p.s. do you really want to escalate this situation? its not easy being a 13/14 year old. why add to the tension?

I dunno, if it were ME, I'd have my Swiss HUSBAND (the one with the common language) call the boy's parents.

Regardless of the circumstances, if your son damaged the jacket AND someone from the family has tried multiple times to get this resolved, the next step imo is the responsibility of YOUR family. Why make them (regardless of who is making the phone calls, perhaps the son is the only one who can speak English with you) keep chasing you down?

So far, all you really have are these things:
A case of he-said / he-said... your son says the other boy threw a punch, the boy says your son is responsible for damage to his jacket... who knows what the truth is - it's not like 13 / 14 year old kids are known for telling "the truth, the whole truth and nothin' but the truth."
More than one phone call from the boy's family (as represented by the boy) to your family to discuss recompense for the damages.



Keep in mind that kids in Switzerland are very different from kids in many "English-speaking areas" - while the US is what I'm familiar with and what comes to mind for me (of course) - the reaction of some of the folks from Aus and UK with regards to things behaviors and expectations of children here, I do not find it surprising in the least that a 13 / 14 yo boy here would be expected to handle things himself.

After all, he's (presumably) been able to find his way to school all by himself since he was 4 - not many American kids are even allowed (let alone expected) to wait at a bus stop across the street from their house at 10 let alone the ages Swiss kids are left to their own devices.


So, again, quit dilly-dallying and speculating and have your husband call them. Seems a relatively simple way to get to the bottom of things.

Just like the 1st grade Swiss teacher that smacked a kid upside the head for forgetting her homework. She did this in front of the mother. That's acceptable in Swiss culture?

I did not say that my husband is not contributing on this. He simply is not here this evening. He is more than willing to speak to one of the parents and we sent them a written note confirming this.

No mention of the assault on her kid. So it's fine for him to punch?

My Swiss husband will accept a call from one of the parents of the boy. No one in the family has tried multiple times to make contact with us. The other boy has rung twice - tonight being the second time. I did not speak English with him, we spoke in German. He does not have to keep chasing us down. We sent him a letter saying when his mother could contact us and she didn't bother.

I have not said "..he said, she said.." but simply given a representation of the facts as agreed by all parties.

Although the other family obviously seem to expect their son to deal with the matter on his own - can they really expect our 13 year old to stump up CHF 400 without the involvement of his parents.

Why not call them? Why wait for them to call you?

The boy has called twice - that is multiple, is it not?



Look, it sounds to me like you are perhaps doubtful regarding the motives of the boy. I do not blame you.

Who knows if the boy maybe intercepted the note, who knows if his parents even know about it really?

The very best way to get to the bottom of things is for YOU (or your hubby) to call THEM... or perhaps even go over to their house and speak to an adult in person.

Apparently you don't know many 13 / 14yo boys?

I've got a hint for you: much like puppies, they tend to be a bit rough in their play.

Well if this happened in England, and I had punched a kid and run away like a little sissy, and then the other kid caught me ripping my coat, my parents would punish me for hitting another kid, would make me apologise to the other kid. Then my pocket money would be docked until I had paid for a new jacket.

But then again this is Switzerland, and as they say in rome do as the romans do, take your kid to a psy to make sure there has been no long term trauma, take him to the doctor to make sure that there is no hairline fracture from the punch and send the bill to the parents.

In order for them to get reimbursed they have to provide you with a receipt belonging to the jacket which will then have to be submitted to your household insurance who will cover the cost (that's what the responsability civil is for) if they can't produce a receipt then there will be no reimbursement.

Also tell them that you will be filing a formal complaint to the police for an unprovoked attack on your kid on the grounds of GBH and anti social behaviour.

Maybe this will shut them up

I didn't read the whole thread, but have you met the boy? A plausible explanation is the boy is keeping the story away from his parents. Perhaps he's afraid of his parent's reprimand, and may even be a nice kid. Why don't you or your husband check him out?

Exactly! I agree with most of the other posters, something sounds fishy with this story and I will not negotiate anything like that with a child. If the parents will not talk to me then oh well their loss. Plus there's too mch heresay and he said she said and her son's word against your son etc. No witnesses and how do you know the rip wasn't already in the coat in the first place. No before & after pictures, so who's to know your son even really caused the rip? Who's to know if the coat really cost 400CH or 4.00ch. LOL! No, there's no way. If the parents will not get involved then don't negotiate with a child I smell a lie in there. The boy could be making all of that up and the parents may not even know he's doing that. In this case I would wait until the parents talk to you or wait until you get some kind of court papers or something for small claims court. There they have to provide some kind of proof and the burden is on them to prove your son did it. So no, don't worry about. Now when it's a clear case of your son damaging something and you know he did it or there are witnesses etc. then I would say pay, but the way this whole thing is being handled sounds very fishy. Don't let a 13yr old kid con you.

