it seems to me that -generally speaking- the phrase "cry for help" has gotten a somehow diminishing meaning, as if someone is "crying for help" only to attract attention and in a way manipulate a situation.

however, a cry for help is very serious in my opinion and should always taken very seriously. sometimes it is difficult for the people in one's environment to deal with self harming behaviour because it does seem manipulating, it is upsetting and one cannot help but feel helpless. that is why it is importan to have some kind of outside help.

as it was said before, this kind of behaviour might be a symptom of something else. and it really has the potential of becoming addictive. please also keep in mind that a lot of people who self-hurt are very good in hiding their emotional pain and convince the others that they do not do it anymore, while in fact they are. same goes with other forms of self-harm like anorexia etc.

i wish you and your daughter courage and the best of luck.

Thanks to everyone who posted responses, especially those that chose to send their own experiences by PM. Knowing that the situation is common is not a solution, but it does provide a backdrop against which I can start to understand the thought processes which run through a pubescent teenager's mind.

Ask me in 10 years if it turned out OK ......

If you and/or your daughter share a strong faith, then you might find support and solace in a religious context.

There's a beautiful line at the beginning of the Sofia Coppola film 'The Virgin Suicides' where a doctor asks a 13 year old - who's lying in bed after a failed attempt on her own life - why on Earth she felt the need to try to take her life. She looks up and drolly replies:

"Obviously, Doctor, you've never been a thirteen year old girl..."

It is often connected goes along with with annorexia disorder.
I hope your daughter is eating OK (keep an eye on her).

I was surprised when my secretary showed me this site and noticed lots of these forum members had self harming tendencies as well as annorexia:
www.prettythin.com

Hi Rabina

As someone who has cut, I feel I have to pass on my advice to you. I understand you would rather not have us tell you to seek professional help for your daughter, but I must be honest, I feel you should. No matter how close you are, but you really can´t talk to your parents about EVERYTHING. Having an outsider to speak to about your issues is very important, especially a trained professional, as, at the very least, they have been trained to offer a wide range of ways to deal with your emotions, that you may not have considered.
I cannot speak as for your daughters specific reasons, or her feelings associated with cutting, but I can tell you a little of what cutting meant to me, and maybe some of this will help you understand your daughter a little more. Cutting was about being in control and feeling strong, when a lot in my life was out of control. The act of controlling how deep and long a cut was, was a release for me. And I felt powerful that I could slice open my skin and watch my blood flow. It supplied a "real" pain to the pain I was feeling inside. I also found it to be very addictive. Perhaps its a once in a lifetime thing for your daughter, and I really hope that is the case for both you and her, but you should be aware that its a very difficult behavior to quit when you associate that cutting with such a release of tension.
I hope I´ve helped in some way, and I really wish you the best of luck for your daughter.

Abbie

Hello and welcome to the Forum

From what I understand, the OP is aware of the help available and isn't relying solely on parental attention as a route to stability.