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Old 22.05.2015, 17:32
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8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Yesterday in Hort an 8 year old boy pinned my daughter against a wall and said he wanted to 'fick' her. She kept saying no and trying to push him off of her, eventually she go away and went to a Frau and said what happened. The Frau then got a Herr to get the boy and her into the office and find out what happened, they were still in the office when I came to pick her up and so I heard from the Herr, the Frau and my daughter what happened (and there is little disparity).
When I found out the boy was 8 my fears were lessened a little and, to be honest, I was more interested in finding out what my daughter was feeling than anything else, but I thought the hort would be talking to the boys parents and so all will be sorted from their end and we could not make a big deal (mostly for my daughters sake) and move on.
Last night she had nightmares and had to sleep with me, and this morning she tried to pull a sicky so that she would not have to go to hort so I feel that there is something I and hort need to do.
And, to be honest, I am worried about what is going on in the 8 year old's life that he is acting out this way.
Please advise me.
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Old 22.05.2015, 17:51
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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Yesterday in Hort an 8 year old boy pinned my daughter against a wall and said he wanted to 'fick' her. She kept saying no and trying to push him off of her, eventually she go away and went to a Frau and said what happened. The Frau then got a Herr to get the boy and her into the office and find out what happened, they were still in the office when I came to pick her up and so I heard from the Herr, the Frau and my daughter what happened (and there is little disparity).
When I found out the boy was 8 my fears were lessened a little and, to be honest, I was more interested in finding out what my daughter was feeling than anything else, but I thought the hort would be talking to the boys parents and so all will be sorted from their end and we could not make a big deal (mostly for my daughters sake) and move on.
Last night she had nightmares and had to sleep with me, and this morning she tried to pull a sicky so that she would not have to go to hort so I feel that there is something I and hort need to do.
And, to be honest, I am worried about what is going on in the 8 year old's life that he is acting out this way.
Please advise me.
This is serious ring the police report it, get everyone involved school police etc your daughter should not be scared to go to school because of him, she as done nothing wrong she is the victim he his the 1 in the wrong.
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Old 22.05.2015, 17:58
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Do you need to take any action? The school should know how best to handle it, and they will probably deal with it professionally. It's probably a good idea to tell them about your daughter's fears. I don't see anything to be gained by going to the police - it could worry your daughter even more.
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Old 22.05.2015, 18:07
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Indeed, I was going to talk to the hort today and see what actions should be taken. I also think that the police would not be the way to go (unless the child has done this before) because it will upset my child more than it would make her feel safe.
I want her to feel safe, and I want the boy to get help. I just don't want to go into a meeting with no ideas on the best path to both objectives.
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Old 22.05.2015, 18:17
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Our experience suggests that even if something is done, they won't tell you about it very openly. To be fair they probably want to avoid it becoming a parent-parent fight or allowing parents to drive their discipline mechanisms.

The only recommendation I have is that if they want some sort of talking sessions for the boy to "understand the situation", make sure it's a one off where he gets told and that's that. Our kid had a similar issue with a bully and ended up missing several breaks and lessons in these sessions, until we found out and told the school it was nonsense and she was effectively being punished for being a victim so they should cut it out.
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Old 22.05.2015, 18:27
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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Indeed, I was going to talk to the hort today and see what actions should be taken. I also think that the police would not be the way to go (unless the child has done this before) because it will upset my child more than it would make her feel safe.
I want her to feel safe, and I want the boy to get help. I just don't want to go into a meeting with no ideas on the best path to both objectives.
Sorry I strongly disagree if no one reports him then nothing will be done ( you say unless he as done it before mmmmmm what if he did and they didn't report it, or if you don't report it and next time he rapes the next victim ) I have worked with young sxx offenders trust me there is something v wrong with them
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Old 22.05.2015, 18:36
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news...st-7-8-4905344
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Old 22.05.2015, 18:49
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

1. Your daughter is scared. This should be be dealt with by you and the Kinderhort.

2. The boy needs to be dealt with by the Kinderhort. His parents need to be informed and consequences for his actions need to be undertaken. You should be informed as well of any actions taken by the Kinderhort to help you relieve your fears.

