I'm lost...
I sit on my desk as I write these words, crying and full of fear... My husband met a girl(3-4 weeks ago) and he wants to be seperated because of this girl(he claims he only has a good communication with which I belive is not all and he just does not wanna hurt me anymore with details) Im completely alone in this country which I moved 2 years ago, our son turned to 1 just a couple of weeks ago. I started a new job 6,5 months ago... I have to commute 4 hs everyday just to be able to work and continue with my career..
I dont know what to do... the pain I have is so unbearable I cannot eat or drink..pain is so dark, so deep...
Im already finding it challenging to look after my baby alone(no relatives, friends around, post-natal depresion, problems with spine due to carrying him etc etc.).
There are a zillion things I have to sort out with him, where I dont have any power to talk...I feel inhuman, incapable of talking without crying...

he wants to move out... I dont know what to do if he moves out... I think about killing myself quite often but I have a baby to think...

Wow thats terrible.

I know there are members on the EF that either have experience or will have good advice for you.
There is always someone on here to chat etc so don't feel too alone.

I can't be of much help but hope it worls out for you

Hi, been there myself not so long ago, everyone kept telling me that things always get better and seem worse at the time. I never believed them, but it's so true.

The main thing is you have your child, that's the most important thing in your life, and s/he will never leave you or disrespect you.

Take time to think, it's hard when things are recent and all up in the air. If you need anyone to talk to, just shout.

Wish you the best of luck

xx

Hey,

Wow, I am so sorry to hear that.
I am sure you will get a great support from people in this forum.

But the point is that you need your life to keep going.
You both need time and time can change everything.
What seems to be totally distaster now - can be perceived totally different in 2 weeks, 2 months or years.
And you have someone to live for - it's your baby.

Keeping my fingers crossed,

I am truly sorry to hear that, it must be awful for you. However he has made his choice to leave you and your baby so you need to start clearing your head and getting yourself out of the black pit of despair you are in.

So if the situation is truly irreversible and you are sure ther eis no hope of reconciliation get some good legal advice... you need to start thinking of yourself and your future without him, as painful as that may be, and making sure you get as much possible out of this divorce so that you and your child can live comfortably for the future. I'm not sure what kind of man brings his wife to another country, knowing full well she has no-one else around, and then leaves her with a 1 year old child for another women... but make sure you screw him for every penny you can.

Also moving back to your home country and back to your family would likely make the forthcoming ****storm much easier to handle.

Good luck...

I am so sorry hear it and I think I can understand your pain.

My suggestion is, you sit down and think deep on the subject and decide whether you want to continue living your life with a cheater husband or you want to lead your life the way it comes (worse/better).

If you decide to stay with him, I can surely give you some tips to hold him back.
Nevertheless; if you decide to chuck him out of your life then people (your friend/ family/ EF Memebers) can suggest you 1000 ways to overcome your fears and problems.

Let me give you a big, big hug. That's a lot on your shoulders.

1. Take a big breath. You are alive and healthy. So is your baby. Good.

2. Call someone you are close to and talk, cry, whatever. Reach out to your friends and family. They will want to help you through this. It may feel like it, but you are not alone.

3. Go to your local family doctor and talk to him. He'll give you some non-addictive anxiety pills to help you feel relaxed. This will help you to calm down and think clearer. He'll also give you some advice on who you should contact if you'd like some psychological help. Your insurance will cover this service if it's prescribed by the doctor. I would highly recommend getting psychological help because it's so good to talk to someone who listens and will support you through this time.

3. As mixed as your feelings are right now, try to stay calm and cool around your husband. Let him know how you feel and most importantly, how does he see his future in regards to money and child care. Try to stay away from the blaming game right now. You need to get your options together on what your future is going to look like.

4. You will survive. You will get through this. It's going to be the hardest struggle in your life but you will come out winning. Just give it time and believe in yourself.

Good luck. Many of us will be here for you if you need to talk some more.

That is an awful situation and I cannot begin to imagine what is going on in your head at the moment.
Focus on your child and getting through the day. Things will get clearer.

Is your hubby absolutely sure that he wants to can your family for a 3-4 wk relationship or is he dressin this up to make it "easier" for you - as if.

Can you tell your line manager and get some compassionate leave to try and find out what is happening? Is it worth trying to sit down in a neutral place and try and talk through things?

I wis you all the best. Things seem bad but they will eventually get better and you need to remain constant and stable for your young child so please try and focus on that and no the negativity that your hubby has thrown at you

caz

I'm sorry to hear about you situation.

I can't even imagine the pain you must be going through.

I hope you can stay positive, try to focus on the positive things in your life, even if they seem small.

Best of luck, it's not easy, but not imposible

Sorry to hear this. Some people are not reliable. It is good to see your husband real nature so early, but it is sad that this happens under such complex conditions.

My advise: move on, and never talk to him again. Life is complex, and, it is probably that he will try to come back. But I would not trust such person. Because, once person betrays, she/he crosses the line, which he/she can easially cross again in the future.

Well, you are not alone now, you've got two new friends...

When you feel like venting, eating, walking or snuggling with some furry friends(cats and dogs) give us a call. We are good listeners, I am a great cook(wife, friends and neighbors will vouch for that) and our furry gang will help lift your spirits. And, we live in a beautiful area for walking.

I'm Darryl and my wife's name is Heleri...

I'm serious, you can reach us(day or night) - just PM me for the phone number.

Things always have a way of working out for the best....

Hi OP.

You've got some great advice and support. Just wanted to say lots of women have been in your shoes (I was there last year) and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. It hurts like hell.

What helped me at the beginning was going to the family doctor immediately and getting his advice as well as getting non-addictive medication for my anxiety. I took my medication about 1 1/2 months and then stopped. Numbing the anxiety will help you keep your head clearer for making decisions and planning your future.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! But it's you who will have to make the decisions.

Hi

I understand the pain you are going through. Don't fight it. It is very natural to feel this way. It is very difficult but as most have said you will get through this. Do not think to far in the future as it can be overwhelming. Just think about getting through one at a time for now. Believe that you have what it takes because you do. You do not need medications. You can survive this.

You have had the courage to share your feelings on this list. This is good thing you have done. I take my hat off to you. This is always the first step. Continue to talk about it and do not worry what other people will think. Many of us are here for you. You will need to some time to heal.

I know this information will not help but this seems to be a very common thing that is happening during these difficult times.

Keep on sharing. Our thoughts are with you.

Don't simply let him go, but throw him out of the house! Don't wait for him to take this decision but just kick him out!
You can make it, you have a job, you have a child, just take it day by day.. be strong.

Gee,that is just the sweetest thing..wow,there are some really loving
and genuinely caring people on this forum and in Switzerland.

don't feel alone please..... We are with you. Just calm down, think a bit and let us know your decision. Then we can discuss it here and will find a better way forward.

Get a good lawyer and don't sign or do anything without checking with him first.

I'm sorry to hear about this as well. There's some very good advice above.

I'd also contact binational.ch, from their website it looks like they've got some excellent advice for people in your situation.

to all the people saying kick him out, have nothing more to do with him etc etc please remember there is a child involved here! It would be much better for all concerned it things can be arrange amicably.

Also people seem to forget that the arrival of a baby has a huge impact on the fathers life too, every single bit of your life changes, the responsibilty you now have is huge, maybe we wasn't ready for it, maybe he has just gone a little bit mental because of it, who knows.

When my son was born it was a huge shock to the system, even though he was planned and we where well prepaired.

An excellent way to lose all your money, and complicate an aready complicated situation