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Old 10.02.2015, 00:50
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Re: Separation with a baby

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in French:

La garde de l’enfant (articles 133 CCS, 273 CCS)


and here a translation into English http://www.admin.ch/opc/en/classifie...042/index.html
where you can scroll down to Articles 133 and 273,
but please bear in mind the disclaimer that
"English is not an official language of the Swiss Confederation. This translation [of the Swiss Civil Code = Law] is provided [by the Swiss government] for information purposes only and has no legal force.

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  #62  
Old 10.02.2015, 00:59
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Re: Separation with a baby

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Roegner, OK, but IM has always clearly been a woman.

Tom
Which are you, "Tom"?
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  #63  
Old 10.02.2015, 01:25
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Re: Separation with a baby

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Bye, bye, you are lovely peaceful and supportive people. Bye.
I'm sorry it turned out this way. I read your OP and it says your child is only 9 month old, it must be very difficult for you. I can imagine you're sleep deprived, tired, not in a good relation with your husband, but I'm thinking you two need some family counselling instead of breaking up so abruptly?
I for one wouldn't give up so fast. If you two have a child you must have loved each other once...give your family one more chance.
I'm not sure if you'll read this thread anymore, but in case you do, not everyone is judgemental here. If you really think the only way is to divorce from your husband, then get a good lawyer and be prepared that things will not be very simple in the future...you'll have to have a relation with your ex, because he's the father of the child and nothing and no-one can take that away from him.
I am sure you're concerned about your child well-being and about stability, but that can be arranged between you two if you keep at least a polite relation with him; and who knows, maybe later you'll be convinced that's not such a bad thing to share the custody of your child. As a child, it's better to have a father who is involved and present, than a stranger who's seeing you once in a while. I think the negative effects of not seeing one's father are bigger than any inconvenience you may have when splitting your time with your child.
If you read many books on child psychology, maybe it's a good idea to read some on children from broken families, just to be sure you've thought about everything.
I hope you'll be OK, look for professional help- a lawyer, a marriage counsellor, a child psychologist. Talk to your husband, friends, family, try to take care of yourself. You're not only a mom...Courage!
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  #64  
Old 10.02.2015, 01:37
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Re: Separation with a baby

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And me
I did as well, mostly coziness for last 6 months, but great excuse to fall asleep reading a picture book

I am not sure OP is reading anymore, but the thought that keeps popping into my mind, particularly given emphatic reminders of breastfeeding and co-sleeping, is whether the father of this child (she said they were not married) is feeling as if there is nothing left for him in the relationship. I would imagine the child can fall asleep in a pram, so not finding any time alone is a bit far-fetched.

Anyone who has been/is a parent knows the energy and effort that must be directed towards the relationship that created new life in the first place. I still have a vivid memory from 16 yrs ago of returning home with our day-old infant and fearing that I might come to love her more than my partner. Hormones do funny things...

With so little information one can only postulate the various scenarios, but I hope reason triumphs over rage for the OP

Last edited by Tasebo; 10.02.2015 at 01:55.
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  #65  
Old 10.02.2015, 02:13
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Re: Separation with a baby

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.... I hope reason triumphs over rage for the OP


I hope sleep triumphs over exhaustion.


Yes, I, too, keep thinking that mundoplath and her partner might well both be in need of sleep, comfort, a break, a moment's quiet and rest, from which to achieve sufficient peace to assess their whole situation rationally. Ideally also somehow calmly, though it must be oh, so difficult! I hope some of the explanations and opinions expressed here, amongst other sources (guidance centres, counselling, legal advice, churches, neighbourhood help, etc.) can help.


I wish you well, mundoplath, and also any other young parents who might be reading this, feeling frustrated, tired and hopeless. I wish you courage as you figure out how to take the best decisions - both emotionally and within the boundaries defined by the Swiss law - for yourselves and the child(ren).
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  #66  
Old 10.02.2015, 09:34
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Re: Separation with a baby

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So let's all gang up on the OP even though she's apologized and is in a tough situation.

Not cool nor helpful.
Because its all about her, right?
Fathers don't go through tough times in separations do they?

She needs to be told her views are wrong and sexist.

Yes that's right, see that horrible word women pull out every time something doesn't go their way well right back at you.

Its not about her, its about her child and her fathers right to be allowed as much access to his child as the law permits.
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  #67  
Old 10.02.2015, 09:46
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Re: Separation with a baby

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Because its all about her, right?
Fathers don't go through tough times in separations do they?

She needs to be told her views are wrong and sexist.

Yes that's right, see that horrible word women pull out every time something doesn't go they're way well right back at you.

Its not about her, its about her child and her fathers right to be allowed as much access to his child as the law permits.
Cut her some slack, will you?
She thinks of her child more than of her partner now...I believe she's convinced that the child must spend most of the time with her at least for the time being. (she mentioned something about the first 3 years of life being essential for a child's normal development)...and maybe that's the real problem, maybe the partner feels there's no room for him anymore.
I hope they'll get some time for themselves and couple therapy. I hope her partner will be more understanding and patient with OP.
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Old 10.02.2015, 10:13
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Re: Separation with a baby

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So let's all gang up on the OP even though she's apologized and is in a tough situation.

Not cool nor helpful.
Sorry, when someone hops on to a forum to complain how unfair it is that a father has some rights when it comes to their children, then "cool" or "helpful" responses are pretty hard to muster.

I think I probably speak for plenty of fathers out there when I say that being prevented from seeing our kids is literally our worst nightmare, and constantly seeing it discussed so flippantly on this forum and elsewhere is infuriating.
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  #69  
Old 10.02.2015, 10:14
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Re: Separation with a baby

She sound like an obsessive parent imo, running her childs life based on research… but the research she likes the sound of the most. Personally the best parents and as a result the best children, come from a situation where the parents get on with life as normal and don't over protect the children.

*The DM, I know, but I agree with the angle;

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...ge-health.html
  #70  
Old 10.02.2015, 10:25
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Re: Separation with a baby

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She sound like an obsessive parent imo, running her childs life based on research… but the research she likes the sound of the most. Personally the best parents and as a result the best children, come from a situation where the parents get on with life as normal and don't over protect the children.

*The DM, I know, but I agree with the angle;

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...ge-health.html
Even though she seems to be a bit of an obsessive parent, we don't know many details of her situation. Maybe her partner is not very helpful, we don't know.
But I think you're right on this one
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Personally the best parents and as a result the best children, come from a situation where the parents get on with life as normal and don't over protect the children.
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Old 10.02.2015, 10:54
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Re: Separation with a baby

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Roegner, OK, but IM has always clearly been a woman.

Tom
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Which are you, "Tom"?
With Tom's groan that's certainly cleared this up once and for all
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Old 10.02.2015, 10:59
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Re: Separation with a baby

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Roegner, OK, but IM has always clearly been a woman.

Tom
Sorry to have disappointed you
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