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  #21  
Old 09.02.2015, 21:48
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Re: Separation with a baby

I made a mistake... I just wanted some info and maybe nice words to deal with the hard times. Not again. Cheers.
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Old 09.02.2015, 21:50
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Re: Separation with a baby

The best to break up sooner, and have a good friendship with your partner for the all-so-important agreements on seeing the baby, rather than later, when bitterness sets in and a custody battle could loom. But splitting up at this stage would mean allaying your partner's fears that you might disappear and/or make it a nightmare every time he wants to see the baby. Why would anyone deny their child a Dad?? Best not move far away at this stage.
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Old 09.02.2015, 21:50
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Re: Separation with a baby

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I think about what it's best for my child
What's best for the child, or what's best for you?
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  #24  
Old 09.02.2015, 21:51
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Re: Separation with a baby

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First, marriages are hard work, and having a baby is a lot of work, and can drastically change the dynamics in a marriage. Do you suffer from PPD? If so, deal with that first before making any important decisions. Maybe both you and your partner should reevaluate in earnest your relationship and see where that goes - couple's therapy or another neutral party might help.

Second, check out your area for a women's shelter if things get out of hand. Even if you are not Swiss, if the child is, you are both going to get the help you need. I am not sure what happens if neither of you is Swiss, but I find it hard to imagine that you would be turned away. You will be on an extremely tight financial budget for a while, but it can be done. You will need nerves of steel during this whole time, but staying in an abusive relationship requires a lot more than that. Like someone said, you have your whole life in front of you, and a child to care for.
Wow, that escalated quickly - or am I missing the bit where OP described anything about her relationship as abusive.
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Old 09.02.2015, 21:52
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Re: Separation with a baby

Several people have been giving advice already, maybe read that?
And expect comments when posting on a forum

Last edited by roegner; 09.02.2015 at 21:53. Reason: Change of wording
  #26  
Old 09.02.2015, 21:54
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Re: Separation with a baby

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The World Health Organization: "Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond."
Fully aware of this- I BF mine until they naturally weaned fully at about 1- but agree it can take longer. Not sure how Swiss law would interpret this.

If you decide to move out, will you have the means to live independently- afford the rent and bills, etc? The father will have to contribute to the expenses for the child- and maybe for you until you stop BFeeding- maybe up to 2 years- but not necessarily beyond that. Can the father afford to support you in a separate appartment, as well as pay for the one you have now? Don't be rash- you child (as Nil says above) could hold this against you forever if you don't. Our children are as close, but in a totally different way, to their father as they are to me- we've had our ups and downs- but never gave up (44 years now)- 9 months is not enough time for you to work this through- and as asked before, how long have you been together?
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Old 09.02.2015, 21:55
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Re: Separation with a baby

What's best for your child is not to read loads of books on parenting and listen to people like the WHO. There is too much information nowadays. That's a general statement not a comment on the poster. I think the people who made the law thioughwill have been advised by leading specialists in the field. Despite what you might think about governments when it comes to these kind of decisions they normally take advice from very knowledgable people.
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  #28  
Old 09.02.2015, 21:59
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Re: Separation with a baby

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Is there any kind of organism I could address for more accurate and detailed information?
Yes, these people:
http://binational.ch/en/?Counseling_...3%BCrich_-_SSI

Cost is 140 Fr/h but you mentioned that you already went to a lawyer, who probably does not work for free either.
  #29  
Old 09.02.2015, 21:59
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Re: Separation with a baby

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I made a mistake... I just wanted some info and maybe nice words to deal with the hard times. Not again. Cheers.
Quite different wording from what you wrote earlier here in this exact post!!.
A lot of people have given advice. It may not be what you want to hear but it would be good to consider that at least.

Last edited by roegner; 09.02.2015 at 22:00. Reason: Grammar
  #30  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:00
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Re: Separation with a baby

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I cannot understand why people comment on my relationship, the father and me wanting to separate the child and the father. Am I expressing myself so poorly? Because I read again my posts and I cannot find anything that suggests that I want to delete the father from the picture.

