I'm sorry this isn't in the right forum but I wanted it on a private board. I'm a regular posting anonymously

I have some fairly damning evidence that my OH has been having an affair since about the end of May and I wanted to get my ducks in a row before a confrontation, if any. We're both EU citizens, both work full time, no children but own property, no Ehevertrag. Obviously I should probably talk to a lawyer but that's not possible on a Sunday. If it's true, I don't really want to rip down everything we've worked so hard to build together unless there's no alternative, but OH plays rough metaphorically speaking so I need to have some idea of what I stand to lose (materially) if I decide on a confrontation. Any help/advice/pointers towards helplines in CH would be much appreciated (I speak German)

"fairly damming" is that 100% sure/positive or something that could be taken as having an affair.

I only mention it as a friend went thru the same situation recently and after the confrontation she eventually found out it had been perfectly innocent just that she hadnt read the email properly and jumped to conclusions.

Straight talk and no bumfluff is what you need. Cast any doubts you have from your mind and see the world through your eyes because that's all that should count for you. It's a little too early to talk lawyers if you don't know what's really going on just yet.

As a regular you will know that this subject has been covered several times before. Have a search and I am sure you will find lots of helpful information that should answer your questions.
Not a nice situation for anyone to be in

99% sure I think. Sure enough that I feel I have to have the information to hand at least

I should have asked permission first, but I hope all is sorted now. This thread and identity will disappear tomorrow morning but any advice in the meantime would be much appreciated

Well in that case...
I can only comment on what I would do in these shoes. I would confront the OH as soon as possible, with the aim to sort out any misunderstandings. Should this discussion only serve to prove that my suspicions were correct I'd then try to decide my first step.
Two choices as I see it. Stay or go. I don't know which I would ultimately chose, but the material things would not be my priority.

Life isn't black and white is it ?

There are many whom will tell you to get out, some will tell you to stay and figure it out. Regardless of the world around you, it's your heart, it's your life, and when the party's over and everybody has had their say.... it's your future.

So maybe you'd like to listen to what people have to say and then only retain what feels best to you. Try and evaluate what you can accept and take it from there.

Sometimes an affair is the end of a relationship, sometimes it is the expression of deep disraught and can be healed.

I realise the material things are secondary, believe me, but I'm also aware that a confrontation will lead to a battle my OH will be determined to win, especially materially. If OH is guilty, it will only make things worse

crappy situation - condolences!
in situations like these, my friends have sometimes found it difficult to seperate hurting like hell with what would i really want...
my suggestion to you is - sit down and decide what you want - if you want to stay - would you be able to live with it...if you want to go - plan your exit strategy
it doesn't sound like you misunderstood the situation - you're planning your exit strategy already...what about not confronting but rather get your ducks in a row - what good will a confrontation really do in any case - you know the truth already...
and will you believe a good explanation - you're suspicious already...good luck - hope you get most of what you want...in the end that's all that matters!

If I felt that way, then my detective skills would be employed! The only problem I would have is staying "normal" with the OH whilst collecting my evidence, which I recon could lead to an emotional blow-up. Which could be worse.
Whatever you do, try to remain calm. This must be a crap Sunday for you.

If indeed she is havng an affaire there must be a reason and you are not blameless. Maybe ask yourself where you have failed ?

Oh really none of my business and I don't mean to be judgemental at all but my first thought when I read this was "I don't want to have an OH like this".

Sorry, not very helpful I know. The only advice I can give you is: you need to talk to OH. Sooner or later.

That's rather black and white don't you think? And we all know that life isn't black and white at all.... There generally is a reason for an OH having an affair, but whether the OP is blameless or not is something that none of us here are in a position to judge.

Thread closed and account terminated, both as requested by the OP.