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Old 11.08.2015, 00:56
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Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

Hello all,
excuse me for my poor forum etichette- I am not a regular poster but I am in need of dire advice. I will try to keep this short:
I am considering filling for a divorce. There have been trust issues recently due to my swiss husband of 3 years wandering eye, hidden messages and calls with women (and other such crap). He is not a great communicator but we have been trying to work through it. However, recently I found a letter from a woman talking about child maintenance for a boy aged 7. My husband already has an 18 year old that he pays maintenance for after a one night fling gone awry and now I have discovered there's another. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to trust this man now.
Since we started dating he has lived in my rented flat as together with his family, they knocked down and built a new house next door to his mum (and cousins, aunts, gran btw) to live in alongside his sister. Unfortunately I have racked up quite a bit of debt due to large bouts of unemployment and I pretty much haven't paid my health insurance for 3 years. I'm not working at this moment in time because I'm not what you'd call the most mentally stable person. I suffer from anxiety in almost every situation involving people and if it wasn't for my dog and cat I suspect I would succeed suicide this time round.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is... Should I just suck it up and ride it out until I reach an even keel or file for divorce? I don't have money to move out or pay for another stint at the clinic and I can't return to life on the streets - my dog couldn't hack it, she's too much of a princess. And if i'm to be 100% honest the idea scares me too.
I tried to keep it short...
If anyone has advice please reply. I already know I really screwed the pooch here but please only respond with constructive criticism. My self esteem is too low right now to take an internet beating.
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Old 11.08.2015, 01:33
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

Self esteem it totally overrated, but in your case and without knowing you more, I would suggest going to a priest, regardless of all the religionics he or she will know where to get the best kind of help in the situation that you are in, at least you will get an ear and a shoulder to cry on.
Sorry can't suggest much more.
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Old 11.08.2015, 02:01
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

Thank you slammer for your thoughtful reply, unfortunately I don't believe in god... however if worse comes to worst I could always go for an exorcism I suppose. Any other bright ideas oh great world of web....!?
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Old 11.08.2015, 02:30
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

Sending you a pm so we can chat on the phone so I can help you hugs
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Old 11.08.2015, 09:43
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

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Thank you slammer for your thoughtful reply, unfortunately I don't believe in god... however if worse comes to worst I could always go for an exorcism I suppose. Any other bright ideas oh great world of web....!?
I don't think it's a question of believe in God or not, but more of a starting point to help you and find out what is available

Priests aren't too worried if you beleive or not, and if they are then they're useless anyway !
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Old 11.08.2015, 10:11
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

Never been in the divorce or debts situation...

But I've been in danger of being homeless and have my own bundle of mental health problems.

I suggest you go to social services. You should be able to see someone quickly if you explain the urgency of your situation.

They will be able to help with financial support (including paying rent), and (I would hope) with dealing with your debts. They will also help you get your health insurance paid as of now, and the way it works is your health costs are covered 100% - one organisation pays your premiums, another pays (or reimburses you) for the franchise and quote-part. In 5 years, the only thing I had to pay was the CHF 15.- per day 'food etc.' part of the hospital bill. And when I had difficulty paying that in one lump sum, insurance were quite happy to agree a payment plan.

Have you made a request for invalidity insurance?

Finally, have you thought about applying to live in supported housing for people with psychiatric problems? It takes a lot of adjustment but is a secure environment... and some places allow pets.
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Old 11.08.2015, 10:13
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

It's nothing to do with the mumbo-jumbo, but a priest is trained in the kind of skills that it would seem that you need right now, but in any case a priest will be connected to the correct organizations.
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Old 11.08.2015, 10:21
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

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It's nothing to do with the mumbo-jumbo, but a priest is trained in the kind of skills that it would seem that you need right now, but in any case a priest will be connected to the correct organizations.
Oh come on, a priest is not a trained psychologist, regardless of how many confessions he listens to.

What the OP needs is a qualified doctor, psychiatrist or social worker who can then make the necessary recommendations for help.
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Old 11.08.2015, 12:52
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

Go to social services. Get started on the divorce. Social services can help you with that too and there really is no reason to go live on the streets. Social can help you out with that, it just depends on whether your pride will let you or not.
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Old 11.08.2015, 15:37
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

Your problems are multifold, you need an "assessment" of the gentle kind. KESB (Kinder- und Erwachsenenschutzbehörde) is probably your go-to institution. They're a paid and officially commissioned by the respective Kanton. If you have trouble downloading this official list, here's one I randomly picked, they can direct to the authority responsible for your area.

Città di Mendrisio
Via Municipio 13
6850 Mendrisio
tutoria@mendrisio.ch
091 640 32 70
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Old 12.08.2015, 00:47
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

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If anyone has advice please reply. I already know I really screwed the pooch here but please only respond with constructive criticism. My self esteem is too low right now to take an internet beating.
Do you have a close friend here with whom you can talk and who can make some inquiries for you? Family back home who can help you out? I'm sure that for some reason the gang is not going to "beat" you, but maybe is not such a good idea to share so many personal details on a public forum.
Please, do talk with a psychologist, I'm sure there are some affiliated to immigration/migration organisations, women organisations, social services, even Red Cross. You have to also ask for specialised help before even thinking about divorce and things like that. You can take care of it later!
I've seen Sutter offered her help, just take it.
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Old 12.08.2015, 02:59
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

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Oh come on, a priest is not a trained psychologist, regardless of how many confessions he listens to.

