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Old 24.11.2012, 11:16
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Cot death(SIDS)

I have been a mess these last 10 days. I feel soo miserable. I feel it has affected me even more that we have a baby in the house. Our 3rd, my daughter was born in March. Five months later a close family member had her second baby boy, no complications and a healthy weight of 4160.

Now here goes...last week out of no where this little angel, nearly 4 months old, died. They found him during nap time, Cot death.

I am still in tears...I just do not understand it. It breaks my heart, just thinking what that family is going through. They are living every parents worst nightmare. On top of it they have a 3.5 year old they have to be strong for, and I am sure he is asking the usual innocent questions. I see all the baby things around our house and all the life our daughter has brought into our family since she was born. Ohh God...I have no words....

The worst thing is that nobody knows why these sudden infant deaths occur. Sadly every year in Uk alone, over 300..imagine the world. I pray for all of those families.

Rest in Peace my little angel.
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Old 24.11.2012, 11:21
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

I feel so sorry for your loss. I know of two couples back in Sydney who went through their own hell when SIDS was prevalent in the 1990s.

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The current rate of SUDI in Australia is around one in every 3,000 births, or 120 babies each year. This compares to about 500 babies lost to SIDS back in 1990. The dramatic drop in the number of sudden unexpected deaths in infancy is due to changes made in some childcare practices.
Better Health AU
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Old 24.11.2012, 11:23
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

Oh sweetie. How gut wrenchingly terrible. That angel was needed for a greater purpose than we can ever imagine, that's the only way I can justify it (but there is no justification in taking such a young babe). I am so sorry for their loss. Words can't heal their pain but hopefully they can hold it together for their other little one.

Condolences and strength to you and all others involved xxx
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Old 24.11.2012, 11:58
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

That is horrifying! I find myself totally unconsolable when I hear about these things now (whereas before I had a child I'd be pretty indifferent about it). How are you holding up? Would doing something like bringing a meal over to the family help? (I realise this may be complicated if you're here and they're in the UK...)

Sending you a big hug and going to give one to my 2 year old as well. So sad.
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Old 24.11.2012, 12:39
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

I am a mess, I find I break into tears all the time...so we can only imagine what the parents are going through.

I will try to see if I can arrange someone closer to them to bring over meals. Great idea, thanks!

I find myself also being thankful that I am here with 3 alive and healthy girls. I need to stop in our everyday stressy lives and enjoy them as much as possible...because who knows what tommorow holds..why does it take something like this to happen for us to realize this??? How awful!!
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Old 24.11.2012, 12:45
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

I have no kid so I can't even imagine what the parents have to go through right now.

I just can pray for them and hope they will have friends and family around them to support them.
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Old 24.11.2012, 13:09
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

I don't know what to say to help you to feel better, only that I am so sad for you and the parents of the poor baby. You are in my thoughts.
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Old 24.11.2012, 13:38
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

As a parent I can not even imagine that nightmare. My heart breaks to thinks of what that family is going through. No one should out live their child. May God be with them during this time.
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Old 24.11.2012, 14:28
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

I am so sorry to hear about this tragedy - what a nightmare!

I think the idea to bring meals is good. Also, if someone could offer to take the older child out to get the parents some time for themselves, I think this would help.

There have been many articles in German papers on this issue, lately, and the interviewed parents unanimously said that the worst is that people, after some weeks, no longer lend an open ear, mainly because they feel so helpless.

But life for the parents will never be the same, and this little life leaves a void. So, your love, caring and support will be much needed for time to come, longer than may be obvious, and I wish you a lot of strength for that.
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Old 24.11.2012, 15:42
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

The fear of sids made me cosleep. Its so scary. I would wake up anytime my lil one had an apnea or was too quiet. She also woke up the sec i opened my eyes.

My thoughts go to the parents, what a tragedy. How nice of you thinking of them, OP. I will hug my baby tight.
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Old 24.11.2012, 15:47
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

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There have been many articles in German papers on this issue, lately, and the interviewed parents unanimously said that the worst is that people, after some weeks, no longer lend an open ear, mainly because they feel so helpless.
Thanks for this, I will make sure to contact her regularly. You see it is good to know this since we mostly think they would need space after such a loss, I will do my best to be there when she needs to talk. I hope I will be strong enough to be able to support her and not pull her down. Our lives move on with time unfortunately, and they have to live with reality every day for the rest of there lives.
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Old 24.11.2012, 20:33
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

Oh that is just heart wrenching, and every parents worst nightmare. But be there for your friend, there are times she might not want you there, and times she will, but let her know that its ok for her to tell you. It is most important after time goes on, 6 months, a year... My best friend lost her 2 year old to a complicated heart problem back in January and now she is finding it hardest when everyone else has moved on and stopped calling and giving her the "you should be getting over it" messages.

