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I think we need to define cheating first.

Will it be considered cheating if your different partners know what you are doing? "
Depends, some people will let others walk all over them, and will go along with anything, however a welcome matt, is just that....

How about threesomes? You still have sex with someone who is not your partner but thats not cheating

Don't bring in the Flying Spaghetti Monster into this, but if you must... does God chose who we fall in-love with? Or does it just happen?

And of course you can get married to more than 1 person. in fact, some people even start religions encouraging this idea!

I guess if your garage is big enough, and you can afford the petrol and maintenance costs, the sky is the limit to how many you own. Especially if you're from Salt lake city.

Ahh but I wonder whether extramarital sex (adultery) is ground for divorce in western countries... I thought that is has been replaced by no-fault divorce.

Getting them in the same bed can be tricky because of jealousy, but some have been known to do that.

Well.. Just because you cheat, doesnt mean you have to abuse in every other way too!

Even irreconcilable differences.

For the sake of Derv; definition: infidelity (i.e. your partner doesn't know and wouldn't approve [to put it mildly ])

My 5 raps:

• Not all people cheat
• Those that do will do so for a variety of reasons
• If because of unhappiness, relatively easy to see why
• The more curious (or interesting, if you will) cases are the ones where everything was going "great" according to the cheated-on partner - in these cases it can be a case of brain function.

What do I mean by brain function? Well, we are all wired differently. Our brains have different pleasure centres (settle down boys) and these develop as we grow. Two of these centres are in counterbalance to each other: one promotes being settled, the other thrill seeking. Simplified further: safety vs. risk.

To some, having an affair is a risk that they get a thrill from. It is just that they are (partially) programmed to seek thrills. In some instances, this translates as cheating. The most perplexing part of it all is that these people can often be very happy at home.

The question we have to ask (y)ourselves is would you cheat if it was 100% guaranteed that there would be no repercussions (you did not want)?

Relationships in which one person is unhappy and unfulfilled and the other person thinks everything is great or usually relationships where one or both partners are deluding themselves.

I believe a lot of this can be avoided if you are attentive to your partner and don't try to ignore problems in the belief they will go away.

Funniest thing about the thread 1: People trotting out the well-worn woman-as-car metaphor. That metaphor is like a broken down Opel.

Funniest thing about the thead 2: People needing a definition of cheating. Ha ha ha. If you're not sure . . . it is.

To have sex, women need love .....while men just need a place.

I think both men and women cheat equally but for mainly different reasons:
- men look for sexual "diversity" at some point when routine becomes the 3rd partner in the couple
- women will cheat if something fundamental is missing like an emotional or intellectual bond.

The social norm makes male cheating more acceptable than female cheating...that's why we have the impression that mainly males are the cheaters. Women are much more clever and skilled in hiding


I find it interesting that some people recognized that there is a business behind "cheating" and created online services for that purpose like http://www.gleeden.com/ or http://www.alibinetwork.com/index.jsp
I read somewhere that 30% of users are female.

While I agree in principle, you missed my point.

Some people will cheat because they seek a particular thrill. No amount of attention from the partner will change this for these people.

That's what I meant by the fact that the person cheated on didn't see it coming.

Added to which some people are just S-H-one-Ts, and will cheat anyway because they are two-faced. These people will also probably not benefit from any extra attention.

..you haven't been out much have you?

Thank you Carlos R

Just to shed light from another angle on what you said.

Men do seek thrills and are hormonal. Some men are good they dont act upon them some do.

Among the ones who do, there are 2 types. Opportunists and the dedicated.

Opportunists, vast majority of ones who do and suffer, are ones who only do it if and when they get an oppotrunity, impulsively when they think they can.. too drunk on a holiday, do the deed and are planning their escape as soon as theyare pulling up their pants.

Dedicated ones are just born with this instinct, they have to do it and they make opportunities and exactly know what they are doing. Its not impulsive but very much pre-planned and executed. Yes they can be perfectly happy with their lives, partners and even their partners can be perfectly happy with them, as long as they dont find out about the dark side of their partners.

But women can often sense such wominsing inclinations in their men, some even try to turn blind eye to them, for various reasons, as long as hes not taking the pizz.

The business behind cheating is also called the oldest profession. We have had several very long threads discussing it.

I know, the car metaphor is just so childish!

Have you heard of the Lock Analogy?

A key that can open many locks is called a Master Key, a prized possession to have, while a lock that can be opened by any key... well its a crappy lock!

Been reading Freud?

Yes sometime ago and I slipped while reading that part...

Or Noddy? .........

"So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun!" ?

Sorry . . . that's the only Noddy lyrics I know. . . .