my baby is now five & a half month old and like most babies, she likes to cry & sometimes scream for no reason during evening. I know it's a normal behavior with unknown reason even in modern science, but the cries is driving me mad. sometimes i really want to kill her just to get her mouth shut.

the families of both me & my husband are not here so we're rather alone. I feel helpless esp like now when my husband is on his trip...no one even share a bit of comforting work. I have no time to even prepare dinner for myself.

I try to put her to playmat, her bed, car seat (to rock & roll) and are all not working (she just turns to scream from cry) except i hold her in my arms but she is way too heavy now and also I do need to eat and 'escape' after the full day caring for her.

any advice ??

This is one of the 'joys' of parenting that no-one tells you about before hand. I can truly sympathise as my youngest screamed for the first 6 months of his life, he started the second his head emerged! The evening when you are tired yourself is most definitley the wost. What I found was making sure he was fed, dry, no fever etc & then put him in his bed & leave him to it. Some people ask me how I could do that to a baby but I know he didn't need anything & often trying to comfort him only made him worse. So if you are at the end of your tether make sure he is safe, shut the door & leave him too it. Give yourself a break too, trying to cope with this on your own is not easy!

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"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." - Michelangelo

This is great advice. Make sure you make time for yourself, you'll both benefit from it.

We have four kids and lived through many days like this. Have you thought about using a baby bjorn or another holder like it? It will allow you to have the baby near you while freeing your arms.

Good luck!

The Dondolo baby hammock works wonders. We bought one for our "number 3", when she was 5 months old. It was by far the best investment made for all 3 kids. Have mentioned this on another thread, but it deserves another mention here.

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5 and a half months is young but you might try my trick.. I call it, "change the subject". While near the child start to ignore them, then out of the blue point in the opposite that they may be facing and then very loud with lots of excitement yell WOW...!!! DID YOU SEE THAT...?!?! OH I CAN'T BELIVE IT..!!! You might even throw your arms up in the air or even jump up and act a bit crazed. The child's reaction to see what the hell you're all excited about usually results in the kid forgetting why they were crying in the first place.

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 posted by paul

HI

I can fully sympathise with you, it is very hard work and even harder when you're on your own. I agree with what Lou said previously. If you know your baby is fed, watered and changed, has no fever or isn't in pain etc, (by now mum's tend to know the difference between their babies types of cries) then lay them down in their cot with a musical toy if you have one, then shut the door and leave them to it. Leave them for at least 10 minutes, and if they're still crying go in and talk to her but DON'T pick her up. It's just a quick reassurance to her that you're still there. Leave her another 15 mins or so, if she's settled then great, if she hasn't settled and is still crying, just go in and give a quick soothing talk and reset her musical toy or something, and again don't pick her up. She will eventually settle, but I know from experience being at home alone with a husband who is away on business just how hard it is. Put the tv on a bit louder than normal and leave her to cry till she tires herself out. Some people may think this sounds awful, but as long as you know your baby is well and just crying (which babies sometimes do) then take some time our for yourself and leave her to it. It's a cycle that some babies can get in to and to keep your sanity it's a cycle that needs to be broken. I understand the feelings of wanting to shut her up, it's understandable to any mother who has a baby that cries and cries. It's very hard to deal with, and boy would life be easier if babies came with a remote control and you could switch on the mute button. But give yourself a break, go have a shower and sing in it (loudly!!!) then watch some tv. No harm will come to her from crying. She may cry for up to an hour maybe more, but only go in every now and then, and only to reassure her, no picking up, no rocking in arms etc. This is advice I read in quite a few of the books I got from my health visitor and from the library when I had trouble with one of my babies. It takes time, but it works. Hope some of this helps.

Catherine

Sorry, I have to disagree. Don't leave the baby to cry - especially if it makes you feel bad or you're sitting "guiltily" in the next room, wondering if you are doing the right thing. Try the baby hammock - you'll be pleasantly surprised how calming it is.

Is it maybe due to teething? It may sound strange, but that is one thing I can remember, the eternal inescapable itching, the pain, the rage, the misery.

http://www.thenewparentsguide.com/baby-teething.htm

I do agree with leaving the baby to cry if it is in a safe place but what is really important is finding what works for you especially if you are getting to the end of your tether. I think this is a situation where there is no right answer, how to cope will vary from person to person. The hamock does look great though, I saw an article on the BBC news recently where they are now being used in incubators as it helps the babies stay on their backs longer.

As others have said, a lot of us can understand what you are going through.
One of my daughters was like that, she just screamed for no reason. Are you sure that she is not hungry. If not have you considered that she might be colicky. I gave my daughter a fennel drink and also some gripe water and that really seemed to calm her down. She could be gulping down a lot of air when having her milk and it is giving her a tummy ache.

Babies shouldn't cry for a long while for no reason. She could have wind, teeth pain or discomfort caused by a virsus. Check her temperature, feel her stomach and check her nappy once again. Our son would wake in the night screaming and we could feel his tummy churning. After some Flatulux and/or some fennel tea he would calm down and go back to sleep.

