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  #21  
Old 22.05.2015, 23:32
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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Is your question directed at me?

If so it has nothing to do with boys or girls, its about kids being kids and complete idiots wanting an 8 year old kid reported to the police for something he has no clue about and probably only saw it on tv or a bigger boy told him about it.
More likely they were shown something on a smart phone or ipod touch (or similar) which seems to be the 'modern' way that young children get this information.

And it's much more graphic and 'real', and violent than being told by an older child or watching mainstream TV.
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  #22  
Old 22.05.2015, 23:53
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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C'mon, cut the fearmongering...
From the article: "One seven-year-old boy was suspected of raping a girl under 13, while an eight-year-old was suspected of raping a girl under 16."


Considering thats a tabloid that mean the girls were 12 and 15 respectively. Otherwise they would have written under 12 and under 15. Who was raping whom?
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  #23  
Old 23.05.2015, 09:56
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

You're implying that they engaged in underage consensual sex, thereby making the girls the rapists as they're older.

Had you considered that maybe these boys forcibly entered the girls with their penises?
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  #24  
Old 23.05.2015, 10:02
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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You're implying that they engaged in underage consensual sex, thereby making the girls the rapists as they're older.

Had you considered that maybe these boys forcibly entered the girls with their penises?
At 7 years of age? Wonder how able their "instruments" are...sounds surreal. IMHO
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Old 23.05.2015, 10:28
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

It's not common but it's possible. Sean Connery reportedly lost his virginity at the age of 8.
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Old 23.05.2015, 11:15
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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It's not common but it's possible. Sean Connery reportedly lost his virginity at the age of 8.
Yeah, but that's a far cry from an eight year old raping a girl almost double his age.

Besides, the article is not based on a specific case but on general information/police records received under the Freedom of Information Act. Further it clearly states that the seven and eight year old were being suspected which means that there might have been nothing at all to the scare story except for some hysterical, overzealous parent calling the police over nothing.
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Old 23.05.2015, 11:57
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Speak to the school, request meeting with parents and be very up front from the start, if nothing happens then you will escalate it with the authorities and make an official complaint .

Have clear objectives for your meeting with parents/school
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Old 23.05.2015, 17:14
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

He got it back again - it was handed in to the lost property office some days later.

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It's not common but it's possible. Sean Connery reportedly lost his virginity at the age of 8.
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Old 23.05.2015, 17:18
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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He got it back again - it was handed in to the lost property office some days later.
Was it still intact?
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  #30  
Old 23.05.2015, 17:22
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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Speak to the school, request meeting with parents and be very up front from the start, if nothing happens then you will escalate it with the authorities and make an official complaint .

Have clear objectives for your meeting with parents/school
Thanks, that is why I started the thread, to get some ideas of what I should say.

I bought her roller blades today because she acted to correctly. And have told her she can talk to me or anyone at anytime about what happened. She said she is still scared everytime she sees him. It breaks my heart.
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  #31  
Old 23.05.2015, 19:19
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Hi,
I would suggest not asking to meet with the parents.
Give the parents and school a chance to deal with it.
The parents most likely will be horrified, embarrassed, defensive and confused. You are quite rightly upset for your daughter. All these emotions do not make for a great talking session. Let them assimilate what has happened. You may find they send their heartfelt apologies to you through the school after they have had a chance to calm down themselves. Don't underestimate how upset and scared they will be wondering where their child learnt this behaviour.

The detaining of your little daughter coupled with the explicit language is confronting. I absolutely get that. Perhaps get her confidence back by role playing at home ( obviously not using any sexual language) so she feels really comfortable using her big girl voice ( we use the old " stop! I don't like that!") and giving a push with both hands . Get her to show you how she alerted the others and applaud her efforts.
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  #32  
Old 23.05.2015, 19:52
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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From the article: "One seven-year-old boy was suspected of raping a girl under 13, while an eight-year-old was suspected of raping a girl under 16."


Considering thats a tabloid that mean the girls were 12 and 15 respectively. Otherwise they would have written under 12 and under 15. Who was raping whom?
The reason they say under 13 and under 16 is because they are treated differently under British law, not because the newspaper was trying to give away an age.
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  #33  
Old 24.05.2015, 01:15
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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Perhaps get her confidence back by role playing at home ( obviously not using any sexual language) so she feels really comfortable using her big girl voice ( we use the old " stop! I don't like that!") and giving a push with both hands . Get her to show you how she alerted the others and applaud her efforts.
Yes. In a self-defence course, I once learnt that saying (or shouting) "Stop!" is more powerful than saying: "No!" Stop is a command from a superior position the speaker is claiming for herself, while no is a response, from a position of lesser power, to the person who has initiated the behaviour.

Of course, a clear "no" is also good, next to a "stop".

Also: "Help! I need help!"
and... even though it may be a lie right then: "I do not know this boy!"

Sadly, onlookers are inclined to avoid intruding into what they may perceive to be "just a family squabble", or "just kids on the playground", and where they deep the physical or verbal aggression somehow (?) acceptable!! We learnt that stating, out loud, to anyone who might hear, "I do not know this person" is likely to encourage outsiders to get involved to provide help. That's probably not so easy to teach to a 6-year-old, at an age when one often has to work so hard at teaching them to tell the truth.

