That made me laugh..

On the other hand if it was so he would not be so selective, he hits only when parents are home. Don't underestimate the 4yr old

kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for but they are also learning what is acceptable and what isn't!

i have met some people out and about but the majority of the caregivers in basel at the parks, it seems, are parents.

where on here could i post to find a group of nannies in basel?

Those would not be my thoughts if I were the nanny who is getting punched in the stomach in front of a non-responsive mother.

Just to play devil's advocate here. There is a school of thought that says the best way of dealing with attention seeking is not to respond. If the kid is seeking attention, then it's learning which buttons to press to get a reaction and scolding might be giving the kid what it wants. So it's not fair to label the mother uncaring or out of her depth or unresponsive just because she chooses the go down the "ignore it" route. She might genuinely believe it's the best way of tackling attention seeking. I don't have the patience to go down that track to see if it works but it doesn't mean it's wrong or ineffective.

I realize what you're saying and agree to some degree. However, punching someone in the stomach is just not appropriate. The parents needs to sit down with the child and find out why he chose such behaviour and explain an apology is in order.

When I was pregnant and shopping in a Swiss mall, a young kid walked up to me, punched me in the stomach, and ran off. I was surprised, not hurt and thought that the poor kid must had a bad experience with his pregnant mother.

i totally see the way of ignoring certain things and i do. children do whatever they can sometimes to see what buttons can be pushed. not responding to certain things is fine with me.

but he takes his brothers head and slams it in the wall.....

the mom ignores it and she also will talk softly to him but i watch him kick her in the legs with his shoes on, he hits her in the face......he pulls her hair and she never so much raises her voice.

it's so weird.....

Messhellerz sorry if I missed this but does he got to a playgroup? If so how does he react there. It really is very important that the child learns some different strategies before Kindergarten.

To get it into perspective you must start keeping a record, that might give you some clues on what is causing it. Record time of day, social setting, what happened immediately preceding it, what the child did, how it was dealt with, how the kid behaved after. Make yourself a little chart.

However, you have to get some free-time- get out and meet others your age, otherwise this will get you down. Try to avoid driving a wedge between Mum and Dad by comparing their behavior with their kids- It will almost certainly backfire.

I wonder if this kid has POS or something similar?

Sounds like this has been going on for while and the "ignoring" isn't working eh? So tell the Mum. At the end of the day she's calling the shots on how she wants to rear her kid and she'll be the one who suffers the consequences long term. All you can do is give her the benefit of your professional advice and experience as objectively as possible. Point out that in a year or two he'll be attending Kindergarten and as Hoppy says, if this isn't straightened out, the Kindergarten certainly won't ignore and tolerate aggression to other kids. If you and her disagree on parenting methods then nanny and mother are not a good match and you're on a hiding to nowhere. You seem to have your screwed on and have a genuine concern for this kid. You're doing all the right things by getting this out into the open and raising it up for discussion. I don't know what more you can do. If I were her, I would listen to you but at the end of the day she has the final say if she chooses to draw lines in the sand. Having given it your best, all you can do then is decide whether you can "do it her way" and continue in her employment. Of course if she'll let you, you can "agree to disagree" if your reasons for staying here outweigh your better judgement on how the kid should be disciplined. But taking different parenting approaches is likely to be counterproductive for everybody. It's going to be frustrating enough ironing out the aggression even if Mum and nanny were on the same page.

Na na na na pooh pooh- Or whatever this 4 year old says before mum is reduced to tears!

why is the mom trying to work at home without anyone there to help her? that's just silly.

he goes to a play group twice a week and he doesn't do this in playgroup as i have spoken with the leader of the playgroup.

when he is around other children he isn't as open as when he is around those that he is more comfortable around. however, the play group lady wouldn't allow this behavior.....

i have a few friends here.....not nannies but i play music and get out which does really help....

i will start a record this coming monday. thanks.

I have run into different sitters and nannies in our playgroup, maybe you could meet somebody like that in the playgroup the kids go? Would the teacher know anybody?

You could organize an aupair get together, post some messages in local Migros, ludotheque, playgroups, creches..The local Au Pair Club is organized by an English church. One does not have to be religious. So if you can find an English church over there at your area, it might have the same service. They go to Mt Blanc together this weekend, watch out for some hot chicks marching up there..

What you said about the mom talking softly while her kid is violent is odd. Yelling is pointless but being all cuddly after being kicked, weird. I wonder if she is not actually rewarding his behavior in any way, like giving him her atention after he hits when he might not normally get it. How long has this intense hitting phase been going? And what does her "ignoring" his lashing out look like? There is a big difference between saying "I am not going to play with you right now because you are being hurtful" or "I cannot talk with you when you are screaming, I cannot understand what you are saying" and not saying anything and walking away.