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Old 13.11.2012, 15:43
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Since moving here

My husband was notified that his position in the US was eliminated but was offered a new position within the company here in Basel. SO here we are all three of us (Our baby). My parents haven't been the most supportive and have gone as far as to call me a traitor to my country. I have not spoken to them since my Mother hung up the phone on me after yelling 20 mins. I am not calling her, or looking for sympathy just wondering if anyone had this issue with their families when they moved and how you handled the stress. And yes my Mother needs professional help it's a given.
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Old 13.11.2012, 15:55
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Re: Since moving here

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... and have gone as far as to call me a traitor to my country.
Wow! That is about as one-sided as it gets

Sorry to read that. Maybe your parents will come around to their senses and accept that you are a grown up now, making decisions on your own, and exploring the world.

Good luck to you kellyd
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Old 13.11.2012, 15:57
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Re: Since moving here

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My husband was notified that his position in the US was eliminated but was offered a new position within the company here in Basel. SO here we are all three of us (Our baby). My parents haven't been the most supportive and have gone as far as to call me a traitor to my country. I have not spoken to them since my Mother hung up the phone on me after yelling 20 mins. I am not calling her, or looking for sympathy just wondering if anyone had this issue with their families when they moved and how you handled the stress. And yes my Mother needs professional help it's a given.
just a guess, you mom voted for Romney? )
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Old 13.11.2012, 16:08
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Re: Since moving here

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just a guess, you mom voted for Romney? )

Don't know LOL! But that may be a safe guess. I come from a military family with my father still in as well as my sister and Bro in law.
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Old 13.11.2012, 16:11
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Re: Since moving here

If it's any help, I've heard of worse abuse from a mother when her son got married and moved a couple of hundred miles within the U.K.

But, her attitude is not really what you need when you've made a long overseas move with your family.

Have you got siblings?
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Old 13.11.2012, 16:14
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Re: Since moving here

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My husband was notified that his position in the US was eliminated but was offered a new position within the company here in Basel. SO here we are all three of us (Our baby). My parents haven't been the most supportive and have gone as far as to call me a traitor to my country. I have not spoken to them since my Mother hung up the phone on me after yelling 20 mins. I am not calling her, or looking for sympathy just wondering if anyone had this issue with their families when they moved and how you handled the stress. And yes my Mother needs professional help it's a given.
I'm so sorry, a move like this is hard enough even with the full backing of your family. Is she lashing out because she's sad you're leaving, or does she genuinely believe the traitor stuff? I can't imagine any parent not wanting their child and grandchildren to experience life in another country, it can only be beneficial...

As far as our personal experience, we had support from our family, but it took quite a few years for my wife's family to stop asking "So, when are you moving back?", and when people back home ask us how we like it here, they often seem to be personally offended when we say that we like it quite a bit.
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Old 13.11.2012, 16:17
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Re: Since moving here

I know my mother experience similar problems with the family when she moved to Switzerland to be with her husband. Her friends were actually worse. It did subside after about 10 years...

I'm sorry you have to go through this - I just hope that you'll be happy in Switzerland with your husband and your child. Go out - make friends and do what makes you happy. Nothing we say can change what you mother has said.
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Old 13.11.2012, 16:23
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Re: Since moving here

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If it's any help, I've heard of worse abuse from a mother when her son got married and moved a couple of hundred miles within the U.K.

But, her attitude is not really what you need when you've made a long overseas move with your family.

Have you got siblings?
Yes but she has joined my parents in the silent treatment. It is hard with no family and trying to make friends all over again.
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Old 13.11.2012, 16:27
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Re: Since moving here

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I'm so sorry, a move like this is hard enough even with the full backing of your family. Is she lashing out because she's sad you're leaving, or does she genuinely believe the traitor stuff? I can't imagine any parent not wanting their child and grandchildren to experience life in another country, it can only be beneficial...

As far as our personal experience, we had support from our family, but it took quite a few years for my wife's family to stop asking "So, when are you moving back?", and when people back home ask us how we like it here, they often seem to be personally offended when we say that we like it quite a bit.
Well my Mother has always been controlling and no she is not only sad she is angry that I chose my husband over them. She even asked me on the day of my wedding "you sure you want to so this" She wasn't happy when she found out we were expecting (We were engaged not married yet) and said awful things throughout my pregnancy. Without to much detail, she has mental issues I think. Sad part is that my daughter asks about her and I have to play it like everything is fine. I miss my family but this was the best for us. And the job market really sucks still in US
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Old 13.11.2012, 16:53
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Re: Since moving here

I'm so sorry that your mom flipped out on you, especially at the beginning of your new adventure. I hope you settle in quickly and that your mom will understand it's a good experience for all of you no matter if it's 1 month or 10 years. But it does sound like you need some space from her for a little while. Hopefully she'll come around.