However, a child can understand that all those things she is normally not allowed to do (kick, scream, bite, hit, and lie) are all permissible if she is being put in physical danger.
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  #34  
Old 24.05.2015, 10:17
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

This thread made me feel really sorry for all these new generations. If you have to learn how to defend yourself against sexual harassments at the age of 6, well....something is going terribly wrong with this world.

OP, I really hope that your daughter will/could forget this incident. I personally think you should also talk with this boy's parents. You might get emotional, but in these cases....emotional is good. IMHO
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  #35  
Old 24.05.2015, 21:59
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Sexual assaults among children are nothing new. I suggest you read Cider with Rosie by Laurie Lee.

In the OP's position, one's first instinct would be to Taser the little shit. However this is not how things should happen in a civilised society.

The first and most important thing is the OP's child has been traumatised by a bullying episode which sounds like it was slightly more than a playground scuffle due to the sexual element involved. It is important that the OP's child receives adequate counselling / support to be able to move on from the event. As a parent this is something I would be pushing very hard for with the school and the relevant social services.

Second is making sure justice is done which I think is a necessary part of helping the OP's child move on. We know nothing about the domestic situation of the bully - but I would have serious worries about a child who thinks it in anyway acceptable to threaten another with sexual assault. I have no idea how the social system works here - but I assume the route to ensuring the bully receives the right kind of help is through the school and the social services, and not through the police.

In the OP's position I would be on the school administration like a ton of bricks and making sure that I am informed at all stages about the steps being taken, about the involvement of the bully's parents and that steps are being taken to prevent a recurrence - to my child or to anybody else's.

You need to leave the school management in no doubt that you will pursue the matter until it has been dealt with satisfactorily.

Cheers,
Nick

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This thread made me feel really sorry for all these new generations. If you have to learn how to defend yourself against sexual harassments at the age of 6, well....something is going terribly wrong with this world.
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  #36  
Old 25.05.2015, 19:11
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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This thread made me feel really sorry for all these new generations. If you have to learn how to defend yourself against sexual harassments at the age of 6, well....something is going terribly wrong with this world.
Children are children, they learn, explore and push boundaries (involuntarily or otherwise), it's how nature made them. They don't really know (yet) what they're doing, they merely try out whatever new stuff they just came across (which is why, at best, police are useless at this age). Thus sometimes they overstep, whether that drive comes from themselves or, occasionally, from older children.

In the best way of the meaning: Nothing new under the sun.
The difference to "back in the good ol' days" is that today these things get actually addressed, discussed openly where useful, with the main focus on the children in the hope of guiding them in the good direction and preparing them for life.

I'm grateful for this thread as it shows that, despite what one might conclude from everyday newspaper headlines, people/parents (perhaps with the exception of Sutter) don't go ballistic, instead try to cure the disease rather than merely punish or remove just the symptoms. This simple statement
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Her to be safe and to know she is safe, and for the boy to get help.
sums it up very succinctly, everything else follows from that.

Thanks all

OP, one thing you perhaps want to think about:
Sending her to some kind of self-confidence-building / self-defense / martial arts course. Being able to physically defend herself is one reason, but perhaps more important would be that she'd be (in a protected and formalized environment) up against, and occasionally win, not just smaller kids but against bigger ones, which could bolster her self-confidence and thereby hopefully reduce her introversion.
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  #37  
Old 26.05.2015, 14:34
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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In the best way of the meaning: Nothing new under the sun.
The difference to "back in the good ol' days" is that today these things get actually addressed, discussed openly where useful, with the main focus on the children in the hope of guiding them in the good direction and preparing them for life.
One could also argue that things nowadays tend to get blown out of proportion for no reason whatsoever other than spreading fear. I'm a parent of 2 young boys myself and just feel that it is quite often the parents themselves that take offense instead of the child(ren).

Not saying that what happened here is correct but let's not put that boy on trial just yet....
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  #38  
Old 26.05.2015, 16:38
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

I have my meeting with the staff this evening (after they speak to the boy's parents) and will see how things go. Also I have made an appointment with her play therapist.
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Old 26.05.2015, 16:48
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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Was it still intact?
Let's keep Jimmy Saville out of this, shall we?
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Old 26.05.2015, 17:09
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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Yesterday in Hort an 8 year old boy pinned my daughter against a wall and said he wanted to 'fick' her. She kept saying no and trying to push him off of her, eventually she go away and went to a Frau and said what happened. The Frau then got a Herr to get the boy and her into the office and find out what happened, they were still in the office when I came to pick her up and so I heard from the Herr, the Frau and my daughter what happened (and there is little disparity).
When I found out the boy was 8 my fears were lessened a little and, to be honest, I was more interested in finding out what my daughter was feeling than anything else, but I thought the hort would be talking to the boys parents and so all will be sorted from their end and we could not make a big deal (mostly for my daughters sake) and move on.
Last night she had nightmares and had to sleep with me, and this morning she tried to pull a sicky so that she would not have to go to hort so I feel that there is something I and hort need to do.
And, to be honest, I am worried about what is going on in the 8 year old's life that he is acting out this way.
Please advise me.
Kids do stupid things they see their parents doing. The real question is what is going on at the 8 year old parent's house? Might be an interesting segway to getting the problem resolved.
I don't see how the kindergarten/school had anything to do with this, nor needs to take responsibility. Do some old fashioned, talking. Find this kids parents, invite them for a coffee, and have a discussion. Cause clearly if you want a positive result you go to the root of the problem.
I as an adult can attest to the uselessness of the police, in every country. Atleast 7.
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