I wonder if anyone could give me any advice on how to handle a situation which arose recently.

My son is in the first year of the Sek. During the morning break a boy in his class came over and punched him on the arm. My son gave chase to this boy and grabbed him by the hood of his jacket. Pretty normal playground activity for boys aged 13/14.

However that evening the other child rang my son and said that the hood of his jacket was damaged and that my son would have to pay for it. The boy's mother was in the background but did not come to the 'phone nor did she ask to speak to me. My son said that he would talk to his parents about the matter.

I told my son to apologise for the damage at school the next day and tell the boy that his mother or father could ring us to discuss. The following day the boy said that it was up to us to call his mother and so we sent a brief written note stating that we were aware that accidental damage had been caused to an item of the boy's clothing following an unprovoked attack on our son and that if the parents thought there was anything further to discuss they could ring us. We heard nothing.

Tonight, some 3 weeks later, the boy rang and spoke to me (again his mother was in the background but refused to come to the 'phone). I said that we preferred it if one of his parents discussed the matter with my husband (due to my language ability) but explained that my husband was not at home as he was with clients. I said the boy's mother or father could call us on Monday. We then got into a protracted wrangle about who should ring who, ending with me stating that I simply would not discuss the matter with a child. During the conversation the boy told me that the jacket was brand new and cost CHF 400. Having been at a school visit day today and seeing the boy in question, I rather rudely told him that he didn't look like he wore clothes costing this sort of amount. He said that the jacket was a "windstopper" and assured me that this was the cost.

Naturally, I don't want my son damaging other people's property but am really unsure of how to handle this. I find it very odd that the other boy's parents won't get involved and expect me (or more accurately my son) to hand over CHF 400. Obviously I can ask them to produce a receipt and we need to check whether we have accidental damage liability insurance for our kids - a question the other boy asked me.

We are new to the area and I don't want to create bad feeling with other parents and obviously don't want any backlash at school for my son. On the other hand another boy told me that this family are weirdos and that he once had to pay CHF 5 when he damaged a buckle on this kid's belt.

Any advice or opinion would be gratefully received. Thanks in advance.

If it happens at school, perhaps it is something that the school has a policy about ?

Yes .. I thought about that. I may speak to the teacher about it if it escalates further.

Don't let them bully you. Don't give them a single rappen

if it is really a brand new jacket, then he should bring it back to the shop where he bought it. A 400CHF jacket should be a quality jacket and sturdy enough.

PS: why did the boy call in the evening (hours after the event) to notify the damage..and not right on the spot at school?

Only in Switzerland

That's a good point. Maye it can be repaired.

I don't know why the kid didn't mention it at school. I imagine the phone call was prompted after showing the damage to his mother.

I think this is probably the best idea.

Our neighbour bought someone a new pair of trousers after her dog "teethed" (i dont know if they were ripped or not) the other trousers. All parties were swiss (even the dog). It seems the done thing here to replace stuff that you damage.

In saying that, this seems to be a situation that might need to be discussed with the teacher. Who is to say that your son really caused the damage on the jacket? And who is to say that the other boy didn't cause any damage? 400chf on a kids jacket?!

Don't buy his bluff, but since we're living in Switzerland, you could ask him for the receipt.

Ignore it - and I'm sure you have liability insurance

Wait for the lawyer's letter. Also the child should not be wearing a 400chf item to the playground. Things get damaged in childhood play. You can't drip your child in Versace, send him to school and then demand compensation for every mud spatter. Utterly ridiculous - ignore.

Id completely ignore it, if the parents have not even got the decency to ring you and discuss it in a civil manner then its not worth worrying about, these things happen.

Plus they sound like a bunch of bluggers looking for money...if they want 400chf and they blow this up out of all proportion then get the type and make of the jacket and offer to replace it with the same jacket...you will probably find that is worth 59chf.

Just forget it and forget them though..

If your son provoked the attack, or if there had been no attack and your son damaged the jacket, then, yes, you should pay to replace.

If you son truly did not provoke, then I don't beleive you owe them anything - the damage seems to me, tho I'm not an attorney, to be proximate cause. As with all children, determining what actually happened is difficult. For example, one of my daughters complained that the cat bit her in an uprovoked attack. It seemed strange, and every time I asked what happened, the story changed. In the end, the cat bit her because she was trying to stuff it in a blanket chest (she was 6 at the time).

What is most unusual is the other parent's going through her child - that is most unusual conduct. Seems only appropriate that kids talk to kids and parents talk to parents in such matters.

Good luck!

Assuming you are liable to pay it, you could try and say, you go with him AND bring your own boy to the shop. Your boy will be able to confirm, it is the right jacket.

Doc.

My first thought is tell'em "Sh;t Happens, have a coke, a smile and step the feck off."

Went a bit biblical on'em there.

Maybe you should publish it in the "Reader`s Digest " under humor is the best medicine

Our son was bitten by a dog while jogging. The dog owner immediately gave my son his name and address. He claims his dog was startled and has never bitten anyone. My first priority was getting our son to the hospital. Then we surveyed the clothes. We didn't have receipts but we were able to give the owner an estimate of the cost to replace the clothing. He paid us the money. He wanted to pay for the hospital visit but we said the health insurance covered that. Dog owners carry liability insurance, as does everyone else.

However, I think there is a big difference between a dog damaging clothes, and a kid's jacket supposedly being torn after that kid threw a punch. If he had kept his hands to himself in the first place, there would be nothing to discuss. What if the punch went wrong and injured the boy? Personally I wouldn't pay for the jacket. It will teach that boy a lesson. Besides, what kid even wears a hood?

I doubt the teacher will get involved. Most don't want to. They expect the parents to sort it out.

Someone is trying to milk you. If it was genuine case then the mother would have spoken to you directly in an adult fashion. Her kid might also have told her a different cooked up story. Either way the mum should have spoken to you.

They want CHF400 for the jacket? Fine! You want CHF1000 for the psychological trauma your child suffered as a result of the punch from the other kid. Send them a bill for CHF600. If you are in a good mood then offer 5% discount.

On a side note if your child had ripped the jacket in an unprovoked attack then full cost of the jacket would have been fair rather than repair.

I feel a bit sorry for the kid (with the ripped jacket). Imagine being pressured into calling the parents of one of your peers and demanding money while your Mum stands in the background egging you on. Not nice and damned weird.

Yes, send them a needle and thread and an invoice for 2k chf for pyschological trauma from the punch. Sometimes the best defence...