- check if the damage was really caused by your boy.... the delay between the event and the phone call is suspicious

- the language barrier could be a potential explanation for the parents not using the phone to contact you

I would agree with you, although I have to say that he was pretty confident. He kept pushing his point and challenging me as to where exactly my husband was. When I said that I wanted to deal with an adult, he said that he was old enough to deal with the situation.

To be honest, he seriously got on my nerves.

Just want to say, he has family education problem,CHF400 jacket for a 13-14 years kid, who behavior like that... i donot trust this boy at all..and also his mother has no style, how could she aloud her son behavior like that.

I am just curious.

1. Did you get to see the damaged jacket so far?
2. Did you ask for the receipt and what did the boy responded?
3. If it is a branded jacket (with soooo much cost) didn't have guarantee?

Better don't respond until the parents come to scene.

LOL. The type that tries to extract 400 CHF out of you in a dark alley...

My first thought was that the mother may be trying to teach her son a lesson, i.e. you think this happened, then you carry it through (getting damages) on your own. Although I find it odd that she (the mother) has not gotten involved even now.

Sounds all v. dodgy, but as with others, I would speak to the school first and maybe get them to mediate if this goes further?

Ultimately, I am in agreement with the others, that if he did through the first punch, he has no-one else to blame for his 400 CHF predicament.

Sounds a bit melodramatic, but have you spoken to the police - you might want to get their interpretation of this situation and get the first punch in... err... so to speak.

Oh, and, more importantly, while he may think he is old enough to deal with this, he is not. He's 14 and a minor. Put him in his place. And, finally, don't let him know he is getting on your nerves. That's all. I'll stop writing. Now.

Actually not as my husband is Swiss. The other family know this and this is the reason why we asked them to contact him. As far as I know the boy has a father at home so he could 'phone if the mother feels too intimitated to speak to my husband for some reason.

This situation is a honey trap, the more you move, the worse it gets. In all seriousness, do nothing. Don't get your husband to call. If the boy calls, put the phone down saying nothing at all. You've already spoken to him too much for my taste. If they want to communicate they'll have to do it in writing. I'd also go with Carlos R and contact the cops and file a complaint or something. Seems like it's what they'll do anyway.

No, so far I haven't seen the jacket. Apparentely the hood zips on and I presume the zip is broken.

I haven't so far asked for a receipt as I'm maintaining the position that I won't discuss it with the child but rather one of his parents.

If we were in the 'states, I'd say "Have your lawyer call my lawyer", but we're not. See if you can model good adult behavior in this situation for your kids. What would you have your kids do if they were in your situation?

It does sound a bit extreme to contact the police, but it is an option. The boy admitted to me on the 'phone that he had thrown the first (and actually the only) punch and that it was unprovoked. He then ran away and my lad chased him, grabbing him by the hood when he caught up with him.

I also thought at first that his mother was angry about the damage (which you would be) and maybe gave the kid a hard time or spurred him on to do something himself. I've also had my kids clothing and possessions damaged at school and it is annoying, but I wouldn't dream of trying to get damages out of someone for accidental damage. Purposeful damage is another matter of course.

I think I will take a hard line if the kid himself calls again. Thanks for the advice.

I'd have my kid beat up her kid.

On a more serious note...I'd ignore the calls as you've stated before, it wasn't the only occasion that they've "extorted" money for apparent damaged clothing items.

Call your insurance company and let them deal with it.

I would have my kids put the situation into the hands of their parents. I also told my son to apologise for the damage - which he did. There are children at the school who come from a local children's home and I checked with my son that this boy was not one of those and have also checked, as much as I can, that the family is not one suffering from real economic hardship.

If the kid hadn't told me that the jacket cost CHF 400 which I simply don't believe, I probably would have offered to have it repaired.

I could, of course, offer to repair it myself and as only tonight I altered a pair of trousers for my younger son, resulting in one leg being 3 inches shorter than the other, this could be a suitable revenge!

They train them early here don't they?

There you go. Call grandma and grandpa and have them deal with it.

CHF400 sounds like extortion money.

So it would seem. Actually I can't help but wonder why the whole thing has reared its ugly head again today. I can't help but wonder if the kid decided to contact us after seeing us for the first time during the school visit day. I'm not saying we're dripping in diamonds, but on the other hand we don't look as if we are on our uppers either...

My mother would turn in her grave (and she's not dead yet!) Only joking!!

your husband is swiss and he is not weighing in on this?

we live in switzerland.

1. parents teach their children to handle their own lives. even in school the situation is between the child and the teacher not the teacher and the parent. the mother is simply following a swiss cultural moray by not approaching you on the phone directly. its for her son to solve with her support for him directly.

2. 13/14 are not young children. they are not 'on the playground' in a slide/swing/monkey bars sense. that they where having any sort of physical altercation at this age (and yes, pulling someone's jacket falls under physical altercation) is unacceptable.

3. if your child does any damage to anything or any one outside of your own home then you are responsible. accident or not. provoked or not. if your child decided to retaliate or initiate is irrelevant in this case. both the children seem to concur that your son damaged the jacket. either acceptably repair the damage or purchase a new jacket.

4. if you need to take it beyond what appears to be a simple truth and remedy - a damaged jacket needs to be either replaced or repaired. your son did the damaging. you are responsible for your son. he in turn is learning to be responsible for himself. may i suggest the following options (at least one already having been expressed in this thread)

- learning experience. let the boys sort it out themselves at school. let them both approach their teacher(s) administrator(s) together and ask for assistance in coming up with a remedy. both boys then living with the 'verdict' and the consequences of their individual actions. parents staying out of it unless a wallet needs to be opened.

- referee: contact your insurance company.

- mutual responsibility. get confirmation on the cost of the jacket (yes, not surprisingly jackets are expensive these days particularly if it was a ski/winter jacket and particularly in switzerland) if possible. put a price on your son's responsibility for the damage as a percentage of the cost. 50/50%? perhaps even have then sit down face to face and decide between them. pay the amount and then have your son work off the money to account for his responsibility in the matter. dishes? window washing? clean the garage?

What so my premium goes up due to a robbing family?

I've heard of several instances where the Swiss fathers tend not to get involved