I would have told him don't call back until your parent will talk to me and hung up. LOL!

Ooooooh this explains it a little bit then if this is true. I wasn't aware of the cultural difference in how the situations are handled. I see. Wow that is interesting. I was thinking the kid was a little con artist. LOL! That's why it helps to have a Swiss partner to explain things like this. LOL!

Okay with this new information I would definately go over to the kid's house to talk to the parents then to straighten things out and at least verify, that this happened and that they want the kid to handle it on his own. The Swiss raise their kids to be strong. That is interesting.

Now that's awful and what did the parent do?? Hitting is not acceptable.

Just to clarify ... the mother, at least, of the other boy certainly knows what is going on. During both phone calls she was in the background, in the first call shouting out instructions (in Swiss German) to her son and in the second call to my son which I took, he repeatedly referred to her. I asked him several times to put her on the 'phone, but she would not speak to me.

The Swiss do bring up their kids to "get on with things" themselves, that is true. However, I've lived here for nearly 20 years. My kids are born here and have always been in the local school system. I have never experienced anything like this before.

I know that jackets can be expensive, but I seriously doubt this one cost that much. It's not a ski jacket. My son said it was lightweight and bright orange. The boy referred to it as a "Windstopper". Several brands carry windstopper jackets (following a bit of Internet research) and none I found cost anything like that amount.

As one poster said, I can't really be sure that the damage was not already there before the playground fracas with my son. I also feel that once a person instigates an aggressive act on another then they must be prepared to take (at least some of) the consequences. In the same way, that if I was mugged and somehow managed to hit back damaging some item of the muggers property I wouldn't be offering to pay for it.

I think the parents of the child should contact us as they want something from us.

Obviously I don't want this to spill over into school for my son. I have told him today not to mention the incident to the other kid, but that if he does, my son should say that it is a matter for the parents to sort out. It will be interesting to see if anything further happens today.

Thanks for all your comments.

This is really a load of crap. I agree with all the other posters who point out that (1) the other kid brought it upon himself when he attacked your son without provocation, and (2) he can't prove and/or hasn't proven that your son damaged the jacket. Further, your son was clearly trying to make a citizen's arrest so any damage that may or may not have occurred happened in the course of law enforcement.

Have your son explain to the other kid that he doesn't have a job and doesn't have chf 400 so if the other kid wants to sue him, go ahead. There's nothing to be gained. If he wants money from another party (i.e., you), then he needs to provide (1) proof that your son caused the damage, (2) a receipt for the jacket, (3) the jacket in question so that it can be inspected to see the extent of the damage, whether it can be repaired, and an estimate of the repair costs, (4) a written apology for punching your son without provocation (could be useful in the future...), (5) a time when his parents would be available to meet with you to discuss the situation.

I fully understand that kids in CH have a great amount of independence and parents encourage them to sort out problems on their own. To a great extent, this is a good thing. But many people seem to be glossing over the fact that the other kid instigated the incident and the fact that these kids are still legally minors, even in CH. Therefore, the parents must be involved unless they want this to go around and around without resolution.

Yes .. thanks, I agree with you and think the note of apology for throwing the punch is a really good idea.

My son really didn't do anything much other than to grab the other kid's hood to stop him when running away following the unprovoked punch. Once he had caught up with him, he didn't hit back but simply remonstrated with him. The other kid even confirmed this himself, the verb he was used was "schimpfen".

Thanks for your advice.

we don't know yet if they are guilty.....presumption of innocence for the moment.

20 yrs...so you know more than most of us

I'd wait for the parents too. If they choose not to talk to you, they are choosing not to clear up the situation. You could even tell this to the kid.

And if another kid already had the issue with the belt buckle, then it will be the "bullys" reputation that precedes him, not your sons. (And you know that bullys just try harder next time, to find the boundaries)

The whole incident will have repercussions, whether you pay or not (which I would be inclined not to -if they start getting more narky, then i would ask for the jacket, and mend it myself - but thats just me)

Please let us know what happens at the end of the day

I'll certainly let you know what the outcome is.

Mending it myself would only be a revenge as my needlework skills are poor at best.

Invite these people round for a coffee and talk with them, from what you say above it sounds like you want to clear things up so ask them what you can do? They will probably say no problems its just a jacket, and he needed a new one any way....just don't let it all get out of hand.