Ok, so, I stole the title from this clip for the thread title, I think the video (shared to me by a good childhood friend who is now a psychologist) is quite thought provoking.




I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I try to widen my social circle here in Switzerland. I've been thinking about the sorts of socializing I used to do vs what I do now and what I might be interested in doing.

The point of the video is that our circle of relationships influences our health in one way or another. As if healthy friends = healthy you. To some extent I think this is true.

How often do we hear that adage "birds of a feather flock together"? I used to think whomever coined that phrase was full of malarkey but...


I've given folks a rough time here and there when they've gotten nasty about heavy people and their eating habits.
I've thought about it a lot lately as (another) one of my old friends, who had met his wife at a BBW "dance" event is losing her as her personality and outlook change post- gastric bypass surgery. It's like she doesn't know who she is or what to do with herself (besides test out her new feminine charms) now that her social calendar isn't full of gatherings that involve food (which she is now incapable of eating).

I used to say that being fat isn't as bad as being a smoker as being fat doesn't harm anyone but yourself... but it kinda does, doesn't it, when one looks at the social aspect of it?

How many activities that my old friends and I were involved with centered around food vs doing a "healthier" activity that involves exercise and physical exhertion?


NOW some of the gals I've met seem to like doing "expensive" things. Going flitting off to this or that country, going out drinking, going out for coffees. I've swapped one problem for another... instead of spending money on food, the temptation is to simply spend money (apparently) for it's own sake. (I do not mean to insult anyone, nor to sound jealous - I am a bit but it's more than that.)


I guess I've always a hard time finding friends who like a variety of that. Drinking sometimes, dancing sometimes, spending money sometimes, eating sometimes and getting fresh air walking sometimes too... all nice and "balanced."

I think having a balanced social life is important to being a healthy person, not just in body but mind and spirit too.

finding special friends and keeping them is a challenge. i was advised when newly married and struggling with small babies to see life in 'seasons'. Embrace the seasons, take the opportunities as they arise and enjoy today...

good bibilical principal - do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own...

putting yourself out there and socialising widely definitely takes a lot of effort...but worth it!

Edited to add: which reminds me, I really need to organise another date for a shopping tour...

I agree. My life is enriched by my friends.
I used to be very solitary concentrating on family and work.
Though family remains my number 1 priority, reaching out and finding time to enjoy friends has been a lovely turning point.

I've definitely become more reclusive,more family/work focussed since moving to CH. I have some wonderful life long friends, in Australia, the UK and scattered around Europe. My really good friend here (Swiss girlfriend) moved to Berlin last year But we SKYPE and visit.

Here in Basel and in other parts of CH I have colleagues - really nice people at work. And reasonably good connections in the neighbourhood - but real friends? Well - yes some, only through my Buddhist group (been going there weekly for 8 years)

Right at the beginning I started hanging out with more the expat community and really lovely people though they were - found they were just moving in such a completely different circle from me. As you mention - frequent trips overseas, would think nothing of going to the 3 Kings for a meal that sort of thing.

I suppose also when you have children, it makes going out and doing stuff that bit more difficult. Lol, I'm often exhausted and just want to flop into bed by 9.30 each night!

I suppose what I'd like is to go out occasionally and laugh until my sides ache - the way I do when I meet up with friends in the UK!

Somehow I don't think my social life makes me healthier, happier yes but healthier......

Curry, wine, jägermeister, kebab......

Yes, you do change as the way people see you change.

I remember being "invisible" on a bus while weighing close to 100kg. Now people, especially men, look. It is a strange feeling to "be noticed" again. Now, even shopkeepers treat me differently. I dont think that I am nicer to them now than I was then, in fact, maybe even the opposite is true.

I think your friend has a lot to deal with. I know that I dont want to be "invisible" again.. It is unfair that strangers, and even friends, judge you on your appearance, but it is so.

And then I wonder Peg - I have wanted to meet you often, because you sound like such a cool person (I didnt want to go to the curry night - too many people- but to meet you and angela would be the reason I would have gone) But I do wonder if you would even notice me in a crowd as a potential friend, with the way I look now..

Back to topic- I now have different groups of friends - one I go running with, one I go drinking with, and of course the "day crowd"..
Maybe you try that?

Great post, Peg... I think you've hit on something important with the balance thing. As expats it can be difficult finding friends who 'fit' you the way your old friends did. Sometimes this is purely based on cultural differences but other times its because your closest friends were developed in times when *you* were developing-- think college roommates, high school best friends. So that your idea of balance, or what a 'whole life' is really all about, develops with them and it's somehow easier to harmonise.

But being as now we're (mostly) adults, have become set in some ways and have maybe decided that it's time to change other things about our lives that have been true for a long time, I think it's important to lose the idea that all of our friends have to be all things to us all the time. Everyone, however balanced, has a tendency or a preference for one thing over another: shopping, eating, hiking whatever. So who's to say you can't just build yourself a network of friends that together provides this balance for you? I for one enjoy having friends with very different personalities and different likes/dislikes. Can make for uncomfortable dinner parties from time to time but I know who to call on when I have a particular hankering, be it for shopping, cooking or geeking out over a sci-fi flick.

EDIT: Ranga beat me to it.