What the OP needs is a qualified doctor, psychiatrist or social worker who can then make the necessary recommendations for help.
What the OP needs in MHO is a generic starting point a (fully) qualified doc or a psyche..triss, (ahem) a shrink, or a social worker is maybe a bit too specialized for now, a priest (at least) has the kind of training to know what step to take next.
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Old 12.08.2015, 08:07
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

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What the OP needs in MHO is a generic starting point a (fully) qualified doc or a psyche..triss, (ahem) a shrink, or a social worker is maybe a bit too specialized for now, a priest (at least) has the kind of training to know what step to take next.
Yes slammer, while I'm sure you have the necessary knowledge and expertise to recommend an untrained yet well-meaning religious man instead of a trained medical professional or trained social worker, I would hope anyone with an iota of common sense would do the opposite.

Last edited by Richdog; 12.08.2015 at 08:35.
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Old 12.08.2015, 08:23
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

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Yes slammer, while I'm sure you have the necessary knowledge and expertise to recommend an untrained yet well-meaning religious man instead of a trained medical professional, I would hope anyone with an iota of common sense would do the opposite.
When people are "down in the gutter", about the only person actually interested in helping them up again are trained priests, they have no monetary gain to make, and as said, they have all the connections to steer the person in the direction where they`ll receive practical help.

That said, I`d recommend "orthodox" priests, and stay away from cults/self ordained "priests".
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Old 12.08.2015, 10:18
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

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Yes slammer, while I'm sure you have the necessary knowledge and expertise to recommend an untrained yet well-meaning religious man ...
Priests are not untrained. In both Protestant and Catholic traditions, they receive significant training in pastoral care, including counselling. Any who've been in the job for a few decades will also have a wealth of experience. However, as with social workers, psychologists - some are good at what they do, some are terrible. (In this post you (rightly) complained about people commenting without basic background information, and here it is you who apparently lack such).

I don't care whether the OP seeks help within the medical profession or the (mainstream) religious. If she's nervous about the former, the latter is a good alternative, regardless of her religious sensibilities. All Slammer has done is widen the possibilities for getting help, which cannot be other than a good thing. I fear that some people's religious prejudices are showing...
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Old 12.08.2015, 11:12
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

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Yes slammer, while I'm sure you have the necessary knowledge and expertise to recommend an untrained yet well-meaning religious man instead of a trained medical professional or trained social worker, I would hope anyone with an iota of common sense would do the opposite.
Google Seelsorge. You'll probably be surprised.

Part of what OP needs is for somebody to listen to her, the equivalent of a balm for the soul/psyche perhaps. A priest or its evangelical equivalent would certainly be a good choice - whether OP believes in (some kind of) God would quite irrelevant in this context, most of all to the priest. But of course the decision is OPs', and she already said "no".
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Old 12.08.2015, 11:18
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

You need a starting point, and a priest is as good as anywhere, if not only for the reason Smoky pointed out.

Whether you take the advice and whether you believe or not is irrelevant, you need a starting point in order to climb back up
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Old 12.08.2015, 11:40
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

Hello serendipitous_soul
you are brave for posting here looking for help.
I agree with those who advise you not to post too many details of your personal, family situation here, because this is a publicly visible forum. However, as long as you anonymise things sufficiently, this forum can be a good starting place.

Please don't be distracted by the discussion above about whether or not a priest is or isn't trained to help you. Remember that the people posting - on both sides - are doing so because, at least at some level, they care about you in your situation.

I have also sent you a PM with a number you could call.
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Old 12.08.2015, 11:53
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

I have found that in Switzerland, so often it does not matter that much where you start your search for help, since advice bureaus of all kinds usually have lists of more places you could try, and can make suggestions.

Here is one such list http://www.rwi.uzh.ch/elt-lst-buechl...e/pdf/pdf2.pdf
and although this particular document was made about children, if you search for Ticino, or go to pages 54 and 55 of 81, you will find lists of social help Services in Tessin.
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Old 12.08.2015, 14:41
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Re: Please help. Divorce, debts, homelessness and mental health.

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Priests are not untrained. In both Protestant and Catholic traditions, they receive significant training in pastoral care, including counselling. Any who've been in the job for a few decades will also have a wealth of experience. However, as with social workers, psychologists - some are good at what they do, some are terrible. (In this post you (rightly) complained about people commenting without basic background information, and here it is you who apparently lack such).

I don't care whether the OP seeks help within the medical profession or the (mainstream) religious. If she's nervous about the former, the latter is a good alternative, regardless of her religious sensibilities. All Slammer has done is widen the possibilities for getting help, which cannot be other than a good thing. I fear that some people's religious prejudices are showing...
Religious prejudice? I’m not sure that’s the right card to play in this instance. I'm also not sure I have to have extensive background experience with priests (seriously, why would I have this when there is a trained professional for every conceivable non-religious situation of this context, not to mention free access to trained social workers that deal with these situations for a living?) to form the opinion that someone concerned with genuine mental health issues should be seeking advice from a trained medical professional, and not a religious figure who happens to have had some training which will still be nowhere near the level of a medical professional.

If a person wants someone to chat to and unload their conscience then fine... but this is not going to replace genuine psychological therapy or advice on her legal and statutory rights if the worst happens in this relationship.

When you factor in that priests have also been guilts of some pretty bad things in Switzerland and worldwide over the last few decades, I can’t think of a single logical reason why I personally (speaking for myself, sure) would place my mental well-being in their hands unless religion and spiritual guidance were the focus of my issues.
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