3. The boy needs to apologize to your daughter.

4. If the situation continues to escalate, the boy needs to be removed from the Kinderhort (which is not a school.)

5. There is no need to inform the police at this point.
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Old 22.05.2015, 19:17
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Ok I bow out now not getting into an argument I was just letting the op my concerns and this boy should be considered a concern at such a young age pushing a 6 yr old girl against her will saying he was going to fxxk her she cried and managed to get away good for her I hope her nightmares stop it must of been v scary. Just hope it doesn't happen again with this boy ( he can say sorry all he wants but I know he will try it again ) GROAN ME ALL YOU WANT I DONT CARE I CARE ABOUT THE YOUNG 6 YR OLD WHO WAS NEARLY ASSAULTED AND I FEEL FOR THE OP
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Old 22.05.2015, 19:30
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

I spoke to the Hort, it was the same Herr as yesterday, and told them about the nightmares and the angst about comming to Hort. I laid out what I wanted. Her to be safe and to know she is safe, and for the boy to get help.
That had already arranged to have a meeting with the parents on Tuesday, and I said I wanted to talk to her keyworker (who had left) on Tuesday to let them know if she is still showing signs of fear. He did say that the other parents might still be there when I arrive, and we agreed that I would not talk to them, as I think that the Hort are acting very well and are better equipped to deal with the situation.
It is a long weekend so hopefully my daughter will have processed the incident and be more herself.
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Old 22.05.2015, 19:34
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

To get more support for your child, I suggest that you speak to your paediatrician. It may be best to make an immediate appointment for yourself, separately to your child, so that you can give all the info about what you know and have observed, and then see if the paediatrician recommends either meeting with your child or refers directly to a psychologist or social worker.

It may be untoward, and go no further, butthe age is about right for older kids who perpetrate violence (sexual or otherwise) and it would be quite classic.

Either way, what your daughter needs to hear is that what happened to her is unoquivocally wrong and she should not feel at all that it is her fault, and perhaps to also think about strategies for her that might help her to protect herself if something like that happens again. But personally I think you need to check with some sort of specialist (school principal, social worker, school psychologist, paediatrician or private psychologist) who is connected to the swiss system.

Although it is hard to know what the 'right' response may be (it needs to be age-appropriate, matched to the individual child and focused on minimising the harm).... i am with Sutter.

On the other hand, the sozial department and hort should have quite clear guidelines in place, and I would ask them in maybe a week (after everyone has calmed down a bit) exactly what they have done as a consequence of the incident and what they consider to be an 'appropriate' action on their side as well as for the children involved.

As said, the 'Hort' is not a school. They answer to the social department and are licenced as childcare. They do have child protection guidelines and should have someone 'in charge' who is responsible for keeping an eye on the situation and making sure your child is protected and the other child is aware of the consequences of their behaviour.

If the Hort staff believe that the child who acted out has been exposed to sexual violence or abuse, they should refer it to the appropriate social services/child protection. i have followed a couple of cases where this has been done (I have worked for many years now with children in Switzerland) and the social /welfare/etc services are pretty well organised.

I would also suggest that you find adults (professional or otherwise) so that you can process the situation from the perspective as a parent and adult, but try not to pass on your 'adult' view of it to the child. In my home country I remember there was a huge incident at school because a 9 year old girl started talking with all the other kids about 'rape'... Her mum was a news reporter...and she was fairly highly exposed to 'adult content' but most of the rest of the kids did not have that word in their vocabulary....it caused a lot of angst when kids started coming home asking their parents what 'rape' meant or telling the other kids they would 'rape' them without knowing what it meant...they just knew it was a 'bad word'...
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Old 22.05.2015, 19:42
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

To be clear, for the OP, her daughter is and should be her number one priority.