Instead of leaving her crying, try sitting beside the bed and not giving her any attention or eye contact. She will know you are there and won't feel abandoned. Slowly move further away each evening, but still sit in the room. Eventually you will be able to just walk out and shut the door. The first night our son took 15 minutes to calm down. He was standing up, screaming and bouncing in the bed then he just got down and went to sleep.

Our son is now 20 months and we ask him if he wants to go to bed. He gathers his toys and heads straight for the stair gate. He loves bed time because he has his routine of getting changed, milk, teeth brushing and then he says bye byes to everyone. When I had sleep problems with my baby so many people told me that its "all about rountine" and I didn't believe them :-)

Having brought up 3 boys (twins) and still very young, you and the child both need some time alone.

As long as the child is in no danger, he/she can be left to manage some times all alone. If they find you come back every 5-10 minutes they learn how to get your attention and will continue to do it. BELIEVE ME!

Every child is different, but if it continues at a regular interval, (meal time, drinking, sick or colds) you should get to a doctor for some advice. If the cry turns into a scream, it may be because of pain, or there could be other troubles which you can not "see".

Listen to the cry and judge for yourself, if sounds like "come and get me" or "my belly really hurts".

P.S. be cautious of your nosey neighbors, a crying child for too long could get a call to child services.

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Hi,
If you want me to come over & help you just let me know. I'm not too far away & although I don't know too much about babies and why they cry, I can hold her for you for a while you make yourself lunch or go to the store.

was that offer for me? or muffin?

Just kidding. Mine are too big to be held while cooking

I'd just like to say thanks to miniMia although it's not my baby. Sometimes all the books in the world cant help when someone is at the end of their tether. I'm in Zürich so I cant just pop in and offer help, if it was someone in the Zürich region I would.

Isolation, being in a different country and no one to turn to must be hell on earth, especially when dealing with a constantly crying baby. Muffin have you been to the Mutterberatung? (parents advice) Are there any English speaking Mother and kids group in your region? You'd probably feel a hell of a lot better if you could physically talk to another Mum or even have her take over for a couple of hours. If it's colic then I hope it's the 6 month one and your little one will soon stop crying.

Try and get some support as soon as possible no one is a perfect mum overnight, there is no shame in getting help, good luck and don't hesitate to come back on line and blow off steam if things are getting too much.

All the best to you and the baby, Lynn

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.....expat I aint.

How awful for you when my little boy had colic it was awful i could set my watch to when he would start crying midnight, and did not stop until 7am then my little girl would wake up about half a hour later this lasted for 3 months. I was completely exhausted, i tried to put him in his cot and leave him, but it just made me feel so guilty i sat in the lounge crying my eyes out breaking my heart feeling like the worlds crappest mummy. I really hope you can get some help soon if i lived closer then i would offer to babysit take your baby for a walk, or drive, so you could have time off make some dinner, or have a sleep, or simply have time to yourself. Take care.

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I am no longer a fluffy bunny. watch out a new Sutter is in town

I had 2 babies both are now adults (nearly).

My Dr told me that children can't speak as we do. If they have had a bad day they can't complain only cry. He told me if one of my babies started and they were fed, changed and is not hurt then to lay them in their crib and let them cry. Time it... If they were still crying after 5 minutes then try to fed, change etc...

Normally if I let them cry they cried for 3 minutes and then began playing...

Also with my first baby I was so afraid he would get hurt I held him ALL the time and held spoiled him...

Breaking a baby that has been held spoiled is tough...

My Drs always told me that letting a baby cry will not hurt them... (if there is no reason like feeding changing..)


Also what worked with my kids and with my nieces and the tons of kids I baby sat (including one that had Colic....) ENYA! playing


Next time she cries and she has been fed, changed is not hurt or sick put her in her crib, and play Enya at a level that wont disturb the neighbors but is loud enough to compete with her crying..

if she still cries after 5 minutes go in console her and try feeding or changing her

also after time begin lowering the volume of Enya

please let me know if this helps at all

It was for Muffin, but if you make me muffins, I'm there!

I guess I could hold _down_ your children!

Is that a cheap babysitting offer? If so, what kind of muffins, cookies, cake, bread, new car.... and how many!!!

Hey, my baby was just like that when she was 5 months. I could not lay her down in her bed to sleep - she would wake up instantly and howl. I kept her in my bed at night for 2.5 years, and except for play time and meal time, I had her in Baby Bjorn during the day, or in my lap while I caught up on important movie-watching It was hard, but I don't regret it. Sure, the washing would pile up and the house would look like a bomb site, but where's the fun in having a clean house for a sad baby?

The only thing I would do differently if I had that time again is to get more help. One of the best lines I've ever heard is "it takes a village to bring up a child". The human species was never meant to shut itself off in nuclear family units. Babies need loads of attention and mummies need loads of rest. The equation does not compute without a third element: other people.

Someone mentioned the mummy and baby groups. You can meet other mums there and share the load (try http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Expat-...n-Switzerland/). Get friendly with your neighbours ... one of them may turn out to be a fantastic baby-sitter (though I would not let baby go to someone else's house unless you knew them intimately). And how about a maman-du-jour or a creche, to get you an hour off here and there. Those people are professionals and can give you the guilt-free break you need.

All the best to you and your baby. Soon you'll be out of this phase and on to something better!