it would feel weird. We do occasionally refer to them as 'the parental units'.
Oh yes, my own parents I call mom and dad (or I did until he passed away) still today. I guess that will never change. Funny enough friends of mine, when their children reached maturity, they offered them to call them by their first names, since they were now adults and more or less on the same level. Their kids were flabbergasted and refused on the grounds - you are our mom and dad, we could never call you by your first names!

When my daughter wants to tease me or I don't react instantly to being called she says "Mother!!!" with several exclamation marks, and it is something she quite recently came up with.
You see it's not that I would mind being called mom or that I think it's cool not to be called mom, it just somehow turned out that way. And, as mentioned before, respect is not connected to a name, but to behaviour that earns their respect.
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  #39  
Old 07.05.2012, 12:00
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

Interesting. I'm traditional - still call my mother 'mum' to this day, and mostly (but not always) aunties' and uncles' names are prefixed with their title. I don;t think I liked the idea of using first names for parents when I was younger, now I don't really care.

I definitely subscribe to the 'call as the caller requests'. However, I must say I am still 'shocked' (!) when in some French families the parents insist on formal address (i.e. the kids have to use the 'vous' rather than the 'tu' form; vous is for plurals, strangers and very formal occasions).
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Old 07.05.2012, 12:08
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Re: Calling relatives by their first names?

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Interesting. I'm traditional - still call my mother 'mum' to this day, and mostly (but not always) aunties' and uncles' names are prefixed with their title. I don;t think I liked the idea of using first names for parents when I was younger, now I don't really care.

I definitely subscribe to the 'call as the caller requests'. However, I must say I am still 'shocked' (!) when in some French families the parents insist on formal address (i.e. the kids have to use the 'vous' rather than the 'tu' form; vous is for plurals, strangers and very formal occasions).
What your are alluding to is only done in some very catholic French households, with noble backgrounds. Truly a minority, happily as I too find it weird.

My children call me 'maman' and I would be upset if they called me otherwise. I don't judge others, if for you it's ok to have your kids call you by your first name I don't see anything wrong there! But I like the social and emotional recognition of the Mommy name! For me it's the same than the numerous pet names I give to my kids : peanut, Sweetie, etc.

I call my grandparents grandmum and grandad, but I simply use their first names with my aunts and uncles.
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