However, from a metacognitive point of view, has anyone ever wondered why the boy has these tendencies? Has he seen violence in his family? Has he been violated? Is he being exposed to the wrong kind of media? It would be interesting and enlightening to know more about the boy's history and background.
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Old 22.05.2015, 19:47
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Thanks, she is already having play therapy (she is introverted, much like both her parents were at that age) and I left a message with her therapist that there was an incident and that she should see him sooner rather than later.
Both myself and hort have repeatedly told her that she did exactly the right thing in saying no, pushing him away and telling an adult straight away, and we have repeatedly told her she is a very good girl and that we are proud of her, of course when she is shy and introverted to start with this might push her back a bit no mater what. I guess I also need to discuss sex with her from an emotional rather than a mechanical perspective, but I will wait until she brings it up again because I think that she should control the conversation.
As far as the boy in concerned, the Hort people are good pedaloges so I shall allow them to deal with him and his family, and if they think there is a need to follow up I will do so with them, but I do not want my daughter to have to talk to more people about it and make it a more ingrained problem than it already is.
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Old 22.05.2015, 20:18
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

If the Swiss law is anything like other western societies, and child of 8 can't be considered to have mature criminal intent. Only from the age of 10 normally, and even then it has to be proven first.
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Old 22.05.2015, 20:39
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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This is serious ring the police report it, get everyone involved school police etc your daughter should not be scared to go to school because of him, she as done nothing wrong she is the victim he his the 1 in the wrong.
It is serious, but it is a matter for the school to sort first and foremost - the other kid is 8 for heavens sake and it most certainly is not a matter for the police at this stage!
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Old 22.05.2015, 20:52
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

C'mon, cut the fearmongering...
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Old 22.05.2015, 21:01
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Hi,
we had something a little bit similar with a 7 year old boy being highly sexualized with other boys ( oral to genital contact) in our old school. The parents of the child (performing the behaviour) were horrified however would not entertain the thought he had been exposed to this behaviour. I always suspected that was not the case.
8 year olds don't come up with sexual behaviour of this type by themselves. it sounds like he has been exposed to pornography (older brother, uncle, dad, family friend?) either by accident or he might be being groomed?
Although he was the initiator and it's hard not to think of him as a predator, he is still a little boy who sounds like he is in a poor environment. I think you sound like an excellent mother who has got everything under control. And you are right, the more fuss around your daughter the more traumatic it will be for her. it is extremely, extremely rare that children this young are seeking sexual gratification. More likely he is acting out what he has seen, and the language sounds like a porno film.
The daycare will most likely be keeping a very close eye on him and his parents hopefully will be horrified and tackle the issue by looking at his contacts. All the best at this difficult time that has been visited upon your family.
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Old 22.05.2015, 22:21
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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This is serious ring the police report it, get everyone involved school police etc your daughter should not be scared to go to school because of him, she as done nothing wrong she is the victim he his the 1 in the wrong.
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Sorry I strongly disagree if no one reports him then nothing will be done ( you say unless he as done it before mmmmmm what if he did and they didn't report it, or if you don't report it and next time he rapes the next victim ) I have worked with young sxx offenders trust me there is something v wrong with them
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Ok I bow out now not getting into an argument I was just letting the op my concerns and this boy should be considered a concern at such a young age pushing a 6 yr old girl against her will saying he was going to fxxk her she cried and managed to get away good for her I hope her nightmares stop it must of been v scary. Just hope it doesn't happen again with this boy ( he can say sorry all he wants but I know he will try it again ) GROAN ME ALL YOU WANT I DONT CARE I CARE ABOUT THE YOUNG 6 YR OLD WHO WAS NEARLY ASSAULTED AND I FEEL FOR THE OP
And there you have it, everything that is wrong with today's society.

"This is serious, ring the police"..............with greatest of respect, you are mental and everything that is wrong with kids growing up today.

People like you quite frankly are killing the art of being a kid.

I can tell you never played kiss, cuddle or torture in the playground.
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Old 22.05.2015, 23:22
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

Would you say the same thing if it was an 8 year old boy who did the same thing to your 6 year old son.

Or is this just boys being boys attitude of yours reserved for when its a six year old girl?
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Old 22.05.2015, 23:28
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Re: 8 year old scared my 6 year old. What should we do?

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Would you say the same thing if it was an 8 year old boy who did the same thing to your 6 year old son.

Or is this just boys being boys attitude of yours reserved for when its a six year old girl?
Is your question directed at me?

If so it has nothing to do with boys or girls, its about kids being kids and complete idiots wanting an 8 year old kid reported to the police for something he has no clue about and probably only saw it on tv or a bigger boy told him about it.
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