Also when I had to go to the funeral I had to take my 4 month old baby as I was still nursing. I felt so awkward but actually it kind of helped. I thought it was better to not mention or try and hide my kids away but that was unrealistic and she was still so happy for us and happy to be with our kids.

My friend still wants to talk about her little girl, she was here and a part of life and not to be forgotten. So take cues from your friend, if she wants to talk about the little one then let her, and don't be afraid to talk about the baby too as time passes. Remember birthdays and special days as they will be so emotional and good to know that someone else remembered, or did something nice for them. My friend appreciated a nail treatment or a bit of tlc for herself to take her mind off it.

THere is also this, in one of the Basel Churches, but maybe they have something similar in your area. Oh and its not the right time of year but maybe something for the future

On October 15, pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, at 7:00 pm in all time zones, families around the world will light candles in memory all of the precious babies who have been lost during pregnancy or in infancy. Too many families grieve in silence, sometimes never coming to terms with their loss.

If you or someone you know has suffered a stillbirth or infant loss due to SIDS/SUID, prematurity or other cause, we hope you will join us in this tribute to create awareness of these tragic infant deaths and provide support to those that are suffering.

Take care and much strength
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Old 25.11.2012, 10:39
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

I was also thinking of visiting them soon, but we have a baby 5 months older than there little one was, so I kept thinking it would be rude and hurtful to turn up with my baby when they just lost theirs. Thanks so much for your post Hazeldaze. I will indeed keep all what you said in mind.
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Old 25.11.2012, 12:26
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

My sister founded and runs a charity that supports parents who lose a baby during pregnancy, birth or shortly after. A couple of things that I have learned from her is never to be afraid to mention the baby because you think the parents will be reminded and you will upset them, the baby is never far from their thoughts so there is no chance of doing this. Parents would rather you did mention the baby and ask how they are doing, the last thing they want is the baby to be forgotten. This is true even in the future, it is OK to remember the baby's birthday for example and talk about what happened; eventually the birthday can become a celebration of remembrance and a celebration of their life no matter how short.

Please also remember the Dads, they are normally trying to be strong for everyone else that they bottle up their feelings and don't get the chance to grieve properly. Dads hurt just as much as the mums but don't get the same attention or chance to show it.

These are just general "rules", they won't fit everyone. I wish you and your friends much strength.



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I was also thinking of visiting them soon, but we have a baby 5 months older than there little one was, so I kept thinking it would be rude and hurtful to turn up with my baby when they just lost theirs. Thanks so much for your post Hazeldaze. I will indeed keep all what you said in mind.
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Old 25.11.2012, 12:40
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

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I was also thinking of visiting them soon, but we have a baby 5 months older than there little one was, so I kept thinking it would be rude and hurtful to turn up with my baby when they just lost theirs. Thanks so much for your post Hazeldaze. I will indeed keep all what you said in mind.
My sister-in-law is a chaplain, and one of her mantras is "Ask, and wonderful things will happen."

I consciously make a point of not assuming but asking, and am often surprised by the answers. In all areas of life. So, I would just ask them, tell them about your concerns, and make it clear that you will not be offended if they say no, and that they can discuss it amongst themselves.

You are a wonderful relative and friend, and they will appreciate your love and concern (even if they may not be able to show it right now).

I wish you a lot of strength and love.
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Old 25.11.2012, 12:41
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

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My best friend lost her 2 year old to a complicated heart problem back in January
I am sorry to hear this. How awful. My Condolences to your friend.
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Old 25.11.2012, 20:12
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

What a terrible thing to happen. Unfortunately you can never know in advance. Especially boys are at higher risk, up to three years of age as a health care specialist once told me. that is no comfort, I know. I wish you strenght to support your family in this time of need.
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Old 25.11.2012, 22:13
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

My wife and I are sorry to hear of tragedy. Being a parent of an active 4 year it's heart wrenching to hear of another parents' loss.

One of our friends had a miscarriage a month-ish ago. She was 5 months along. Getting to see them again today was nice. I pulled the husband away to do guy stuff on xbox while the ladies could chat. Yeah, us guys hurt too, but have different methods of recovery/acceptance.

Speechless to both accounts. Our thoughts to both of you.
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Old 30.11.2012, 22:09
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

It takes so much love and care to bring a life to the world, it is indeed horrible to lose the angel.worst nightmare for any parent. I hope you stay strong and can give strength and the needed support to your friend.

Though SIDS is really a mystery,some good info
http://kidshealth.org/parent/general...sleeping.html#
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Old 01.12.2012, 07:45
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Re: Cot death(SIDS)

Wow, i am so so sorry for your loss. We have just had up first, she is 8 months old, and I spent the first 5 in nearly full-on paranoia about SIDS.
I think some of the other posters have and good suggestions, especially not being afraid to mention the baby.
I wish you and the family much peace and strength.
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