Hello,

My 3 years old daughter has started her new routine of waking up in the middle of the night, says 2 am - 5 am, looking for us in our room. We tried to be calm and brought her back to bed, explained a bit to her that it's the middle of the night and we wanted her to sleep. Yet, she didnt seem to obey, and continued got out of the bed to see us over and over again. We told her to go back to bed on her own, but she didn't want to, she needs one of us to walk with her to the bed. If we insisted doing that, she started the crying crisis. Even though we mentioned some threats (no bed time story for the following day), it didnt seem to work. Well, to threat the baby is not such a great idea anyway, but still couldn't avoid that sometimes...

Any tips?

Thanks a lot...

At 3 she isn't a baby. Keep insisting. Ignore her crying. You are in charge. She isn't.

Before all of that, find out what has happened in the last few days that has changed, reassure her. What has happened at night is a reflection of what happens during the day. Children don't suddenly change their behaviour without a reason.

I know. I've got three, now in their teens. And they still talk to us!

Is it possible she is scared of the dark...do you leave a small lamp on for her?

When did she start being afraid of the dark?

It wasn't a statement, it was a question...

Yes, as was mine. And none of my usual solutions apply.

Our oldest (now nearly 7) started something similar just as we were getting him to sleep through the night at the great ol' age of four (years not moths!) . Like the previous posters said: watch what changed.

In the end we linked our son's change with either not going out in the afternoon because of bad weather or some of the TV that he was watching which although we thought was fine, it was a bit too much for him (Power Puff Girls and the like - but you never know what this becomes in their little minds!)

Good luck and good nights.


PS A glass of warm milk ("the special milk for nice dreams") also worked

I agree with Richdog. I never had any problem with My daughter's sleeping until few months ago, she would wake up 2-3 times a night calling/crying to us to go to her, I had it so easy with her so didn't want to give in and same as you tried few things but in the end she just wanted more light rather than her small bedside light. Got her a bigger one and problem solved-))
worth trying.
would she say what bothers her?

While children can spontaneously develop a neurosis, my experience points to a caustative factor.

Deal with the cause. Not the symptom.

Well I was scared of the dark as a nipper... I used to turn shadows into all kinds of ghosts and monsters and then shout for my mum and dad... I still remember some of it believe it or not. A lamp sorted me out, and it wasn't too bright, just enough so that I could wake up in the night and see I was alone and that nothing was stalking me or preparing to pounce.

We've got the same problem with our 3 year old. We have just moved over here, so all a bit unsettling for her, but then again she hasn't slept well since her little brother was born...er, a year ago!

The last few nights I've been telling her she can have a little chocolate the next day if she sleeps in her bed all night and if she doesn't come in to wake up Mummy and Daddy. It seems to be working quite well, so fingers crossed.

At the end of the day there is no simple answer to this. 3 is still a very young age and they still need comfort.

As long as the toddler is not sleep walking, which is another matter, I would say there is almost always a reason for a change in behaviour. It can be anything, but something triggered this, and then it becomes a pattern, and much harder to break.

There have been some good suggestions here. All I can add is that it is really important not to let your toddler stay in bed with you...take her back to her room, don't send her alone and stay with her there if need be until she seems settled.

I think you need to reward her for staying in her bed, rather than punish her by denying her a bedtime story.

can't you just keep walking her back to bed until she gets the message?

I wouldn't use that as a bribe, would of thought you will have trouble stopping the chocolate and she will always expect it.
She looking for attention from you, perhaps she feels her brother gets more attention.

Seems she wants be sure you're still there...

As the others, I would ask the question : what has changed in her *routines* ?

My 18 month old fizzing ball of energy responds well to lots of exercise. Even if the weather is bad and we can't kick a ball outside, chasing each other around the house while barking and roaring for 3/4 of an hour is usually enough to get him falling asleep on his feet, and he will generally sleep through if he's this physically tired.
Maybe your daughter is just not that tired.

Cheers

Jim

Hello!

I can reccommend an excellent book by Dr Weissbluth, Healthy sleep habits, Happy child.

In essence, for toddlers he talks about establishing "sleep rules" and routines and making sure they are fully explained to the toddler.

For night wakings, he reccomends silent return to bed (no speaking, no interaction) as any kind of attention is attention.

However, I agree with the other that you should also try to understand what was the trigger to try and remove that. Maybe she developed fear of night monsters? In which case, rather than trying to reason that they do not exist, I would reccommend telling your daughter that you have magic powers that drive monsters away I know it sounds silly, but I read this somewhere and belive it could work... my little one is too young though so have no first hand experience

Cheers,
K

I echo this - my 3 year old son needs to go outside (or at least take part in some stiff physical activity) twice a day. He goes out with his nursery in the morning and if they haven't had an afternoon activity I make sure I arrive to pick him up with his wooden bike or we walk/chase each other back home.

If we have a bad night I can almost guarantee it is because he's not burned off his toddler energy.

Also, the OP might want to check that her 3 year old isn't hungry. Try a bowl of oat-type cereal before bed if she's not eaten her evening meal. Hungry kids wake up in the night and are very hard to settle back to sleep if they've got the rumble-tums.

If she can't sleep because of monsters, you could make her draw a monster and write:

Monster not aloud in this room

And put it on her bedroom door. Everytime she will get scared, show her the sign and remind her they are not aloud in the room.

It works very well. They stop coming! (And those are swiss monsters, they respect the rules)

Am I the only person who finds this kind of behaviour normal? Most children want to sleep with their parents. It does not have a special cause and there is nothing is wrong with them.

When you look at it closely, co-sleeping makes sense from the evolutionary point of view. The need for physical closeness is ingrained in our subconscious mind from the times early humans huddled together in caves to keep warm and safe.

I suspect that I will not become very popular after this post, but what the heck.

Although it is hard for parents, nighttime parenting is part of the job. You can look at it from a different angle and it may not be as hard as it seems.

I have two young children that regularly come to our bed at night. Sometimes just one, often both. I am not saying that it is always easy; there are nights when I am really tired and having 4 in bed instead of 2 makes my back sore in the morning.

Then again, feeling their little bodies next to mine and knowing that my presence reassures them and gives them confidence to go back to sleep after waking up from a bad dream -- it is priceless. Childhood does not last forever. I know that in a few years' time they will not need me as much and will leave our bed and you know what -- I am actually going to miss it.