It's sad though to see that kind of attitude coming out of the US. It's certainly not just your mom. The polarization is bringing everyone down. Why is everyone who disagrees with certain issues or lives abroad always some sort of traitor?
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Old 13.11.2012, 16:56
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Re: Since moving here

Your Mum sounds a right barrel of laughs. I think you're better off as far away from her as possible.
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Old 13.11.2012, 17:26
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Re: Since moving here

my mom was really skeptical when i first told her that we were going to move to switzerland...."uhh, you're moving to switzerland?? riiiight"
we were first going to try and do our masters over here, and she didn't believe that education in europe is practically free.
when the plan changed to getting a job instead, she didn't think that an american could get a visa
i proved her wrong and now she thinks i am the luckiest girl in the world

try sending her pictures of how beautiful it is here...even a romney supporter can't deny switzerland's spectacular nature!
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Old 13.11.2012, 17:30
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Re: Since moving here

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Yes but she has joined my parents in the silent treatment. It is hard with no family and trying to make friends all over again.
I had a feeling you'd say that. Your sister is probably fuelling your mum's fire.

It seems to be one of those things that siblings just make worse.
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Old 13.11.2012, 17:34
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Re: Since moving here

You are better of this way imho. You will likely find like a second family here. My wifes friend is the same and no longer is in touch with her family. She sees my wifes as her own family and it works well.....
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Old 13.11.2012, 17:36
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Re: Since moving here

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Your Mum sounds a right barrel of laughs. I think you're better off as far away from her as possible.
+1

EF has several posts and threads on this topic. I've not experienced it, but have spoken to several friends who've been on the end of abusive relationships like this, usually involving guilt.

Distance from family is a big issue for many people, and it looks like your family has decided to make things worse with this immature, blinkered, outdated and quite frankly borish approach. (Have I made my view clear yet?)

Their loss, your gain - looking from the outside in, I can't imagine such parents/sibblings could have been helpful unless you were following their plans/advice to the tee in previous cases, in which case, this is a great opportunity to sit down, work out why you are better off without them and never look back.

Leave them an opening, i.e. I'm here and you are welcome (at least once) but it is up to them (and your mother in particular) to come to you. If you go back to them, you'll be forever under her control - think of it as a tantrum in a child, it would reinforce that behaviour.

Hopefully your OH's family are more understanding, but ultimately you have to do what you feel is best for your family (i.e. you, your OH and your child). Some parents struggle to cope with this.
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Last edited by Carlos R; 14.11.2012 at 10:53. Reason: grama, innit?
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Old 13.11.2012, 17:42
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Re: Since moving here

Well if this is the case...you are better of as a traitor of your country It must hurt because it is your family...but hang in there...soon you will find new friends...Basel rocks when it comes to expats


btw...thanks for sharing this with us!


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Well my Mother has always been controlling and no she is not only sad she is angry that I chose my husband over them. She even asked me on the day of my wedding "you sure you want to so this" She wasn't happy when she found out we were expecting (We were engaged not married yet) and said awful things throughout my pregnancy. Without to much detail, she has mental issues I think. Sad part is that my daughter asks about her and I have to play it like everything is fine. I miss my family but this was the best for us. And the job market really sucks still in US
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Old 13.11.2012, 17:49
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Re: Since moving here

So sorry to hear that Kelly- it's tough. Even if you know your mum is controlling and unfair, it must hurt. You'll soon make friends here, and hopefully your mum and sibbling will come round to their senses at some point- and if not, you will have to let go. Bonne chance.

I was very very lucky, and eternally grateful, that my parents never ever made me feel guilty about moving abroad and marrying away. They used to visit often and always say to others 'we would much rather have Odile happy over there with the nicest OH ever, than have her here on our doorstep unhappy.
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Old 13.11.2012, 18:02
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Re: Since moving here

Funny, I just had to hang up on my mother during our weekly call on Monday. And I've been here 25 years. Mothers just somehow know how to press the wrong buttons, and seem to enjoy doing it. I am so glad there's an ocean between us, I can't imagine how life would be if I lived anywhere near her.
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Old 13.11.2012, 18:03
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Re: Since moving here

It's really sad that your family hasn't supported you, but your own family comes first now - your husband and child. It's just a fact of life that sometimes family ties break down and can't always be mended. I hope that given time your relatives will see sense, but focus on your new life here and start making friends. You, hubby and little one are what counts and having the best life you can make together, wherever you live.
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Old 13.11.2012, 18:14
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Re: Since moving here

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+1

EF has several posts and threads on this topic. I've not experienced it, but have spoken to several friends who've been on the end of abuse relationships like this, usually involving guilt.

Distance from family is a big issue for many people, and it looks like your family has decided to make things worse with this immature, blinkered, outdated and quite frankly borish approach. (Have I made my view clear yet.)

Their loss, your gain - looking from the outside in, I can't imagine such parents/sibblings could have been helpful unless you were following their plans/advice to the tee in previous cases, in which case, this is a great opportunity to sit down, work out why you are better off without them and never look back.

Leave them an opening, i.e. I'm here and you are welcome (at least once) but it is up to them (and your mother in particular) to come to you. If you go back to them, you'll be forever under her control - think of it as a tantrum in a child, it would reinforce that behaviour.

Hopefully your OH's family are more understanding, but ultimately you have to do what you feel is best for your family (i.e. you, your OH and your child). Some parents struggle to cope with this.
You have hit the nail on the head with this comment. This is how she has been all my life and cannot accept that I am an adult and made difficult decisions for our family. I have tried to leave them an opening without a response yet so we'll see. She went 5 years without speaking to her sister, I know she can do that to us. I feel more sorry for my daughter.
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