I think about what it's best for my child, and, obviously, having a good and close relationship with his father is a MUST. But, I complain about 50% under 3 years old, because I know that during these years, the attachment with the mother is the most important reference point for a healthy development (not the only one!!!). Are you reading carefully what I write?

I wanted to have some information, not being judged and accused... I'm amazed at the way people judge without even reading carefully or knowing the whole story.

Well of course we know nothing of the whole story, we just offer our views and opinions, as expressed by yourself. Sometimes one`s feelings don`t come thru in written form as one feels. Same as the replies you get. One sifts and discards and accepts. Not condemns. We are all different in our feelings and opinions.


You can Google for information - go to sites for Switzerland (CH) and all the rules and regulations are there. Look for lawyers. Its all there, cold and bland, on the internet.


What you get here is personal opinions, and advice.


Unless you are with a psycho woman beater, take a 2nd look at your actual circumstances, and weigh your own pros and cons on what to do.


I`m just saying that I see so many young mothers rush into hasty separations, without being truly aware of what "being a mother" entails.


Any future partner you have will NOT have the same love for your child that his/her own father has. Maybe you are lucky. And maybe you are not. Can you love another persons child the exact same as you love your own child?
  #31  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:00
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Re: Separation with a baby

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The World Health Organization: "Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond."
You seem to be a little manipulative and who breast feeds babies until 2 years old in the developed world ?
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  #32  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:00
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Re: Separation with a baby

OP, completely editing your original post has rendered this thread completely confusing, except for the fact that it has been quoted by smoky in post #16.

If you don't want your question to be here, you should ask the moderators to delete the thread rather than obliterating the original post.
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  #33  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:01
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Re: Separation with a baby

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Any future partner you have will NOT have the same love for your child that his/her own father has. Maybe you are lucky. And maybe you are not. Can you love another persons child the exact same as you love your own child?
On behalf of adoptive parents everywhere: yes.
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  #34  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:02
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Re: Separation with a baby

Bye, bye, you are lovely peaceful and supportive people. Bye.
  #35  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:03
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Re: Separation with a baby

Please, can any moderator delete this thread? I give up with trying to find cheerful comments in this community.

If this account can be deleted as well, please be my guest.

Thank you, moderators, for your work.
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  #36  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:04
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Re: Separation with a baby

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I'll say it like our British friends of this forum say: this is utterly bullock.

A father can and is as important to the development of a child from day 1. There are plenty of kids who had both or one of them and they didn't come out better or worst than the others.

Me, as an example, I was separate from my dad at a very young age and didn't see him for years, thanks to the lack of proper education back then on the topic. Turns out, I am now closer to my dad than my mom.

A bit of good will from both side can do wonder on a child's development. 50/50 is much easier to settle in a deeper relationship between a child and the parent than seeing her or him once every few days.
Bullock is a male cow with no dangly bits my dear, bollocks, the word you were looking for is the bits that hang down between rear legs of male cow who has his dangly bits still attached !!
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  #37  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:05
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Re: Separation with a baby

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50/50 fair??? for who? Not for the baby... read about child psychology, please.
I have studied child pyschology:
  • Healthy attachment is important, preferably to both parents.
  • 50/50 does not prevent healthy attachment to either parent.
Your concerns seem to be less about the child's welfare, but more your own. And until we get the side of the father, we can't adequately judge the situation.
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  #38  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:06
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Re: Separation with a baby

Wow… hopefully for this child's sake, the father gets at least 50% custody.
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  #39  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:07
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Re: Separation with a baby

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Hello there,

Just some nice words for me to deal with hard times.

M
Keep your chin up. Think positive.
  #40  
Old 09.02.2015, 22:07
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Re: Separation with a baby

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Wow, that escalated quickly - or am I missing the bit where OP described anything about her relationship as abusive.
Reread the OP's first post then. Isn't "fighting all the time" (I hope only arguing ) a form of emotional abuse? During the time of hormonal adjustment in a new mom, it can be ever more stressful.

In any case, the OP has to know all her options so she can make an informed decision.
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