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Old 28.08.2015, 17:29
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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The landlord has said this would not be legal as she's still legally a tenant, despite having officially returned her key (even though she had more than one).
Um... surely your landlord is aware that while you live in the flat, it still is his property and by not having all keys or letting you replace locks he is risking damage to his property and will probably have a very unimpressed tenant in you if someone breaks in with the "lost" key, damages the property and he tries to pin the responsibility for the damage on you?

I really hope you get this sorted very soon.
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  #22  
Old 28.08.2015, 17:36
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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She's on the contract, that makes her a co-tenant until that runs out in a month.

What steps would those be if there isn't much value in getting the police involved?

Honestly, it's gone beyond that at this stage and I've received word from the landlord that she returned her key and has claimed she's going back to Germany (I've my doubts). Unfortunately she has only returned one of her two keys - so I'm going to cover their replacements too.
Make sure you're the one getting the deposit back, that should help a bit. It should be in joint names, so there's no way she can get her hands on it without your permission.

Of course that works both ways, I'd check what rights she has if she does become uncontactable. Maybe the "jointly" bit would work in your favour then, I don't know.
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  #23  
Old 28.08.2015, 20:44
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

I'm sorry to say this, but why there has to be a confrontation or a debates who owes what to who at all? Just man up, let her go with whatever she wants, and be happy you are rid of her, if she is so awful. Sometimes the price we pay to be shot of someone can exceed the inconvenience of the monetary loss in the process. You might feel better just to deal with the loss, than to get dragged into a long and messy and soul destroying property squabble - totally not worth it!
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Old 28.08.2015, 20:54
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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I'm sorry to say this, but why there has to be a confrontation or a debates who owes what to who at all? Just man up, let her go with whatever she wants, and be happy you are rid of her, if she is so awful. Sometimes the price we pay to be shot of someone can exceed the inconvenience of the monetary loss in the process. You might feel better just to deal with the loss, than to get dragged into a long and messy and soul destroying property squabble - totally not worth it!
Wow. Easy to say when it's other people's money, eh?
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Old 28.08.2015, 21:05
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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Wow. Easy to say when it's other people's money, eh?
Hmm, no it's not that. Just drawing from personal experience. Personally left my hubby with all the "co-owned precious" possessions left in his custody - just to get a clean slate and move on. This crap will not make anyone happy, and the haggling will just leave a bitter taste for life about what's presumably was a lovely relationship at some point in the past. Money comes and goes, but self respect should prevail. IMHO anyway.
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Old 28.08.2015, 21:25
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

If she has said she has returned the key and removed all her stuff, I can't see why the locks can't be changed.

If she does try to access the apartment again...just say "oh, you did say you had finished/move out..."

If the landlord is stuffing around, just get it done yourself... It's a five minute job and definitely costs, but far better that than having her access again in anger and do serious damage...

If you are really worried about your valuables, move them somewhere safe until she's really gone..

As for the rent arrears, it seems unclear if she has moved out or not...if she hasn't been living with you for months...and not paying rent...and you're joint on the lease, it's not the landlord's problem...
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Old 29.08.2015, 14:45
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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Hmm, no it's not that. Just drawing from personal experience. Personally left my hubby with all the "co-owned precious" possessions left in his custody - just to get a clean slate and move on.
To begin with you chose to do this. She took. Secondly, she took not only the co-owned things, but also things belonging to me, some bizarrely because they'd be no use to her and in some cases things with great sentimental value.

If your ex had decided to dip into your personal belongings too and take what he liked, or took without bothering to wait for you choose to give him whatever he liked, then I might take what you're saying seriously. Instead, all I can hear is someone telling me to 'man up' despite never having done so herself. Please don't breed.
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Old 29.08.2015, 18:20
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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To begin with you chose to do this. She took. Secondly, she took not only the co-owned things, but also things belonging to me, some bizarrely because they'd be no use to her and in some cases things with great sentimental value.
Yeah, that's the worst.
Given the circumstances, I'd say those are the bargaining-chips...
Not sure if she's going to hoard everything or if it's already on ricardo.
What do you think?
I'd talk to her rather sooner than later to get this settled. If the things of sentimental value are really that valuable to you.

Setup a search-subscription on ricardo and eBay, though.
Can't hurt, right?

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Please don't breed.
So much for developing misogyny...
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Old 29.08.2015, 18:32
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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Hmm, no it's not that. Just drawing from personal experience. Personally left my hubby with all the "co-owned precious" possessions left in his custody - just to get a clean slate and move on. This crap will not make anyone happy, and the haggling will just leave a bitter taste for life about what's presumably was a lovely relationship at some point in the past. Money comes and goes, but self respect should prevail. IMHO anyway.
A friend of mine did that- she lost a lot of personal possessions and an awful lot of money - as well as years of her life- and she decided she wouldn't lose another day to this horrible and nasty man in fighting over 'stuff'. Moved on, got a great job and now a brilliant new partner and a new life- it was worth the price- just to get a clean break and new start. Had she decided to fight him for the money and stuff- she'd still be living a very nasty nightmare instead of loving her new life. A choice.

Title is totally misleading though, whatever you choose to do.

Last edited by Odile; 29.08.2015 at 22:00.
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  #30  
Old 29.08.2015, 20:48
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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To begin with you chose to do this. She took. Secondly, she took not only the co-owned things, but also things belonging to me, some bizarrely because they'd be no use to her and in some cases things with great sentimental value.

If your ex had decided to dip into your personal belongings too and take what he liked, or took without bothering to wait for you choose to give him whatever he liked, then I might take what you're saying seriously. Instead, all I can hear is someone telling me to 'man up' despite never having done so herself. Please don't breed.
Look, it WAS a personal choice, always is. My ex had his entire house refurbished and furnished at my expense, and wigged out when I offered to leave him all that and take only a co-owned car. I just wanted out, as I guess you wanted you ex out of your life. How one chooses to go about it, is indeed a personal preference. One can peep in the key holes and watch closely how much household crap the other one gets, or one can choose to let the other have whatever makes them feel good about their miserable selves (even if it's stuff bought on my dime) - however temporarily. I chose to let him choke on all this. Because karma is a smart girl and always finds her target.

She is obviously doing all that because she wants to hurt you, and judging by your reactions, it's working. Why would you want to give her the satisfaction?

As for breeding, with all due respect - a breed of men who haggle with a girl about how many furniture pieces she's entitled to get after a break up - yeah, that's real sexy.
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  #31  
Old 29.08.2015, 21:20
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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As for breeding, with all due respect - a breed of men who haggle with a girl about how many furniture pieces she's entitled to get after a break up - yeah, that's real sexy.


So equality means that she can behave like a dick, and the man should just foot the bill? Is that what you call progess?
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  #32  
Old 31.08.2015, 09:15
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Re: Flatmate debts and stealing property

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Look, it WAS a personal choice, always is.
Not the same situation as I have though, so I'd appreciate it if you come back and pontificate only when the same thing happens to you rather than something lesser.
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So equality means that she can behave like a dick, and the man should just foot the bill? Is that what you call progess?
It was pretty clear when she came out with the suggestion that I should 'man up' that her 'advice' was founded on the usual chauvinism and double standard one hears.

Overall, I've no intention of letting this sorry affair drag on in my life and clearly, getting on with it is my ultimate intention, however I posted here to see what my options were before deciding anything nonetheless.

She's likely returned to Germany, so my chances of reclaiming anything are realistically slim. However, from the useful advice here I think the best course of action may be to report the theft, which if nothing else will mean that she won't be able to return to Switzerland again. That should help enforce the clean break that some have been going on about.
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